DD's BF committed suicide last night, Memorial Service UPDATE #190

[LBelle]

What a horrible tragedy. My heart goes out to your daughter. You have received so many thoughtful and intelligent comments on this thread already. Hopefully this is not a burden your DD will have to bear.

May this young man now rest in peace.

 

[dznymemories]

What a terrible waste. I am so very sorry for all involved. I hope that your daughter and the boy's family will get the help they need to heal someday.

 

[luvthatduke]

Praying for all involved.
There are no words...

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I am very sorry for the trauma his family and yours is going through. That said, I am VERY glad she broke up with him. NOW, not after Christmas. He was obviously greatly emotionally disturbed and there is no telling what he could have done to her, had she stayed with him. I hate to do this to you in your time of distress, but you could have received a very different type of phone call someday, had she not broken up with him. Just something to think about. Your dd IN NO WAY caused his suicide. He was mentally ill. Please tell her this, and arrange counseling for her even if she doesn't want to go. She will surely need it. I'm so glad she is safe. Honestly, she did the right thing.

 

[grlpwrd]

Oh my goodness.... I am so sorry.

 

[Mickey'sMainMami]

 

[Tantor]

to both of you.

 

[mrsmom]

I am so sorry.
Kim

 

[Buckalew11]

Muffy, How is your DD today? I have thought of you all so much.

 

[Lionqueen2]

I am so sorry for both families. I hope your daughter continues to receive counseling so that she can understand that this was not her fault.

 

[sandramaac]

There is no doubt that suicide for those left behind is tramatic event to put one's arms around.

However, in cases where there is obvious mental illness and where possible harm can come to others, I like to think of this in a far more spiritual way----it is the one way the good lord can call home a troubled soul quickly, so that he can put his arms around that soul and help it heal, and it is the only way to keep those in that troubled soul's life safe, and out of harms way, so that they do not return to the man upstairs before their time.

 

[Disney Doll]

There is no doubt that suicide for those left behind is tramatic event to put one's arms around.

However, in cases where there is obvious mental illness and where possible harm can come to others, I like to think of this in a far more spiritual way----it is the one way the good lord can call home a troubled soul quickly, so that he can put his arms around that soul and help it heal, and it is the only way to keep those in that troubled soul's life safe, and out of harms way, so that they do not return to the man upstairs before their time.

This is one of the most thoughtful posts ever.
I will remember this theory in case someone close to me ever loses someone to suicide.

 

[DisMN]

This is one of the most thoughtful posts ever.
I will remember this theory in case someone close to me ever loses someone to suicide.

I so agree with the thoughtful part AND with it being a theory that surely lends comfort in a spiritual way. Thankyou so much for posting your thoughts sandramaac.

 

[Alaska DogCat]

This, unfortunately, was his last, and most dramatic, controlling act. The only other way he could have been in even MORE control would have been to kill your daughter, also. I know you realize how fortunate you are that he did not exercise ultimate control in this situation. And, his mother is so wrapped up in her grief that she cannot see this. If not now, it would have happened later. If not in reaction to your daughter, to someone else's daughter. And IF (this is a big if) your DD had NOT broken up with him, and had gone on to marry(or not) and have children with him, his anger might be directed out at his children, also. Or at a group of strangers in a mall. We see this story in the news all the time.

I agree with those who advise that your DD get counseling to deal with this, so that she can understand that she is not to blame, despite what irrational people might think.

This poster says it all. My thoughts and prayers are with your daughter and your family.

 

[Muffy]

Muffy, How is your DD today? I have thought of you all so much.

She is doing okay considering. She saw a counselor yesterday and today. We are setting up a regular appt with this counselor. The school has set aside an area just for students affected by this suicide. We sent flowers to the family and plan to send flowers to the service but DD will not attend. The boys family blames DD and I don't want her further tramatized her. We will visit the funeral home before hours. I hope that will bring her closure. My heart breaks for this family and I pray they find peace.

DD is going to read this thread tonight. I know it will help her so much. I can't thank you all enough for your great advice and support at this time.

 

[kdibattista]

She is doing okay considering. She saw a counselor yesterday and today. We are setting up a regular appt with this counselor. The school has set aside an area just for students affected by this suicide. We sent flowers to the family and plan to send flowers to the service but DD will not attend. The boys family blames DD and I don't want her further tramatized her. We will visit the funeral home before hours. I hope that will bring her closure. My heart breaks for this family and I pray they find peace.

DD is going to read this thread tonight. I know it will help her so much. I can't thank you all enough for your great advice and support at this time.

Continued thoughts and prayers for your DD

 

[DemonLlama]

Muffy, since your daughter is going to read these messages, let me just add:

Darlin' you did absolutely nothing wrong. You will tell yourself that and try to believe it, but then something in a quiet moment will make you doubt yourself. You will think at that moment, maybe I could have done something differently to save him.

You couldn't.

And if anyone else wants to play the blame game, it's because they are feeling the same way and wanting to project that onto others as a way of easing their own pain.

Work on healing yourself and know you are not alone.

My prayers are with you, that God will wrap His arms around you and hold you tight throughout all of this.

 

[Luv'sTink]

There is no doubt that suicide for those left behind is tramatic event to put one's arms around.

However, in cases where there is obvious mental illness and where possible harm can come to others, I like to think of this in a far more spiritual way----it is the one way the good lord can call home a troubled soul quickly, so that he can put his arms around that soul and help it heal, and it is the only way to keep those in that troubled soul's life safe, and out of harms way, so that they do not return to the man upstairs before their time.

This is amazing!


OP, has the mother outright accused your daughter or has she just hinted that she blames your DD? Which is not right.

Of course the women is angry, she is angry at everyone not just your DD. She doesn't understand, she may or may not have missed the signs. Blaming the parents is as bad as blaming the OP's DD, IMO. The only one to blame is the boy himself.

I can tell you that even if the people around someone who wants to commit suicide knows doesn't always mean a thing. If the person wants to do it bad enough they will and no one will stop them, oh sure maybe for a little while but in time they will do it.

 

[sweetandsassyfl]

I will reiterate the fact that your daughter did absolutely nothing wrong and that the mother is only blaming her out of her own pain and guilt.

 

[Disney Doll]

This is amazing!


OP, has the mother outright accused your daughter or has she just hinted that she blames your DD? Which is not right.

Of course the women is angry, she is angry at everyone not just your DD. She doesn't understand, she may or may not have missed the signs. Blaming the parents is as bad as blaming the OP's DD, IMO. The only one to blame is the boy himself.

I can tell you that even if the people around someone who wants to commit suicide knows doesn't always mean a thing. If the person wants to do it bad enough they will and no one will stop them, oh sure maybe for a little while but in time they will do it.

I agree wholeheartedly with your last paragraph.

I have been a nurse for 25 years and there are some folks who are really going to do it eventually. They have a couple of attempts where they get found in time, but if someone really wants to commit suicide, and it is not just the "cry for help" that we often hear about, they will succeed eventually.