DH needs to GROW UP.

[ToddyLu]

The problem is that "things" are not always equal in a marriage--He gives and she gives when needed. DH and I are definitely equal as far as people but at times he needs me to be more flexible and I do this in return. Yes, DH is my family but his extended family is my family too and I am there for them when needed.

 

[kaytieeldr]

WTH?!!? I feel like I have entered a twilight zone...You jump on the wife yet have nothing for DH

He didn't come here and post his [derogatory] report and opinion of his wife's behavior relating to an event in their lives - aka open himself up to comments.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree with this. A great aunt? I'm not sure I even know any of my great aunts. I surely would not postpone a trip for a distant, elderly relative unless parent or grandparent. I can understand your dh's disappointment. It sounds like you're putting "your family" (your words) before your relationship with your dh.

That's not fair. Just because you don't know your great-aunts doesn't mean she isn't close to hers.

I am a great-aunt to several children that I am extremely close to. Someday when they are grown and have spouses and families and I am elderly, I will continue to be close to them.

 

[Angelhalo]

WTH?!!? I feel like I have entered a twilight zone...You jump on the wife yet have nothing for DH?

Yes. This is called differing opinions I don't fault you for yours.

 

[Coconut36]

It isn't about a vacation. My priority would be being the best equal partner that I could to my husband rather than just telling him what is going to happen.

A considerate person wouldn't put a trip over the health of their spouses loved one. I lost my Grandma very suddenly and I greatly value the life of my loved ones and the time I get to spend with them..you can bet if one was ailing I would be postponing a trip to spend time with them.

I can't imagine having a spouse that even thought a trip was a priority over spending time with a loved one in failing health and it is beyond my comprehension people would vilify the wife for moving the date of the trip to spend time with someone whose health is deteriorating.

It doesn't matter what the relationship is..Great Aunt or cousin or Uncle or parent..the point is it is a loved one and no vacation is more important than spending valuable time with that loved one.

 

[Angelhalo]

He didn't come here and post his [derogatory] report and opinion of his wife's behavior relating to an event in their lives - aka open himself up to comments.

 

[Angelhalo]

A considerate person wouldn't put a trip over the health of their spouses loved one. I loved my Grandma very suddenly and I greatly value the life of my loved ones and the time I get to spend with them..you can bet if one was ailing I would be postponing a trip to spend time with them.

I can't imagine having a spouse that even thought a trip was a priority over spending time with a loved one in failing health.

It doesn't matter what the relationship is..Great Aunt or cousin or Uncle or parent..the point is it is a loved one and no vacation is more important than spending valuable time with that loved one.

In your opinion.

 

[Tozzie]

WTH?!!? I feel like I have entered a twilight zone...You jump on the wife yet have nothing for DH? I agree marriage is definitely about compromise but sometimes one side has to give in to the other. If she feels the relationship with the aunt is strong and close, why shouldn't she cancel and DH support her? She said "much to my dismay" showing a close relationship.

When it comes to illness or death--no damn vacation is that important--especially when it has been rescheduled only three months from now.

OP, wishing you support as you go through this tough time with your aunt.

The wife sounds like its my way or the highway, if she didn't post, "I told DH" that was not a compromise or discussion she made the decision and she was wrong to handle it the way she did, I think she needs to grow up.

 

[Ppufi]

WTH?!!? I feel like I have entered a twilight zone...You jump on the wife yet have nothing for DH? I agree marriage is definitely about compromise but sometimes one side has to give in to the other. If she feels the relationship with the aunt is strong and close, why shouldn't she cancel and DH support her? She said "much to my dismay" showing a close relationship.

When it comes to illness or death--no damn vacation is that important--especially when it has been rescheduled only three months from now.

OP, wishing you support as you go through this tough time with your aunt.

I'm just as confused as you are. Obviously this woman must have a relationship with her great-aunt. In a marriage, you should be able to get some flack if one of your family members is dying, for Pete's sake! I feel like, if the situation was reversed, this woman's husband wouldn't be very happy with his wife for not supporting his idea to stay home to be with a dying relative.

It's always the woman who's at fault in threads like these...

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

OP, I hope your Great Aunt recovers.

Your DH has his vacation, so don't worry about his hissy overmuch. Your priorities are to put a vacation on hold when someone you love may be dying. I think those are pretty good priorities, but that doesn't matter at all; what I think. It only matters what you think and what you need to do.

Congratulations on your being accepted to med school!

 

[Coconut36]

In your opinion.

To me that is common courtesy. Anyone who would even throw a fit or object to their spouse spending time with their ailing loved one is not a kind person..they are selfish and self absorbed.

 

[declansdad]

Curious. did you discuss this with your husband or just tell him the trip was changed?

 

[Coconut36]

The wife sounds like its my way or the highway, if she didn't post, "I told DH" that was not a compromise or discussion she made the decision and she was wrong to handle it the way she did, I think she needs to grow up.

The OP great aunt is clearly not in good health..if her condition is deteriorating I see no issue at all in saying "We can not go now because I can't leave her when she is this ill". A good person would understand what is and and is not important. Ailing family member important..vacation not. In my own marriage it wouldn't cross either of our minds to put something petty like a vacation over the health of a family member.

 

[JessicaR]

To me that is common courtesy. Anyone who would even throw a fit or object to their spouse spending time with their ailing loved one is not a kind person..they are selfish and self absorbed.

I agree. Common courtesy - doesn't count for much around here.

 

[Angelhalo]

To me that is common courtesy. Anyone who would even throw a fit or object to their spouse spending time with their ailing loved one is not a kind person..they are selfish and self absorbed.

To me that is common courtesy. Anyone who would demand that their spouse do what they say rather than having a civilized discussion about it is not a kind person..they are selfish and self absorbed.

 

[JessicaR]

To me that is common courtesy. Anyone who would demand that their spouse do what they say rather than having a civilized discussion about it is not a kind person..they are selfish and self absorbed.

Did she demand? Was there no conversation? I had no idea we were privy to those facts.

 

[Angelhalo]

Did she demand? Was there no conversation? I had no idea we were privy to those facts.

I told DH on friday that we needed to put the trip on the back burner. He wasn't happy!

.

 

[abdmom]

Did she demand? Was there no conversation? I had no idea we were privy to those facts.

That's what the OP said. She said she "told" her dh the trip was cancelled. That's the part I am having a hard time with.

 

[Poohforyou]

We're only getting one side of the story so I'll take the op saying a grown man had a temper tantrum with a grain of salt. However I don't blame him for being irritated for the sole reason that it doesn't seem there was any discussion about this just the op telling her dh how things would be. Regardless of family dynamics a couple should discuss their needs not order eachother around.

 

[Angelhalo]

That's what the OP said. She said she "told" her dh the trip was cancelled. That's the part I am having a hard time with.

Ditto.