DH just told his mom that we are going to WDW and she is pi$$ed

[queenbetsey]

Please do not let Mrs. grouchypants make you feel like you need to justify going on vacation. Look if you were going into debt to do this then that would be a different story. My MIL also went through the depression but she does not harp on us about going on vacation to wdw. she knows we work hard and save up to do these things. Wish we had started going when the kids were young. never really looked into it as we thought it was too expensive. what we did do was save up and get passes for dl which is an hour away. but we did not go into debt so she not only is ok with it but even watches stanley the wonder dog for us. i also know that her opinion does matter to you that cannot be helped she is family just wish she could be more supportive. hey some folks dump the kids with grandma and worry about taking only grownup vacations i think it is wonderful that you all go together as a family. my youngest graduates and goes off to college next year and I will miss the whole family going together. go and have fun and enjoy every minute of this family time!

 

[EclecticWAHM]

I'm debating explaining to MIL that our trip is not costing us as much as she probably thinks. My grandparents gave me $1000 for christmas(my sister gets the same) I gave $500 to my DH to help with bills over Christmas because with all the extra expenses around the holidays. I used the other $500 to pay for our room (we had a pin) so I only had $200 left to pay on that. We have American Express rewards and Visa rewards that covered that plus for the tickets. I also just got a rebate Visa card fro $100 dollars from getting a new cell phone. My b-day is next month I will get $500 from grandparents(this what I get every year) and will use towards food and spending there. So the $1000 we were going to use from taxes was for special extras but we would never have used the whole amount. Now, I'm debating even using that now. and Explaining to her this trip is mostly funded through my Christmas and birthday presents and I think if I want to spend my birthday and christmas $$ on myself and family I should. I also put away atleast $200 a month from my working into account for extras, vacation, christmas, braces, college etc. My dh pays all our bills with his paychecks and I recieve child support for my older 2 children that goes to their needs.

I wish I could ignore her but these things eat at me.

Absolutely NOT! You shouldn't explain a thing to her. Your finances are none of her business and it sounds like with her attitude, it doesn't matter where the money comes from, she'd still say you should save it or something. You don't owe her any explanation!

 

[SDSorority]

she thinks we should save every dollar we have and not do vacations. She is 84 and thinks its stupid to waste our $$ and not save it all. My dh told her we got more back for taxes so we were going(even though we already had the trip planned months ago) We are getting $8500 back this year and we are only using about $1000 of it and the rest is going in to savings. We are able to afford the trip with not even using tax $ but thhought we would take about $1000 since it's anniversary and do some special things!

I just hate when people say you don't need to go and save your $$. We own our house have no cc debt our cars are just about paid for. All bills are paid on time and have $$ in savings! We deserve to take family vacations, my dh works 60 hrs a week and only gets 2 weeks vacation. One week is usually at WDW and another is in Myrtle Beach(that my grandparents pay for..family reunion). My dd will be graduating next year and our family vacations maybe getting less altogether with her going to college. I remember all my family vacations to WDW as a child and I want my kids to have those special memories. Yes, $$ is savings is goodand we have that but family time is just as important too.

My FIL says "save early, save often." My Dad says "don't save it all until later- there may not BE a later..."

We save very VERY aggressively, but we MUST take a vacation every year for our own sanity. What is life if you just work and save? Enjoy life. Take your vacation- it's much better for your mental health to take a break and enjoy doing something you like to do.

 

[djblu883]

I had that same kind of conversation with my family over the last 2 weeks. I work HARD and don't get to take a paid vacation because of the kind of work I do so I have to save for that as well as pay for my vacation...I was asked if I stopped taking Disney vacations could I not pay off my debt more quickly....maybe by a few months but then I'd be so tired without the break I might not even care !!!! I don't have credit cards but do have debt and I'm single so I don't have help to pay those off....Ignore your MIL and enjoy your family vacation! Kids grow up too fast and those memories will all be just that!!! Hope your trip is totally magical!!!

 

[ChisJo]

My parents get like that every now and then about travelling. I think in a way they just don't understand how important it is to us to get educated all over the world. Pictures don't do anything justice. Actually being in the presence is totally different, and no one can understand it until they've done it themselves. My parents never travelled as children, but now with the internet, I think people want to see what pictures are trying to tell them. Continue to travel, and don't let others ruin your happiness. Its none of her business what you do with your money that you worked for. If we had listened to my parents, we wouldn't have gone to Hawaii, Scotland, Britain, Wales, Ireland, Puerto Rico, Eastern Canada, and Orlando, and the experience was worth every single cent!

 

[cajunbaby1]

This is why I'm sooo glad NOT to have a MIL anymore . I agree, as long as your bills, etc are all taken care of and it seems like you guys save for the future. To heck with what she thinks ( cause she's always gonna think she is right and you are wrong)--well maybe not always.

