Do I just not get it?

[Mrs.Toad]

But your 68 year old parents could have a heart attack or a stroke or some other illness because of their age as well. Their reflexes are not as good as they were-they could drop something or slip and fall.
Basically,you either are comfortable with someone else watching your kids or you're not. If it entails people having to obey your rules while being kind enough to watch your children,then take them with you or stay home.

So, if you sometimes use a 13yo babysitter to watch your kids in your home for a couple of hours, you'd also be OK with leaving your kids for a week with the same girl, having her take them on the city bus on errands and outings?

Life is not so black and white, all or nothing. People have to draw the line somewhere, and they usually pick different spots. I don't understand why some people cannot accept this.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Then perhaps she should just stay home. As a poster said earlier, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.



No, a better way to honor her feelings would be to let her find someone that she completely trusts to keep her kids. Or for her to stay home and hover over them herself. Either way works.

Wow. I'm not going to go back and forth with this anymore, we just keep saying the same things. All I have left to say is that this thread has made me so thankful for the way my family handles these situations.

 

[BuckNaked]

So, if you sometimes use a 13yo babysitter to watch your kids in your home for a couple of hours, you'd also be OK with leaving your kids for a week with the same girl, having her take them on the city bus on errands and outings?

Not even a valid comparison. You're talking about a couple of hours v. a couple of days. They aren't so much being babysat as "living" with the aunt (OP).

I don't understand why some people cannot accept this.

Who here isn't accepting it? No one is saying the mom can't lay down the rules, some of are just saying that if those are her rules, then she might want to find someone else to keep the kids or stay home.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Not even a valid comparison. You're talking about a couple of hours v. a couple of days. They aren't so much being babysat as "living" with the aunt (OP).

Who here isn't accepting it? No one is saying the mom can't lay down the rules, some of are just saying that if those are her rules, then she might want to find someone else to keep the kids or stay home.

Argh..... said I wasn't... going...to..post....

My post you quoted was in direct response to the poster who said

Basically,you either are comfortable with someone else watching your kids or you're not.

Why is it OK to draw the line at the length of time another person watches your child, but not at the location in which they watch them?

And

If it entails people having to obey your rules while being kind enough to watch your children,then take them with you or stay home.

Sounds like she doesn't think the mom is allowed to set the rules.

 

[BuckNaked]

Sounds like she doesn't think the mom is allowed to set the rules.

Mom can set the rules, and if the aunt doesn't like the rules, the kids can stay home.

I have to say, I'm amazed at some of the responses on this thread.

DD, almost 13, got a call today from a friend, asking if she could spend the night tonight, going to their home after the girls' basketball game today. We've known this family for years, so I said sure. I didn't ask where they would go, what they were going to be doing, what kind of crash test ratings the friend's car has, how late they were going to stay up, what they were going to eat, etc. I know these people, I trust these people, and I know that they aren't going to do anything that would endanger my DD. If she were to come home tomorrow and say "Hey mom, we went to King's Dominion", I'd say "Great, did you have a good time?" and "Do I need to give Mrs. X some money for expenses?" That's it, it just wouldn't be a big deal with me, because I totally trust these people.

 

[rie'smom]

So, if you sometimes use a 13yo babysitter to watch your kids in your home for a couple of hours, you'd also be OK with leaving your kids for a week with the same girl, having her take them on the city bus on errands and outings?

Life is not so black and white, all or nothing. People have to draw the line somewhere, and they usually pick different spots. I don't understand why some people cannot accept this.

This is ridiculous-In my post, I was responding to a post about her 68 year old parents.
Look,what the OP's sister decides is her business and if you decide to watch someone's kids and allow them to tell you what to do while you have them-good. My decision would be to tell her to stay home because obviously she doesn't trust me to watch her children.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

DD, almost 13, got a call today from a friend, asking if she could spend the night tonight, going to their home after the girls' basketball game today. We've known this family for years, so I said sure. I didn't ask where they would go, what they were going to be doing, what kind of crash test ratings the friend's car has, how late they were going to stay up, what they were going to eat, etc. I know these people, I trust these people, and I know that they aren't going to do anything that would endanger my DD. If she were to come home tomorrow and say "Hey mom, we went to King's Dominion", I'd say "Great, did you have a good time?" and "Do I need to give Mrs. X some money for expenses?" That's it, it just wouldn't be a big deal with me, because I totally trust these people.

