Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[CheapMom]

You wanna hear tacky? We were sent an invitation by the parents for their third child's christening recently. On the bottom of the invitation said "Presentation only please". Which where we come from means they want money. ONLY.

I sent out the invitations for my children's christenings. I don't think it was tacky of me. I know with my first child we said "no gifts" because she was only 2 months old and we were still reeling from all of the newborn/birthday gifts. A lot of people still brought gifts anyway.
I think with my next 2 children I didn't say anything about gifts on the invite. The guest list for all 3 occasions consisted 100% of close family and friends.

As for the baby shower thing- I think if somebody wants to do a nice thing and have a shower for a second or third or 8th baby- and they want to invite me- I'll be there- I love a happy occasion.

 

[MissKIA]

I sent out the invitations for my children's christenings. I don't think it was tacky of me.

I wasn't implying that it was tacky for the parents to send out the invitations, I was implying that it was tacky for them to basically tell us they don't want our gifts, only our money.

 

[madge]

This is sort of budget related. I have a dear friend whom I've known for 23 years. She has one daughter, and when I met this friend the daughter was 2. She is now 25. This daughter had her first child 2 years ago, my friend's first grandchild, a girl. I went in with 2 other people and gave a VERY NICE baby shower. It was at a restaurant where we had a private room and were served dessert and coffee. Over 30 ladies attended.

It's now 2 years later, and this daughter is having her second child (another girl) in about 6 weeks. On Friday I received an invitation to a baby shower for this baby!!!! I was shocked. This is a first for me.

I spoke to another friend over the weekend about this. This friend is actually cousins with the other friend. I asked her what was going on and she said, "oh, you know how girls are these days, that seems to be the thing they do now." WHAT? So that makes it okay??? Isn't it our job as the "older generation" to teach them that's NOT the thing to do?

Am I being unreasonable? I actually have already bought a gift for this baby, as I would give a gift whether or not there is a shower, as this is the second grandchild to my dear friend, and I am close to them all. I will just give that gift at the shower. Despite the fact that she is registered at Target!

But I just find the whole second baby SHOWER thing tacky. She should have all the "basics" as she has a girl already that is only 2. The stuff shouldn't be worn out. I have not spoken to the friend herself yet. But I would be embarrased to have MY friends invited to another shower for my child's second baby. I don't have children of my own, but that's how I would feel. Did I miss something? Is this now okay and my feelings are unjustified?

I had 2 baby showers. One for my first, and one for my third...

I did not choose to have a second shower. In fact, I asked the people that hosted it NOT to have one but they didn't listen My situation was very different than the OP, though. My first child (a son) was born in 1989... we had the big shower. It was lovely I had our second son in 1995 and used the same crib, etc that I did with the first. After 2 boys, most of our things had taken quite a beating and we had no plans for a third baby, so we gave/donated pretty much everything away. It won't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happens next... I got pregnant again, and baby number 3 was born in 2001 In the years between 1995-2001, we had developed many friendships, joined a church, etc. None of these people knew us during the first 2 pregancies and wanted to celebrate our daughter's birth. We had to start from scratch with the bed, stroller, clothes, etc. Our friends told us they were buying us gifts (shower or not) and it was be helpful if they knew what to buy, LOL. Shower #2 was given in the spirit of love and friendship, and I will cherish that always. We are blessed with good friends.

I am still not a fan of the 2nd shower, LOL. Especially in this situation. If I were the mom-to-be with 2 little ones, I'd rather my friends bring meals or babysit the older child instead of buying more stuff. JMO.

 

[Belle5]

Originally posted by Keagansmom--We've also done a quilt shower where the guest decorate a piece of fabric at the shower (luckily my cousin quilts and then she makes the quilt)-- it makes a unique keepsake for each child-- no one brings gifts, just decorates the quilt.--


I LOVE this idea...

 

[salmoneous]

Every now and then a thread comes along that just blows my mind. Somehow I've made it through 39 years of life without once hearing that you are only supposed to have a shower for a first baby. Or that anyone could be offended being invited to a shower. I've heard of people being offended for *not* being invited, but never the other way around.

Most women I know love love love baby showers. What's better than an excuse to get together, eat cake, and talk about babies? They like going out and buying baby gifts. <baby voice>look at these socks - they're soooo cute</voice>.

Now there are folks who aren't into the whole baby shower thing, but they aren't into any showers, no matter which kid it is.

Learn something new every day I guess.

 

[rdevine10]

I really do not believe in 2nd plus showers, but I DO believe in celebrations of life for subsequent children.

For my 1st baby (2003), I had a huge shower. About 75 people. It was terrific. Not only did we get a ton of stuff we needed, but it was one of the few good moments of a very high risk pregnancy that involved multiple hospital stays, a home nurse and lots of bedrest.

