Do you believe in spanking??

[MareQ]

My chldren have never been spanked, swatted, hit, smacked or have endured any other form of physical punishment. What other parents do is up to them - for us it's a horrific idea.

 

[chobie]

I really doubt that most kids today are any worse than they were fifty years ago. Every generation talks about how 'in my day we would have never behaved like that'... even the Greeks were saying it (was it Plato?).

Parents who do the 'time out' thing aren't doing anything wrong - and it really does work for many many kids. It's the parents who don't act like parents that have unruly kids (ie, the parents who want to be best friends with their children, rather than their parents).

I have seen many kids who are unruly who have been spanked. They are just not unruly around their parents. And there are more options that time-outs and spanking.

 

[Kitty 34]

I spanked my sons a couple of times. I can't even remember the last time and it was very few and far between.

My boys and I are very close, talk and laugh about everything. They respect me as Mom and I respect them as nice young men. They are 17, 19 and 26.

Did spanking help this great bond I have with my boys? I don't know.

Did spanking harm them in any way? I doubt it.

 

[chobie]

I spanked my sons a couple to times. I can't even remember the last time and it was very few and far between.

My boys and I are very close, talk and laugh about everything. They respect me as Mom and I respect them as nice young men. They are 17, 19 and 26.

Did spanking help this great bond I have with my boys? I don't know.

Did spanking harm them in any way? I doubt it.

Exactly, I don't think a couple of swats here and there "harms" any child, but nor do I think never swatting them harms them either or creates delinquents.

 

[JunieJay]

I only spanked mine if they were putting themselves in a dangerous situation - like getting ready to touch something hot, or run across a busy street. Fortunately they learned the seriousness of their actions after one time.

I wasn't spanked as a child either, neither were any of my 8 siblings. The boys across the street used to get "the belt"....horrified me then and still does to this day.

 

[kinntj]

Well, my dd is 4 and I have spanked her twice. Each time, I have had to excuse myself and go cry in the bathroom. I just felt so "dirty" after I did it. Like, God gave me this beautiful little girl...and, that's how I treat her? Each time I did it, I kept hearing, "There's got to be a better way" echoing in my head.

So, for me...and my daughter....I do not believe in spanking. I promised myself after that second time that would find some other way to effectively get my point across other than hitting her. I mean, I don't let her hit the dog. I always say, "She will treat you the same way you treat her."

I just had to start taking my own advice. I just think children are for cuddles, and hugs and kisses...

cats7494...your daughters are BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I haven't read all the responses and yours touched me the most. I felt the same way you described yourself after you spanked your child. Since I felt bad, I knew it wasn't for me to do. My four year old is punished with time out and that usually does it as long as she apologies and repeats back to me why the reason for her being in time out in the first place. I also go as far as finding an alternative thing to do in the case she comes across this situation again.

My 2 1/2 year old is very trying at times and I give her time out for 2 minutes and she says sorry. If she continues to be naughty, she gets additional time on the microwave timer or she gets sent to her room; which she really doesn't want to do. She usually goes into a full blown tantrum at this point and she knows I walk away and go into the next room. I tell her before I leave that I'll be in the next room when she calms down.

 

[kinntj]

In some countries, such as in Israel, spanking and any other form of physical punishment of children is illegal.

I have never, will never spank my children. There are other, effective, ways of educating children.

I myself have never been spanked by my parents.

They're also known to stone people for baring their shoulders. What's your point? It's o.k. if you want to go live there if you believe in their system.

 

[lclark0621]

I have only read the first post.

I am 100% against spanking. I see absolutly no bennifit from it. It only shows 'I as the parent, am bigger & stronger then you, so fear me'.

Fear does NOT equal respect.

I particularly like when a parent spanks a child for hitting. Yep, that sure teaches a lot.

There are MANY other very effective punishments.

 

[snowy76]

My parents raised 5 kids and there was the occasional swat on the butt but in all honesty, my mother could send shivers down our spines with just a look. One of those looks was all it took to keep us in line. We were taught to behave through respect not through hitting. I was 40 y.o.when my mom passed away and even at that age, if I got "the look", I knew I was in trouble.

Are you my sister???
That's exactly how it was in our family too. Even now with my kids, I've actually never had to spank because I inherited THE LOOK from my mom. They know I'm not beyond a spanking so when they see the look they don't go there with me!

I think a swat on the rear is not unreasonable at times but you have to choose the situation carefully or it won't resonate. I taught in a school last year where I knew plenty of kids who get "whooped", and it seemed they just numbed themselves to it after a while. It didn't matter if the offense was big or small, they'd get hit. That doesn't achieve anything.

 

[DISUNC]

Are you my sister???
That's exactly how it was in our family too. Even now with my kids, I've actually never had to spank because I inherited THE LOOK from my mom. They know I'm not beyond a spanking so when they see the look they don't go there with me!

The LOOK

is so much more effective!

Guess I was lucky! Spanking issue never came up!

 

[Beca]

I haven't read all the responses and yours touched me the most.

Thanks!! It's a tough decision (well, isn't everything about parenting!!) I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong for doing it or not doing it. It just felt SOO wrong to me. My dd does get punished. We just choose to take away something that she dearly loves (activities, games, toys....or, most often..ourselves). It works very well for us...others need to find their own path.

You sound VERY much like me!!

 

[MrsPete]

Yes, I do believe in it, when used properly.

Yep. The key phrase is "when used properly".

If you use spanking all the time, it ceases to have any disiciplinary value. If you reserve spanking for severe cases of misbehavior (and for an age-appropriate child), it'll have the desired impact and STOP the behavior.

