Do you do kids grab bags for extended family?

[tekmom]

Every year we do Christmas Eve with DH's extended family. Mom, dad, aunts uncles, cousins, their spouses and all the kids. We always did a grab bag for the adults and just bought for each kid. We are now up to 14 kids. Three are under 3 years old and the rest are 6 to16. DH'S family has always been a 'shop til you drop, because it's Christmas' type of family. Last year, we did a kids grab bag for all the kids over 5 and everyone still bought for the younger kids. We did $40.00 per kid and it was great to let DD and DS be a part of the actual shopping for who they picked. Everyone at the time agreed. I got a call from DH's cousin the other day. She is doing Christmas Eve at her house this year and she said that they all decided to not do the grab bag for the kids, because "It's Christmas and kids shouldn't have to do grab bags." She said that her DD7, last year, was so upset that she only got one present at the annual get together, and cried on the way home. So now, I have 12 kids to shop for. DH owns a small business and it's been a very tight couple of months. We had agreed to not exchange with each other. I will obviously buy for all the kids, but I was just very surprised. I thought people liked grab bags. She said she didn't want it to be a financial hardship for anyone but if I chose to not participate, she said that my DS and DD would feel "so sad" watching the other kids open presents. I felt like scrooge. So, do you do grab bags for kids? Was it wrong to suggest it?

 

[mrsmom]

We Have a big get together at our house for Dh's family ,Here is what we do.
Each kid exchanges names with another kid spent 20-25.00. Then each adults gets 1-5 .00 stocking stuffer for each kid. that is what we do for the kids
Now the adults buy a female and male grab bag cost 25.00 each, when the the adults name is drawn, they pick a gift and open it, and after every one gets a gift. They put the names bag in the box and drawn again and you get to take someone eles gift if you want it , They names go in twice and when all the names are drawn you get the gift you have left in your hand .
we have been doing this for 22 yrs and have a blast doing it.
We have 13 kids and 25 adults
Have fun!!!
Kim

 

[golfgal]

If their DD cried all the way home because she only got one present I think THEY are the ones with the issue not everyone else! I am not sure what you mean by grab bag, do you draw names and then buy for that person or do you just get a gift and the kids pick something out?

We draw names on Dh's side of the family and the kids LOVE to do that. They have a blast picking out the gifts and are so excited to watch whomever open the gift they picked out. They have had more fun doing this then anything. The kids range in age from 2-14.

 

[piratesmate]

I agree with golfgal...THEY are the ones with a problem! What? They didn't prepare their child ahead of time to the change & tell her she was only getting one? Besides, I suspect people spent a bit more than they would have if buying for all 14! Also, why haven't taught her to be grateful for what she gets?!?! (I have 2 nieces who are very ungrateful & their mother never did anything about it either. But I refused to cave in like the other aunts & just give them money instead...of course then they'd just open the card & say "Oh, is that all?" Seriously!! Rude, rude, rude!)

Speaking of rude, I think that for a family that seems to be so "all about the kids" it was quite mean of SIL to suggest that your children would be excluded because you can't afford to get for everyone! That's awful! Is there a dollar amount required that each person spend? If no one has said anything like that, I would just scale way back on the gifts if they refuse to accomodate your current situation.

Hey, you could always do what my SIL did last year! After 25 yrs of insisting we were going to exchange gifts (the adults) & giving nothing - literally - last year she arrived with an open brown paper bag of 3 soft pretzels for each family...regardless of how many people were in the family. Just kidding - I'd never suggest you do that for real. Can you imagine though?!?!? The looks on our faces was priceless!

ETA: I didn't answer your question about grab bags. We still buy for all the children under 21. DH's parents stopped buying/giving money for birthdays & Christmas at 18, so the rest of us did as well by the time they turned 21. After 21, they get the same as the other adults. We get something for $5 to $10 for each adult couple - like a pillar candle or some Christmas decorative trinket. (At least those of us who actually give gifts. ) All but one of the "adult children" have their own homes now & that one can just put it in her room or away for when she finally moves out.

 

[kilee]

I would assume this means the $40/pp limit has been dropped???? On my dh's side (extended family as he's an only child), their is only 3 kids (my ds being one of them). So everyone buys for all 3 kids. W/ the gift being in the $15 range. Then all the adults get 1 exchange name for $20.

On my side of the family. Once again, in my immediate family there is only 3 kids (1 being my ds again). So we buy for both my neice & nephew and my sister buy's for my ds. In my extended family on my dad's side we have a huge family gathering Christmas Eve night- w/ about 30 kids and 45 adults. All the kids under 18 are put into a gift exchange. But it's only 1 gift per child, and the price is $10.00. We don't do an adult gift exchange there as there is just too many people to begin with.

