Do I just not get it?

[Mrs.Toad]

Again, that wouldn't arise with me, because I'm not concerned about her being up too late - going to church sleepy never killed anyone. As for not doing well on rides, I would leave it up to DD - if she wanted to go anyway, fine. If not, I'd volunteer to go get her so that their plans weren't ruined.

The example was not meant to be taken literally. Think of something you don't want your child to do, whether with you or at all. Think back to when she was 6, if there is nothing you don't mind her doing now.

The point is that, if someone goes through the trouble of asking or informing a parent about a sudden change of plans with their child, to something the parent doesn't approve of, it is a rude and selfish overreaction to respond "if you don't trust me to do this with your child, you must not trust me to do anything with her, so just come get her now." If they don't tell me and I find out about it later, I'm not going to be upset. It's done. But if they give me the chance to voice my opinion, I expect them to respect it.

That said, to be honest, in this type of situation I'd politely offer to pick my dd up too, although I don't know a single person who would let me. My friends and family would immediately drop whatever ideas I disagreed with, so that they could spend time with her.

If you have no friends or family with whom you have any difference of opinion regarding the safety of any activity or any aspect of parenting, more power to you. I'm amazed, really, because I don't know a single person who shares my opinion on every single thing. We still trust each other and don't take it personally when one asks the other not to put our kids into a certain situation.

OP, I think you sound like a great sister, too. I'm sure your sister appreciates your respecting her wishes. This is the 6yo's first time away from mom. I'm sure that after this trip goes well and the child gets a little older, she'll have an easier time with it in the future.

 

[orljustin]

However, if they invited her over, called me on the way home from the game saying "we're thinking of going to King's Dominion tonight", and I said, "gee, I'd really rather dd not go, she tends to get sick on the rides there and I think it'd keep her up a little too late for early church in the morning", I would be completely taken aback if they said "if you don't trust us to take her to King's Dominion, you might as well come and pick her up now, because you must not trust us to take her to dinner and home to sleep, either." That'd be completely rude and petty. The point being that they invited her for one event, then suggested a change after she accepted for the first. IMO, you have to stick with the first suggestion if the invitee doesn't like the second. Just scratching the whole shebang is a complete overreaction, IMO.

This is a great response, and shows why buckNaked is overreacting with his "all or none" thing. "My way or the highway". "My rules, or you must not trust me!"

 

[orljustin]

I truly do feel that if you are trusting someone to watch your children, you should trust them to be able to handle any circumstance that may arise.

It's not about YOU, YOU, YOU! It's about what the mother wants for the kids, for goodness sakes. Why does everyone feel this is some attack on their trustworthiness? Ridiculous.

 

[becka]

It's not about YOU, YOU, YOU! It's about what the mother wants for the kids, for goodness sakes. Why does everyone feel this is some attack on their trustworthiness? Ridiculous.

But it is not all about MOM, MOM, MOM! There are 3 people involved here: The Mother, the Sitter and the Kids. The mother does have every right to dictate how she wants her kids raised and she has every right to find a person to watch the kids in her absense who will do what she wants them to do or does not want them to do. The sitter also has the right to NOT watch the kids and to not do the Mom a favor if she feels that she is not trusted enough by the Mom to do things with the kids that she would like.

As I have said before I personally would not leave my kids with anyone for a week that I did not trust entirely in any situation. Of course that also means that since we have had kids we have only been away for 2 nights to a B&B when I was 6 months pregnant with DD and I left DS with my parents. That is our decision and it works for us. It obviously does not work for everyone.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It's not about YOU, YOU, YOU! It's about what the mother wants for the kids, for goodness sakes. Why does everyone feel this is some attack on their trustworthiness? Ridiculous.

Sister is flying 2500 miles away.....

It is an attack on trustworthiness. If you cannot find someone you trust immensely while frolicking across the country without the brood....one should reconsider whether or not they should be taking the trip as they don't seem quite ready to cut the cord just yet.


You don't reallize (YET) that the argument floats both ways..that you do relinquish SOME control when you ENTRUST someone to care for YOUR CHILD for an EXTENDED period of time--you cannot control the entire agenda. If that is your desire...then take your kid with you.

This isn't a special needs kid, this is not a kid that will sink like a rock to the bottom of the pool (a critical detail that if it applied would have been disclosed), and the kid has two OLDER siblings.


If mom can't handle it--mom shouldn't go...she just doesn't sound ready to travel just yet. CAll me crazy--but I wouldn't plan my first night away from home from my kids to be SEVEN nights 2500 miles away. Mom doesn't seem ready yet--she is kidding herself to think she is ready.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This is a great response, and shows why buckNaked is overreacting with his "all or none" thing. "My way or the highway". "My rules, or you must not trust me!"

FTR...bucknaked is female....

And noone said "my way or the highway".

OP's sis' ain't ready for this--and that about sums up why she is the way she is.

She would do herself justice to have a "test" overnighter prior to the actual trip...b/c she is most likely going to drive herself bonkers.

 

[orljustin]

People are blowing this way up, imo. If we were watching my BILs kids, for a weekend, and we said "Hey, we want to take them 3 hours away for an overnight, what do you think?" and they said "No, I don't really feel comfortable with that."

