Do you approve of kids coed sleepovers (inspired by all the sleepover threads)

[Minnie824]

My DD is only 3, so not really an issue yet, but my friends DD is 11 and has been going to coed sleepovers. DH and I discussed this, and I don't think we'd allow DD to go to these. Apparently they seem to be common, just wondering how others feel.

 

[jrydberg]

Nope.

 

[missypie]

DD9 has grown up with the little boy across the street. Their relationship is very close to a sibling relationship. They still have sleepovers with each other, although they'd never dream of having a sleepover with anybody else of the opposite gender!

 

[shatzjsl]

Nope. I'm not quite that modern. She can have coed sleepovers when she's married.

 

[HollyJoy]

I really don't see the need for this. So no, I wouldn't let my girls go to a coed sleepover... UNLESS it was an orgainzed event through church or something like that.

 

[caitycaity]

my senior year in high school, my 3 best friends and i wanted to camp out in one of our backyards. this was, for some reason unknown to me, a huge deal to our parents eventhough of the three other people: 2 guys were gay (and NOT dating) and the other person was a girl. the parents finally relented, but i thought it was ridiculous the hoops we had to jump through, considering it was blatantly obvious that nothing sexual was going to happen (and that was the primary concern).

we also had a co-ed sleepover after senior prom, but that was a bit different -- we were out really late anyways, and when we got back one of my friend's mom's made us all breakfast and then we crashed in their living room for a few hours.

i obviously don't have kids, but instead of making a blanket policy about these things, it seems to me to make the most sense to decide everything on a case by case basis. there are some times when co-ed sleepovers really are innocent (see above scenario). two of my best friends in high school were guys.

the other thing is -- college is like one big coed sleepover.

 

[shortbun]

My son is 9. His friend's mom hosted a co-ed sleepover Tuesday night. I said no and told DS after I refused. He was relieved. Why do people want to put so much pressure on their children? Toddlers are ok, even up to 1st grade-maybe but after that it's just a dumb idea. Middle school and high school-outrageous and just asking for trouble.

 

[DMickey28]

I don't agree but DH grew up with a best friend that he had these sleepovers with... wouldn't you know they dated through high school and a little in college.... NOPE....

I am hoping he changes his mind when it's his own kids... especially his own daughter...

 

[disykat]

I voted no, but my kids technically do go to coed sleepovers. We hang out with two other families from church and our kids know each other well. They currently range in age from 7 - 14. We have done "sleepovers" so that one or two sets of parents can have romantic getaways. All the kids generally sleep in sleeping bags in the living room. We consider the kids close in a cousin sort of way and never give it a second thought.

However, I would not allow my kids go to a regular sleepover with a bunch of kids from school.

I just read the above posts, and I have to add that I agree on the "case by case basis". When I would have girlfriends from church sleep over and we slept outside, sometimes my brother (3 years older and in the same youthgroup) would bring his sleeping bag out and join us. I guess technically that was a coed sleepover, but we never thought of it that way.

 

[cl1067]

I voted no, but I would make exceptions for things such as if it were a school or church sponsered event, or I can even see it as one poster said that her DD was close friends with a boy and they had grown up together.

When I read the question, I was thinking this was something that kids wouldn't ask to do until they were in their teens. Honestly, I was really surprised for people to be talking about doing this at 9 or 11 years old...why would you want to do that? I think it is way too much pressure.

And as far as when they are older, frankly, I just think its too much temptation, no matter how good the kids are.

 

[HisEllyNelly]

You know I voted no, BUT my kids have had them here...when they were VERY young. We used to have friends up the street who had a brother and sister who were good friends with BOTH of my two.

Now my DS is 11 and a co-ed sleepover is not something that would probably be appropriate much longer. Unfortunately he's becoming aware of the opposite sex, and no longer thinks of girls as potential "buddies".

 

[lyeag]

No way. I wouldn't even let young school age kids do it. My dd 6 has a little friend her age. They would love to have sleepovers, but I don't want to start something that would be difficult to stop. At 6, it is innocent, but how do you explain a few years later why you can't do it anymore?

