DH just told his mom that we are going to WDW and she is pi$$ed

[luvthemouse71]

OP, don't worry about it. There are people that think they can take money with them when they die. If you can afford the trip- just ignore her. You have to live life on your terms, she doesn't get a vote.

 

[EKW]

She is a saver and has a nice chunk of change in the bank and several investments that are doing well. She is the generation that thinks saving $$$ is the ONLY and right thing to do. She never vacationed until she was in her 60s.

Sadly, if she's like many in her generation she'll find out that what she gets for all that hard work is a year or so in private care in a nursing home...followed by a few years in a semi-private room on medicaid. Many younger people don't know this, but there are very few assets you're allowed to keep if you need to move to a care facility. And, unless they are moved to someone else more than a year before the need arises, they can't be transfered...the government gets first dibs. My aunt even had to sign her $5000 life-insurance policy over to a funeral home in order to get nursing care. In the end, all she had left was her wedding ring!

It's too bad that your MIL hasn't faced the facts...if she doesn't spend her money the way she wants to now, the odds are good that she's going to spend it anyway...and on things she'd rather not need.

Even worse, she may eventually become a burden on you because she refused to spend her money one the care she needs.

I wonder if someone...her pastor, for instance...might be able to help her develop a more relaxed attitude towards the issue.

 

[crisi]

Sadly, if she's like many in her generation she'll find out that what she gets for all that hard work is a year or so in private care in a nursing home...followed by a few years in a semi-private room on medicaid.

It's too bad that she hasn't faced the facts...if she doesn't spend her money the way she wants to now, the odds are good that she's going to spend it anyway...and on things she'd rather not need.

Even worse, she may eventually become a burden on you because she refused to spend her money one the care she needs.

I wonder if someone...her pastor, for instance...might be able to help her develop a more relaxed attitude towards the issue.

But is that all bad? Being able to provide something towards your long term care rather than becoming dependent on the State? Certainly her generation is also one that often doesn't like the idea of a handout. She may be ashamed to have spent money on something as frivolous as a vacation when it could have offset her long term care costs.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Well, family time is important but it doesn't have to happen at WDW.

Anyway, as others have said, it can be hard for a person of her generation to see someone spending so much money on something as fleeting as a vacation.

I have worked a lot with this population, and I hear two concerns frequently. They feel that the next generation doesn't understand how much it costs to get old, and they are concerned that the money they have saved throughout a lifetime will be used frivolously when they pass.

I have found their concerns to be legit for the most part.

 

[growinupdisney]

I have worked a lot with this population, and I hear two concerns frequently. They feel that the next generation doesn't understand how much it costs to get old, and they are concerned that the money they have saved throughout a lifetime will be used frivolously when they pass.

I have found their concerns to be legit for the most part.

My DMIL has all her affairs in order when she passes. My dh and I own her house she has life time rights. My dd3 gets a sizeable amount when she turns21 and there is more than enough to cover her college plus she lso has a college fund. My dh sisters are getting each share of her savings and my dh and I will get the reamaining in savings and the balance in her checking account.

I do love my DMIL she usually does not say much about vacations but this year she is. I gess because we have been to WDW every year my DH have been married. She knows I'm not frivoulous w/ $. I was single for 8 years before I married her son and managed to take care of my children and without borrowing a dime from anyone. When I was single I took my kids to WDW also if I had the $ never charged on cc, always paid cash. I had a part time job while my kids visited their dad on the weekends and other times they spent with him and this is the $ i used to take them on Vacation.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm not getting into this "different generation" thing, because my FIL would be 83 right now, and he was the biggest lying spendthrift around, and his father gambled their money away so that FIL had to work when he was 6 years old (selling newspapers). It's not a generational thing, it's a human thing.

But anyway.

My MIL goes on about things like that too, and we ignore her. If she gets on our cases about things, we stop visiting. We tried to give her alone time with DS for the first time in 2 years (when she ruined it by having a friend over and they spoke their native language the whole time, and DS doesn't know the language, and he felt sad), and she ruined that visit too. DS was made to feel sad and bad by his grandmother, and doesn't want to see her "until college" (he's 6).

