I am pushing 43 and my partner of the past 11 years is almost 37. From the time that I was about 14, I remember always wanting a child. One of the things that I wanted from my relationship with Gabby, about 10 years ago, was for us to have a child. She wasn't ready was the initial response and somewhere along the way, it became on of those things that I just gave up on because she was dead set against it and there is only so much heartbreak that anyone can quietly carry about this subject.
I told myself that if I was intended to be a mom, I would have a partner who really wanted to be one too and since I am with the last woman that I will ever be with in this lifetime, I had pretty much reconciled that I was never going to have a kid. Therefore, over the past 6 years or so, I just gave up on bringing it up. When I got sick about 3 years ago, I thanked God that I didn't have kids to worry about, other than our furbabies, while I recovered for several months, mostly at home alone because of Gabby's job demands. The next year, I had to have my gallbladder out and again, I thanked God that I didn't have to worry about anything other than our pets while I was recovering.
Fast forward to this past fall....
Our niece found herself in quite a bit of hot water and pregnant. Gabby and I had many conversations about what we felt out obligation to the family was in this situation. We decided to not offer anything in advance, but to remain prepared to take on the baby if our niece could not manage to stay clean & sober and on the right side of the law. I am happy to report that my grand niece is a beautiful little peanut. Thankfully, she is developing very normally and is just a joy to be around. Best of all her mom is working very hard at getting her life straightened out and it's mostly due to her desire to do right by her child. We are still prepared to do whatever we would need to do for our grand niece if her mom falls apart again and her mom knows that if we take the baby, we are keeping her forever and she agrees with that 100%.
Ok, so while I am thinking that life is going on without a baby in our lives, quite out of the blue, Gabby has popped up with a very strong and persistant desire to have a baby. I am quite honestly excited and nauseous all at the same time. We are going to start working on getting her pregnant via the frozen Papa method early next year. If we are blessed with a child absolutely everything in our lives will be turned upside down. I am ok with that, but right now, it's a lot to wrap my brain around. I am going to be a really old mom when he/she is ready to go to college and that bugs me a lot because I remember my friends from school with the "old parents" and how it sort of seemed to suck to be them. I really don't want to do that to a child, so I am guessing that I am going to have to find some way to not allow myself to age any further for a few years.
I am hoping that we get blessed with a baby because it's something that I know that will fill my heart with joy, but at my age, I have many reservations. As a friend of mine once said, "I would walk through Hell in a kerosene suit for that woman" and if she wants to try to have a baby, then we are going to start trying to have a baby. We have already picked out a name that would work for a boy or a girl. We just returned from a trip to WDW and while we were there we had a pair or infant mouse ears made with the baby's name sewn on the back so that our little one will be fully indoctrinated with the love of Mickey & Walt from the start. My coworkers know that I am a big softy when it comes to kids. I work in a pediatric medical office and I swear, there is nothing more peaceful than holding a newborn. They are all checking on our progress, which is really an odd situation, but at least someone cares. lol
We have looked into adoption, but it's a long process and extremely expensive if you want a child that is more or less "normal" and healthy at birth. We decided to give the frozen Papa method a try and are searching cryobank donor profiles for suitable candidates. I am hoping that we will be blessed within a couple of months of trying. Gabby has remained determined to do this for the past few months now, so I am doing what I can to remain supportive. I still catch myself wondering how we are going to make our lives over to allow for us to be the kind of parents that we both agree that we want to be, but I guess that's pretty normal too.
Basically, I wanted to thank Dax for posting and wish her all of the best. If you had not posted this thread, I might well have burst because I really needed to discuss this with someone outside of close family, friends, and coworkers. In many ways, I can understand the shell shock and mixed feelings that your hubby's admission has created.
It looks like we are both headed for the rollercoaster ride instead of the carousel that we are used too. Pop some prenatal vitamins and some Dramamine and hang on.
, if it doesn't, we will find other ways to be happy.
Most of them are awesome folks that do a lot for this world. Also, people are not always honest with other people
I guess I didn't realize that that many people feel that way, enough to devote websites to their regrets on having kids.
Why don't others ever mention this? 
