DH and I Have Been Fighting Lately

[perd]

Becka - another thought. I know this isn't possible for everyone, but is there any chance you could quit working and be a stay at home mom? You mention hiring a cleaning service, and I'm sure you have day care - would it really be more feasible and less stressful for you to take care of things at home and let DH provide the income?

When my kids were little I worked full time and paid day care. I thought I couldn't afford to quit work. Looking back now, I really could have if I had taken into consideration the money I spent for day care, the money we spent for fast food or convenience food because we were always in a hurry, the money I spent for clothes, gas and lunches for work, etc.

If I could do it over again, knowing what I know now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. The kids would have been better off, I would have been less stressed and DH would have been less stressed. I think it's great if one parent can take care of the home and the children while the other provides the income - less stress on everyone!

Right now since I have my own business I can't just quit (have a daughter getting ready to go to college so that doesn't help either!), but I have learned to cut it down a lot. There have been times that I worked 18 hours a day. Now I've learned to say no more - as in, "No, I can't take on a new account - I have enough work already." In 50 years it won't matter how much money we had or didn't have, what will matter is the relationships we had with our DH and our kids.

 

[Bumbles]

((((hugs))))

 

[becka]

perd - I would LOVE to be a SAHM. You would not believe the amount of time DH and I have gone over the numbers. Unfortunately I make a significant amount of our income. DH has a good job but the pay is not even close to what I make. If we could afford for anyone to stay home it would be DH. We could probably make that work income-wise but we really need his medical insurance. He is also in a field (chemistry) where there are not very many jobs in our area. He works for the University of Missouri and if you are a chemist that is pretty much the only place to work. If he left his job he would more than likely not be able to get another one since people in this area just don't leave those kinds of positions often unless they are moving away or retiring.

I do appreciate all of the support that I have gotten from you all. I realize that what I am dealing with is really no different than almost every other family with kids. In many ways I am sure I have it much easier than others.

I really was not looking for someone to "fix" the problem. I know that DH and I are the only ones that can make this work. We have had several good conversations over the last few days and that is a good start. DH really is trying to be more understanding and I am trying hard to try to not be a super-mom that feels like I have to have everything perfect. I think I am just trying to compensate so much for working.

 

[perd]

University of Missouri as in UMKC? We may be neighbors, sort of! I'm in Prairie Village!

 

[becka]

University of Missouri in Columbia

If we lived in KC he would not have trouble finding another chemist job. The problem with Columbia is that we are two hours away from KC and STL and that is where all of the jobs are for him.

 

[AirForceRocks]

Originally posted by becka FYI...just because you may not be man enough to state your true feelings on a topic and have to agree to avoid more fighting with your DW does not mean that every man is that way.

Is this any better than what you are accusing BobNC of? Do you talk to your husband in such demeaning terms? If so, perhaps that is part of the problem.

 

[Bob O]

Alex- I didnt find what BobNc posted to be hurtful, just his opinion. As a quote below mine indicates i could become all indigant and claim it was a personal atttack and was hurtful towards me, but i wouldnt lower myself to that level.(even though i could make the same claim that is being made towards BobNc)

 

[6_Time_Momma]

Becka. Well, first let me say "Been there, done that!!" as to a thread being hijacked with hurtful words! I have learned to let those slide right away because cries of "freedom of speech" will always occur.

As to the baby thing, maybe he isn't real comfortable with handling a baby? That doesn't excuse him, but maybe will give you some insight as to his behavior. Maybe tell him you are going to be "hiring" a high school girl to come for a few hours a week to help give you some time will open the door to conversation. (And may actually be a good idea anyway! Best luck!

 

[Bob O]

I havent seen anybody hi-jack this thread with so called hurtful words!!! I have seen difference of opinions on the matter but nothing hurtful unless some among us are too sensitive or looking to be offended.
And its sad to see freedom of speech belitted in such a manner. Apparently some may perfer censorship over the right of freedom of speech which was so near and dear to the founders of this great country who offered to give up their lives/liberty/fortunes so we would have that right!!

 

[A kid at heart]

there's a way to say things that hurts people's feelings, and a way to say things that makes people think about things that they might not have thought of... one is constructive and the other destructive.
What's the purpose of posting in a destructive manner to someone who is already feeling down? What sense does it make to kick them?

__________________
Don't fall over Alex, but very nicely said.

 

[carolb3]

Perd - Ditto for me!!! I too run a business out of my home -- writing/PR -- I could have written what you wrote! Many of my friends say the same thing . . . .

 

[Pam]

This is the thread that never ends......... yes, it goes on and on, my friend............

Sorry, thought it was time for some levity.

Guys are kind of clueless when it comes to the first child. Not all of them, but a vast majority. I would suggest sitting down and working out a timetable of household chores and baby duties that would be divided evenly.

Pam

 

[becka]

Originally posted by Pam
This is the thread that never ends......... yes, it goes on and on, my friend............

I think DS will have graduated from college before this thread ever ends.

 

[WebmasterAlex]

Hey Bob....
Scroll down to the bottom of the page..
Do you see the triangles? And right below that it says very clearly

(C) 1997-2002 - Werner Technologies, Inc. - All Rights Reserved

This is a private board. The laws and traditions of freedom of speech have never applied to private media. Even when the constitution was written you couldn't publish whatever you wanted in someone elses newspaper or say what you wanted in a privately owned building. This is a moderated board. If you want an unmoderated board where you can have complete freedom of speech, I know of several, send me a PM and I will be glad to tell you where to go!

Beyond that everyone was allowed to say what they wanted to in this thread. Nobody was deleted. Isn't saying that I thought it was wrong to say something part of MY freedom of speech? Why isn't alright for me and others to say "That was wrong, you shouldn't have said it".... or is your freedom of speech a one way street?

 

[MerryPoppins]

Bravo.

 

[d.kurz]

Originally posted by becka
I think DS will have graduated from college before this thread ever ends.

That's because it's touched A LOT of nerves on BOTH sides of the issue. That and every so often Alex drops in and makes a whole lotta sense!! And then people have to chime in and agree!

 

[becka]

I feel sorry for my DIS-con buddy now. She has to represent someone who either a) has a lazy, no good husband or b) is a witchy, whiny wife depending on which "side" someone was on. For just a vent I sure did ruffle some feathers....and the crazy thing is that neither "side" is right.

3400+ views...this thread has quite a readership. Maybe we should start charging a subscription fee.

 

[Bob O]

Alex ive never said that the webmaster doesnt have the right to censor whatever he wants on his site. Its a private site and he has every right to control what is posted here, but of course everybody can decide on their own if the decisions made are proper or not. Nor have i ever said you shouldnt express your viewpoint, everybody can express a viewpoint(if within site guidelines ) and while i totally disagree with your thoughts on this issue i have NEVER said you shouldnt say them on this topic or any other topic . Its always good for one to express thier thoughts and have a dialoge which we have had here and can always agree to disagree while still having a airing of our viewpoints on the issue at hand.
The freedom of speech wasnt directed at a post you madebut a post by somebody else