DH dropped a bombshell on me Sunday night..

[Buckalew11]

I don't believe that, not for a single minute. If you are happy with your decision to be childless, good for you, but no need to make up data and be hostile about people wanting children. I tried to find the 70% wish they never had kids and couldn't, it just doesn't exist. I do not know anyone that isn't overjoyed and thankful for their kids. Yes, they can be trying but so can husbands and wives.

Actually, I do not know whether this statisic is correct or not. BUT, I read it in Dear Abby too. It was one of those statisics that stood out. So Patricia isn't lying--it was in Dear Abby years ago--before I had DD, I believe, and that would be 16 yrs. ago.

When I read about people regretting having kids, I think of people like ones referred to as "deadbeat dads" (could also be moms). I would tend to believe that a parent who seems to walk away from their kids or ones who don't want to provide support or care for their kids must regret having those kids. That would include a lot of parents.

I only know 2 people off the top of my head that seem to regret having kids. One, I think, struggles with always being needed and doesn't seem to enjoy the kids. The other just really regrets having them. Maybe I could understand a bit better if he had *bad* kids but he doesn't. It just leaves me

 

[PatsGirl]

Slightly OT but I have two close friends that each began their early adult lives not wanting children, then hit their 30s and started "thinking about it" and in their 40s found themselves unable to conceive for various reasons. They remind me daily how lucky I am to have my two kids

I know for a fact that if they had it to do over again they would have included children in their life path, either biological or otherwise, instead of waiting so long that it was not longer a viable option. One is a great Auntie to DD and spoils her rotten. When I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, "Auntie" determined we would share the baby and although I laughed at her then, she has really helped me so much, both emotionally and financially.

Unfortunately for her though, its just not the same as having her own child

 

[emer95]

I don't believe that, not for a single minute. If you are happy with your decision to be childless, good for you, but no need to make up data and be hostile about people wanting children. I tried to find the 70% wish they never had kids and couldn't, it just doesn't exist. I do not know anyone that isn't overjoyed and thankful for their kids. Yes, they can be trying but so can husbands and wives.

I totally agree with this entire post, especially the bolded part.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I don't believe that study for one second.

I do not have easy children. My youngest has ADHD and SID and is a big stressor in our lives during the school year. My oldest was borderline ADHD and he, too, causes stress for us.

But...they are absolutely wonderful kids. They both are very intelligent, compassionate, thoughtful, kind, friendly, funny, intuitive people. They've added so much to our lives. Imagine if you had the chance every day to deeply touch someone and make them really happy. Each day you have the chance to be with someone who loves you unconditionally and trusts you with their life. Every day you get to see someone experience something for the first time and the happy results. Daily, you are astounded by the compassion, intelligence, goodness that someone shows that maybe they wouldn't have the day defore because they're continually growing.

That, and so much more, is what having kids adds to your life.

 

[Ember]

So long as you BOTH want to have children, good for you! You'll probably find that the general public is overjoyed at your choice. LOL

Choosing to be child free is not easy. There's so much judgment and hostility... I am 100% confident in my choice, as is my DH. After having just spent a month volunteering in South Africa, many of my reasons for my choice really hit home and reinforced it.

As a plea to those with children, give those of us who choose not to follow your path the same respect you'd like to receive. I guarantee you many of us who have made the choice to be child free have thought it through carefully. (In some cases, much more carefully than those who have kids. You usually aren't child free by accident...) We're not selfish, broken, or wrong. We won't automatically regret our choices anymore than you can assume someone with kids will regret their choice. I have chosen a different path, and my way of contributing to humanity is not by adding to it's population. My life still has meaning. I promise to not think you foolish for having kids, if you promise not to condemn me for not having them.

OP, I wish you luck in everything you do, and in whatever the future holds.

 

[Liberty Belle]

So long as you BOTH want to have children, good for you! You'll probably find that the general public is overjoyed at your choice. LOL

Choosing to be child free is not easy. There's so much judgment and hostility... I am 100% confident in my choice, as is my DH. After having just spent a month volunteering in South Africa, many of my reasons for my choice really hit home and reinforced it.

As a plea to those with children, give those of us who choose not to follow your path the same respect you'd like to receive. I guarantee you many of us who have made the choice to be child free have thought it through carefully. (In some cases, much more carefully than those who have kids. You usually aren't child free by accident...) We're not selfish, broken, or wrong. We won't automatically regret our choices anymore than you can assume someone with kids will regret their choice. I have chosen a different path, and my way of contributing to humanity is not by adding to it's population. My life still has meaning. I promise to not think you foolish for having kids, if you promise not to condemn me for not having them.

