DH needs to GROW UP.

[pigletgirl]

DH and I were supposed to head to Florida yesterday for Disney, however prior to us leaving my great aunt fell ill. She ended up passing out and vomitting and her status is deteriorating. I told DH back on thursday to be on notice to change the date of our trip. Much to my dismay, she has gotten much worse since and I told DH on friday that we needed to put the trip on the back burner. He wasn't happy! We rebooked for May.

He threw a fit like toddler and went on this entire rant that I'm putting my needs before his (his need being a trip...) and that we weren't going to get a trip in this year. (I was accepted into Med school this fall! ) It was all soooo irrational, and it got to the point that he slept on the couch.

He got to have his superbowl sunday with his buddies, but man, his attitude is awful!

Sorry, needed to vent that out.

 

[prncess674]

So I think you sound irrational and completely inflexible.

 

[hereyago]

I could never deal with that sort of behavior from a man. I don't act that way as a woman and I'd be going out and buying him a rattle and pacifier and tell him when he can act like an adult, then he can come back to the big boy's room.

Sorry about your great aunt. Congrats on the medical school.

 

[luvsJack]

So I think you sound irrational and completely inflexible.

So, she should have just went on the trip although her aunt may die during the time they are gone??

 

[pigletgirl]

So I think you sound irrational and completely inflexible.

Me? My family comes before vacation.

 

[abdmom]

Your great aunt is sick? Does your great aunt live with you? How is that a crisis that requires the cancellation of a trip? Shouldn't you discuss things with your dh and make decisions as a team rather than you telling him that you've made a decision that affects both of you?

 

[prncess674]

People can hang on for months. You can't stop life because someone "may" die. I say go, and if the worst happens then come back early. But in this day and age of non refundable airfare I wouldn't change. Is the OP the sole caregiver of the aunt?

It sounds Like the OP is treating her DH like a child by making a unilateral decision about what should be a joint partner decision.

 

[abdmom]

Me? My family comes before vacation.

Your dh is your family.

 

[Angelhalo]

Your great aunt is sick? Does your great aunt live with you? How is that a crisis that requires the cancellation of a trip? Shouldn't you discuss things with your dh and make decisions as a team rather than you telling him that you've made a decision that affects both of you?

People can hang on for months. You can't stop life because someone "may" die. I say go, and if the worst happens then come back early. But in this day and age of non refundable airfare I wouldn't change. Is the OP the sole caregiver of the aunt?

It sounds Like the OP is treating her DH like a child by making a unilateral decision about what should be a joint partner decision.

Your dh is your family.

I have to agree. Great Aunt? It isn't like it was one of your parents. (Unless perhaps she raised you or something. You didn't state that, so we don't know) I think I would have visited her and then gone on vacation. At the very least, I would have had a rational conversation with DH as equals to come to a consensus instead of just mandating everything like a dictator. But, hey, that's me. Neither of us have ever slept on the couch....unless we were sick. LOL!

 

[acejka]

I'm sorry did he forget that you rebooked for May?? Isn't that this year?

 

[goofy!]

DH and I were supposed to head to Florida yesterday for Disney, however prior to us leaving my great aunt fell ill. She ended up passing out and vomitting and her status is deteriorating. I told DH back on thursday to be on notice to change the date of our trip. Much to my dismay, she has gotten much worse since and I told DH on friday that we needed to put the trip on the back burner. He wasn't happy! We rebooked for May.

He threw a fit like toddler and went on this entire rant that I'm putting my needs before his (his need being a trip...) and that we weren't going to get a trip in this year. (I was accepted into Med school this fall! ) It was all soooo irrational, and it got to the point that he slept on the couch.

He got to have his superbowl sunday with his buddies, but man, his attitude is awful!

Sorry, needed to vent that out.

Are you the primary care taker of the Aunt? Are you the one who is in charge to get her to the hospital when she is ill? Do you medical power of attorney that necessitates you being at the hospital if she is ill?

I don't know the relationship between your great aunt and yourself, so I cannot judge whether this was a situation where cancelling a trip is warranted.

However, from what little you post, it does sound like you need to involve your husband more.

