DD's BF committed suicide last night, Memorial Service UPDATE #190

[Pooh_Friend#1]

How sad. Prayers for both families.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Prayers for all concerned. You have gotten good advice here. I'd keep a close watch on her and stay between her and anybody who will say something hurtful. Counseling right away.
My dear niece attempted suicide last week. It was very upsetting for all concerned. The holidays often make a bad time feel worst.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I am so, so sorry.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

How sad, prayers for both families.

OP - I agree with the previous posters, have your DD go for some counseling. She is not responsible for her ex-BF's actions, and in no way is his suicide her fault. She needs to know this.

I feel so bad for the boy's family, and it time I think they will come to understand it wasn't anyone's fault. They're in tremendous pain, and searching for answers and being angry all at the same time.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I appreciate all the advice and kind words. DD is taking it very hard this morning. I think we have reached her that it was not her fault and it takes more than one act to trigger suicide. She will be talking to a professional later today. You have all helped me so much. thank you.

Awwww, I feel so sorry for her. What he did was so selfish. I hope she sees that.

Tell her we're all thinking about her. I have 17 and 22 year old daughters, and I can't imagine them having to go through this.

 

[Pembo]

I am so sorry for all involved. Stay strong Mom, your dd needs you.

 

[LindaG4458]

I would agree that getting DD counselling is the right thing to do. No matter what you or anyone else says, she will think it is her fault. She needs to hear from a professional that there is far more involved in a suicide than one incident. She needs to go over their relationship with the counselor so that the counselor can validate your DD's decision to break up with this young man...the counselor can point out those behaviors which were controlling, bordering perhaps on abusive...or at least having the possibility for abuse down the road. You know, I have to wonder if what you saw as the parent was only the tip of the iceberg. I think it was very telling that she went against your advice to wait until after the holidays...there may have beeen more going on in that relationship in private than even you realize.

I couldn't agree more. It is very likely that there were things that she would never be comfortable discussing with you. She may even have felt her own life was in danger from him, something I believe was true. We realized, after my father's suicide, that there were inklings that he wanted to kill my mother as well.

As far as his parents...hopefully they will realize as time goes on that their son's issues were deeper than your DD breaking up with him.

Blaming your daughter keeps them from feeling guilty that they did not recognize that their son had serious problems and get him help before this happened.

I am so sorry that you all have to go through this.

 

[akhenaten]

just tragic.....
i pray all friends and family of this young man have peace and healing.....


thankfully he did not decided to take your DD with him!! I hope she can move on and heal......

 

[Maleficent13]

Just a hug and some good thoughts for you and your DD.

 

[Green Tea]

Wow. My sympathies to your family as well as this boys. Help your daughter to know that she can speak completely freely to the counselor; that she can be open and doesn't have to hold back. There may well be more she needs to get out than what you already know.

 

[CinderellaIam]

Prayers for all of those touched by this.

 

[paras4ri]

Muffy - I'm so sorry for your DD and your family.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm so sorry for everyone involved. I hope that your daughter does benefit from counseling and understands that she did nothing wrong and can have peace within herself.

 

[Crankyshank]

Muffy,
I haven't read any of the replies yet, but I wanted to tell you I am sorry and I have been in the exact same position as your DD and if she needs to talk to someone who has been there (Today is actually the 15th anniversary of his death), please feel free to PM me.
Suicide is probably the hardest death to "get over" because of lack of closure. I would highly suggest she get some counseling ASAP. And it's going to be tough for her. Make sure you let her grieve - any reaction she has is completely normal. and keep the lines of communication open

 

[Kitty 34]

So sad. to your daughter.

 

[mommasita]

My heart goes out to your family today, and of course his family...

Prayers for strength going out..

 

[lucyanna girl]

As the mother of a sixteen year old it is so easy to imagine myself in your place today.

The advice you have received is wonderful. One thing that was posted especially struck me - to protect your daughter after the immediate future, when she returns to school. Teens can be very cruel. Some of his friends may feel the urge to "take up for him" by hurting your DD, either emotionally or even physically.

I fear you face a hard road dealing with this. Good counseling will help, but your daughter will have to live with his selfish act for a long time.

I also feel so bad for his family. Please keep your DD away from them as much as possible. Right now their state of mind is bound to be completely irrational.

Please keep us updated, to you all,

Penny

 

[Pop Daddy]

hey

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

I am so very sorry.

 

[phisigprincess]

Many prayers.