OP, I wish you luck in everything you do, and in whatever the future holds.

I applaud people who do realize children are not for them (and not because of any personality defect or anything!) and choose not to have children. I think what annoys some of us parents are the comments we hear from some of the childless (by choice) people. I promise not to make fun of your crazy dressed up little dog who you spend a fortune on, if you promise not to make fun of my kids because they're obnoxious at times.

 

[Ember]

I promise not to make fun of your crazy dressed up little dog who you spend a fortune on, if you promise not to make fun of my kids because they're obnoxious at times.

She's a cat, actually...

But you have yourself a deal! Besides, as teacher I really do appreciate that other people are out there having kids. I'd be out of work if everyone thought the way I did.

 

[FigmentFinder]

She's a cat, actually...

But do you dress your cat up?

 

[Liberty Belle]

She's a cat, actually...

But you have yourself a deal! Besides, as teacher I really do appreciate that other people are out there having kids. I'd be out of work if everyone thought the way I did.

And seeing as how you don't have to go home to more kids, it probably helps you have more patience in the classroom.

 

[Ember]

But do you dress your cat up?

Have you ever tried to put a costume on a cat?! You're taking your life into your hands with that kind of nonsense! However, I can say with certainty that, yes, my cat did need the crinkly bag thing that she hasn't looked at once as well as the fancy scratching post that really shouldn't have cost that much considering it's only wood with carpet stapled to it... I justify my actions by reminding myself how much more kids would cost.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

My sister in law was pretty much the same. She never wanted children, and enjoyed the 'adult' life. She was married @ 36, and at 38 she had her first son, and at 40 had her second. Her boys are 10 & 8 now, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She's in love with her family.

Best of luck to you, Dax

 

[Mskanga]

Yep-or picture yourself with a special needs child.

This is non-sense. I had two very healthy children and at age 14 my oldest was diagnosed with cancer.
If everyone would start thinking what could possibly or potentially happen to their children , nobody would have babies.

Like all kids mine fight and bicker but that is music to my ears , they are alive and doing well , in fact my oldest is a senior and picking a college as we speak.

 

[C.Ann]

Why is that confusing? Just saying (like the PP) that if you are not prepared to be ready to deal with any and all things that may happen, you are not ready to have a child..

I guess I'm confused because it almost sounds like a special needs child is somehow "less than".. A high school friend of mine had 4 healthy children - and then at the age of 28, she had a DD born with Down Syndrome.. Gosh - did they ever love that beautiful little girl.. We all loved her - because she truly was "special".. At 18 months old she needed surgery to repair a hole in her heart.. Came through the surgery fine, but passed suddenly around 12 hours later..

Another friend had a DD that was born with a heart defect.. She required many, many surgeries.. The final surgery - that would result in leading a perfectly normal life from that point on - took place when she was 11.. She too survived the heart surgery - only to pass suddenly about 4 hours later..

My neighbor had a DD with cerebral palsy.. She could really be a handful, but we all loved her dearly.. When she was 13, her mom went in to wake her up one morning and found that she had passed away during the night..

Do you think any of these parents wished that they had never had children? I know for a fact - absolutely not..

Anyone can have a child with special needs - even a 15 year old.. I am a firm believer that "special needs children" are sent to "special" parents..

YMMV..

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide. when DH and i got married, i was 21 and he was 20. we had decided not to have kids-i babysat all during my teenage years and just really didn't want to do it any more. well, when i was 25, our best friends got pregnant with their oldest son, and when we went to the baby shower, i broke down and cried as we left, and told DH i wanted a baby too. he wasn't sure, as he comes from a very small family and had never really been around kids, but he wanted me to be happy, so we started trying the next month, and it took about 6 months, but our DD was born 4 days after our best friends' son's first birthday, and she is the light of our lives. her birth was very physically traumatic for me, so my OB/GYN recommended we not have any more children, but that's okay-i realize there are many women in this world who can't have children at all, so i am deeply blessed.

 

[hulagirl87]

DH and I just had our DD 6 months ago. I was 34 at the time that I delivered and DH was 33. We were married for a little over 2 years before we decided to start trying and got pregnant right away! For a while I was not sure that I wanted to have children as I thought that life would change so drastically and I was so used to just enjoying time for myself and with DH. I can't believe that I ever felt that way. Looking at DD I can't imagine a time without her and each day that I spend with her is more wonderful than the last. I wouldn't change anything.