 

[tekmom]

If their DD cried all the way home because she only got one present I think THEY are the ones with the issue not everyone else! I am not sure what you mean by grab bag, do you draw names and then buy for that person or do you just get a gift and the kids pick something out?

We draw names on Dh's side of the family and the kids LOVE to do that. They have a blast picking out the gifts and are so excited to watch whomever open the gift they picked out. They have had more fun doing this then anything. The kids range in age from 2-14.

I'm sorry, yes, each kid over 5 drew names.

 

[tekmom]

I would assume this means the $40/pp limit has been dropped???? On my dh's side (extended family as he's an only child), their is only 3 kids (my ds being one of them). So everyone buys for all 3 kids. W/ the gift being in the $15 range. Then all the adults get 1 exchange name for $20.

On my side of the family. Once again, in my immediate family there is only 3 kids (1 being my ds again). So we buy for both my neice & nephew and my sister buy's for my ds. In my extended family on my dad's side we have a huge family gathering Christmas Eve night- w/ about 30 kids and 45 adults. All the kids under 18 are put into a gift exchange. But it's only 1 gift per child, and the price is $10.00. We don't do an adult gift exchange there as there is just too many people to begin with.

Yes, last year when we decided on finally doing a kids grab bag, everyone thought that we could spend $40.00 per name and in my case, my two kids could get someone they drew a really great gift. So for the kids, I spent $80.00 for two great gifts. Now they want all the kids to get gifts from everyone, $25.00 per kid, so now it would be $300.00 total. I'm going to see if we can lower it to $15.00 per child. I just can't imagine my dd9 crying about only getting one gift at a party (where she only sees these folk maybe 3 times per year) I would be mortified for anyone to know. It's not like all the kids aren't gonna get presents at their homes on Christmas morning.

 

[tekmom]

I agree with golfgal...THEY are the ones with a problem! What? They didn't prepare their child ahead of time to the change & tell her she was only getting one? Besides, I suspect people spent a bit more than they would have if buying for all 14! Also, why haven't taught her to be grateful for what she gets?!?! (I have 2 nieces who are very ungrateful & their mother never did anything about it either. But I refused to cave in like the other aunts & just give them money instead...of course then they'd just open the card & say "Oh, is that all?" Seriously!! Rude, rude, rude!)

Speaking of rude, I think that for a family that seems to be so "all about the kids" it was quite mean of SIL to suggest that your children would be excluded because you can't afford to get for everyone! That's awful! Is there a dollar amount required that each person spend? If no one has said anything like that, I would just scale way back on the gifts if they refuse to accomodate your current situation.

Hey, you could always do what my SIL did last year! After 25 yrs of insisting we were going to exchange gifts (the adults) & giving nothing - literally - last year she arrived with an open brown paper bag of 3 soft pretzels for each family...regardless of how many people were in the family. Just kidding - I'd never suggest you do that for real. Can you imagine though?!?!? The looks on our faces was priceless!

ETA: I didn't answer your question about grab bags. We still buy for all the children under 21. DH's parents stopped buying/giving money for birthdays & Christmas at 18, so the rest of us did as well by the time they turned 21. After 21, they get the same as the other adults. We get something for $5 to $10 for each adult couple - like a pillar candle or some Christmas decorative trinket. (At least those of us who actually give gifts. ) All but one of the "adult children" have their own homes now & that one can just put it in her room or away for when she finally moves out.

DH says that's the way his family is and even though he knows were in a crunch right now, it would embarrass him for me to make a big deal. This is actally my DH's cousin who's hosting so were talking about presents for alot of his cousins kids. What's sad is that I really enjoy Christmas with his family and I know my other SIL's would rather a grab bag too but no one wants to be seen as a grinch. $25.00 was suggested per child but I'm gonna ask about possibly $15.00 per child.

 

[PrincessMommy2]

Tekmom, I think we could be related!! We go through the exact same thing with my DH's family. Before we started having kids, my two sisters and I exchanged presents with each other. Mother bought us presents as well. Once we were married and started having babies, it started getting expensive. Including my kids, there are 8 children. My sister's also have nieces/nephews on their DH side. We decided to just buy for the kids, this included their grandmother. We do a grab bag every year ( separate one for children and adults) and let me tell you, this is what we most look forward to on that evening. The limit is $10-$15 and we do it this way. Everyone picks numbers and after you have picked a gift, you have the option to take anyone else's gift that chose before you or keep your own. Number one gets to pick from everyone's. Now, it's no fun if everyone keeps the gift they picked. There has to be that gift that keeps getting passed around....we've had chia pets, dickies, just to name a few.