I agree with a lot of the other posters. Why put pressure like that on kids? They already have enough. I would let my child go to a church lock in that was coed and well supervised.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

They don't do coed sleepover in my neighborhood. Thankfully!!
I never heard of anyone ever having one.

 

[caitycaity]

Honestly, I was really surprised for people to be talking about doing this at 9 or 11 years old...why would you want to do that? I think it is way too much pressure.

coming from someone who recently wanted to have these co-ed sleepovers. it's not about sex. shocker - but a lot of people actually have friends of the opposite sex. the co-ed sleepoevrs i went to weren't some love fest - they were just a bunch of kids who were friends. none of us would have done anything sexual in front of everyone else, and it's not like the sleepover consisted of couples.

i really don't get the pressure comments.

 

[Pin Wizard]

 

[KarenC]

When my kids were younger I heard about this and said "no way". This is the reason that I tell new parents to never say never. I definitely changed my view on this topic.

My daughter went to a couple of these that were part of the school dance weekend activities. After the dance and their "activity" the whole group would crash at someone's house. Honestly, I felt she was safer in that situation than if she were being driven home by a sleepy driver at 2 or 3 in the morning.

I always talk to the parents hosting the party to be sure there is supervision. And I only let her attend when I was familiar with the kids in the group. Frankly, once her friends turned 16 and they were driving themselves to where they needed (wanted) to go, I had to trust that I'd taught her to make good decisions. The days of constant adult supervision were over. She would be much more likely to do something I wouldn't want her to when she's alone in a car with her boyfriend, then she would be in front of her whole group of friends.

As I said in another thread, the big requirement is once they arrive at the house, they stay there. If they leave, no coming back. My son hasn't asked to attend one of these yet. If he does, I'll let him go.

 

[Beth76]

Well, my oldest is only 3, so it's not really an issue right now. But, I voted "yes". I'm not saying I will allow my kids to do this every weekend, but for some special occasion, sure. Of course, it would depend on my sons' maturity and that of his friends and the kind of supervision they would have. I hardly think co-ed sleep-overs equal orgies. Kids can just as easily have sex at 9pm at a regular party.

 

[jellymanoffspring]

No...not going to happen!!!

 

[julia & nicks mom]

not really when they are younger -

but when I was in high school - we would all stay as a group at somebody elses house all the time!! Our parents didn't have to worry about a curfew and they knew where we were!

My mom used to let my boyfriends spend the night in our basement (with me upstairs) on the weekends if we were out late and doing something the next day!

But I was a very good girl! They never had anything to worry about!

 

[mudnuri]

i obviously don't have kids, but instead of making a blanket policy about these things, it seems to me to make the most sense to decide everything on a case by case basis. there are some times when co-ed sleepovers really are innocent (see above scenario). two of my best friends in high school were guys.

coming from someone who recently wanted to have these co-ed sleepovers. it's not about sex. shocker - but a lot of people actually have friends of the opposite sex. the co-ed sleepoevrs i went to weren't some love fest - they were just a bunch of kids who were friends. none of us would have done anything sexual in front of everyone else, and it's not like the sleepover consisted of couples.

i really don't get the pressure comments.

Caitycaity- I agree 100% with you.

It's not a blanket question- like "would you allow your kid to ride of the roof of a car "...obviously - no.

These co-ed sleepovers, if they're like the ones I went to- are totally NOT sexual. 1st off- even teenagers dont have sex in front of people...sheesh!...

I use to go to co-ed sleepovers, and even if my "boyfriend" was there, we weren't having sex. Heck, we werent even sleeping next to one another...and if we did, we were in our own sleeping bags in the living room of a house...or in a huge tent out in a back yard.

That said- would I allow my DD's- sure, under the right circumstances. If it was the same type of sleepover I attended, and i knew where they were going, what the supervision was etc... as long as the parents of that house weren't away for the weekend, I'd let them.

This would be a battle I'd chose NOT to fight, and DH would agree with me...heck- I slept over his house before I was out of highschool....(and by that I mean- HIS...not his parents) Yes, thats the kind of co-ed sleepover I'd have to think twice about! Not one where there are 6-10 kids at!

Brandy