DH just told his mom that we are going to WDW and she is pi$$ed

[growinupdisney]

My mother is giving me the same grief over our upcoming trip to Hilton Head. She thinks we should be spending the money on other things that are "more important". What she doesn't understand is that about 90% of the trip is being paid for with gift cards and rewards dollars that cannot be spent on anything but travel. Yes, the trip will be about $1800, but only about $200 of that is money that could be used elsewhere. I belong to so many rewards programs that I've been able to save up a bunch of "freebies". She just doesn't understand that this trip is costing us NOTHING out of our savings account...not even our VACATION savings account. DH is a full-time police officer and I am a full-time paramedic. He works days, I work nights so that our children have only 4 hours a week of "daycare" (at grandma and grandpa's house). Since we have only one day a week that we are all together, our vacation time is extremely important to us. My mom is certainly entitled to her opinion, but it isn't going to change anything....



I'm debating explaining to MIL that our trip is not costing us as much as she probably thinks. My grandparents gave me $1000 for christmas(my sister gets the same) I gave $500 to my DH to help with bills over Christmas because with all the extra expenses around the holidays. I used the other $500 to pay for our room (we had a pin) so I only had $200 left to pay on that. We have American Express rewards and Visa rewards that covered that plus for the tickets. I also just got a rebate Visa card fro $100 dollars from getting a new cell phone. My b-day is next month I will get $500 from grandparents(this what I get every year) and will use towards food and spending there. So the $1000 we were going to use from taxes was for special extras but we would never have used the whole amount. Now, I'm debating even using that now. and Explaining to her this trip is mostly funded through my Christmas and birthday presents and I think if I want to spend my birthday and christmas $$ on myself and family I should. I also put away atleast $200 a month from my working into account for extras, vacation, christmas, braces, college etc. My dh pays all our bills with his paychecks and I recieve child support for my older 2 children that goes to their needs.

I wish I could ignore her but these things eat at me.

 

[Schmoodle]

My vacation, my $, and (unless I owe you money), my business.

 

[KELLY]

My inlaws are sort of the same. We are getting a large refund like you. We have just our mortgage payment and one credit card left. We go every year and I'm sure they think it is a waste. But dh works very hard and needs a vacation every year. I don;'t really see what there issue is with it we have never onced borrowed money from them in fact they owe us money.

 

[Green Tea]

It's your money....don't worry about what your MIL says. If you do worry about what she thinks, then don't tell her.

 

[LilyWDW]

And that is why we have not mentioned our upcoming trip to anyone besides those who NEED to know (employers, my dad because he will watch the dog, ect). We don't want to hear about "how can we afford it?" or "I wish I could afford to take a vacation." or "must be nice to be able to do those things". I mean, I'm sorry, but I have been saving and planning this trip since 2007. We had to postpone the trip to this year (we were supposed to go last year) because I decided to go back to school.

It's your money, you have made the decision as to what to do with that money, and MIL has no say in it. Don't allow her to put a damper on your trip!

 

[marcemc]

Go & have tons of fun with your family. Be at peace with your decision & ENJOY, so often we go through life but don't enjoy it.

Life is about balance, besides, you sound responsible enough to have a "guilt free" vacation

 

[Halloweenqueen]

People are just judgemental over spending.

My family enjoys experiences over material things. We own one car, take public transportation when we can. We downsized our home when we moved. We don't buy expensive clothes, etc.

It is our choice. Some family members who struggle with their BMW payments always have something to say about our vacations.

I've given up trying to explain my reasoning. Just enjoy yourself.