Now DH's family is another story. We've been married for 11 years, dated for 4 years before that. It was only until 5 years ago that DH and sisters stopped exchanging gifts with each other at my DH urging. There are 9 kids including mine. If you factor in my 5 nieces and nephews from my sisters, this adds up. Two years ago we finally convinced them to let the kids draw names and buy one gift for that person with a $50 limit. Well, apparently his older sister's kids were upset they only had one present to open, so last year it was decided to buy gifts for all of them with a $10 limit. Well, thanks to Black Friday sales I was able to get them nice gifts within the limit. But (and yes I know this is really witchy) listen to what the sister who's kids were upset with only one present got all six of her nieces/nephews.......5 inch teddy bears wearing t-shirts with each child's name on it. She did not even take them out of the cardboard box they came in (from Currant Checks)

On the way home that night, I told him we needed to be away for Christmas next year. So we will be at Disney World this Christmas. We should be off the hook for presents you think? Nope, after being made to feel cheap because I told them to save their money or spend it on their own kids because my kids would not miss presents since they were in Disney World, guess what we are doing this year? Buying presents for all of them with a $20 limit because "you can't get anything good for $10." DH thinks if we push the issue, they will think it's because we can't afford it. My point is, if we don't draw the line, we are teaching our own kids that Christmas is just about how much stuff you can get. So, what did I do? Target had Cranuium games for $5 after a coupon a couple of weeks. That's what older sister's kids are getting. Toys R Us had gameboy games on sale Black Friday for $7.49. Younger sister's two sons will each get one. And younger sister's daughter is getting a doll from the Disney Store that was $8.00 on Black Friday. So I spent about $38 for all six nice presents. This is a battle I just won't win..at least this year.

 

[tekmom]

Tekmom, I think we could be related!! We go through the exact same thing with my DH's family. Before we started having kids, my two sisters and I exchanged presents with each other. Mother bought us presents as well. Once we were married and started having babies, it started getting expensive. Including my kids, there are 8 children. My sister's also have nieces/nephews on their DH side. We decided to just buy for the kids, this included their grandmother. We do a grab bag every year ( separate one for children and adults) and let me tell you, this is what we most look forward to on that evening. The limit is $10-$15 and we do it this way. Everyone picks numbers and after you have picked a gift, you have the option to take anyone else's gift that chose before you or keep your own. Number one gets to pick from everyone's. Now, it's no fun if everyone keeps the gift they picked. There has to be that gift that keeps getting passed around....we've had chia pets, dickies, just to name a few.

Now DH's family is another story. We've been married for 11 years, dated for 4 years before that. It was only until 5 years ago that DH and sisters stopped exchanging gifts with each other at my DH urging. There are 9 kids including mine. If you factor in my 5 nieces and nephews from my sisters, this adds up. Two years ago we finally convinced them to let the kids draw names and buy one gift for that person with a $50 limit. Well, apparently his older sister's kids were upset they only had one present to open, so last year it was decided to buy gifts for all of them with a $10 limit. Well, thanks to Black Friday sales I was able to get them nice gifts within the limit. But (and yes I know this is really witchy) listen to what the sister who's kids were upset with only one present got all six of her nieces/nephews.......5 inch teddy bears wearing t-shirts with each child's name on it. She did not even take them out of the cardboard box they came in (from Currant Checks)

On the way home that night, I told him we needed to be away for Christmas next year. So we will be at Disney World this Christmas. We should be off the hook for presents you think? Nope, after being made to feel cheap because I told them to save their money or spend it on their own kids because my kids would not miss presents since they were in Disney World, guess what we are doing this year? Buying presents for all of them with a $20 limit because "you can't get anything good for $10." DH thinks if we push the issue, they will think it's because we can't afford it. My point is, if we don't draw the line, we are teaching our own kids that Christmas is just about how much stuff you can get. So, what did I do? Target had Cranuium games for $5 after a coupon a couple of weeks. That's what older sister's kids are getting. Toys R Us had gameboy games on sale Black Friday for $7.49. Younger sister's two sons will each get one. And younger sister's daughter is getting a doll from the Disney Store that was $8.00 on Black Friday. So I spent about $38 for all six nice presents. This is a battle I just won't win..at least this year.

