Do I just not get it?

[BuckNaked]

"Waaahhh..I'm going on vacation and fully expect to micromanage my children's lives while I am away...waaaaahhhh...I want to have my cake and eat it too...waaaahahhh....My sister must remain by the phone at all times and await my phone calls to check up on trivial matters...waaaahhhhh."


It works both ways.

OMG, you owe me a monitor!!!

 

[miss missy]

WOW my sis wouldn't let ANYONE take her kids anywhere, I mean not to the store, nothing without her... until they were 10, then she did a 360 and we could never asked about it, it was just the way it was. Now I take them for weeks and she LOVES it to each is their own I guess.

 

[Nancy]

That's where we differ, because to me they are not separate issues. If I trust my sister to keep my kids for the weekend, then I trust her judgement. And that includes trusting her not to take them someplace or do something with them that would be harmful to them.

What she said.

Why is the Mom comfortable leaving her kids with her and going out of town for an extended stay...but not ok with 3 adults taking 3 kids on a short overnight trip (and yes, I think a 2-3 hour drive is a short trip)

BUT like I said earlier, I'm probably not a good one to ask since I sent my kids out of town with my sister and my Mom from very young ages..kids went to WDW with them when they were pretty little...I was more than 21 hours away by car and 2 1/2 -3 hours by plane. Heck at that time we had no cells so I didn't even talk to them everyday.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I'm amazed at the number of people that lack the ability to see how a parent might have a problem with their 6yr old child being taken on a trip to a water park! Just because you might feel comfortable with something, doesn't mean every other parent in the world should.

I trusted many people with my children, just not around water. Sorry, but I had a 3 yr old relative drown in her own pool and a nephew almost drown and have to be revived by paramedics. So, I trusted nobody else with my small children around water. My kids all took swimming lessons at the age of three, but I would have never let them go to a water park with anyone else at 6 yrs old. Trust was not the issue here. I knew that I wanted to be the only one with that responsibility. Nobody in my family thought I was unreasonable or had a problem with it.

As far as trust goes, my earliest memory of my grandparents is of them taking me shopping and of me getting lost in the store. I was 4 yrs old and lost. I ended up walking across a street and found their car and waited for them to come out. If this had happened at a water park I could have drowned. So yes, a water park IS different than a store, park, or house.

To me it is about respecting a parent's feelings and decisions.

 

[BuckNaked]

Just because you might feel comfortable with something, doesn't mean every other parent in the world should.

I don't expect every other parent to feel the way I do. And those parents should expect someone other than me or someone that thinks like me to keep their kids.

To me it is about respecting a parent's feelings and decisions.

I agree, and the best way I could respect such a parent is to decline to keep their children so that they could find someone whose feelings on this were more closely aligned with their own.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I don't expect every other parent to feel the way I do. And those parents should expect someone other than me or someone that thinks like me to keep their kids.



I agree, and the best way I could respect such a parent is to decline to keep their children so that they could find someone whose feelings on this were more closely aligned with their own.

I agree with you too. I would never leave my children with someone that didn't respect my feelings and decisions. So, it looks like we agree.

I think it's great that many people don't have a problem with it. It's every parent's right and responsibility to decide what is best for their own children.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

While I understnad your sisters concern. ( i am overprotective as well) I would NEVER actually say this outloud. And overall I would be glad that I had such a nice sister that wanted to watch my kids and take them for FUN as well. So DH and I oculd get away guilt free. Kids need a little time with extended family. ANd with that many people watching..what could go wrong??
And I get the part about respecting your sisters decision. But then again, why is she leaving them with you if she dosen't think you can handle things "outside of the house" I mean, thats rediculous.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I don't think your sister is being unreasonable. I understand how she feels. She will worry about them if you take them away from home.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

That's where we differ, because to me they are not separate issues. If I trust my sister to keep my kids for the weekend, then I trust her judgement. And that includes trusting her not to take them someplace or do something with them that would be harmful to them.

They are separate issues to me, too, and obviously, to the OP's sister. Is one "right" and one "wrong"? No. Just different parenting styles. The OP's sisters feelings shouldn't be discounted just because other people feel differently.

I was thinking about this with regard to my brother. He's a wonderful guy and I completely trust him not to knowingly put my kids in harm's way. But he's not a dad and he doesn't keep up with parenting issues. He had to be told that the kids needed to wear helmets when bike-riding and rollerblading, that they stay in car seats longer than we did, scoffed at the "back to sleep" campaign with newborns, etc. He sometimes talks before he thinks, asking the kids things like "what do you need that booster seat for? We didn't use those when I was a kid."

