DH left...

[DisneyLovingMama]

I've been laying low all week because my life has turned upside down.

Evidently, the car accident was too much for my H. He left tonight to start living with his girlfriend. I suspected he was having an emotional affair with her, but didn't realize it had become physical. She is his subordinate at work and 7 years his junior.

We've been in discussions all week about our future. He told me on Saturday that he thought he loved her and no longer loved me. He said that we married too young and are no longer in the same place. The woman he "loves" is much more his speed. He also can't handle the kids and says I ask too much of him with regards to them.

The final straw was his reaction to our DD tonight. She did something very bad at school. Before he got home, I discussed it with her, laid out a current punishment and outlined future consequences. I reassured her I loved her and that I was mad at what she did. H came home, saw the note from the teacher and just flipped on DD, and was very emotionally abusive, then spanked her. I sent DD to her room and told him to get out and go live with his girlfriend - he had wanted to earlier in the week, but I cried and begged him not to. Why, I don't know.

So, I have to figure out what lawyer to call and I already have our financial papers in a row. I have transferred the majority of our money into our money market - sometheing he can't touch with his MAC card. He could feasibly log on and tranfer it out of the money market to our checking, but I don't think he even knows our log on (his choice, not mine - he couldn't be bothered).

Anyway, prayers and pixie dust please, it's going to be a long road ahead. I'm almost relieved, in an odd way.

 

[grlpwrd]

I've been laying low all week because my life has turned upside down.

Evidently, the car accident was too much for my H. He left tonight to start living with his girlfriend. I suspected he was having an emotional affair with her, but didn't realize it had become physical. She is his subordinate at work and 7 years his junior.

We've been in discussions all week about our future. He told me on Saturday that he thought he loved her and no longer loved me. He said that we married too young and are no longer in the same place. The woman he "loves" is much more his speed. He also can't handle the kids and says I ask too much of him with regards to them.

The final straw was his reaction to our DD tonight. She did something very bad at school. Before he got home, I discussed it with her, laid out a current punishment and outlined future consequences. I reassured her I loved her and that I was mad at what she did. H came home, saw the note from the teacher and just flipped on DD, and was very emotionally abusive, then spanked her. I sent DD to her room and told him to get out and go live with his girlfriend - he had wanted to earlier in the week, but I cried and begged him not to. Why, I don't know.

So, I have to figure out what lawyer to call and I already have our financial papers in a row. I have transferred the majority of our money into our money market - sometheing he can't touch with his MAC card. He could feasibly log on and tranfer it out of the money market to our checking, but I don't think he even knows our log on (his choice, not mine - he couldn't be bothered).

Anyway, prayers and pixie dust please, it's going to be a long road ahead. I'm almost relieved, in an odd way.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

im so sorry
but to be honest if all it took was the car accident to make him leave he didnt wanna be there
you can do this !!
you can still have a good life !!!!
its gonna be hard real hard at first but like i already said you can do it !!!!

 

[Kahana-ri]

I am so sorry to hear this. Stay strong and breath...

 

[DVCLiz]

Many hugs to you - it's a major upheaval, but it sounds like the right thing to do. Those emotional affairs can be just as ugly as the real thing - I know because that's exactly what happened to me.

My exDH kept our joint checking account when we separated. He had no idea I still had access to that account - it never occurred to him to change the password (his Social Security number.) I looked it up every day until he stopped using the checks with both our names on it - I knew exactly how much he spent on his new car the same day he bought it.

Get a good lawyer and remember that a new beginning is just around the corner for you and your children...and do something for yourself every day!

 

[lyeag]

Hang in there....

 

[Dan Murphy]

Good wishes ahead, hoping all goes well in the long run.

 

[twinklebug]

It sounds like he's been abusing his relationship with you as well as his daughter for too long. Good for you for having the guts to tell him to pack up and go. I know it'll be the best thing in the long run for you and the kids.

 

[justhat]

I'll be praying for you that everything works out the best for you and your kids.

 

[Meezers]

Wow! No offense...you were right...you shouln't have begged him to stay!

Remember....he who has the best lawyer wins....and move that money to where he could not even know about it....this comes from experience!

I was so abused when I divorced my husband that I made some poor choices...like not taking half of his retirement (military). But those were my choices and I am HAPPY to live with them.

Best of luck and PM if you need a shoulder!

 

[swankybeth]

Just wanted to send some hugs and pixie dust your way!

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

Thanks for the hugs. It's been crazy. I know what happened with DD at school today was her acting out. We've been trying to keep it from her, but the kid is really perceptive. So, my first objective is to protect her. DH hasn't been great to her, but never as blatantly abusive as today. She was devastated. Therefore, I was.

Anyone with experience know what happens to the house? I really can't afford it on my own, but hate to have to leave this place. I know it sounds stupid, but I love it here. The kids rooms are done, we have a swingset. I cry every time I think of leaving and having to live in an apartment or something. I know, it's the trees and not the forest, but all I'm obsessing about now.

I don't want to move the money to where he can't touch it because I don't want to be accused of stealing it. I guess I'll have to talk to the lawyer.

 

[DStar4cup]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You did the right thing by having him leave. Try to stay strong for the kids. I know it will be hard but it is amazing what we can do when we have to.

 

[Lil_Tink]

Im so sorry...

 

[jenimay]

I'm so sorry. No matter what a jerk he is today there will always be fond memories that you can't erase. You'll make it through through! Your dd is lucky to have you as a mom

Jeni

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

 

[Dee & Greg]

but be strong for yourself and your children.

I thought I had been going through a lot lately (pretty much being "forced out" after 15 years at work). It's been emotional, but DH has made everything bearable.

Don't mean to turn the focus to me, I just have sympathy for you. Can't imagine not having the emotional support.
Please post here... even though it's cyberspace, we really care.

 

[TwingleMum]

I believe you live in NY? Its not stealing if you are on the account. MOVE the money tomarrow where he can't touch it. Believe me you made need it very soon. Ask around and find a very good lawyer. Don't be Ms.Niceguy ~ I don't mean be a bi#*h but don't nice yourself into no money to function. And it sounds like DD needs couseling if shes acting out where you are receiving notes from school. Go up to school tomarrow and talk to her teacher. Good Luck, God Bless. Doesn't his office frown on this sort of thing??

 

[Marseeya]

I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself.