DD thinks I'm going to die...(long)

[DisneyLovingMama]

In kindergarten today, during health class my DD mentioned to her teacher that I drink soda. The teacher told her that it was unhealthy for me to drink more than one soda a day. Later, she told the class that people who do unhealthy things get fat, get sick, got to the hospital and can die.

So, DD is now hysterical and is convinced I'm going to die and leave her all alone. She even tried to throw out every drink (soda and otherwise) that we have in the house.

She and I had a long talk about healthy vs unhealthy. I told her I was trying to be more healthy and would like her to be more healthy. I convinced her that together we can play a "healthy" game at dinner. She's gone to bed and is better now, but still not convinced I'm not going to keel over.

I'm very upset at the teacher for engaging my daughter in the soda conversation. I feel that even if my daughter initiated it, the teacher should have let it go, but not associate me with being unhealthy and then a few minutes later talking about unhealthy = death.

Should I bring this up with her on Monday? My hesistation is that I am overweight. I'm in good health, but need to lose quite a few pounds. But, again, it never crossed my 5-year old's mind that I was anything but normal until today. I don't know, I just feel like an innocence is lost. And, both of us are hurting as a result.

Thanks for listening.

 

[slo]

How sad that the teacher said this to your DD!!!

I personally would say something to her on Monday. She needs to understand that children are going to take something like this very literally and how confusing it is to the child. Hopefully she will be grateful that you explained this to her so she doesn't do this again and not take offense to it.

Good luck and I hope your DD feels better about everything tomorrow

 

[Costumesaremylife]

I don't think it is very nice for a teacher to tell a five year old that anything (short of fire, poison, explosives and actual dangerous stuff) will make someone die. That's way too much stress. I watched some TV show about car accidents as a kid and I was terrified my parents would die. It happened every single time they left the house for many years. I still remember how upset it made me. I'd like think that five year olds don't really need to think about death just yet. JMO

 

[Pea-n-Me]

When things come up like this with my kids I usually talk to the person involved to get their version of events first. Could you ask the teacher what the conversation was about soda and see if it's in line with what your dd says? When my son was 4 he told me something had happened at school and I called the school to complain. The teacher told me she'd known nothing about it. After I hung up my son admitted that he lied about it. I'm not saying your daughter lied, but is it possible she either misinterpreted what the teacher said or maybe came to her own conclusions since she knew you drink soda? I can't imagine a teacher telling students something like that.

ETA I had breast cancer when my kids were in kindergarten and I was petrified they would come to that conclusion as well but we tried to keep their lives as normal as we could and their teacher was a true blessing to me that year, so I agree, kids of that age have enough to worry about without thinking they're going to lose their mother.

 

[diznygirl]

You can either talk to the teacher - depends on your previous relationship, or make an appt with the principal to discuss your concerns. I think going as far as saying unhealthy people will die was inappropriate for a kindergarten class. You may not be the only mom having a tough time with their child right now.

 

[mommaU4]

Oh, your poor DD. I remember having nightmares as a child that my mom died and would get so scared. I think it's normal for a child at some point to start questioning whether or not their parents will always be there for them. But a kindergartener is just too young to go into specifics with and it certainly shouldn't have been brought up by the teacher.

I just think talking about death to a 5 yr old should be the parents job and not something discussed in class, unless there was a unique situation like a fellow classmate passed away or something. She could have pointed out that people who are unhealthy should work to change their habits, and that it could lead to them getting sick if they don't, and left it at that.

One of my 5 yr olds said to me that she knew that I was going to die one day when I got old. I just kept it simple and said that right now I was planning to be around to take care of her for as long as she needed me. That seemed to satisfy her.

If it helps your DD to throw out the soda then let her do it. It may have the added bonus of actually getting everyone healthier while making her feel like she is doing something and has some control over a situation that probably makes her feel very scared and out of control.

I don't know. That's just my advice. Sorry you're feeling bad.

 

[SRUAlmn]

I am usually the first one trying to defend teachers in many of these types of threads as I am a K teacher myself. However, I am shocked that this teacher would say this to the class! One of the first rules in education is that you should never make the child feel that anything his/her parents say or do is 'bad' or 'wrong.' I teach in a high poverty school district, and rap music is rampant in their homes. My 5 year olds come in singing every single lyric to popular rap songs. Do I tell them it's bad or wrong? No, because I don't want them to be ashamed of or worried about their home. I just say that it's a 'home' song and not a 'school' song. I'm so sorry that this teacher has done this to your daughter. At that age, they are incapable of processing what it was she was trying to say appropriately. I hope your daughter feels better soon.

I would talk to the teacher before you go to the principal. As a teacher, I would definitely want a parent to come to me first with a concern. Think about it. If someone at your place of work had a problem with you, would you want them to come and talk to you about it, or go directly to your superior and 'tattle' on you. Definitely let the teacher know your concern!

 

[kbkids]

My neighbor went through something similar with her son last year when he was in kindergarten. Every year, the PE coaches spend a day with each class during their PE time discussing the dangers of smoking. They show them a video geared towards kids regarding smoking and then just talk to them a little bit and answer questions. I know one of the coaches personally and just asked her what they do when a child mentions that a parent smokes. She said they always have to tread lightly and just say something to the effect that their goal is make sure that the child doesn't start smoking because once you start, it's hard to stop. And then say that perhaps they may want to discuss with the parent about if trying to stop would be something they would be interested in doing.

