Dis Breast Cancer Survivors Part IV - GAGWTA

[Pea-n-Me]

As they say, when it rains, it pours!

Sounds like a plan.

Stay safe! And try to be good to yourself over the holiday!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

As they say, when it rains, it pours!

Sounds like a plan.

Stay safe! And try to be good to yourself over the holiday!

Thanks Pea.

 

[Feralpeg]

TMM, the flooding situation in Missouri is horrible. Praying that your home is spared. Not something you need to deal with now.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

TMM, the flooding situation in Missouri is horrible. Praying that your home is spared. Not something you need to deal with now.

Thanks. We hope that it does not do a sewer back up or flooding to the house. The river is literally feet from my house.

Our neighbor thinks we will be OK, however we will have to see when the river crests tomorrow.

 

[NHAnn]

Was just stopping in to wish you all a happy new year. Again, it has been quite awhile since I visited here, but as I say each time I pop in, not a day goes by that I don't think of my friends here...old and new (and by "old" I do not mean age, but those that were here when the first version of this thread started more than 10 years ago, just as I got my diagnosis).

TMM, welcome to this thread, I know you're a long-time DIS-er as I am. I hope in time, as so many of us have, that you come to view this thread as one of the "gifts" that cancer brings to your life. As others have already said, this part at the beginning with unknowns and decisions is in many ways the hardest, at least emotionally. We typically wish for each other to be busy/distracted---but NOT by having to leave your home and possible flooding! Sending you thoughts and prayers.


Wishing all of you "tidings of comfort and joy" and peace of mind in the new year ahead! (that's my NYE version of "GAGTWA" )

 

[Pea-n-Me]

So nice to see you, Ann!

Happy New Year everyone

 

[snappy]

Yes, happy new year.

TMM, hope your appointment went well, and that your house is spared the worst.

Laurie

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, happy new year.

TMM, hope your appointment went well, and that your house is spared the worst.

Laurie

House is fine, not a drop of water.

The surgeon gave me Stage 1 at the moment. After my MRI and other doctor visits, we will see what it ends up.

He is recommending a lumpectomy of course. I will go along with that unless my MRI shows more cancer. Then we will see.

Thanks for support. I appreciate it a lot.

 

[snappy]

Thanks for updating us. What did you think of the surgeon? Did someone go with you to the appointment? What was his or her take on the surgeon?


Thank goodness your house wasn't impacted. Hopefully you can focus on yourself for now.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks for updating us. What did you think of the surgeon? Did someone go with you to the appointment? What was his or her take on the surgeon?


Thank goodness your house wasn't impacted. Hopefully you can focus on yourself for now.

Surgeon was fine. My sister and my DH went with me. I met the nurse navigator. She gave me a bag with tons of info and business cards.

I could NOT meet the nurse practitioner because she was trapped in her neighborhood due to flooding. She lives in my neighborhood, lol. This hospital is a major hospital and not near where we live. What are the odds?

They had called me that morning to see if I was able to get there once they noticed my address.

I told them we left an hour before it was over the road and impassable. My DH left with the road covered but it was not deep yet. We had stuff to do and could not afford to be stuck.

 

[smiley_face2]

A very late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all you dear ladies!! TMM....sorry you have had this diagnosis! and so sorry you had the evacuation to deal with at the same time!!
I loved reading more about the vacations, and it makes me want to rethink our staying home. I literally change my mind about it 10 times a day! for now, the reservations are in place, and of course we have our annual passes. It would be a very inexpensive trip, but it would still stretch our budget.
Anyway, I did Christmas dinner here for the first time since our son died, and it was harder than I thought it would be. I thought maybe enough time had passed, a lot has changed, but it was very hard. We will probably go back to having it at one of the daughters homes again next year. we got most of our renovation redecorating jobs done, the girls loved their new beds, I love the way the bathroom turned out, but we didn't have time to do the flooring, so that will come this spring or summer. It's really hard where we live, shopping choices are very limited, so it's trips into the city or ordering online which takes a lot longer. The bedroom is pretty bare bones, and I have to order a few things like bed skirts, and sheers for over the blinds. no pictures yet! haven't had time to upload to photo bucket etc. I don't think I even got the rest of our trip pics posted from our last years trip!! lol...
GAGWTA

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hi all, I changed my post to Stage 1, that was an oops on my part. My brain was on vacation I guess.

I did an MRI yesterday. Tomorrow I meet with the oncologists.

Hopefully the MRI is kind to me and does not reveal any additional cancer.

 

[snappy]

TMM, thanks for the update, especially about the Stage 1 part. Please let us know how your results from the MRI go too.

Smiley, you have certainly accomplished a lot with the renovations. I know your granddaughters will make good use of the new rooms and updated bathroom.

Sorry the dinner was so difficult. Holidays are so wrapped up with memories and traditions. I certainly had my melancholy moments this year. It may be time for me to further revise our preparations and plans. As I age I am finding my limits faster.

My mom's house passed act of sale yesterday. Another milestone. She is much better off in senior living.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Stage 1 is good! Fingers crossed for MRI results.

