Diane's Journal to a Happier/Healthier me...encouragement welcome!

[DisDee]

Diane, thanks for your advice re:WW. I'm planning to start back on the 12th and continue with points, but focus on eating Core foods. The program worked so well for you, hopefully it will for me too .

Have yourself a great weekend!

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy and Denise - thanks for stopping by! Your comments mean a lot! I'm glad you both keep in touch with me! I couldn't do this without comments from each of you.

It's be a quiet weekend, but a hectic weekend. For the first time in I'm not sure how long, I haven't spent the weekend working!

Got my hair cut yesterday and this is the first time I didn't like the cut, she shortened it in back, but not so much on the side so it is something I'm not used to. She also uses goop that I don't use so I'll have to wait until I do it a few times to see if I adjust into it or not. If I don't, then I just wait for it to grow out and next time I go in, just tell her what I didn't like about it. I'm so low maintenance when it comes to hair and stuff that what is, is and what isn't, isn't. I would be Stacy and Clinton's nightmare on What Not to Wear.

I did water aerobics yesterday for the first time in a long time and then did a cardio workout after it. My calves are always sore from the water aerobics, so I'm not sure why I do it. Today was a running day and while I still don't like it, I'm learning to do it. I took 30 seconds of my time from last Wednesday. I think since I only run 2-3 times per week, I don't mind it as much as I would if I did it every day. Who knows, maybe I'll work myself up to a 1/2 marathon some day. If I did, the only one I would consider is the Disney event. Why run if I can't see Disney at the same time.

Food wasn't the best this weekend, but I figure the exercise offsets it. I stayed within 2,000 calories a day, it just wasn't the best choices for the 2,000 calories. I was craving a Culvers Flavor of the Day yesterday, so I had it. However my breakfast and lunch were very low calories, so having Culvers for dinner didn't kill the calories for the day.

I'm 4 weeks into the 8 weeks of no scale for weighing and I really want to get on a scale as I can tell that I've lost size. My work-out t-shirts and shorts are getting to look big on me. I'm holding off and will wait until March 31st to weigh in, it's just going to be a tough to wait. Patience is not a virtue I posess.

I'm 90% sure of who I'm going to use to complete the basement. I'm just waiting for the 1 last bid to see what it comes in at. If it is within the same range as the others, than I'm going with the one I like. It will have to be 20% lower to make me change my mind. While the project isn't a major remodel or anything, it is a big thing for me and I want the right person to do the job. I've got a budget for about 30% higher than the bid of the guy I'm pretty sure I'm going to use, so if he really comes in at the bid, then I've got money for some additional upgrades. I'd really like a wood laminate on the floor, but it is a true basement (1 egress window only, all below ground) and I just can't see wood floor in a Minnesota basement, so the wood is only going in the bathroom and fitness area. The rest will be a berber or something.

It's been a week since I 'cancelled' AOL - and yet I can still sign on. They don't actually cancel you until the next billing cycle so I'm going to have to watch that. I'm still comfortable with my decision on this one and walking away from my friend. I haven't heard from him in a week and I'm not even sure he will notice that I'm not on aol anymore. I guess that tells me what I needed to know about how he felt about me as a friend.

Looking forward to a great week!

 

[Goofydiane]

it's just another manic Monday.....wish it was Sunday. That's what it felt like today - it's the beginning of the fiscal month so it's a crazy day, but a good day. My boss goes on vacation Wednesday for 5 days...which means I get a vacation for 5 days too! It's a vacation for me from all of those stops by my desk asking for this one bit of data....doesn't matter that I'm working on the one bit of data you asked about 5 minutes ago. It's going to be a good week.

Other than that - pretty boring day. Worked, worked out, ate dinner and journaled. No one but my trainer commented on my hair cut, which is ok since I am not sure I like the cut yet, so let's not bring attention to it.

Tomorrow is the day to make a decision on the basement. I know who is getting the job unless the one bid I'm waiting on comes in so much lower that I would be stupid to pass it up. I'm just ready to get this project under way. I'm now wondering if I want to have my entire basement floor as a pergo floor - it is MN so it doesn't make sense - does it?