I'd say "ok, we'll take them out for pizza instead".

Not "How COULD you dare question my trustworthiness not to KILL your children on a 6 hour roundtrip drive and overnight stay somewhere. Why don't you think I can't handle something like that? Why did I even ASK in the first place? Take your freakin' kids and give them to someone you TRUST!"

 

[orljustin]

And noone said "my way or the highway".

Sure. Bucknaked said :

No one is saying the mom can't lay down the rules, some of are just saying that if those are her rules, then she might want to find someone else to keep the kids or stay home.

Ok, so if the mom lays down any rules, then find someone else. My way or the highway.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, I have not read the other million replys but I would not feel comfortable either.

 

[becka]

So I thought it would be fun to take the to Great Wolf Lodge for 1 night. We have one only 2 1/2 hours away from home. Well, sis is having none of it! She said that the kids have to stay home, that in order for her to go on vacation she needs to know they are "safe." And that "you don't understand because you don't have kids."

It sounds like the sister is flat out telling her sister that she does not think the children will be "safe" with her if they go away overnight. That to me is a direct way of telling the OP that Mom does not trust her to watch her kids unless they are at home. The Mom didn't just say she would prefer they not go because she is concerned about the 6 y/o swimming skills, etc.. So yes in that case it does sound like a trust issue.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

I'm in the I wouldn't feel comfortable camp.

Not that I wouldn't want you to leave the house with them, just not 5hrs of driving r.t. and the having to do with water thing. If an acident happened, I would be too far away to get back to them in a reasonable amnt. of time.

That's just me, what is it that your sis doesn't like? If it's just the driving far away thing than maybe go to a water park that's closer. I know there are some other ones in MI. Frankenmuth and Muskegeon to name a couple of cities and I know there are a couple of more I just can't think of them.... maybe Mt. Pleasant and Ludington? Or if it's the water thing than maybe just take them to see a movie.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I thought this was differnt b/c OP was going with the grandparents as well, and I thought it was an hour away?
I would be fine with it if my parents were going as well.
But everyone does have a point. Its weird of OP to get all hissy with her sister over something that is ultimitley her sisters decsion

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sure. Bucknaked said :


Ok, so if the mom lays down any rules, then find someone else. My way or the highway.

Show me the quote where the phrase "My way or the highway" was used.

Once again--your statements can be turned around and applied to the other party.

 

[orljustin]

Show me the quote where the phrase "My way or the highway" was used.

Once again--your statements can be turned around and applied to the other party.

Hello? I never said that exact statement was used. But that is what buckNaked is saying. Rollseyes.

Describe to me how that can be turned around, btw.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I thought this was differnt b/c OP was going with the grandparents as well, and I thought it was an hour away?
I would be fine with it if my parents were going as well.
But everyone does have a point. Its weird of OP to get all hissy with her sister over something that is ultimitley her sisters decsion

OP didn't get hissy and actually it is ultimately BOTH parties decision. If an arrangement cannot be reached for whatever the plans will be.




FTR---no, I wouldn't feel comfortable myself...but then again, that is why I don't arrange week long vacations 2500 miles away from my kids and leave them with someone whom I cannot trust to do diddly with.

If an acident happened, I would be too far away to get back to them in a reasonable amnt. of time.

Did anyone miss the part that the sister is going to CA and OP lives in MICHIGAN? She is too far away to get back in a reasonable amount of time...period.

To me--it just is NOT a valid defense of "you don't have kids so you don't understand" which is what the OP was told by the sister.

I have kids--I would NOT travel that far if I was that worried.

Sister isn't ready.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Hello? I never said that exact statement was used. But that is what buckNaked is saying. Rollseyes.

Describe to me how that can be turned around, btw.

By the mommy who can travel 2500 miles away for her first overnight away from her child.

ETA: I said "noone said"--you didn't show where anyone said...you showed where it might be implied though...which is the perogative of one whose services have been requested and their trust is in such huge question.

 

[poohandwendy]

Sounds like a the situation isn't as dramatic as people are making it out to be, IMO. The OP came back and said things were fine and that she was going to respect her sisters wishes, even though she doesn't agree with it.

 

[wilderness01]

Thanks Pooh for the last update. I can't go back and read all the replies. For what it's worth, I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone taking my kids to a waterpark. I think it is just too hard to watch them at a place like that. Glad everything worked out ok for the OP.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Did anyone miss the part that the sister is going to CA and OP lives in MICHIGAN? She is too far away to get back in a reasonable amount of time...period.
.

wow! I think you have alienated just about everyone who has replied, but to defend myself, I was stating how I would feel, since accidents are more likely to happen while driving for 5 hours and or playing around water than just doing ones normal day to day activities. Sorry that I don't don't share your exact opinion.

 

[maxiesmom]

But everyone does have a point. Its weird of OP to get all hissy with her sister over something that is ultimitley her sisters decsion

Where exactly did I "Have a hissy"? I posted wanting to know if I was being unreasonable, or if my sister had a point. Seems for the most part to be a 50/50 split. Don't imply I am here having fits when I am not.