Wow! You got some great deals. I did speak to DH's cousin and she agreed that we could do a $15.00 gift as opposed to a $25.00 gift for each child. I'm going out tomorrow to start shopping for them. I wish they had decided this before Black Fiday...I could have gotten some great things for not alot. At least I got shopping completed for my two kids. My DH feels the same as yours. He feels that you shouldn't have to shout out your finances for people to get a clue. He thought once you mentioned 'grab bag', they would kind of understand. Good for you, for finding a great solution and great gifts for your relatives! Wish me luck for tomorrow!

 

[daisyduck123]

I did not read all of the posts, but I can tell you there is NO WAY I'd be buying gifts for all of those kids. Now that's easy for me to say because I have the ONLY kids on either side of the family (my kids have no cousins), but if we did have a lot of kids in the family.....we'd be drawing names.

 

[alexis_fate]

I really do think it is awful the way people are about buying gifts. Holidays should be about spending time with your loved ones. I try to raise my daughter to be thankful for anything she gets.

I am glad that you did get it lowered to $15, they are still some great sales going on!!

 

[hlbtimes2]

Yikes, I'm glad I'm not a part of that family! Nothing like being guilted in to giving more then you can afford.

If I were you, I woud go with $15+ value, not $15 spent. For example, right now on the Disneyshopping site you can get kids sweatshirts with their names personalized on them for $14.99, originally $29.95. Then use code DISNEY25 for 25% off, that brings them down to $11.24 each. Free shipping if you spend $100. They also have nightgowns for the girls that are about $9 with the discount.

 

[hlbtimes2]

They also have personalized throws that were $40, now $10, with the discount they are only $7.50- with their name on them! Its a bargin.

 

[mamatojon]

Yikes, I'm glad I'm not a part of that family! Nothing like being guilted in to giving more then you can afford.

If I were you, I woud go with $15+ value, not $15 spent. For example, right now on the Disneyshopping site you can get kids sweatshirts with their names personalized on them for $14.99, originally $29.95. Then use code DISNEY25 for 25% off, that brings them down to $11.24 each. Free shipping if you spend $100. They also have nightgowns for the girls that are about $9 with the discount.

I agree with this. A few of the gifts I bought for my neices/nephews were only $5-$7, but they were so perfect for them and in our family there isn't such an emphasis on dollar amount spent so it works well. No one is going to ask for proof that you spent $15 so just shop for some bargains!

 

[golfgal]

One year my SIL gave all the kids a box of bandaids with characters, you would have thought they were gold bullion the way the kids hung on and protected those boxes. They were all around 4-8 at the time. DD11 JUST threw out her box when we were packing to move this past summer.

 

[tekmom]

Yikes, I'm glad I'm not a part of that family! Nothing like being guilted in to giving more then you can afford.

If I were you, I woud go with $15+ value, not $15 spent. For example, right now on the Disneyshopping site you can get kids sweatshirts with their names personalized on them for $14.99, originally $29.95. Then use code DISNEY25 for 25% off, that brings them down to $11.24 each. Free shipping if you spend $100. They also have nightgowns for the girls that are about $9 with the discount.[/QUOTE

Thanks! I will buy $15.00+ value. I think I was more shocked that everyone said last year how great the grab bag was, only to find out now that somone's child was upset about only getting one big gift.

 

[tekmom]

One year my SIL gave all the kids a box of bandaids with characters, you would have thought they were gold bullion the way the kids hung on and protected those boxes. They were all around 4-8 at the time. DD11 JUST threw out her box when we were packing to move this past summer.[/QUOTE

That's great and so funny because my DD8 would LOVE something like that!

 

[JunieJay]

We started exchanging names with the kids many years ago. There are 29 grandchildren born to my parents, and a few great grandchildren -- no way does anybody need to be buying that many presents. We started when there were about 10 kids in total. Each kid draws a name, each adult draws a name, and it works out great. We also do a white elephant with both the adults and kids -- some people call it a yankee swap -- you buy either a gag gift or an inexpensive gift under a set dollar amount and each person picks a number. The person with #1 picks a gift fron under the tree. Then the person with #2 can either pick the gift #1 just opened, or go under the tree. #3 can pick either #1 or #2's gift, or pick under the tree. And so on. Its always an absolute hoot when we play, as there are some gag gifts that have been passed back and forth for a number of years and its almost a badge of honor to get it on any given year.

 

[aprilgail2]

First of all I would be embarrassed to tell anyone that my kid cried because she only got one gift, and I would hope that she never would do something like that! By that girls age I certainly would have told her in advance that it was a grab bag and she would get one gift.
I would spend what I liked on each kid this year though, if its 7.00 then so be it...spend what you can afford!!