 

[Marionnette]

I'm debating explaining to MIL that our trip is not costing us as much as she probably thinks. My grandparents gave me $1000 for christmas(my sister gets the same) I gave $500 to my DH to help with bills over Christmas because with all the extra expenses around the holidays. I used the other $500 to pay for our room (we had a pin) so I only had $200 left to pay on that. We have American Express rewards and Visa rewards that covered that plus for the tickets. I also just got a rebate Visa card fro $100 dollars from getting a new cell phone. My b-day is next month I will get $500 from grandparents(this what I get every year) and will use towards food and spending there. So the $1000 we were going to use from taxes was for special extras but we would never have used the whole amount. Now, I'm debating even using that now. and Explaining to her this trip is mostly funded through my Christmas and birthday presents and I think if I want to spend my birthday and christmas $$ on myself and family I should. I also put away atleast $200 a month from my working into account for extras, vacation, christmas, braces, college etc. My dh pays all our bills with his paychecks and I recieve child support for my older 2 children that goes to their needs.

I wish I could ignore her but these things eat at me.

You don't owe your mother in law a detailed explanation of your vacation finances. It really isn't going to change her POV one iota. She is from a different generation with a different perspective on the way money should be handled.

My in laws are from the same generation. They've taught us a lot about financial responsibility. We have gotten some very good advice from them over the years. But one thing that we do not see eye to eye on is vacationing. While they are content to sit home and enjoy quiet activities like play pinochle at the senior center, we prefer to get out and see the world. The only thing we tell them is that it's paid for and the grandkids are not going to starve and go barefoot because of it.

 

[okeydokey]

Let her bothered by it if she wants to be, but don't let yourself be bothered by it. If she is angry, the problem in completely hers and not yours.

 

[poohfriend]

Let her bothered by it if she wants to be, but don't let yourself be bothered by it. If she is angry, the problem in completely hers and not yours.

I wouldn't explain yourself at all. You do a lot for her. Now, your vacation is for you and she doesn't get a vote.

move on. Try not to let her opinion bother you.

 

[growinupdisney]

Thanks everyone!

 

[crisi]

Go. But I agree with the previous posters. She lived through the Great Depression. She then lived through WWII. There were twenty years in this country where money was really tight, food could be scarce, and people really suffered. For a lot of people of her generation, saving isn't something thats "nice" - saving is the difference between eating and not eating. And when times got better, you bought war bonds and your life was still not that much better.

Someone her age on another board I'm on was recently talking about the Great Depression and this recession. When that person got her first job, she worked for a grocer Monday - Friday. She got meals from the grocer while she worked (mostly apples and bread). She didn't eat on Saturday or Sunday - her pay pretty much just covered her rent (and she shared a room). I don't think we can reallly understand the level of suffering people went through then - and how that shaped their lives.

Also, as we age our childhoods often become much more vivid than our more recent memories. Those memories of that time may be the strongest ones she has right now. Also, grasp of money can go as well....as in "I still can't believe hamburger is more than $.99/lb - and I'm only 44!" Can you imagine how much money $8,000 sounds like it is to someone who is 84!

Even though we can never REALLY understand, a little understanding can help your frustration with her. Then slap your husband upside the head and remind him that his mother worries excessively about your finances and that he shouldn't worry her by telling her what she doesn't need to know.

 

[DisneyCrafter]

People are always going to say what they want to say but remember that it's just an opinion. I'm still working on realizing that no matter what ANYONE says, it's ultimately me and DH and OUR lives together that are important. Who cares what anyone else says??? I don't know what I would do without vacations to look forward to!!!

 

[disykat]

Your MIL is 84, I think you just have to ignore.

My parents vacation, always have, but as they get older it seems they are getting more and more negative. Every negative thought they have comes spewing right out, LOL! Luckily, they just acted puzzled about our last WDW trip. They can't imagine why we wanted to go when we just went 10 years ago!

We really had to laugh the last time we saw them, now my Dad is getting started on my senior who's headed to college next year. He read my son the riot act about how a nearby college was good enough and he didn't need to get fancy ideas about going across the country. The last time we visited, the lecture was about how he needed to spread his wings and look further from home for schools!

 

[Sadie22]

I also want to add that as people age they can begin to develop slight age-related or disease-related changes that may not be immediately apparent to those who see the person often because the changes are so slight and so gradual. The inhibitions may start to gradually go so that the older person says things that years ago they may not have, or they become more negative than they were. The older person may become more worried about loved ones and herself. Be alert to these as signs of aging and possible beginnings of dementia.