Go and have a wonderful time with your family.

 

[okeydokey]

Why are you getting an 8500K tax return. Something is seriously wrong. You could have turned that money into more money but you let the government use it. THAT is what your MIL should be talking to you about!!! lol! Let her vent. She's probably sitting on a chunk of money she'll have trouble spending even when she's sick and needs it. Irrational fears about money trouble a lot of people. Sounds like you guys have it worked out pretty well-I'm sure you'll correct that tax deduction problem, right? That's no way to save money for vacation.

I believe the OP said it was a home buying credit.

 

[sk!mom]

[

I'm debating explaining to MIL that our trip is not costing us as much as she probably thinks. My grandparents gave me $1000 for christmas(my sister gets the same) I gave $500 to my DH to help with bills over Christmas because with all the extra expenses around the holidays. I used the other $500 to pay for our room (we had a pin) so I only had $200 left to pay on that. We have American Express rewards and Visa rewards that covered that plus for the tickets. I also just got a rebate Visa card fro $100 dollars from getting a new cell phone. My b-day is next month I will get $500 from grandparents(this what I get every year) and will use towards food and spending there. So the $1000 we were going to use from taxes was for special extras but we would never have used the whole amount. Now, I'm debating even using that now. and Explaining to her this trip is mostly funded through my Christmas and birthday presents and I think if I want to spend my birthday and christmas $$ on myself and family I should. I also put away atleast $200 a month from my working into account for extras, vacation, christmas, braces, college etc. My dh pays all our bills with his paychecks and I recieve child support for my older 2 children that goes to their needs.

I wish I could ignore her but these things eat at me.

I wouldn't explain anything to her. To me the greater problem here is that she thinks that it is within her rights to be "pissed" and to express that feeling and that you're letting it get to you. Unless you owe her money or still go to her for financial help your finances are none of her business and should be private.

If she tried to express any opinion on the matter, she would be met with stony silence and a hasty exit. DH had years of practiceing this with his mother but she eventually learned. I will agree that some of this does seem to increase with age, my mom has begun to make comments that are unwelcome/rude. It's hindering our time with her but so far she doesn't seem willing to change.

 

[nunzia]

I say go and just enjoy yourself, as others have said..I also agree that age related changes could be making your MIL more vocal and opinionated, as I am seeing in my own Mother. She also struggled during the depression and WWII..but my parents penny pinched and took us on vacations..many were frugal and barely a 'vacation' but several were Disney and I'm so thankful I got a taste of the magic so early. My Mother, even though she went through all the financial downturns, is the oppostie about travel. She and her husband can no longer travel, and they loved it, so she is quick to say do everything you can do NOW, while you can. Have no guilt or regrets..life is short..enjoy and make memories.

 

[dfchelbay]

She needs to mind her own business. What goes on in your house with your finances is none of her business. Treat her response as you would any friend or neighbor...if they got pi$$ed off at you for this, how would you feel. Probably think that they need to mind their own business and get over it. Same with a relative...just because they share the same bloodline, shouldn't make you or anyone else feel bad, guilty or upset about anything. It's her problem, let her deal with it. She probably feels she can be this way because it has worked for her in the past. She somehow gets something out of it. Whether its a response, a change in your plans, attention...whatever.

I have in laws that live out of state and are always asking us when we will come to visit them. MIL gets into a little snit every time she finds out we are going to Disney too...because we're not going to visit them. Well, we feel no guilt or bad feelings. Airplanes fly in both directions. If they aren't willing to get on a plane themselves for a visit to us, well, then, it can't be all that important to them. In the last twenty years, they have come here once. We have gone to their house probably 10-15 times. We stopped giving a crap about five years ago. It finally dawned on DH that it was a one way street, and that his parents don't go out of their way at all. Not even when we are visiting them. They still do all their daily routines, as if we weren't there...aerobics class, swim class, breakfast with friends, soap operas in the afternoon and nap time. SIL lives about 1 1/2 away from them and they have only visited her house once in the last nine years...

 

[jcamacam]

she thinks we should save every dollar we have and not do vacations. She is 84 and thinks its stupid to waste our $$ and not save it all. My dh told her we got more back for taxes so we were going(even though we already had the trip planned months ago) We are getting $8500 back this year and we are only using about $1000 of it and the rest is going in to savings. We are able to afford the trip with not even using tax $ but thhought we would take about $1000 since it's anniversary and do some special things!