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I made good food decisions all day long
2. Day 34 straight of cardio workouts.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, good luck getting the final bid in and making your decsion! I would go with whatever floor you want, its your floor, to heck with what makes sense or what other people might choose. Pergo is so nice! You are doing really well with food, its okay to splurge with one meal and then make good choices the rest of the day, you did that.

Hope your Monday got a bit less boring, at least its over!

Excellent job with the workouts and not being a slave to the scale! That is so nice your clothes are too big, you have worked hard to earn that, so enjoy!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks for stopping by Amy. Your insight and objectivity is what I need in regards to this basement. I'm not objective.

I'm a bit frustrated over it currently. I know who I want to do the work, but I feel like I need to wait for the final estimate to come in, but I really don't see it changing my mind. The only thing is that it is from the guy who does work at my bosses house, but he was here over 2 weeks ago....he said he was mailing the bid on Friday or Saturday, well it is Tuesday and it isn't here yet, so I just don't know if he mailed it and I don't want to wait any longer to get to the next phase of this project. I think one thing I need to have in a contractor is someone I trust and have faith in, and I really like the one I want to go with, regardless of the other estimates. I'm going to talk to him about the floor as well - if it isn't a budget buster, I'm going to go with Pergo through the whole basement and not carpet in the media area. Patience is definately not a virtue of mine.

My boss leaves on vacation in the morning! WooHoo!!! I get 4 days of vacation myself as I won't get any of those...I know you are doing this, but can you do this as well comments/questions from him. He isn't back until Tuesday. Between people on vacation and out of the office writing reviews, it will be mighty quite the next few days. I know I will be working at home a few days of his vacation.

I know I'm journaling to work through a lot of issues, but I'm also glad I visit here when I'm in a good place and I'm in a really good place right now. My workout tonight kicked butt, literally. We did some punching and started teaching me how to do kickboxing as a workout. What a way to get rid of pent up aggression and frustrations! My shoulders are really sore from the push-ups and pull-ups, but it feels so good when he tells me to do something and I feel like I can actually do it.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. 60 push-ups with deep elbow bends
2. Overall a great workout
3. I emailed my choice for a contractor (I did that right when I realized that I don't need to wait for people - I made my choice)

 

[Amy&Dan]

My feeling is that if this guy can't get you the bid on time, that isn't a good sign! I would go with who you want, even if the other guy comes through cheaper, he doesn't sound too dependable. I would think in this lousy economy he would be foaming at the mouth for the work!

Journaling on WISH is sort of my free therapy so my journal gets to be all about my whole life, not just my weight issues. I enjoy reading about your life, heck that's why I come to WISH, to learn and help and hopefully gain some new insight!

Good job on that workout and enjoy your time away from Boss Man!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks for stopping by Amy! I'm with you on getting an estimate, if this takes as long as it does, what about getting the job done. My dad said the same thing.

After doing that little bit of second guessing myself last night....what am I getting myself into with finishing my basement...I woke up this morning calm, cool and collected about it. Now I have to start looking at flooring, paint colors, electronic equipment....yikes, more decisions! I sign the contract in the morning and am excited to get the work started. next up for me is demolition! I'm tearing down some work that had been previously completed before the job can start.

The morning started with about an inch of snow on the ground and everyone driving like an idiot. Really, it's only an inch and there is probably more salt/sand on the road than snow, you are allowed to drive faster than 10 mph! One of my pet peeves are people who freak out driving in a little snow. Took almost 2 hours to drive to work this morning! the nice thing is I left early too, so it really wasn't that long of a day.

Today was a running day and I really didn't want to do it. I saw my trainer as I got to the club and he asked what I was doing today and in a very solemn voice I comment "I'm running, can't you see the enthusiasm on my face" With his smirk he chuckles. I really didn't want to run, I don't like it and he knows it, but I made a committment to do it, so I did it. My 3 miles was completed today in 40:40. One thing about getting better with the running, I get to my 3 miles faster and faster each time. If I keep looking at it that way, then I should look forward to running twice a week. It is all about the attitude you take, and I always need to remember to take the positive attitude.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. My running time improved
2. Made good food choices all day.