Fastforward to 2005 when I was prego with my 2nd baby (another girl), and I had an equally miserable pregnancy. Except this was after loosing my 2nd baby due to medical reasons. My family threw me what I call A celebration of life. It was a small lunch with a few very close friends and immediate family members. Maybe it was 10 to 12 people. I didnt want gifts, but they all brought them. It was truly a WODNERFUL time. And, then the Moms of my playgroup threw me a diaper shower. My 2nd little girl made it here, but arrived 6 weeks early. Im happy to report she is healthy!

So, I guess I technically had 2 showers for my 2nd and only 1 for my 1st.

Each baby deserves to be celebrated. It doesnt have to be a shower, but just a get together of friends to celebrate the baby! IMO, gifts are optional after the 1st baby, but, I personally always give again.

I do think its tacky to have huge showers for subsequent kids and register for them too. (Of course there are a few exceptions for this.... already noted in the many posts already made).

So- I would think its tacky if my cousin twice over invited me to a 2nd baby shower, but think its perfectly fine for say my SIL, if that makes any sense.

 

[jennifer293]

I guess I really am different. I tend to believe people send invites because they may be afraid to hurt feelings or something even better...like they like you . I could never KNOW someone was being "grabby" because they sent me an invite. I have had my feeling a little hurt when I did not get an invitation. But I just realized they might have been afraid of looking like they were "grabby!" I just don't understand how you know what feelings are behind every invitation. I just can't think of anyone I have known that I would classify as "grabby." If i did not want to go, which RARELY happens, or if I can't go, tha tis fine. I am usually very excited to go and visit and celebrate!!

I know what you mean here. We invite people to things because we want to see them also because if we don't we hear about it a few months down the road that we must not have wanted them there because they were not invited. One of Dh's cousins had a birthday party for his son, and only those who had children his age got invited (we got one) well once the other relatives found out that we had got invited but they didn't they were so upset. I tried to explain that they only sent invites to those with children and they just could not understand why??? SO at every event at our house I invite the WHOLE family and friends which is about 60 people in my house. If they don't show I don't get upset (I am actually a bit relieved) but at least they cannot say they were not invited.

 

[NotUrsula]

Originally posted by salmoneous: Most women I know love love love baby showers. What's better than an excuse to get together, eat cake, and talk about babies? They like going out and buying baby gifts. <baby voice>look at these socks - they're soooo cute</voice>.

Root canal, maybe? Perhaps I'm the most unnatural woman alive, but if I never get invited to another baby shower it will be too soon. I was given a surprise shower at work when DS was born -- I assure you that surprising me was the only way they could have gotten me to attend the thing.

I don't go to showers of any kind. I send a nice gift on whatever occasion it is, but shower games and the whole "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what" thing are my personal definitions of the 9th circle of Hell. No thank you.

Besides a gift for the baby, I always provide a gift for the parents: A full dinner, delivered, on the first day that Dad goes back to work.

 

[babiesX2]

Root canal, maybe? Perhaps I'm the most unnatural woman alive, but if I never get invited to another baby shower it will be too soon. I was given a surprise shower at work when DS was born -- I assure you that surprising me was the only way they could have gotten me to attend the thing.

I don't go to showers of any kind. I send a nice gift on whatever occasion it is, but shower games and the whole "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what" thing are my personal definitions of the 9th circle of Hell. No thank you.

Besides a gift for the baby, I always provide a gift for the parents: A full dinner, delivered, on the first day that Dad goes back to work.

You had the bravery to say what I have been afraid to say. I particularly agree with "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what." I guess I'm an unnatural woman, too.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You had the bravery to say what I have been afraid to say. I particularly agree with "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what." I guess I'm an unnatural woman, too.

I guess I do not understand this. My husband's family was raised like this. They do it at b-days, Christmas time whatever.

Call me nosy--I LOVE to see what kinds of other stuff the celebrant got.


I find it how amazing how everyone ties all of this to materialism.


I"m not without my 's either. I find Christmas time absolutely crazy. Why don't we just all spend money on ourselves and get something absolutely AWESOME--rather than trade with X number of people $X gifts.

 

[MemoryMakers2669]

I am 37 and have two kids (2 and 5) and had showers for both. Here (where I live) it is COMPLETELY normal to have a shower for each child.....even number 3, 4, 5. For dd #2 it was for things we needed, just like with dd#1. It was much smaller and close friends. I have only heard from one person that it is "wrong" to shower each child.

I believe each child is worth it though and should be celebrated.

 

[CheapMom]

I never thought about it as a way for people to see who spent what... but it is the lamest thing- I mean are we really supposed to feign interest in every godforsaken onesie or teddy bear that comes around the circle. I could do without that tradition.

 

[84disney]

I absolutely can't believe that you KNOW the gifts are passed around to see how much money people spent ! What a sad thing. I can understand if you just don't like to see baby things, or toys; I'm sure I would not care to view tools or stereo stuff, but I would never be SURE that we were all sitting around guessing the money spent!!