That wouldn't be a big deal to me, either. I have a 9yo that goes on outings like that.

However, if they invited her over, called me on the way home from the game saying "we're thinking of going to King's Dominion tonight", and I said, "gee, I'd really rather dd not go, she tends to get sick on the rides there and I think it'd keep her up a little too late for early church in the morning", I would be completely taken aback if they said "if you don't trust us to take her to King's Dominion, you might as well come and pick her up now, because you must not trust us to take her to dinner and home to sleep, either." That'd be completely rude and petty. The point being that they invited her for one event, then suggested a change after she accepted for the first. IMO, you have to stick with the first suggestion if the invitee doesn't like the second. Just scratching the whole shebang is a complete overreaction, IMO.

Hmm, could this be where some of us disagree? I got the impression from the OP that the trip has been planned for a while, sis probably has her plane tix and her hotel ressie. Then OP recently brought up the water park trip. This is why I'd find it really rude for OP to back out of the original plan.

If the water park idea was brought up immediately in the initial discussions about taking the kids for a week, I can better see the point of those who would decide not to watch the kids. I'd still disagree, but I can better understand your point of view.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I think that what I don't get is the power play going on. I've never thought that my opinion trumps my sibs when it comes to their kids. I didn't give my niece Reese Cups when her parents decided they didn't want her to have sugar. I wouldn't take them to a movie their paren'ts didn't approve of, etc.

I wouldn't make the same choice the OP's sister has, but I wouldn't get all snitty if my sister did. Different people have different comfort levels. I'd still watch the kiddos, because I love them. Playing Risk, or shopping, etc. would all work for me, because I enjoy their company; it is a joy to be around them; and they will only want to hang with their aunt for so many years...

 

[WilmaBud]

LOL!! Hate to keep this going, but I can't resist!

What this comes down to is the power trip thing, just like meandtheguys2 said. Some people are so dead set on their opinions they can't give an inch. It's "if you don't see things my way, then I'm not watching your kids." If I had a relative like that, I'd never want her to watch my kids anyway. Obviously it's all about "her."

It'a amazing to me what a hot button topic this has become. It's like the old debate board! LOL!!

The differing opinions are okay, but what's distressing is the lack of respect that certain posters have for parents who choose to be more cautious. It's a shame, really. But, whatever! We each have to do what we think is right with our own children. If someone is offended by the choices I make in raising my kids, that's definitely his/her problem!

Thank goodness my sister and I are respectful of each other's choices. My sister is a lot more lenient with her kids than I am. But I trust her completely because she respects me and my wishes. She doesn't try to jam her way down my throat. And I don't always agree with the parenting choices she makes either, but I'd never tell her she was wrong or nuts because of it.

The thing to me is, we're not crazy, overprotective, freudian, selfish or anything else horrible. We're different. Perhaps when your kids turn out to be perfect adults and my don't, then you can judge and lecture me about parenting. Until that happens, you'd best do your thing and respectfully let me do mine.

 

[starwood]

I haven't read everything here but here is my 2 cents.

We've been to GWL in the Poconos and it was horrible. Kids were running wild. There was no supervision. Your sister may not be concerned about the ability of the older ones to take care of themselves but worried about the younger one. I can very easily see an accident occuring there.

The fact that the grandparents are going wouldn't influence me. How old are they. My mother is 80 years old and could never keep up with 3 kids.

 

[Disney Doll]

My feelings would be hurt that my sister didn't seem to trust me. And that is basically what the bottom line is here.

I'd still watch the kids. But I would probably not watch them again.

And while I was watching them this time, I'd be anervous wreck that if something happened, sister would be all over me.