He is your family, your primary family now. If he is not being treated as the most important family to you, then he is right.

It sounds like you should have discussed this with him, not make a unilateral decision and tell him it is being canceled. It sounds like he needs a vacation as much or more than you need to be home with your relatives. A mutual compromise should have been reached.

The fact that you said "He got his Superbowl day with his buddies" does sound like you do think of yourself first as this is pretty petty.

Congrats on your med school acceptance.

 

[Goofyluver]

I hope he doesn't read the DIS. He may have an opinion as well.

 

[luvsJack]

Your great aunt is sick? Does your great aunt live with you? How is that a crisis that requires the cancellation of a trip? Shouldn't you discuss things with your dh and make decisions as a team rather than you telling him that you've made a decision that affects both of you?

Maybe she is close to her great-aunt, or maybe she feels she will need to be there for her mother or grandmother if this lady passes.

I would expect my husband to be a grown up and know full well that we would have to put the trip off; just as he would expect me to understand if it was his family member.

People can hang on for months. You can't stop life because someone "may" die. I say go, and if the worst happens then come back early. But in this day and age of non refundable airfare I wouldn't change. Is the OP the sole caregiver of the aunt?

It sounds Like the OP is treating her DH like a child by making a unilateral decision about what should be a joint partner decision.

No, it sounds like her dh is ACTING like a child. If there is a family emergency, any adult should understand that a vacation will have to be rescheduled.

If she wants to be with her aunt, "coming back early" would not be enough.

 

[okeydokey]

Wow, so Disney at all cost, even if a loved family member is seriously ill?

My priority would not be on a vacation that could be (and has been ) rescheduled.

 

[disney4us2002]

Your great aunt is sick? Does your great aunt live with you? How is that a crisis that requires the cancellation of a trip? Shouldn't you discuss things with your dh and make decisions as a team rather than you telling him that you've made a decision that affects both of you?

I agree with this. A great aunt? I'm not sure I even know any of my great aunts. I surely would not postpone a trip for a distant, elderly relative unless parent or grandparent. I can understand your dh's disappointment. It sounds like you're putting "your family" (your words) before your relationship with your dh.

 

[Angelhalo]

Wow, so Disney at all cost, even if a loved family member is seriously ill?

My priority would not be on a vacation that could be (and has been ) rescheduled.

It isn't about a vacation. My priority would be being the best equal partner that I could to my husband rather than just telling him what is going to happen.

 

[Mandychelle79]

I felt guilty taking a 2 day weekend when my grandfather was ill, but honestly it was what my family (me, my husband and kids) needed at the time. Knowing my grandfather, if I would have canceled a trip to Disney with my kids ( he loved Disney too) he would have came back to haunt me after his death. Sadly he passed away 1/27, but my kids have a great last memory of him. My son gave him the matchbox car he got during our weekend trip the night before he passed and he was playing with it and laughing.

 

[ToddyLu]

WTH?!!? I feel like I have entered a twilight zone...You jump on the wife yet have nothing for DH? I agree marriage is definitely about compromise but sometimes one side has to give in to the other. If she feels the relationship with the aunt is strong and close, why shouldn't she cancel and DH support her? She said "much to my dismay" showing a close relationship.

When it comes to illness or death--no damn vacation is that important--especially when it has been rescheduled only three months from now.

OP, wishing you support as you go through this tough time with your aunt.

 

[JessicaR]

I could never presume the relationship you have with your Great Aunt. If you aren't comfortable going on vacation at this time that is your prerogative.

I hope you and your husband work it all out and get that trip that you both would enjoy, soon!

 

[acejka]

I agree with this. A great aunt? I'm not sure I even know any of my great aunts. I surely would not postpone a trip for a distant, elderly relative unless parent or grandparent. I can understand your dh's disappointment. It sounds like you're putting "your family" (your words) before your relationship with your dh.

Maybe her family is like mine, I know all of my great aunts and regularly talk to them on the phone, I used to visit them often when I lived in VA, now whenever I come up to visit we all make an effort to get together while I am there. I just have a super close extended family I guess...