 

[DisDee]

Hi Diane, Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I've been meaning to tell you that I admire the way you look at an area of your life, decide what you need to, and then actually do it. We should all have your strength!

 

[Goofydiane]

Hi Denise - thanks for stopping by. The looking at an area of my life and doing something is new to me, but it works!

it's no fun telecommutting when you spend 4 hours on the phone with your office working out system issues remotely. I still say a day at home in jeans is better than any day at the office, regardless of how frustrating the day may be. A minor change by our new account manager at the system I manage was done incorrectly and prevently people from seeing stuff they needed to see. You learn how often people are in your system when you get also get almost 200 emails in an hour giving you the same error message and you have to reply to each and every one of them. System issues resolved by noon which was a good thing.

I signed the contract on my basement today and right away made two choices that add to the cost, but I'm ok with both choices. I decided to have the contractors do the demo - as he explained it to me and what I would have to do, I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to pull down all this dry-wall by myself and my dad. So, $1,000 later, he is going to do it. Good decision for me, I don't want to spend my entire weekend pulling drywall. I also confirmed the decision to go with a pergo floor. he told me what he put in the bid for square foot cost, so if I find something lower than that, I won't be charged. I went looking at floor and found bamboo that I really liked, but I also found an oak I liked and I have oak molding so would it be weird to have bamboo floor with oak molding and oak stairs? I also have pine doors that I bought initially not understanding the changes in wood, so then that would be 3 types of wood in the basement and that might be too much for me. I did find some oak and pine floors that I enjoy as well. The job starts in 10 days, so I have to find the floor this weekend.

I'm wondering about my issues with food and how they relate to paint in my house...strange I know. I have pumpkin butter paint, cinnamin paint and a honey wheat paint color in my house and now I'm looking to do my bedroom in caramel sauce and the basement in shaved chocolate and honey wheat. I'm surrounding myself with the things I don't eat anymore! The other paints I am looking at are Toast and Toffee Crunch....maybe if I ever run out of food in the fridge I can just start eating the walls or something! Is this my way of keeping food in a comfort area for me? I really don't know and maybe I'm thinking too much about it. I can relate colors to food, so maybe that is it, I know what chocolate looks like, I know what caramel looks like, but I can't relate to what buried treasure looks like. (it's an orange with a tint of brown - who knew?)

Went and worked out earlier than normal today and it was a struggle to get through. I had stomach issues half way through and after that I just didn't have it in me to go finish the other 45 minutes, I've got a training session tomorrow so that will make up for it.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I started making decisions on the house
2. Made great food choices all day long

 

[Goofydiane]

Today was a trying day for me. I have such high hopes when I work at home to get things done and I spend the day answering emails wihch really should be answered by the people who send them to me. I get talked to at times regarding being a team player, however when you cover something on a conference call on Monday in great detail, then you shouldn't get emails from people on Thursday and Friday asking the same question that they just got the answer to on Monday. One thing I'm learning is patience this year....just to let some things go and deal with others. I don't always succeed, but I try.

I hate to say it, but I've got to tell my trainer to move it up a notch with some of the stuff we do. Some of today's workout was easier than it probably should have been . It was ok today because I have been having stomach issues, but still need to make me go a bit more. I'm saying that as I have my arms resting on my desk because my shoulders are sore! As they say, no pain, no gain.

Met a friend at the mall after working out and we left her kids with her DH and went shopping for a while. I've never in my life spent as much time bra shopping as I did tonight! I'm finding out that as I lose weight, I am going outside of the standard white. I also found sport bra's on clearance...you can't be $5.00 for a sport bra! I really only buy on clearance right now as I hope I don't stayin things very long. Found Jones New York trousers for $29.00 too! A size smaller than I currently wear, but I expect to be in them in no time.

Made a bad dinner choice, but didn't exceed my calorie count by that much. Davanni's hot hoagies were just calling to me tonight. Love them!!! and I was right next to the restaurant, so I stopped. I'll be walking extra long tomorrow.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. Accomplished another objective for 2008 - 10 pullups on the pull-up maching with no help from my trainer!
2. Bought a pair of trouser in a smaller size....and it starts with a 1 WooHoo!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

That is awesome that you need to bump up the workouts! That is some true progress and its great you even realize that. I would probably just revel in the new ease and keep it that way! Those hoagies sound good, and not a bad splurge at all. I hope you have a great weekend!