I truly do feel that if you are trusting someone to watch your children, you should trust them to be able to handle any circumstance that may arise. If there is no one that you trust that implicitly, then you should keep your children with you. I have a colleague that has done exactly that, and his children are 17 & 12. And he states without reservation "There is no one we trust enough to let them watch our children". While I may or may not disagree that he is a bit over-protective, I do admire the fact that he has probably foregone some activities because bringing his children wasn't in the mix. Kind of a "put your money where your mouth is" attitude I guess, and I feel that he and his wife have.

To be honest, I have watched children for extended periods of time, and I know the "rules" the parents have for their children as far as behavior and expectations. But the parents have always trusted me implicitly as far as where I would take the kids or what I would do with them. And I will admit that I would feel as if I was being a bit "used" if they asked me to babysit but then told me "But you can't do this and you can't take them here and I don't want them to go there".

 

[maxiesmom]

Hi all, OP here. I just wanted to add a few things, make a few comments.

Most important is that I would NEVER do something with my nieces and nephew that my sis had told me not to do. I am not stupid. She is my older sister, and can probably take me without a problem. Seriously, I would not risk my relationship with her that way. If she wants the kids to stay home, they stay home.

My driving record is not the problem either. Clean as a whistle. However, now that some of you have mentioned it, it might just be the driving in general. Her in-laws were almost killed a couple of years ago by some fruitcake passing in a no passing zone. The driver was in and out of jail before her mother in law was out of the hospital. It was bad. So I can see that being part of the problem too.

For a while now I have had problems with wanting to do things with my nieces and nephew and my sis saying no. I would love to take them out of town, do more things with them, and she rarely says yes. I think she is waaaay overprotective. But at least now I know she is not the only one. I was developing quite a complex over it, but it would seem the problem is not me, more her. But I guess there are worse things than a parent being overprotective. Like one not caring at all. But I still wish I could do more fun things with the kids.

Right now I am hoping that by May some of our mini-golf courses will be opened. You never know, we might still have snow here in Michigan. Otherwise we can always do gocarts or movies.

It has been very interesting to here both sides of the debate. You guys have all had alot of good points. Thanks for all the replys.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

Hi Maxiesmom! I posted fairly early in the "debate," and it really has been interesting to see the varying opinions. I fall into the "overprotective" camp, so I guess I just wanted to say that although a few posters don't seem to respect the fact that there are tons of different parenting styles, I think it's great that although you don't agree with your sis you do respect her as well as your relationship with her. She's lucky to have a great sis like you (I have one too!).

As for being able to take them to do more fun activities, perhaps if you take the kids on a few outings with her along, maybe she'll see that you are very careful in watching them and she might start allowing them to go with you more often. Of course, that may not happen, but as you already recognize, it is not about you, it's about her. As a worrier and over-planner myself, I find that it is the situation that often gives me pause, expecially if it is something unfamiliar. Best of luck to you when you watch them! I'm sure that even if you can't take them out of town, just getting to spend so much time with you will be a wonderful treat!

 

[mickeysgal]

But your 68 year old parents could have a heart attack or a stroke or some other illness because of their age as well. Their reflexes are not as good as they were-they could drop something or slip and fall.
Basically,you either are comfortable with someone else watching your kids or you're not. If it entails people having to obey your rules while being kind enough to watch your children,then take them with you or stay home.

You're absolutely right. The parents can have a heart attack or stroke while watching the kids. Crazy things can happen like the house blowing up from a gas explosion or a tornado can hit. But just because something like this can happen on a fluke, does not mean you throw all common sense out the window and allow anything and everything given other obvious facts you do know. In this case, the poster said that the driving skills of these parents weren't good. If you know that, why would you want your kids in the car with them? That just doesn't make logical sense.

In my case, my brother is certainly capable of watching my kids, but his driving style is so risky, that I won't even drive with him. So why would I allow my kids to drive with him? Simple common sense - I wouldn't and I don't.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Yes, I suppose if I went out and spent several hundred dollars to get my kids, my parents, my inlaws, my sister, etc. cell phones so that I could contact them any minute day or night.... What were we talking about - micromanaging and trust issues?

IMO, it's just simpler to have them take the vacation at a more convenient time.