Anyway, don't let her go on about it. YOu seem to be doing just fine, and as you said, she had a beach house, which had to cost some money to buy and keep up over the years...it's not like she took NO vacations.

She's very lucky that when she was ready to travel, she could. My MIL waited and waited and waited until her husband retired. after the third retirement (they had never lived together more than 3 months at a time, thanks to Navy, Merchant Marines, and private shipping companies, so he'd get home and inside a month he was looking for a new job) it finally "stuck", and then a year later he was dead. Having not filed taxes for 6 years (lying to MIL while doing turbotax which only requires signatures the first year). And now she lives on his pension, widow's SS, and gets to pay the IRS 50K back....no traveling for her, except for what her children provide her with (she doesn't complain about THAT, by the way).

Your MIL can have her opinions, but she doesn't get to ruin the fun of other people, especially when those people are doing just fine.

 

[Debbie Jean]

My DMIL has all her affairs in order when she passes. My dh and I own her house she has life time rights. My dd3 gets a sizeable amount when she turns21 and there is more than enough to cover her college plus she lso has a college fund. My dh sisters are getting each share of her savings and my dh and I will get the reamaining in savings and the balance in her checking account.

I do love my DMIL she usually does not say much about vacations but this year she is. I gess because we have been to WDW every year my DH have been married. She knows I'm not frivoulous w/ $. I was single for 8 years before I married her son and managed to take care of my children and without borrowing a dime from anyone. When I was single I took my kids to WDW also if I had the $ never charged on cc, always paid cash. I had a part time job while my kids visited their dad on the weekends and other times they spent with him and this is the $ i used to take them on Vacation.

You are trying to explain why she said what she did by looking at YOUR frame of reference. To understand why she said it, you need to look at HER... what in HER experience would account for this? If she has arranged all her financial affairs in such detail, I would imagine this is a topic which she is concerned about. You say she usually doesn't say much about the vacations but did this year... the question to ask yourself is why this year? What is different ... for HER??

 

[cheshireqt]

Ignore her. It is probably not about the $ anyway. Go enjoy yourself. You need absolutely no justification to spend your $ any way you choose and to go on vacation anywhere you choose. I get your frustration, does not matter her age. Rude and obnoxious knows no age limit!

 

[Colleen27]

Age and experience certainly play a role, but I also think part of it is just how a Disney vacation is perceived, especially when you go (as so many of us do) over and over again. My MIL thought our first family trip was a great idea, and didn't say much about the second or third. By trip #4 she was making not-so-subtle comments about the better things we could be spending our money on, and we haven't mentioned our upcoming trip yet at all because DH really doesn't want to hear it. For the most part my MIL and I get along beautifully, but she has a "once in a lifetime" attitude towards Disney and isn't shy about letting us know that she thinks we're wasting our money going as often as we do.

 

[GinnyEmma]

My DMIL has all her affairs in order when she passes. My dh and I own her house she has life time rights. My dd3 gets a sizeable amount when she turns21 and there is more than enough to cover her college plus she lso has a college fund. My dh sisters are getting each share of her savings and my dh and I will get the reamaining in savings and the balance in her checking account.

I do love my DMIL she usually does not say much about vacations but this year she is. I gess because we have been to WDW every year my DH have been married. She knows I'm not frivoulous w/ $. I was single for 8 years before I married her son and managed to take care of my children and without borrowing a dime from anyone. When I was single I took my kids to WDW also if I had the $ never charged on cc, always paid cash. I had a part time job while my kids visited their dad on the weekends and other times they spent with him and this is the $ i used to take them on Vacation.

My point is that they believe you are going to waste their money like they believe you are wasting yours.

As for spending down so the govt pays for you care, that is pathetic.

 

[r1lissa]

You can't take it with you so you might as well enjoy it! Have a great time!!! Don't let her both you.