Way to go getting those smaller pants, doesn't that feel good! You earned that size that starts with a "1".

 

[Goofydiane]

Why is it that parents have that ability to apply guilt and make you feel about 2 inches tall. Or is it just my mother that does that? She does it to my dad too, and I feel sorry for him because he lives with her. My parents got back from their 3 month trip to Texas last Sunday and my mom called telling me they have something for me that I will just 'love' and if I would just invite them out to my house for dinner or meet them somewhere I would get it. What my mom doesn't realize is her idea of dinner is 4:30 - 5:00pm and I'm either still at work or at the gym working out. She is a classic sabatour by tell me to not work out that night or is working out more important than seeing your mother. I have tried to explain to her why this is important to me, but since she struggles with her weight and thinks that walking at the mall followed by a bagel with heaps of cream cheese is considered a work out, she doesn't get why this is important to me. I've tried to explain to her that I need to go directly from work to working out because if I don't, I just won't go and I get such a guilt trip from her over choosing a workout over my mother. She doesn't understand that I'm choosing ME over HER and not the workout. If I could be healthy without having to work out every day I'd take it. It just isn't in my DNA, and this structure works for me. Anyways...after I worked out today, I called my parents house and told them I was heading in towards their house and could stop by if they were going to be home, either before my stop at Circuit City or after. Well, only my dad was home so he called my mom on her cell phone to let her know I was in the area - I only live about 15 miles from them, but it is 15 miles in the wrong direction for everywhere I go, so their house is not really on my way anywhere, except Circuit City or The Mall of America. After I was done at Circuit City, which took about an hour, I called my dad and mom still wasn't home and he said he called her cell phone and she didn't answer it and it went to voice mail. Well I told him I was going to stop and get a salad and head home then. I'm home about 45 minutes and my cell phone rings....my mom is furious with me and my dad for not trying to track her down! Hello - left a message on the cell phone...what more did you want?? Now she's mad at me because I didn't stop over and wait until she got home, I just can't win with her sometime. I make the effort and it gets her mad at me, I don't make an effort and she gets mad at me. She always wants to get together to go out to eat and I've told her time and time again, that restuarant food is not something I'm comfortable with as even though there are good choices, I always seem to decide on the bad choices - it's my willpower that needs to get stronger, so I just try to avoid going out to eat until I feel stronger about it. They don't want to come out to my house to eat dinner, because I eat dinner at a normal time (say 6:00 - 7:00pm) and not as a late afternoon snack like they do!

Wow, I had a lot of venting to get out of me regarding this. It just seems that I'm darned if I do and darned if I don't, and if that is the case, then I just won't expose myself to the stress. I haven't called them back yet regarding their phone call. I can at least use the 'I left the phone in the car to charge' response until tomorrow and then put on the coat of armour to hear how I'm disappointing her yet again.

It's amazing how that affected what really was a good day with the workout and basement decisions. Went to Home Depot and found some flooring on sale that I really like and will work in the basement so that decision was made. The sale price was great and will save me a few bucks!

Went to work out and today was a running day and I knocked a minute off my running time. 3 miles in 39:39 and I ran for 12 minutes straight, so I did a mile without stopping, then after walking for 3 minutes I did 9 minutes straight. That is an accomplishment for me and I was psyched about it. I didn't feel exhausted at the end of the first mile either and could have kept going, but stopped because I have to get to 3 miles and I want to pace myself. So good workout, good basement decision all shot to heck because I didn't try and track my mother down.

These issues with my mother just make me want to eat, eat, eat like I used to. I know I'm stronger than that and I don't need to go eat, eat, eat or if I do it is going to be apples, peas, pineapple, banana's, etc because that is what is in the house! I need to find a way to route this frustration in a different manner - either another workout or a relaxing activity or something.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I ran a 12 minute mile!
2. I didn't and am not going to go to the store for junk food to deal with mother issues.