Your DMIL is probably doing fine for someone her age. She does not need to have details about your finances other than your DH's assurance that his family is comfortable and that DMIL does not need to worry about this. She may need to know who will be checking on her while you all are away.

 

[Ava]

My MIL is the same way and she is 81. You have to remember the time in which they grew up. Right after/during the Great Depression and times were tough. Their generation is used to working hard for very little money.

My grandparents were from the same generation (born in 1921 & 1922) and of the same mindset. They never went on vacation beyond a weekend at a local beach until they were in their 60s & my grandfather was retired. I don't know anything about my grandfather's childhood but I know my grandmother was the youngest of 12 children & times were difficult for them during the Depression. She was very much of the "clean your plate" & "waste not want not" mindset because of her childhood experiences.

 

[mom2val]

I feel that as long as dh are paying for our trip, not asking ANYONE for financial help, and taking care of all of our financial needs/obligation... it's not anyones business how often we vacation, where we go or what we spend!

I do feel your pain about MIL being a spolier. Mine sees nothing wrong with spending $$$$ on European vacations but bashes us for "wasting money and rotting our dd's brain with Disney".

 

[pyrxtc]

well, with everything that has happened in the past few months or even the past year with our family, we are full ahead on planning vacations. There is no time like the present and you never know what is going to happen in life, enjoy it while you can. Of course we afford it if we can financially also. We won't go into to debt to go places.

Let her complain to you and just ignore it. Just don't talk about upcoming vacations again with her.

 

[Vijoge]

My vacation, my $, and (unless I owe you money), my business.

 

[Debbie Jean]

Go. But I agree with the previous posters. She lived through the Great Depression. She then lived through WWII. There were twenty years in this country where money was really tight, food could be scarce, and people really suffered. For a lot of people of her generation, saving isn't something thats "nice" - saving is the difference between eating and not eating. And when times got better, you bought war bonds and your life was still not that much better.

Someone her age on another board I'm on was recently talking about the Great Depression and this recession. When that person got her first job, she worked for a grocer Monday - Friday. She got meals from the grocer while she worked (mostly apples and bread). She didn't eat on Saturday or Sunday - her pay pretty much just covered her rent (and she shared a room). I don't think we can reallly understand the level of suffering people went through then - and how that shaped their lives.

Also, as we age our childhoods often become much more vivid than our more recent memories. Those memories of that time may be the strongest ones she has right now. Also, grasp of money can go as well....as in "I still can't believe hamburger is more than $.99/lb - and I'm only 44!" Can you imagine how much money $8,000 sounds like it is to someone who is 84!

Even though we can never REALLY understand, a little understanding can help your frustration with her. Then slap your husband upside the head and remind him that his mother worries excessively about your finances and that he shouldn't worry her by telling her what she doesn't need to know.

Yes, this!

My dear dad was also a child of the depression, the eldest of nine, and served overseas in WWII. He was very frugal... we used to say he could squeeze a quarter till it cried But it really was a part of his nature.... I don't think anyone can imagine what it was like to grow up then... money was tight, life was hard and everyone had to pitch in...

My father always believed there was fun to be had at little or no cost and when he was in his 80's he continued to ride his bike, ice skate and swim. Fancy vacations? As dad would say, nah, who needs those... give him a beach and a barbecue and he was all set... I have great memories of those times from my childhood

OP, my dear day passed away 2 years ago and I miss him everyday of my life... 84 years means you really don't know how much time you have left... I know it can be aggravating and annoying when you feel someone is judging you and questioning your decisions... try to be patient and enjoy the time you have together... I love the idea of talking to her about her own childhood and younger days... do that if you haven't already... it will give you an entirely new filter to understand her perspectives...

BTW, when my folks began their married life eating cold beans on a suitcase... by the time dad passed they owned a nice home and had put 3 children through college...