NotUrsula
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2002
- Messages
- 20,047
Why is it unacceptable and tacky to throw a shower for someone in your immediate family.
Because it is traditionally the role of the family of the bride or the mother-to-be to supply her (via making them, gifting them, or passing them down) the basics that one needs for a trousseau or a nursery. If you ask people who are not family to supply those things to your own adult child or sibling, it makes it appear as though you are pushing off that role (and the related expense) onto people outside the family. A friend has no such traditional obligation, so coming from a friend the gesture is seen as generous rather than cheap. Your opinion may differ, but to answer your question, that is the "why" of the traditional and widely-held perception that showers hosted by immediate family are in poor taste. (I'll qualify that a family-only "shower" is not what we are speaking of here. If only family are present then obviously family will host.)
NO ONE is *supposed* to throw a shower for anyone. It isn't a right, it is a generous and unlooked-for bonus that the honoree should be touched by and grateful for. It never fails to amaze me that there are people out there who think that not getting "showered" is somehow an insult, and who feel cheated if they don't get one.
As to my remark about people embarassing themselves, I chose to put it that way specifically because the poster I was replying to described others' reaction to the idea of her mother hosting a second shower for her as (and I quote) "horrible". The only way I'd use that description out loud in real life and let that person know it IRL would be if I were hoping to spare that person public embarassment. If I didn't care about the person, I probably wouldn't say anything. I could be wrong about their motives in showing such a reaction, but that is the most probable reason I could think of for reacting that way out loud.
This is an open anonymous message board, and this thread is a debate; in a thread like this one you're going to get both sides without any sugar coating. That's the whole point of asking a question like this on an anonymous message board -- to get a wide range of honest answers and not have people falsely appear to validate your POV just because they don't want to hurt your feelings.