He's a great guy, smart, caring, kind, fun to be around. My kids love him and he loves them. But he's not as good at parenting them as I am. This isn't an insult, it's no different from saying that he's not as good of a tax accountant as I am, or that I'm not as good an architect as he is. Our life experiences and chosen professions have taught us different things. I can completely trust him and still recognize that he may not be able to handle certain situations with the kids. Thankfully, he recognizes that, too, and is not insulted when I give him instructions on childcare or veto something he wants to do with my kids.

Disclaimer: This is not meant to imply that other childless people do not have great parenting instincts that my brother lacks. I'm sure there are some childless people out there that would take better care of my kids than I do. I have absolutely no idea what category the OP falls into, nor whether the sister's concerns are based mostly on herself, her kids or the OP. And I guess that's sort of my point. As has been explained ad nauseum, there are many reasons that the sister may be uncomfortable with the trip, that have nothing to do with her trust in her sister.

 

[BuckNaked]

They are separate issues to me, too, and obviously, to the OP's sister. Is one "right" and one "wrong"? No. Just different parenting styles. The OP's sisters feelings shouldn't be discounted just because other people feel differently.

I'm not discounting her feelings at all, I just wouldn't keep her kids. As for right or wrong, to me, it's not necessarily wrong, just odd. I obviously have a completely different point of view than the OPs sister, so it's difficult for me to understand where she's coming from. The sister obviously sees it as doing what is best for her kids, I see it as being extremely overprotective.

 

[disykat]

I will not deny my family enjoyment just b/c you trusted me enough to fly 2500 miles away...but not enough that you had to limit my family activities in the off chance that you think my eye would be off of them for one second. .

And I would be finding someone else to watch them if you suddenly decided to take a vacation the one week I was going to be gone. I wouldn't be expecting anyone to limit their normal activities.

I don't get how that would be upsetting to anyone. If they wanted to take my kids on a vacation, they could do so on any other week than the one time I decided to leave them. If they didn't see it that way, fine. I wouldn't be leaving my kids with them and they would be free to go on their trip.

 

[epcotfan]

I think your sister is crazy and she should be thankful that she has a sister that is willing to watch her kids while she goes on vacation. I would tell her that if she doesn't trust you with the kids then she should just stay home with them herself.

I agree. I think it is wonderful you are agreeing to look after them while they vacation. I also see nothing wrong with wanting to have a "test" stay before their parents go away. I think that is only fair to see how things will go without mom or dad. Your sister is nuts if she thinks because the kids are at home they are safe. Accidents happen at home all the time.

 

[CanBeGrumpy]

I can sort of relate to the OP's sister. I left my kids with my parents while Dh and I went away for a long weekend. My mother wanted to take them to the zoo, which is only accessible by a major highway. I told my mom I just wasn't comfortable with them taking the kids on the highway. My parents are 68 years old and I worry about their reflexes, etc. They also drive a car that did not get the top crash test ratings, so I was nervous.

Perhaps it was unreasonable, but I would not have been able to enjoy my weekend knowing my 68 year old parents had my kids out on a busy highway. I fully realize that an accident can happen on any road, but I guess the slower speeds "in town" didn't worry me quite so much. My parents respected my wishes and found plenty to do in town so we ALL could enjoy the weekend.

Perhaps the OP's sister is concerned about her driving skills, or the safety of her car? These are things that would matter a lot more on a long trip. I think you can trust someone to watch your kids, but not be comfortable with a 3 hour drive being thrown in!

 

[BuckNaked]

I think you can trust someone to watch your kids, but not be comfortable with a 3 hour drive being thrown in!

And again, that's where we differ. But based on your post, I can see that you are very concerned about things that don't bother me. It would never occur to me to check the crash test ratings of the cars of friends and relatives before I decided whether or not to let them drive my kids somewhere. Nor would I automatically assume that an older person couldn't be a safe driver. If I had been with the person and wasn't comfortable in the car with them, then no, they wouldn't be driving my kids. But they wouldn't be keeping my kids for the weekend in that case either, so it wouldn't be an issue.

 

[disykat]

Someone posted earlier that they wanted to be able to reach their family by cell phone...in this day and age..unless you plan on going to a very very very remote area....you would still get a hold of them in the same manner you would if they stayed local.