 

[Goofydiane]

The good news - I didn't go out and eat anything last night! I just stayed home and read stuff on the dis. That might be some progress.

The bad news - I haven't called my mother back, so I'm sure I'll hear about it even more when I do.

Today, I'm going to run, I hate it and avoid it at all costs, but I also don't think when I run, I just do it, so I'm going to run for what I can and then walk the rest of the time. I'm also going to confirm the floor choice and send to the contractor.

 

[Goofydiane]

Oh boy did I hear about it when I didn't call my mom back. Needless to say, I've now been called an ungrateful daughter who only thinks of herself. I didn't even provide a reply for that. It has taken me 44 years to figure out that unless I jump every time she asks a question, I will never please her. It has been an extremely tough thing to accept that I probably will never make my mother happy, so I need to focus more on myself and making me happy. I'm not sure I've accepted it yet, but this is the first time I've put these thoughts on paper and started talking about needing to accept it.

I have tried to explain this to her, she just doesn't want to listen and takes anything said very personal and as a reflection against herself.

I did go running today and did a mile again without stopping, so I know yesterday wasn't a fluke. If I could ever enjoy running, I would look into doing the 1/2 marathon at Disney, but the thought of running for 13 miles or 3 hours or so just doesn't work for me. My trainer leaves on vacation Friday, so we are going Monday/Thursday this week which will be a switch.

Had a very lazy day and I'm going to try and go to sleep early to address the time change.

Things I'm proud of:
1. I didn't spend my weekend working.
2. I ran a mile straight two days in a row.

Things I'm not proud of:
1. I left my mother get to me and did emotional eating today.

 

[Goofydiane]

My stress free days and weeks are starting to leave me and this is when I struggle with food choices. Time to make sure I follow the right choices and not use today as an example.

It really frustrates me that I manage a system that involves data transfers and our field team immediately believes what theirs stores tell them instead of trusting what the system is telling them. People can embelish the truth or tell you they completed an activity 100% when the system shows they never did. It gets really frustrating that over all the questions I've gotten, there hasn't been 1 instance where our data transfer didn't work and we've had the system 5 years, but people still don't trust it! Grrrrr - maybe I'm the weird one here - I believe the system so much more than what a person tells me. What's worse, is I get no support from their team leaders in pushing back to them to trust the system either.

I know I shouldn't let my job get to me, but until I get help, there has to be some give and take with everyone, and it just isn't happening.

Some good news....I reached 10 years with my employer in January and I found out that comes with a gift card (of course back to the retail company I work for) and better yet....another week of vacation! Now I have 4 weeks vacation a year and 4 personal days. I can't find time to take 3 weeks of vacation a year, and now I have to take 4??? Thank heavens I can carry it over to the following year, but it really would be nice to take my vacation during the year I earned it.

Food weren't the best choices all day long...it started well, but at lunch I was craving a Peanut Butter Special K bar and got one to go with my sandwich. The good thing is that I ate it, I enjoyed it and I moved on from it. I got back on track and went and worked out this afternoon and am not going to kick myself over and over for it. I know I could have made a better choice and will need at accept the consequences - which means running to work off the calories. I can also say that I just felt icky after it...it was way too much for me to handle - too much sugar for someone who doesn't eat much sugar.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. While I wavered off plan during the day, I got right back on plan.

 

[Goofydiane]

I feel this good position I'm in starting to slip away and I don't know how to stop it. For the past week or so I've started dreading getting on the scale at the end of the month. What happens if after 8 weeks of no weigh-ins, cardio every day and working out I am not happy with the result? I have this fear that I'm going to see a drop of a pound and I'm going to be disappointed and just go off the deep end the other way. I don't know what I'm expecting, but I know if I can lost about 12 pounds I'll be lower than I've been for years and years and I'll be past the number that seems to mentally stop me and I can't get past. This is why I am doing this, to get past it without worrying about it and now I'm freaking myself out over this. I wish I would have taken a measurement or compared myself to a pair of pants or something so I had something tangible to match up against. Could I just pull the scale out and get on it - sure, but I gave my word that I am away from the scale until April 1 and I am a person of my word.