I don't know--when a parent elects to travel 2500 miles away from their offspring...there is greater risk of having difficulty contacting them in case of emergency and not the other way around. And that would happen if OP was at home, at the grocery store, or at a hotel 2 hours away from home for 1 night.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You're absolutely right. The parents can have a heart attack or stroke while watching the kids. Crazy things can happen like the house blowing up from a gas explosion or a tornado can hit. But just because something like this can happen on a fluke, does not mean you throw all common sense out the window and allow anything and everything given other obvious facts you do know. In this case, the poster said that the driving skills of these parents weren't good. If you know that, why would you want your kids in the car with them? That just doesn't make logical sense.

In my case, my brother is certainly capable of watching my kids, but his driving style is so risky, that I won't even drive with him. So why would I allow my kids to drive with him? Simple common sense - I wouldn't and I don't.

I wouldn't leave my child with someone in the first place whom I cannot trust to transport them anywhere. If there is an emergency, I need to trust their ability to handle it if necessary.

My question would be--why have him watch your kids in the first place. That baffles me.

That seems to be a lack of common sense if you opted for that choice.

 

[BuckNaked]

However, if they invited her over, called me on the way home from the game saying "we're thinking of going to King's Dominion tonight", and I said, "gee, I'd really rather dd not go, she tends to get sick on the rides there and I think it'd keep her up a little too late for early church in the morning", I would be completely taken aback if they said "if you don't trust us to take her to King's Dominion, you might as well come and pick her up now, because you must not trust us to take her to dinner and home to sleep, either." That'd be completely rude and petty. The point being that they invited her for one event, then suggested a change after she accepted for the first. IMO, you have to stick with the first suggestion if the invitee doesn't like the second. Just scratching the whole shebang is a complete overreaction, IMO.

Again, that wouldn't arise with me, because I'm not concerned about her being up too late - going to church sleepy never killed anyone. As for not doing well on rides, I would leave it up to DD - if she wanted to go anyway, fine. If not, I'd volunteer to go get her so that their plans weren't ruined.

 

[mickeysgal]

I wouldn't leave my child with someone in the first place whom I cannot trust to transport them anywhere. If there is an emergency, I need to trust their ability to handle it if necessary.

My question would be--why have him watch your kids in the first place. That baffles me.

You're absolutely right. Thats why he's not my choice to watch my kids. I opt for my parents or my other brother.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You're absolutely right. Thats why he's not my choice to watch my kids. I opt for my parents or my other brother.

Okay--I missed that. That makes sense then.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

Hi all, OP here. I just wanted to add a few things, make a few comments.

Most important is that I would NEVER do something with my nieces and nephew that my sis had told me not to do. I am not stupid. She is my older sister, and can probably take me without a problem. Seriously, I would not risk my relationship with her that way. If she wants the kids to stay home, they stay home.

My driving record is not the problem either. Clean as a whistle. However, now that some of you have mentioned it, it might just be the driving in general. Her in-laws were almost killed a couple of years ago by some fruitcake passing in a no passing zone. The driver was in and out of jail before her mother in law was out of the hospital. It was bad. So I can see that being part of the problem too.

For a while now I have had problems with wanting to do things with my nieces and nephew and my sis saying no. I would love to take them out of town, do more things with them, and she rarely says yes. I think she is waaaay overprotective. But at least now I know she is not the only one. I was developing quite a complex over it, but it would seem the problem is not me, more her. But I guess there are worse things than a parent being overprotective. Like one not caring at all. But I still wish I could do more fun things with the kids.

Right now I am hoping that by May some of our mini-golf courses will be opened. You never know, we might still have snow here in Michigan. Otherwise we can always do gocarts or movies.

It has been very interesting to here both sides of the debate. You guys have all had alot of good points. Thanks for all the replys.

You do sound like a wonderful sister. I think the biggest issue for you sister is that she hasn't left her DD alone overnight. I think once she does this with you and realizes that her DD is fine, she will probably be more likely to feel more comfortable the next time. Good for you for not taking this personally. It's hard not to worry about our kids, especially when they are little. Maybe if you all went to the waterpark together one time she might feel more comfortable with you taking the kids while she is away.