 

[RooRach0906]

My oldest sister and her husband were married for 10 years and tryin to have a baby the whole time. They finally gave up but still wanted a baby. This past Christmas they found out they were prego. My oldest sister is 40 and they have been married 12 years now, the baby girl is due any day now. We can not wait for her to hold her baby that has been so wanted for many years.
We have a 3 month baby girl . We both love her so much. I have always wanted children and I am not gonna lie... it is hard. I never knew how much work it would be, that being said I dont regret her one bit and neither does DH. When she smiles at either of us our hearts melt and having her has me loving my DH even more. I am lucky that he helps with her and wants to spend time with her at this young of age. He admits that at times he is frustated when she is crying and cant tell us what is wrong but he would do it all over again.
Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you. Good Luck.

 

[PatriciaH]

I guess I'm confused because it almost sounds like a special needs child is somehow "less than".. A high school friend of mine had 4 healthy children - and then at the age of 28, she had a DD born with Down Syndrome.. Gosh - did they ever love that beautiful little girl.. We all loved her - because she truly was "special".. At 18 months old she needed surgery to repair a hole in her heart.. Came through the surgery fine, but passed suddenly around 12 hours later..

Another friend had a DD that was born with a heart defect.. She required many, many surgeries.. The final surgery - that would result in leading a perfectly normal life from that point on - took place when she was 11.. She too survived the heart surgery - only to pass suddenly about 4 hours later..

My neighbor had a DD with cerebral palsy.. She could really be a handful, but we all loved her dearly.. When she was 13, her mom went in to wake her up one morning and found that she had passed away during the night..

Do you think any of these parents wished that they had never had children? I know for a fact - absolutely not..

Anyone can have a child with special needs - even a 15 year old.. I am a firm believer that "special needs children" are sent to "special" parents..

YMMV..

I never stated that a special needs child is "less than." I stated everyone making the decision to have a child needs to decide if they can handle anything that happens. My parents lost a baby at 1 month old due to a heart defect and DH's parents lost a child at 12 due to severe health complications (she was special needs.) They also lost a child in a car accident. Don't think any of that did not weigh heavily in our decisions. Some of us put a ton of thought into the decision to have a child and it is not taken lightly. That is a good thing and more people should do that. Then we would not have so many discarded, abused and murdered children. I was certainly not being hostile and certainly not "making up" stories. I am allowed to weigh in with my opinion.

 

[rodeo65]

Haven't read through the whole thread and I'm sure others have posted success after prolonged bcp use. I was on for 14 years before going off to try and get pregnant. It took about 13 months.

I was 33 when we got married and we had said we'd like a child but would let nature take it's course. If it happened it happened. It happened. Happy bombshell, though!!

I'd have to say the ticking is happening NOW for me, though. We're for sure done. DH ran off for a V after DD was born because we said two was good for us, but I found after 40 I started wanting more - not logically wanting them in a lets change our whole lifestyle kind of way - just a longing. I just turned 45 and the longing when it happens (usually when I hold a baby) is screaming a little louder. I assume it's the old clock winding down and giving it's death wails. Sometimes, I get overheated.

 

[PatriciaH]

Just a few books that mention the Ann Landers/Dear Abby poll.

http://books.google.com/books?id=eS...would you have children?" ann landers&f=false

http://books.google.com/books?id=pA...would you have children?" ann landers&f=false

http://books.google.com/books?id=Wi...would you have children?" ann landers&f=false

http://books.google.com/books?id=79...k_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CDgQ6AEwBDgo

 

[C.Ann]

I never stated that a special needs child is "less than." I stated everyone making the decision to have a child needs to decide if they can handle anything that happens. My parents lost a baby at 1 month old due to a heart defect and DH's parents lost a child at 12 due to severe health complications (she was special needs.) They also lost a child in a car accident. Don't think any of that did not weigh heavily in our decisions. Some of us put a ton of thought into the decision to have a child and it is not taken lightly. That is a good thing and more people should do that. Then we would not have so many discarded, abused and murdered children. I was certainly not being hostile and certainly not "making up" stories. I am allowed to weigh in with my opinion.

You quoted me and asked why I used the "confused" sign - so I addressed that.. I again said I was confused - "because it almost sounded like"....etc., etc..

Now you have clarified what you meant - and I'm no longer ..

Of course you are entitled to your opinion.. (Nor did I think you were being hostile - or "making up stories".. I'm not sure where you got those two things from because I didn't say either one of them..) Just looking for clarification.. I'm sorry if you felt otherwise..