Holidays are a lot of work. I'm beat. Still haven't taken stuff down. Dealing with FAFSA stuff now X2. Ugh. (Had delegated getting PIN numbers back in the fall to DH and somehow he never got them. So now have to wait.)

I'm glad Mom has settled in, Laurie.

If I didn't say it before, nice to see NHAnn posting!

GAGWTA

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Snappy, I do not know your background but getting your mom into senior living sounds great!

Thanks again.

 

[smiley_face2]

Snappy, that is good about your mom and the sale! Boy do I know what you mean about finding your limits faster! We did the bedroom renovations thinking all 4 girls could come and stay the full time in summer, about a month. But in the 4 and a half years since we started this, after having them all here together now, I know I can not do that for more than about 4 days. That seriously did me in! the youngest is still only just 5. For summer we will have them all here for a few days, then send 2 home, then switch them later.
Even just doing the renovations....things take a lot longer. In fact, at one point, 2 days before Christmas, I was painting and frustrated, it was late and I was so tired, and I actually sat down and cried! Lol!!! our youngest daughter said we were crazy doing all during the busiest time of the year! But now it's done!! (well mostly!)
TMM that is good about the stage 1, every little bit helps!
Pea n me.... I am Ukrainian, 100%....so we also celebrate Ukrainian Christmas which is on January 7, which is also one of our daughters birthdays, so we leave everything up until then anyway! that helps spread out the work a bit for me

 

[snappy]

Pea n me, I hear you on the FASFA. The one for private universities is worse, actually was horrible back in 2008 when we first started doing it for DD25.

It was hard for us as even as CPA's to prepare early in January before we even have received all of our tax information. I would say though, try to do it yourself and not hire a company to help you.

Filing FASFA rivals filing income taxes. Once you are done, you will feel so relieved, so try not to procrastinate. Also, you can always amend it, once you have your tactual tax information.

TMM, it is actually neat to have mom in her independent living apartment in a retirement community, it is 5-10 minutes from my house and the same from the office where I work. Mom resisted mightily last year on December 26th when we visited the facility and saw a handful of units. She balked until my brother Tom who lives in NYC said he was going to see the facility whether she went or not. She is 85, and has lived independently as a widow since 1998. But in the last 4-5 years, she had several spinal fractures that spontaneously happened (no fall), and then major oral surgery September 2014 to remove what turned out to be a benign tumor. All took its toll. Mom kept saying last spring that she was not ready to move to the senior community, even though that is where she has talked about living for years. It's a mile or two to our church, etc. It was the cost that worried her, but since she has a good pension from my dad, as well as other assets, I just had to persuade her she would not run out of money, along with the advice of a certified financial planner. As a depression era baby and the daughter of a father who suffered a major disabling injury before she was born, there was not a lot of money during her upbringing on the west bank near New Orleans.

My sister who also lives with a disability took care of her mother-in-law in her home just after she married late in life. The mother-in-law already had Alzheimers when my sister married, so she knows how hard it can be to take care of aging parents. I have to say though I still feel a little guilty that we are not taking care of mom in our home. My sisters-in-law take care of my mother-in-law who is 92 and in the late stages of Alzheimers. We have a big enough house to handle it but mom wants to be independent, and since my husband and I both work, and will for several years at least since our youngest is 20 and still in college, mom would be home alone during the day. Mom is enjoying all the daily activities and eating meals with other residents in her community. It has not been without bumps as she fell and broke her wrist about 6 weeks after she moved in. Luckily other than scrapes and bruises, the fractured wrist was her only injury, and being in the senior living community made getting services to her easier while she recovered. Now she is back going to the fitness center and swimming in the pool there. She also has relaxed about her finances. Selling her house so quickly helped that process.

My siblings and I firmly believe the additional social interaction she enjoys there vs when living alone in her house or if she was living with us is important for keeping her healthy and happy. We like that she is physically active too. She actually joined the fitness center and the pool there months before she agreed to move in. I think that period convinced her it was the right move. Her apartment is lovely and was updated beautifully with granite countertops and new appliances before she moved in. They even paid for the company we hired to pack, unpack and move her in. I worked with her for about a year or so going through things and eventually downsizing on the furniture. My brother in law did a CAD drawing to help us place the furniture she brought in, and most all of her furniture fit since the unit is roomy. My brother even stays with her when he comes down since there are two bedrooms.

As she ages and we see the changes in her judgment and memory, we are glad she moved. It's a lifecare facility so as she needs move services, there are assisted living units, a nursing home, and various levels of memory care. Hopefully she will be able to enjoy all the amenities from her independent living apartment for a long time beforehand. We checked out the place pretty closely from a services standpoint and a financial standpoint. I think they offered mom an extremely good deal for her unit because of timing, since the new CEO had just renegotiated their debt and the new debt covenants required both a certain level of occupancy and a certain number of new units "sold" within a strict timeframe. I guess the stars were aligned for her and us.

This is probably too much information but it was a watershed moment for our family. My siblings and I are very glad she is there, and the best part is that mom is adjusting well, despite her fall, and is taking advantage of everything offered there.

