DD's BF committed suicide last night, Memorial Service UPDATE #190

[Aimeedyan]

I'm so sorry... Prayers said for his family, for your family, and for your daughter.

 

[rparmfamily]

I'm so sorry, oh my goodness!!

This is absolutely in no way your DD's fault. He was mentally ill, and I agree with the other posters, that based on the way he was acting (controlling, irrational) that it sounds like something that could have escalated to include your DD. I agree with whoever said it was his "final" act of control over your DD.

Prayers for your family and his family.

 

[Loubon]

for you and your family as well as his family.

 

[disney100666]

OMG, that's terrible, I'm very sorry.

 

[momof2inPA]

I don't agree with the people who have said it was the kid's last act of control or that he was unbalanced for a long time. The boy was obviously very attached to your daughter and might have seen suicide as a quick way to end his pain. Sadly, teens and sometimes adults can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Boys seem to have this problem more often than girls. Prayers for him, his family, and your daughter. What a tragedy.

 

[bigbabyblues]

More hugs and prayers for all involved.

I haven't been there, but my 2 nieces (16 and 20) have each lost a friend to suicide in the last 18 months, both over a breakup with a gf. It's so sad for these kids, all of them.

I'm so sorry.

 

[Imzadi]

Hugs to you & your DD. Along with what everyone else said about getting DD therapy. I don't think she can ever hear enough that she is not responsible for the BF ending his own life. Just keep reiterating it, even when you think she's already got it.

She was right to end things when she did. Somewhere inside, she knows that. It could have turned into a far worse tragedy if he had decided to kill her as well as himself on Christmas Day.

There is no "good time" for a break-up to occur. If she had waited, the BF or his mom would have used the reasoning DD had been stringing him along by waiting till after the holidays, saying that's what pushed him over the edge.

Whether it was a control issue, or a "quick way to end his pain" as the PP mentioned, the BF was clearly emotionally unhealthy. Your DD was NOT his caretaker and is not responsible for his choices.

 

[wilderness01]

I am so sorry for everyone involved. Take good care of your girl.

 

[hlane]

I am so sorry

 

[lucyanna girl]

You're not going to believe this. I ran into two friends today and the first thing they started talking about was a young man in our community who also committed suicide yesterday. He was upset because his girlfriend had broken up with him.

I was so startled. In this case the young man was 24 years old but the coincidence was scary.

Your DD has been on my mind all day. I hope she can rest tonight.



penny

 

[LisaZee]

I'm so sorry that your DD is going through all of this.

I agree that it's so important to protect her right now, not just from retaliation by friends or family in a physical sense, but from the horrible things that they could say. I'm sure it's so much easier for DD to blame herself than to think through to the truth (that he had problems that were beyond her control). All it will take is one person to say, out loud, that it's her fault, and that will make it "true" to her. If you're the only one that thinks something, you could be wrong - if someone else thinks it, it's harder to dismiss. Words haunt people.

So please, try to keep her around positive people that love and support her and know the truth... I know you can't put her in a bubble, all you can do is love and support her and let her know that no matter what people say, you and she know the truth. Good luck, and give her a hug from us!

 

[floridafam]

I haven't read all of the replies but I don't think you or your DD could have done anything differently. If he was dangerous then it would not have made sense even waiting a day to break up with him much less waiting until after Christmas.

She is definately going to need some sort of counseling but if he was unstable I'd be forever thankful nothing worse happened to your DD. He could have just as easily chosen to harm her before taking his own life.

People can blame you all they want but you didn't kill him. Your daughter made a choice to end a potentially harmful relationship and she shouldn't feel guilty about doing that.

I hope that, over time, counseling will help her and the members of his family realize that this was his decision.

 

[cruiserkaren]

Oh my goodness. I'm really sorry. Hold your baby girl tight.

 

[Buckalew11]

I have no idea how your conversation went with his mother but I'd keep in mind that his mom probably knew very little about the scary aspects of his actions that your DD was witness to that made her break up with him in the first place. All she may be aware of is that your DD broke up with her son and he was so hurt that he ended his life.
She may never understand your DD's fear and feeling uncomfortable with his controlling ways. Or she might be able to see past her pain someday but right now she was to blame someone and sadly, it is your DD.

Protect her and love her, hold her and hug her. Growing up is hard enough w/o something so tragic happening to you. I hope she's get counseling. It will help her to speak with a professional about all this and not just you or friends.

I am very sorry this has happened in your DD's life (and yours). My prayers will be with her as she struggles past all this. I will also keep his family in my prayers because his suicide is just a horrific tragedy for them--esp. so close to the holidays.

Hugs to you all. I can't imagine how hard this is for everyone.

 

[piglet too]

I am so sorry.

 

[SplshMtn99]

 

[Imzadi]

I have no idea how your conversation went with his mother but I'd keep in mind that his mom probably knew very little about the scary aspects of his actions that your DD was witness to that made her break up with him in the first place. All she may be aware of is that your DD broke up with her son and he was so hurt that he ended his life.

So true, you don't know what the BF said to his mom or how it was presented. Usually dominators & controllers turn around & suddenly act like they are the victims, blaming the other, when when that other person steps up and takes firm actions. His mom may have heard an earful of how DD did this & that to him, breaking his heart.

 

[Joanna71985]

Oh no! Prayers going out to your family and his family.

 

[bfeller]

I am so sorry and I am keeping you, your daughter and both families in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Aunt Michelle]

I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you both.