 

[tfiga]

I think 2nd showers is tacky. If friends or family want to give gifts that is fine, but having a shower is basically asking for presents... As a side note I have a story that will redefine tacky... My babysitter watches children for another family the mother had a shower for the all of the children, bad enough in my book as all 3 of the children are less than 18 mos apart, but she actually registered for items for the older children... We know this because the oldest a girl was 2.5, the next a boy that was 1 and she was having another boy and there were girls clothes in a size 3 on her registry.

 

[Limmer]

I am pregnant with #2 and I will not be having a shower. My DMIL has already mentioned it and I said I don't want it and would not attend.

I was a little suprised at how many times I read "they don't have anything left" or "the baby deserves new". Isn't that my responsibility as the parent, not my friends and family?

I also was suprised to hear "this baby deserves to be celebrated". OF COURSE IT DOES! That does not mean cake and punch and gifts. That could mean a party, a small get together, a christening; why does it have to mean a shower? The term shower implies gifts. That is not for the child that has not even arrived yet or the newborn that doesn't have a clue what is going on.

 

[mom2my3kids]

I had a big baby shower when I had my daughter 12 years ago. With my second child 4 years later I did not have another shower. I thought I was done having babies and got rid of all of my baby things. Five years later I got pregnant with my youngest son. There was almost 10 years difference between my oldest and youngest and almost 6 years between the two boys. My friends from work threw me a baby shower and I got a lot of nice things, friends and family brought me things for the baby later on. So I would not mind going to a shower in a case like this.

 

[kizmac]

I think 2nd showers is tacky. If friends or family want to give gifts that is fine, but having a shower is basically asking for presents... As a side note I have a story that will redefine tacky... My babysitter watches children for another family the mother had a shower for the all of the children, bad enough in my book as all 3 of the children are less than 18 mos apart, but she actually registered for items for the older children... We know this because the oldest a girl was 2.5, the next a boy that was 1 and she was having another boy and there were girls clothes in a size 3 on her registry.

OMG! Now that takes the prize. That has to be the most TACKY shower story yet.

 

[kpm76]

I am pregnant with #2 and I will not be having a shower. My DMIL has already mentioned it and I said I don't want it and would not attend.

I was a little suprised at how many times I read "they don't have anything left" or "the baby deserves new". Isn't that my responsibility as the parent, not my friends and family?

I also was suprised to hear "this baby deserves to be celebrated". OF COURSE IT DOES! That does not mean cake and punch and gifts. That could mean a party, a small get together, a christening; why does it have to mean a shower? The term shower implies gifts. That is not for the child that has not even arrived yet or the newborn that doesn't have a clue what is going on.

Very well said!! I agree with you 100%

 

[DisneyPhD]

I had a big baby shower when I had my daughter 12 years ago. With my second child 4 years later I did not have another shower. I thought I was done having babies and got rid of all of my baby things. Five years later I got pregnant with my youngest son. There was almost 10 years difference between my oldest and youngest and almost 6 years between the two boys. My friends from work threw me a baby shower and I got a lot of nice things, friends and family brought me things for the baby later on. So I would not mind going to a shower in a case like this.

I think that situation is rather normal for 2nd showers. I have been to a few like that and I diddn't feel it was tacky at all. My mom said 35 yerars ago they did have a shower for me (I was her 4th child and they were all over 6 years older then me, she had given away or broken all the other baby things.) We also were attending a new chruch, so none of the people there had already given her a baby gift.

I find it suprizing how many people think a tradtional showers for a 2nd child close to the 1st in age is normal. It just isn't done around here. Most of my friend have 2 kids or more, never been to one, invited to one or even heard of one.

I was talking it over with my best friend (the only was one that was excited when I 1st got pregnant with my 2nd child) I was saying how I didn't miss the gifts, but I missed the celebration with my 2nd and she didn't have a shower, but a family get together for the baby. Every one had to paint a self portrit of hang on the babies wall. It was really cute and good way to get together and welcome the new baby with out the tradtional "shower of gifts."

 

[DVC Sadie]

I am pregnant with #2 and I will not be having a shower. My DMIL has already mentioned it and I said I don't want it and would not attend.

I was a little suprised at how many times I read "they don't have anything left" or "the baby deserves new". Isn't that my responsibility as the parent, not my friends and family?

I also was suprised to hear "this baby deserves to be celebrated". OF COURSE IT DOES! That does not mean cake and punch and gifts. That could mean a party, a small get together, a christening; why does it have to mean a shower? The term shower implies gifts. That is not for the child that has not even arrived yet or the newborn that doesn't have a clue what is going on.

Great post and ITA!

What irritates me is when other posters keep trying to say that I don't want to celebrate a birth. I love celebrating all births by visiting and bringing a gift and having a meal delivered whether they live nearby or out of town.