Yes, I suppose if I went out and spent several hundred dollars to get my kids, my parents, my inlaws, my sister, etc. cell phones so that I could contact them any minute day or night.... What were we talking about - micromanaging and trust issues?

IMO, it's just simpler to have them take the vacation at a more convenient time.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I'm not discounting her feelings at all, I just wouldn't keep her kids.

Well, I guess we have to agree to disagree on this, because to me, if you, after hearing valid reasons why some people can still trust a sister without being comfortable with a specific activity, still determine that it's the sister that has "issues with trust and overprotectiveness" and it's too big a hassle to watch her kids, then to me, you are discounting her feelings.

And I don't think you were one of the ones who went this far, but what's really shocked and saddened me in this thread are the people who immediately jumped all over the sister. Without knowing anything about the OP or the sister, people were calling her overprotective, crazy, selfishly against anyone having fun with her kids but her, suffering from Freudian issues, hmm, what else? Those are the posts that keep coming to my mind, and I think "discounting her feelings" is too nice a way to put what they are doing.

 

[BuckNaked]

Well, I guess we have to agree to disagree on this, because to me, if you, after hearing valid reasons why some people can still trust a sister without being comfortable with a specific activity, still determine that it's the sister that has "issues with trust and overprotectiveness" and it's too big a hassle to watch her kids, then to me, you are discounting her feelings.

I wouldn't be discounting her feelings at all, I would be honoring her feelings by giving her the opportunity to find someone to keep her kids whose views are more closely aligned with her own.

Yes, there have been lots of posts from parents here about all sorts of reasons they might be uncomfortable, and to me, they all boiled down to being either controlling or over protective. That's fine - they're the parents and they are free to set the boundaries as they see fit, but they shouldn't expect that there won't be other people that go "Huh? You're kidding, right?" And those people's opinions are every bit as valid as the parents'.

 

[rie'smom]

I can sort of relate to the OP's sister. I left my kids with my parents while Dh and I went away for a long weekend. My mother wanted to take them to the zoo, which is only accessible by a major highway. I told my mom I just wasn't comfortable with them taking the kids on the highway. My parents are 68 years old and I worry about their reflexes, etc. They also drive a car that did not get the top crash test ratings, so I was nervous.

Perhaps it was unreasonable, but I would not have been able to enjoy my weekend knowing my 68 year old parents had my kids out on a busy highway. I fully realize that an accident can happen on any road, but I guess the slower speeds "in town" didn't worry me quite so much. My parents respected my wishes and found plenty to do in town so we ALL could enjoy the weekend.

Perhaps the OP's sister is concerned about her driving skills, or the safety of her car? These are things that would matter a lot more on a long trip. I think you can trust someone to watch your kids, but not be comfortable with a 3 hour drive being thrown in!

But your 68 year old parents could have a heart attack or a stroke or some other illness because of their age as well. Their reflexes are not as good as they were-they could drop something or slip and fall.
Basically,you either are comfortable with someone else watching your kids or you're not. If it entails people having to obey your rules while being kind enough to watch your children,then take them with you or stay home.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I wouldn't be discounting her feelings at all, I would be honoring her feelings by giving her the opportunity to find someone to keep her kids whose views are more closely aligned with her own.

That sounds like a cop out to me. I'm sure the OP's sister asked her to watch the kids because she thought the OP was the best person available to her. I'm sure if she had the option of someone else who's views were more closely aligned with her own, she would have already asked that person.

A better way to honor her feelings would be for sis to say to herself, "bummer, it would've been fun to take them to the water park, but I guess I'll have to settle for bowling and a movie night", rather than get all offended and back out on her original agreement to take care of the kids.

 

[BuckNaked]

That sounds like a cop out to me. I'm sure the OP's sister asked her to watch the kids because she thought the OP was the best person available to her. I'm sure if she had the option of someone else who's views were more closely aligned with her own, she would have already asked that person.

Then perhaps she should just stay home. As a poster said earlier, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

A better way to honor her feelings would be for sis to say to herself, "bummer, it would've been fun to take them to the water park, but I guess I'll have to settle for bowling and a movie night", rather than get all offended and back out on her original agreement to take care of the kids.

No, a better way to honor her feelings would be to let her find someone that she completely trusts to keep her kids. Or for her to stay home and hover over them herself. Either way works.