Do you believe in spanking??

[waltsgirl]

I do not beleive in spanking. I have witnessed too many children, including my neighbor's children, running away from their parents becasue they were going to hit them.

There are plenty of other ways to discipline children other than hitting them, I think sometimes parents use hitting becasue it is easy and fast.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I agree with much of what you've said, and as I said I think other forms of discipline are ideal. But I wonder, how could you know in any great number who is spanked and who is not? And as for the spanked ones being more trouble, there is no way you could know whether they are more trouble because they are spanked, or they are spanked because they are difficult to handle. In my case you would jump to the conclusion that my daughter is much better behaved because she was not spanked, when it was BECAUSE she was reasonable and other disciplines work with her that she was not spanked. If I had only her I would never have known anything else.

Do I think that spanking solved the problems with my son? Nope. But do I know that I am human and not perfect and that spanking did stop the problem in the moment at times? Yes.

I also think that the classroom has its own difficulties to be sure, and I have much admiration for all teachers and their patience!! But it is not the same as a home environment. Home and family has stresses and details and messiness all it's own, that you can't know or judge.

Don't get me wrong, I agree it is not ideal to spank. I just think there is too much "judging" of other parents in general and too many who proclaim to know how everyone else should be parenting. I think more support and understanding for and between parents is more constructive.

How do I know? Because of the nature of a therapeutic setting, there's a lot of communication between teachers and parents -- or at least there is when it's done right. I know these things because children or parents told me, or because I observed parents threatening their children, and could tell from the chldren's reaction that they weren't idle threats.

As to whether it's possible that the children I knew who weren't spanked were more "reasonable" in the first place, I doubt it. A child had to be pretty "unreasonable" to end up in my class in the first place! I'd say that parents who had children in my class and didn't spank them must have had a pretty strong committment to parenting that way, because the kids certainly tested those limits.

I don't judge parents who spank harshly. But, if a parent asks for suggestions I'll give suggestions that don't involve hitting, because I believe that a good parent (yes, there are good parents who spank) who switches to powerful non-physical techniques will become an even better parent.

As to the fact that home life has it's own stressors -- I do know that, since I'm a parent myself. However, for the most part what works at school (e.g. teaching a core set of shared values, relating misbehavior back to those values, consequences that are mild but consistent, predictable routines, and controlling the environment to ensure developmentally appropriate expectations) works at home.

 

[Nancy]

Would the people OK with spanking allow others to spank their child?

Personally I think somebody has to spend hours a day with kids they are not allowed to spank to see there is no reason for it.

JMO, not a judgement about those that decide otherwise.

When my kids were of the age where a swat on the bottom was a possibility I was the main care giver, girls were never with someone other than a parent for hours on end. If they were at Grandmas house and they did something that was harmful to them and Grandma felt the need to give them one swat, then yes, they could.

FWIW, you could count on one hand the times I gave my kids a little swat. MY girls have never hit each other, heck they hardly fight at all. They are very well behaved and well adjusted teenagers.

 

[Planogirl]

I gave my son a light swat on the hand a few times and that was it. In both cases, he was stubbornly reaching for something that would harm him. I swatted his hand lightly to get his attention and then distracted him.

Actual spanking never came into play but then DS was fairly easy. If he'd been a "difficult" child, I make no guarantees that I wouldn't have EVER used spanking. I really don't know not having been in that situation.

 

[shortbun]

Our kids are grown, but we used spanking as a form of punishment. It was rare and only for serious offenses (ex: lying). My parents used it (mostly on my brother ), DW's parents used it. We turned out alright.

Sorry, but the "we turned out alright" excuse doesn't cut it. There may be people who don't think you DID turn out alright. There MAY be a lot of them. For YOU to say you turned out alright is like saying, "I'm the prettiest girl in the room." Purely a matter of opinion and no proof of anything. It's just MORE of your opinion to back up your opinion. I mean that for everyone, not just you. Hey, you could be 'alright' but your opinion doesn't count if it's to back up another opinion of yours. K?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Purely a matter of opinion and no proof of anything. It's just MORE of your opinion to back up your opinion. I mean that for everyone, not just you. Hey, you could be 'alright' but your opinion doesn't count if it's to back up another opinion of yours. K?

huh?
nobody's opinion counts unless they decide to follow whatever arbitrary rules you inititate?

okay then

Let me add one of my own:
"YOU can state whether or not somebody's opinion counts TO YOU. However the rest of us maintain the right to decide for ourselves whether or not the use of personal experience to back up a personal opinion is acceptable."

 

[RitaZ.]

Sorry, but the "we turned out alright" excuse doesn't cut it. There may be people who don't think you DID turn out alright. There MAY be a lot of them.

My SIL didn't believe in spanking, so that's something that she never did. Both of her children certainly didn't turn out alright. I think a good swap on the butt might have been beneficial to them.

 

[Bob Slydell]

We NEVER spanked DS and he's in college now. I just don't get it when parents spank their kids

That's funny, because I can understand why people spank AND I understand why people wouldn't spank. Really, is it that hard to understand either side?