I just hate when people say you don't need to go and save your $$. We own our house have no cc debt our cars are just about paid for. All bills are paid on time and have $$ in savings! We deserve to take family vacations, my dh works 60 hrs a week and only gets 2 weeks vacation. One week is usually at WDW and another is in Myrtle Beach(that my grandparents pay for..family reunion). My dd will be graduating next year and our family vacations maybe getting less altogether with her going to college. I remember all my family vacations to WDW as a child and I want my kids to have those special memories. Yes, $$ is savings is goodand we have that but family time is just as important too.

While certainly you have to be respectful of your MIL you don't need to justify how you spend your money to her.

We vacationed A LOT when I was growing up and those are some of my fondest memories of childhood - my DH and I are trying to do the same with our children now. It sounds like you are in a much better financial situation than 90% of the people in this country. I say go, enjoy the time with your family and know that you will always have those memories!

No one ever said on their deathbed "boy, I wish I wouldn't have taken as many vacations with my family"!

 

[MAMA GRAVE]

Do you realize that by getting a 8500 tax return you are giving up over $326 from you paycheck (assuming biweekly pay).

That aside if you have a 6 month emergency fund and no debt then by all means pay cash and go on vacation! No one know how much time we are going to be given here on earth.

Can someone please explain how anyone is giving up $326 on a $8500 tax return?

I'm not talking about any tax credits they are getting.

 

[princesspeach]

I have found many people to be judgemental about how others spend their money. Not just family although they can be the worst. You even see it on these boards. I would not worry about what she think. I have vowed not to say anything to my mom the next time we take a trip. I wish she could be postitive and happy for us, but I have accepted that its not going to happen.

 

[Debbie Jean]

Can someone please explain how anyone is giving up $326 on a $8500 tax return?

I'm not talking about any tax credits they are getting.

Sure, though NOT the case for the OP...

$8400 dispersed in 26 bi-weekly paychecks rather than receiving as a refund would be an additional $326 in each paycheck, i.e. 26 X $326 = $8476

Is that what you meant?

 

[growinupdisney]

Can someone please explain how anyone is giving up $326 on a $8500 tax return?

I'm not talking about any tax credits they are getting.

We did not have $326 taken out of our pay checks. This is tax credits...we sold and bought a house before April of last year and we have 3 children that we got credits for. We never usually get this much back.

 

[Debbie Jean]

We did not have $326 taken out of our pay checks. This is tax credits...we sold and bought a house before April of last year and we have 3 children that we got credits for. We never usually get this much back.

Your case is different, of course... there are people who get very large tax refunds because they overpay and the argument has been made that it is like giving the government an interest free loan and would be better received as a larger pay check throughout the year.

As your situation demonstrates, though, people shouldn't jump to conclusions about large refunds since reasons can vary widely... not that folks EVER jump to conclusions here on the DIS!

 

[MAMA GRAVE]

We did not have $326 taken out of our pay checks. This is tax credits...we sold and bought a house before April of last year and we have 3 children that we got credits for. We never usually get this much back.

Thanks for the explanation.

I was thinking that they were getting $326 less because they let the government hold their money over a years time. I like to have a big refund come spring so I can put it towards a project every year. Some people will say your giving the government a free loan over the year but no one is getting much interest on their checking or savings right now anyways. The money your giving them is very little.

I know this wasn't the case for you OP.

 

[jgates]

There is another thread going on tax refunds right now LOL. Since we only earn .25% on savings, it is nicer for me to get that big tax refund. In that way I am not likely to just use the higher amount 'just this paycheck' & spend it on something else.

Regardless, back to the original topic - it's your decision & as long as it is financially right for you it's no one else's business. My dad died at 51. He & my mom had made a point of doing (their version) of a nice vacation every year as my dad loved to travel. When they were married the dr. told them to not even expect 10 years & they had 30. A lot of those consisted of sleeping in the car at a rest area or a hospital parking lot, shared meals, etc. They did whatever they could to get somewhere. But they did their best to make sure he had the opportunites to do this.

Make sure you do the things you enjoy. You alone know if it is the wisest financial move for you - and obviously this is not an issue for you.

You could take the easy way out like us - we haven't spoken to my in-laws in about 4 years LOL. And they live NEXT DOOR. (Trust me - it was not our fault.)

 

[disneymagicgirl]

It's not that they have a problem with us spending money, just jealous we are going and/or that it's not always visiting them. Really, some people's problems with what you do are really their problems and you can't let it bother you.

agreed!
My inlaws are the same way...they think if we have vacation time and money we should come visit them. We do, bi-annually. I WILL NOT, however, give up my true vacations to visit them more often. They are welcome to visit us anytime they want!

 

[ceecee]

My MIL is the same way and she is 81. You have to remember the time in which they grew up. Right after/during the Great Depression and times were tough. Their generation is used to working hard for very little money.

Very true!