Anyway, my friend's son gets off the bus last year, and both of us knew immediately something was wrong. He just looked upset. They went on in their house, and she calls me a couple of hours later and said that he was afraid his Daddy was going to die. Took awhile to get everything out of him, but the talk had scared him to death. His Dad does smoke - not alot - but enough to have the child worried about him now. So, for months, he was on cigarette patrol - it really was cute! - drove Daddy nuts! - but eventually, the child gave up and just didn't worry about it anymore. Or so we thought. This year, he's in first grade. They mention at PE that the next day they will be watching a movie about how dangerous smoking can be. He comes home upset again and begs his Mom not to make him go to school. She called me again to see what I thought she should do. She really would like for her husband to stop, but he's not interested, doesn't smoke inside, never around the kids (although they do smell it on him and get mad at him). Anyway, she ended up sending him to school and wrote a note to the teacher to please let him stay in the classroom during PE, explained why, and also followed up with a call to the office to make sure the PE coaches got the message too. They all agreed to let him skip PE that day. He obviously got the message last year so no point in going through it again!

 

[Stacerita]

I would talk to the teacher and get her side of it. Sometimes converstations take off without knowing it. Or maybe what she said could have been misinterpreted by DD. Not saying that your child made anything up, its just that sometimes little kids have vivid imaginations that with a little bit of suggestion (or what they think was suggested) can make them believe what the heard was actually said. Talk to the teacher and see what was said and go from there.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

I could see DD jumping to some conclusions, but the teacher definitely said something about one soda a day and being unhealthy - no way DD would come up with that on her own. Until today, he'd drink 3 a day if she could (for the record, she almost never is allowed soda).

I really don't like her teacher. Before the teachers jump on me - I have complete respect for teachers - my Mom is one. But, this is a private kindergarten (the only full-time option around me), and this woman just seems like she is "slumming" until she gets a better job. I don't see her a lot - she walks in at 9:00 on the dot and leaves at 3:00 on the dot, but anytime I have seen her, she is yelling at the children, and really seems to not be able to handle them. I've heard her call some of the kids babies, and at the Christmas party, I intervened when she started to lose her temper becuase DD's chair was out of place.

Anyway, I will talk to her on Monday, though. At the very least, I don't want her setting rules for my household. If I wanted DD to have 100 sodas a day, that's my perogative - not hers.

 

[momof2inPA]

My niece did the same thing when the school had a discussion about cigarettes. She went home and threw away my aunt's and uncle's. It didn't work, but I wish it would have.

 

[simba928]

The teacher should not have said that. I would talk to her on Monday to get her story. I would not accuse her immediately of anything, but I would find out exactly what happened.

My grandma tells me this story all the time. My grandparents used to smoke years ago. When my dad was little (1st or 2nd grade), he came home every day for like a week crying. My grandparents couldn't figure out why. After a few days, my grandfather got it out of him. At school, they had been talking about the dangers of smoking. It had gotten into my dad's head that if you smoke, you are going to die. He was so scared that my grandparents would die. That day, my grandfather put down his cigarette and never smoked again in his life. My grandmother quit shortly after.

While smoking is much more dangerous than drinking pop (no offense to the smokers out there), this just shows how sensitive kids are. You really have to watch what you say around them. They take anything and everything to heart.

 

[pumba]

yes you should say something to this teacher....

after 9/11....dear granddaughter...the teacher was discussing the possibility of having terrorists here and instead said........no they would not bomb our school here they would go after places like the shipyard and naval base..........the shipyard was where my husband works....well our granddaughter was hysterical......for shame on a teacher to say this.....my daughter went to the school and talked with the prinicipal and then the teacher.....they have to be a little cautious when they are talking with kids

 

[Blondy876]

You definitely need to talk to the teacher, the things she said are really inappropriate. Granted too much soda is not that healthy, but too much of anything isn't really healthy. I'm so sorry your dd has to deal with this teacher. She sounds like she thinks she is too good to be teaching at the school.

My dd (she's in 1st) is having a lot of issues with the idea of death. No one has died in our family recently it just seems like a few weeks ago she woke up with the knowledge that everyone dies eventually, even her. I have talked with her about this fear everyday for over a month. She is terrified. We are going to the school counselor on Monday. If her teacher had said what your child's teacher said to her I don't know if my dd would ever get over it.

Some teachers forget how literal children take everything. I think this one needs to be reminded.

 

[Sparx]

NO teacher has ANY business telling a 5 year old that something short of fire, explosives, poison, etc. will kill someone. That is waaay too much for them to comprehend. That teacher needs to be spoken to.

 

[debbiedoo]

You can either talk to the teacher - depends on your previous relationship, or make an appt with the principal to discuss your concerns. I think going as far as saying unhealthy people will die was inappropriate for a kindergarten class. You may not be the only mom having a tough time with their child right now.

I totally agree

many hugs to you