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Just because a kid doesn't turn out right doesn't mean it's because he wasn't spanked. I doubt if a serious problem is ever solved by "a swap".

If parents don't make rules and guidelines for their kids and follow through on them it doesn't matter if they spank or not spank the kids will have problems.

 

[shortbun]

huh?
nobody's opinion counts unless they decide to follow whatever arbitrary rules you inititate?

Yep. And if you keep talking back to me, I'll spank you.

okay then

Let me add one of my own:
"YOU can state whether or not somebody's opinion counts TO YOU. However the rest of us maintain the right to decide for ourselves whether or not the use of personal experience to back up a personal opinion is acceptable."

Go outside and cut me a switch, you're gonna get it now!

I'm the adult here and what I say is law!!

 

[jekajekalynn]

Hey, should I bring my refillable Pop Century mug that I refilled at CS to the Poly pool , whilst I cook something in my crockpot while spanking my kid?

 

[noodleknitter]

A swat on the butt never hurt anyone, and has stopped many crummy behaviors at the beginning. Not terrorizing or abuse, but a swat on the butt. Amazingly enough, my children were smart enough to know the difference between a parent spanking and pounding another kid...but maybe they are just gifted! And they learned at a young age, what is appropriate behavior, and what isn't.

I find that time outs are more about a child pouting and steaming than changing. Even with the big old hug at the end.

 

[chobie]

Hey, should I bring my refillable Pop Century mug that I refilled at CS to the Poly pool , whilst I cook something in my crockpot while spanking my kid?

Yes, as long as you strap that refillable mug to your child's heelyies while pushing him in a gargantuan stroller that you ram into everyone's heels.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

Yes I do. That being said, I have rarely had to for either of my children. They have never been put over my knee and given a spanking (as a matter of fact...DS12 could probably put ME over his knee now) but a swat on the backside or a slap on the top of the hand has worked when I have needed it.

ETA: I have been told by family, friends, teachers, and perfect strangers, that I have very well behaved, polite, and kind children. So the spankings that they got havent seemed to damage them in anyway.Neither of them is at all violent and they both refuse to be around people who are.

 

[VSL]

No, I hate seeing children getting smacked (that's what we call it here - 'spanking' is associated with sex here).

When I was young my mother would shout at me (and verbally abuse me - but that's not really for this thread) while my dad would shout and chase me and smack me. My mother rarely hit me.

But different children respond to different punishments, and while I hope that I never ever have to actually smack my children, I can understand how sometimes it's what works.

 

[JVL1018]

I have spanked as a very last resort. Not with DD, I have lightly swatted her hand when she was a toddler, but she was the kind of child who would bawl if she was put into time out, so that worked for her.

My son, totally different child. Would not stay in time out, would not stay in his room(I had to put him in his room, run out before he followed me and stand in the hallway pulling the door closed as he tried to open it @@), and that took FOREVER because his time out didn't start until he stopped sceaming and trying to get out. ::sigh::
1-2-3 Magic was not so magical here with him.

Talking to him-ha! He talked over you, loudly, and just would not listen, so what to do? Time out? See above.

Take things away? He didn't listen when you told him you were taking away such and such because he was so busy talking over you that he couldn't even hear you. Then when he did find out, he was so stubborn he'd just say "I don't care" and that would be that.

So yes, he has gotten spanked as a very last resort, it gives me no enjoyment but when nothing else works, I have to do something.

As time has gone on he has learned that it's better to listen and do his 4 minutes in time out then to keep being out of control and having the punishment go up(double time outs, taking away a favorite toy, taking away a favorite toy for a week, etc. and finally last resort spanking).

My children know that no matter what the displine, they choose it.
It is their choice to behave or not-but I understand kids get goofy and crazy so my first response is always just telling them to stop, next is a gentle discipline(time outs), it is their choice to cut it out when first told, it is their choice to accept a time out or not, and if not they'll get a punishment they'll like even less.

I see no problem with a child being spanked very infrequently.

 

[jekajekalynn]

Yes, as long as you strap that refillable mug to your child's heelyies while pushing him in a gargantuan stroller that you ram into everyone's heels.

Yeah, also I was wondering if I should try and pass off my 4 year old ds as an under 3 year old to get a discount while I drive an ECV , and taking flash photography in dark rides..

 

[chobie]

No, I hate seeing children getting smacked (that's what we call it here - 'spanking' is associated with sex here).

When I was young my mother would shout at me (and verbally abuse me - but that's not really for this thread) while my dad would shout and chase me and smack me. My mother rarely hit me.

But different children respond to different punishments, and while I hope that I never ever have to actually smack my children, I can understand how sometimes it's what works.

I'm glad you brought that up. I personally find it disturbing that people use as a discipline method for their kids something that is also seen as sex play between adults.

I don't think that an occasional swat is child abuse, but I think what many people (including my parents)consider "spanking" is borderline abuse.

 

[cardaway]

Best not to join in at this point. This family of six will just head back to our standard room and try and make the kids comfortable on the floor.

 

[cardaway]

I do think that part of the issue is the different personal definitions. I realize many on this thread really mean in it when they one short swat but others still believe in the "cut a switch" or "get the belt" routine.