I have never wanted to get on a scale as much as I do right now....does anyone of us with weight issues ever want to get on a scale? This anxiety is starting to get to me and I took it out on my trainer with a crabby attitude yesterday. I don't like being like this and I'm not sure how to get past it...help!!! Patience has never been a virtue I possess and it is showing right now. Arghhhhhh, I just want to scream.

Thoughts to get past this....
Take it one day at a time and one decision at a time.
Keep my mind busy on other things. The basement remodel starts soon.
Keep getting thoughts out and work the problem

 

[Goofydiane]

I'm feeling a bit better this morning than last night. I'm still anxious and nervous over maybe not showing a weight loss, but I went back to my focuses this year.

1. Focus on size reduction and not weight reduction. I tried on my smallest pair of jeans straight from the dryer and they zipped up with no issues. Better yet, they don't pinch into the waist when I sit down.
2. Run a mile without stopping. I've done that 5 times already this year and am in better cardio shape than I've been for as long as I can remember.
3. Do 10 pull-ups without band assistance on the pull-up machine. I did that last week and that is an improvement in arm strength.
4. Fit into my size 16 skirt I own and have never worn. Well, I can fit into it, but won't wear it because it is tight at the waist, but it is better than it was last time I tried it.

I'm going to be anxious over this for the next 16 days, but I get on a scale April 1st, so maybe I can work this into a great April Fools joke on my trainer....I'll have to think about that!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, just getting caugh up with you, sorry I haven't been around much lately! First of all, I so understand where you are coming from with your mom. I think we all have those moments where our moms just have the ablity to push our buttons! But I am really proud that you held your ground. She'll just have to learn to live with a daughter who puts health first, plain and simple! Maybe she is somewhat envious that you are able to do this. In any case, just keep doing what you did, thinking of yourself first! Thats a good thing, if you don't who will after all?

Don't get discouraged about the scale issue. I think its wonderful you have stayed off the scale this long, that is some serious determination. Overweighing is as bad as overweight in many ways! I'm glad you felt better today. Its a long journey with a lot of ups and downs, you can do it!

Last, congrats on getting your ten years with your job! That is so rare these days, good for you!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks for stopping by Amy and the words of encouragement...they are very helpful and I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this!

I took today and Monday off from work and I didn't get into email at all during the day! However I did tonight, but I cleaned out a day of email in 20 minutes and deleted the stuff I didn't need to have waiting for me on Tuesday and saved the rest.

A day off...I'm not sure how to handle those. I cleaned out the basement getting ready for the work to start on Monday. The dumpster got delivered this morning and it takes up 1/2 the driveway. I'm taking bets with the neighbors on how soon I'll forget it is there in the morning and back right into it it's just how I operate that early in the morning. I've also had neighbors ask if they can add the stuff to the dumpster and I'm saying 'no....it's for construction material only and I'll get fined for anything else'. I went up and down my basement stairs about 30 times yesterday and about 20 times today...that should count as my workout!

It was great going to the gym in the middle of the day - improved my running time to 39:06 for 3 miles today. I did a mile without stopping at the beginning and then struggled for a bit and almost stopped but I'm proud of myself for continuing and did a mile with only 1 stop at the end too. If I keep this up I might just get to that 3 mile mark without stopping.

Other than that - my day was very boring - I did nothing and I'm proud of it! I caught up on my DVR list and for the first time ever I have nothing recorded that I haven't watched yet. It's great to just do nothing other than watch some tv and work on my cross-stitch project!

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I stayed out of email all day and didn't answer my cell phone if it was a co-worker!
2. Improved my running time and kept with it in the middle even when it was struggle.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, way to go having a YOU day! Cleaning out that email was probably a good thing, it was only 20 minutes and will start your Tuesday off on a better note. Which will make your whole weekend outlook better in the long run. That is so typical of people: wanting to use your dumpster, you are paying for to put in their junk! I remember years ago a neighbor asking if I would sell a bunch of her stuff at my garage sale so she wouldn't have to "deal with that" herself! Thats great you stuck with the treadmill routine. You really have lots of determination, I think about you when I get tired when I am walking now and get tired. See how you motivate me!

Have a great rest of the weekend!