 

[MrsPete]

I only spanked mine if they were putting themselves in a dangerous situation - like getting ready to touch something hot, or run across a busy street. Fortunately they learned the seriousness of their actions after one time.(

Yes, that's exactly what I meant by appropriate-for-spanking situations. Spankings are a good choice for a small child when you need to get a very serious message across quickly: do not run out into the road, etc.

 

[THE HAT]

just going to voice our beliefs on this, and leave it as that. NO, we have never and will never spank.

 

[disneymom3]

Yep. The key phrase is "when used properly".

If you use spanking all the time, it ceases to have any disiciplinary value. If you reserve spanking for severe cases of misbehavior (and for an age-appropriate child), it'll have the desired impact and STOP the behavior.

I agree with this. I am not going to debate the merits of spanking vs non on and on and on. I will weigh in with my opinion though. I don't know that "believe" in spanking puts it right for me. It is not as though spanking is a daily occurrence around here though setting limits certainly is and implied consequences are as well. (The kids know that if they do not put things away when asked, they will be taken away. The toys, not the kids! ) There have been a few specific circumstances when we have used spanking. DD has not been spanked since she was 3 and she is now 10. DS6 hasn't been since he was 4. I do not remember the last time DS 4 was spanked. He gets sent to his room on a regular basis and priveledges taken away. (He is an incredibly strong willed kid.) Spanking is reserved specifically for outright defiance around here. I find that the vast majority of the time, my kids are actually exhibiting either mistaken behavior--when they don't really realize what they are doing is wrong--or childish irresponsibility--when they just don't foresee the result of their actions. Yes, sometimes they are mean to each other, sometimes selfish, sometimes don't follow directions very well, but those are all times of learning and moving on.

I wanted to add that I have NEVER ever spanked any of my kids when I was angry. It is always a rationed decision. The thought process goes basically "That is so totally unacceptable. That one gets a spank." We also always wait for about 3 minutes and then go in and hold and comfort and love the child. Also, my kids do not EVER hit. Never. The youngest one hit the neighbor boy once. I walked him over to their house and had him go up to the door and apologize for hitting. It has never happened since. They don't even hit their very obnoxious cousin back when he hits them even though we have actually given them permission to do so. (looooong story there.)

 

[claudia]

IMHO spanking is NEVER ok. There are a million ways to communicate with your child other than hitting that child with your hand. How could you hit a child with a hand? That hand is supposed to be there for comfort and love.....never for striking. Hitting is never something that can never be "used properly", as there is never any reason to strike your child.

 

[mariolatry]

Before I had kids, I had very strong positive feelings about spanking. I was spanked by my mom and I think it had a lot to do with me turning out OK. However, my mom did it right. She didn't spank when she was angry and she only did it when it REALLY mattered. She'd tell me "If you do that one more time, I'm going to spank you" and then she'd follow through appropriately. After she was done, she'd ask me "Why did I just do that?" to make sure I'd learned my lesson.

Now I have an unruly 14-month-old whom I have spanked 3 times, all when I lost my temper. The thing is, I really felt like I failed in that moment. I didn't teach her any lesson. I just blew my top so that I could feel better. Afterward, I felt like dirt. How do I tell her "We don't hit." when I just lost it and smacked her?

I still think spanking can work when done right but I'm thinking it's just not for our family.

 

[meloneyb21]

If I had to spank, I would....But I haven't had a reason to yet. Not spank, maybe a little pop on the legs, but that's when she gets mad because I tell her she couldn't have something and she throws a toy at me....oh yeah, I pop her then and tell her what she she did was wrong....but other than that, no. I've perfected the "look" which makes her go cry in a corner somewhere. It'll even get her to just shut up all the whining cold turkey and just go sit on the couch.

I think she's starting to kinda-sorta realize that she gets more when she does something good. Even if it's just a clap and smile from mommy and daddy and we say "Good Girl!", she loves it....When she knows she has done something right, she'll come to us and say "Good Girl!", because she know we'll be happy.

She doesn't really do anything outrageous enough for us to get really spanked. We like to keep in mind that she is only 2. We're in our 20's and we still have a LOT to learn, so imagine how little a 2 year old knows.

I got spankings when I was little up until the time I was 11. My mom actually would hit me on my legs with a rubber spatula (hurt like H*LL!), and I would never do that. She stopped the spanking because she decided that I was old enough to know better, but I've also decided to never spank my child with and type of prop. It's not necessary to me, but to each his own....but not me. I was so fed up with getting hit with that thing, that I actually hit my mom back. Wrong move...we had a very long talk that day and I told her how much she hurt me....that was it. After that, whenever I did something wrong, she'd take the TV from me and made me stay up in my room. Plus, I had to do my homework in front of her watching me like a hawk. I said to myself "Never Again." I've been pretty much a good girl since then. Never got into any trouble as a teenager or nothing. Never smoked or drank or anything (pretty much because she put the fear of God into me, without the use of anything physical.).

 

[themarquis]

When I have children, I will not use spanking as a form of punishment. However, I'm not of the opinion that spanking is completely evil, a form of child abuse, or will cause children permanent harm. I guess I'm somewhat neutral about it, partly because my sister and I were spanked as children and it never seemed like that big of a deal. However, it does seem like in most or all situations, some other form of discipline would be more effective, so why spank? I think in my parents' case, it was used because they didn't have the time/knowledge/energy to figure out a better form of discipline. If the kid misbehaves, the lazy thing to do is just to say, watch out, you're going to get spanked. Maybe they stop misbehaving after being threatened. If not, whap them a few times on the butt and they'll behave -- problem solved. It temporarily stops a problem, but doesn't address the root causes of why the problem is occuring in the first place. However, it's pretty easy to implement. I guess when I have children, I'd like to put a bit more thought into disciplining them.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I think equating spanking(a light swat on a diapered butt) with child abuse is a bit much.