DD's BF committed suicide last night, Memorial Service UPDATE #190

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'm so sorry. You've received some good advice on this thread. I don't have any new to add, just

 

[DISUNC]

My Deepest Condolences

 

[Evil Genius]

Prayers to both families

 

[JoyG]

As far as his parents...hopefully they will realize as time goes on that their son's issues were deeper than your DD breaking up with him. I would guard your DD very carefullly from his parents for the next few days...there is no telling what they might say or do, and their words could have a long-lasting effect on her.

I totally agree!

You've gotten lots of good advice on this thread. I also agree that the suicide was an act of control on the boyfriend's part. How tragic.

I understand where the parents are coming from, they are going through the stages of grief, there's no telling what other emotions they will experience before they finally get some closure. I definitely wouldn't give them the opportunity to work through those emotions on your daughter however. Guard her carefully.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Prayers to both families. I am so sorry. Be strong for your daughter, she will need you more than ever.

 

[robinb]

Everything I was going to say has been said. {{hugs}} to you and your family. What a sad and terrible thing.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

This, unfortunately, was his last, and most dramatic, controlling act. The only other way he could have been in even MORE control would have been to kill your daughter, also. I know you realize how fortunate you are that he did not exercise ultimate control in this situation. And, his mother is so wrapped up in her grief that she cannot see this. If not now, it would have happened later. If not in reaction to your daughter, to someone else's daughter. And IF (this is a big if) your DD had NOT broken up with him, and had gone on to marry(or not) and have children with him, his anger might be directed out at his children, also. Or at a group of strangers in a mall. We see this story in the news all the time.

I agree with those who advise that your DD get counseling to deal with this, so that she can understand that she is not to blame, despite what irrational people might think.

I agree. I lost a friend right before our senior year in high school because her then ex-boyfriend exercised the ultimate control.

As others have said counseling is very important. Your DD needs to know this is not her fault. Also suicide seems to affect others in the sense that it also becomes an option for them.

Prayers to you and your DD and prayers to the ex-boyfriend's family.

 

[beckanoah]

I am so sorry!

 

[N.Bailey]

This young man sounds exactly like the 17 year old that my daughter is currently dating (they just celebrated their 1 year anniversary at the end of November). I've talked to my daughter about the possibilities of what might happen should she decide to break up with him, and she's confided in me that she's been thinking about it. Like your daughter's boyfriend, this boy is very controlling as well. He wants to be with her whenever he's not working or at school. He's even yelled at her for watching a movie with me when it's HIS time (and we're talking phone time here because it was getting pretty late). She's suppose to do that type of thing when he's at work. Again, like your DD's BF, this boy has many excellent qualities, too.

What you are experiencing is my 2nd biggest fear if or should I say when my daughter breaks up with her BF. First and foremost is that he may try to do something to my daughter.

His mother told us when a girl he dated for a month broke up with him, he locked himself in his room for a few months and refused to come out and socialize at all. She's not said it, but I think she's fearful of what might happen if they break up, too.

I do so hope that your daughter gets the help she needs. Let her read this thread if you think it will help. She did nothing wrong. If I were you, I'd strongly suggest she not attend any of the services. If she insists though, make sure she does not go alone.

 

[DoeWDW]

This is so tragic. My thoughts and prayers are with your DD, your family, and the boy's family. So many are hurting right now.

 

[mickeyboat]

for you and your DD.

Denae

 

[perdidobay]

I am so glad your DD has such a wonderful loving family to help her.

 

[NewJersey]

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Muffy. I think you've gotten some great advice here and just to reiterate: convey to your daughter that its not her fault as this boy had problems already and I would offer counseling to her. As for the mother placing blame, I think its a natural reaction by her - she's upset and looking for answers and instead of thinking it was her own son's problems, she wants to look elsewhere at the moment. I can't imagine what she or you and your daughter must be going through. You are all in my prayers.

 

[MELSMICE]

Hugs & prayers for that family & also for your DD.

Please remind her that she had nothing to do with this boy's choice to end his life. He was mentally unstable.

 

[Momof2princess]

For you, your DD and all involved.

 

[KerriSue]

This is such tragic news. My heart goes out to your family and the BF's family. I agree with all the other posters, get your DD in therapy quick. Just so she can know that it isnt her fault. Sometimes it is helpful to let out your feelings to a therapist, someone you wont see out everyday, to validate the fact that this was a terrible accident that she could not have prevented.

Again, my prayers are with you and your DD

 

[kimmikayb]

My prayers and support to you and your DD. My prayers to this young man's family also.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I'm so sorry.

 

[Beth76]

Oh wow. That is truly truly horrible. I am so sorry for your daughter and the boy's family. I know it's not going to make a lick of difference what anyone (especially strangers on a message board) says to her, but it's not her fault. I know it will feel like it is, but it's not and I'm sure you've told her that as well.

 

[Mouseteacher]

The boys mother does blame my DD. Even though she didn't say it this last time when she called with this horrible news, she did imply it several times on the phone earlier yesterday. She was very bitter yesterday and to have it end like this is horrible. I am scared right now and watching for cars because I'm frighten of this mothers grief. At the sanme time my heart breaks for her.

Oh my, Muffy, I am so sorry!

However, this boy must have been showing signs of this emotional unbalance for some time. The signs must have been there for his parents. It is not because of your DD!! I hope the mother stops blaming your DD asap. I know you will give DD your love and support through this and show her it is not her fault. Someone choosing to take their life does not rest on someone else.