I second this. No one lies on their deathbed wishing they had saved more money. They reminisce about the memories they had with loved ones.

 

[crisi]

I'm not getting into this "different generation" thing, because my FIL would be 83 right now, and he was the biggest lying spendthrift around, and his father gambled their money away so that FIL had to work when he was 6 years old (selling newspapers). It's not a generational thing, it's a human thing.

So was one of my grandmothers. Having been deprived as a child, she spent her life spending. (And most of it on CRAP). It is a human thing - but humans are shaped by what they experience. What their reaction is to that experience is different, but it isn't unusual for someone in their 80s to be very frugal and find vacations to be extravagant.

 

[cheshireqt]

Age and experience certainly play a role, but I also think part of it is just how a Disney vacation is perceived, especially when you go (as so many of us do) over and over again. My MIL thought our first family trip was a great idea, and didn't say much about the second or third. By trip #4 she was making not-so-subtle comments about the better things we could be spending our money on, and we haven't mentioned our upcoming trip yet at all because DH really doesn't want to hear it. For the most part my MIL and I get along beautifully, but she has a "once in a lifetime" attitude towards Disney and isn't shy about letting us know that she thinks we're wasting our money going as often as we do.

Great point!

 

[shortbun]

Why are you getting an 8500K tax return. Something is seriously wrong. You could have turned that money into more money but you let the government use it. THAT is what your MIL should be talking to you about!!! lol! Let her vent. She's probably sitting on a chunk of money she'll have trouble spending even when she's sick and needs it. Irrational fears about money trouble a lot of people. Sounds like you guys have it worked out pretty well-I'm sure you'll correct that tax deduction problem, right? That's no way to save money for vacation.

 

[BMC423]

My vacation, my $, and (unless I owe you money), my business.

couldn't have said it better myself... I have one of those mil and fil and like the op they live 3 mins away, they also don't see the point of A WDW vacation and don't agree with it at all. Now they have never said that to me or dh but i've heard them mention it to my bil

 

[telephoneman66]

if you're debt free but the house and can pay for the vacation in cash, take the vacation. However, he'd jump your butt for giving the Goverment an intrest free loan of $8500 !! Come on, lower that witholding and don't let those pigs suck you dry....Have fun !!

 

[Leajess99]

Do you realize that by getting a 8500 tax return you are giving up over $326 from you paycheck (assuming biweekly pay).

That aside if you have a 6 month emergency fund and no debt then by all means pay cash and go on vacation! No one know how much time we are going to be given here on earth.

Not necessarily true as I know someone getting over $8000 back and it is because of all the earned income credit and whatnot. She does not make much money.

 

[Leajess99]

No we got the tax credit because we sold our house and bought a new one in April of last year plus my dh has his real estate license he got the "comission" off the sell of the house. Our trip is paid for cash only we do not use cc.

That is awesome and congrats!! Enjoy your trip and don't worry about you MIL. Your kids are only little once.

 

[Soarin_04]

MIL sounds like she has "Depression Era mentality." My mom was the same way.

I used to kind of give into that kind of guilt until the hubs came home from work one day and told me about a conversation he had with an older guy he works with. Older guy and his wife NEVER took a vacation together. They bought stuff -- new cars, stuff for their kids, all kinds of expensive toys, etc. -- but they never went away. Older guy said, "You know, I envy how you and your wife take vacations and do small road trips and weekends away. We never did that with our kids, and that's one thing I regret."

He never got the chance -- A few months later, he dropped dead of a heart attack.

Go and enjoy your trip with your family.

And if you want to really tick her off? Bring her back some personalized mouse ears!!!

 

[MrsPete]

If you live in her basement, she has a right to complain.
If she's feeding and/or clothing your kids, she has a right to complain.
If you're driving her car because you can't afford one of your own, she has a right to complain.
If you've been forced to ask her for money to pay bills, she has a right to complain.
If your choices have affected her financially in any way, she has a right to complain.

Otherwise, it's your own business.