Smiley, I think it is good that you are identifying your limits. It is hard I am sure with those granddaughters that you love so much. A month in the summer would be far too much, I agree. Maybe shorter more frequent visits would be more appealing to them and you.

As my mother-in-law used to say, "growing old is not for cowards."

My new motto, lol.

I like GAGWTA a bit better.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

No, Snappy, that was great info. Many of us here have parents in that age group. I think being in an assisted living facility of retirement community is awesome for the reasons you mentioned. Needs are fairly easily taken care of, and there are activities, services and amenities geared toward their age group. My mother, as you know, is 90, and lives with me. She's no longer driving, and has lost some of her mobility in the past year, has had some falls, etc. Finally accepted she has to use a walker sometimes, even though it greatly embarrasses her. Spent one night at my brother's over the holidays and it was hard for her. (Apparently the toilet paper roll came off the holder and she couldn't get it, had rushed into the bathroom in the middle of the night, etc. Kind of what she'd worried about ahead of time, but worse, lol. If we do it again I'm going to have to re-think it.) No longer driving so someone has to take her to the store, or pick things up for her, or pick up her pills at the pharmacy (like three times a week! wth!), etc, and she feels like she's burdening us. Last summer when we went away, we had someone stay here - I'm not sure if that will work this year, we'll have to see. We try to take her places just to get her out a bit, but she's afraid of falling and sometimes not all places are wheelchair friendly. She doesn't really connect with people her own age because, tbh, there aren't many left! Of her two sisters left (out of five) one has dementia and the other is out of state, they talk by phone. I would love it if she went to our local senior center, but trying to get her to go is tough. She's always been resistant, even twenty years ago. So she's somewhat isolated even though she's here with us, everyone's working and running around. (Although I think it's a plus she's here with us, and not alone somewhere.) I think if you can afford it, a place like where your mom is is ideal.

I ordered a book someone recommended to me called "Being Mortal". From what I can gather, it's a book about quality of life at end of life. I will have to let you know how it is.

 

[snappy]

Thanks for your post, Pea n me. It really is a journey and I think there are many models for this type of care. My sister has her MSW in social work, with an emphasis in elder care, although she never did really use it due to her disability. My sister is wonderful in her ability to help us make this move happen. I totally relied on her to take a critical look at the facility, especially the nursing home and the memory care units. As you say this option costs money. Luckily, she had the funds to move in before she sold her house and the proceeds from the house sale is a bit more than her "buy-in." I don't know if y'all know much about life care retirement facilities. We did so much research, on top of what I had previously done a few years ago on long term care insurance. Basically, even down here in Louisiana, monthly fees for assisted living units and care, nursing home, and memory care are very high. With the buy in mom paid, her monthly fees that she is paying for her independent living and a $400 a month food allowance will cover any stays she needs in the higher level of care. I think these fees are far higher in other areas of the country, so I think her fees actually are very reasonable.

There is a lot of controversy about life care senior retirement centers, as some have not done well. The drop in the value of real estate during the 2007-2010 period really hurt occupancy because senior's equity in their homes was a lot less, if they could even sell their homes. Also, long term care insurance has its detractors too. I was able to obtain this insurance, despite being a cancer survivor, because it had been more than 7 years since diagnosis. My DH could not, but he has diabetes, heart disease and sleep apnea. Also, I benefitted from being able to sign up for a policy offered through the national association for CPA's, so I got a break on the premiums. I will add finally that if you want this type of coverage, I would recommend signing up early in your lifetime rather than later as the premiums rise each year, and if you end up with chronic conditions lie my DH, the insurance companies will not issue you a policy.

My best friend and I research the options heavily for months before applying. For us it was a good purchase I think. Be aware that you want to make sure you add the inflation option and get a policy that will cover both at home care as well as care in a facility. Sometimes the best option can be at home.

Regardless, it is important to have your family members present to check up on things. My sister and I are well know to both staff and the residents at mom's community. I think it is really helps to stay involved. The staff was wonderful when mom fell.

Let me know about that book, Pea n me.

GAGWTA!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Yes, I do know about them. I helped my cousin in his journey with his Mom's Alzheimer's experience. She was at home for a while, and in day care, but eventually had to enter an assisted living facility with a memory care unit, i.e. a locked unit. He and I went together to see them, and I tried to attend as many care meetings as I could. She had to transfer twice to different facilities, so we saw many. My experience working in nursing homes (throughout childhood my mom worked in one, so I visited a lot; and I worked there, and at another, in high school and college) came in handy then. Fortunately, my aunt had Ltc insurance, so that helped tremendously. But my cousin did have to pay oop for some things, including a private caregiver during the day. Toward the end, the LTC was ending and he would've had to pay oop for everything, but she developed pneumonia and she passed literally the month before that was to happen. Maybe her gift to him.

We were fortunate to get LTC insurance at a reasonable cost some years back through my company. At the time, there was no medical info needed for employee, and as long as spouse didn't have a terminal illness, there was no medical info needed for them, either. So we go it then, fortunately, as it's no longer offered. I think I've increased coverage once, so far. The experience with my aunt made me realize how important it is should the need arise. A nice feature of our plan is that we can get some of the monies back if we don't use them.