DD rushing for sorority this Fall - need help...

[Poohforyou]

This is very true. They are not allowed to have contact with current sorority members prior to rush week.

And I have not made any contact attempts with current members. She and I have only communicated with alumnae regarding letters of recommendation. Again, I am helping her since we do not come from a community that sororities are a norm. We are a Hispanic family, she is 2nd generation US born, and we live in a predominantly Hispanic community. Those that are my generation that have college degrees did so as commuter students while having full & part-time jobs. This whole Greek process is not common in our community, which is why I am trying to help DD in the research and preparation.

Just a piece of advice, it's fine that you're helping your dd with background info and prep work for rush but she should be the only one contacting people. Your days of contacting anyone on her behalf should have ended in high school if not before. It just sends out a helicopterish vibe which won't help your dd to come across as a strong, confident young woman.

 

[scrapgal123]

Just a piece of advice, it's fine that you're helping your dd with background info and prep work for rush but she should be the only one contacting people. Your days of contacting anyone on her behalf should have ended in high school if not before. It just sends out a helicopterish vibe which won't help your dd to come across as a strong, confident young woman.

Yes, I agree. Believe me, my daughter is very independent. I am only forwarding to her those that have indicated a willingness to assist her from the forums that I go on.

 

[PigletsPal2]

If you're still looking for information, there's an article in today's Orlando Sentinel, Family Life page. I suspect you could access it via www.orlandosentinel.com

DGD rushed a sorority at her college and was off-and-on about the whole experience. She loved being a Big Sister (her second year) and she served on the Executive Council one year. She hated the nit-picking that went on at Chapter meetings (she was once told her shoes were inappropriate! They were two-toned saddle oxfords!) The cost was pretty high, too, for a student on financial aid and scholarships, so I offered to pay her yearly dues as her birthday present.

She's taking what Europeans call a "gap year" this year and plans to return to school next fall; she's in some kind of "reserve" status with her sorority during this time.

Queen Colleen

 

[HM]

Thanks, this is mostly what I have been telling her.

The most difficult part has been finding recommendations. Most of the people that we know attended college locally and there weren't that many sororities. Our city doesn't even allow the sororities to have houses due to some old laws on the books. She has been able to contact the local alumnae chapters and a few women have offered to write recommendations. I just hope they get there on time since we didn't even realize recommendations were needed!

Back in the 80s, I went into Rush without any recommendations, that I know of. Someone must have written one for me at some point since I was given a Bid. I was a sophomore during recruitment, so I think some classmate may have written one.

My DD is going through recruitment as a Freshman this fall at a much smaller school with only a few sororities. Mine happens to be there, so I got a friend to do a rec form for her. I've contacted a couple friends to see if anyone was in any of the others offered at her school and would write her a rec for theirs.

Sounds like you two are actually ahead of where a lot of girls will be when the time comes.

 

[HM]

Ditto at my alma mater. All other things being equal, a freshman is preferred to a sophomore. Probably 10 of the 18 houses only pledge freshman and they have the "pull" to be selective in that way.

That said, lots of sophomores pledge as well and have a wonderful experience! I agree with everyone else that she should go in with an open mind.

Every school is going to be different.

This was seen as a problem at our local university, so their panhellenic mandated that a certain number of bids be given to non-Freshman. It's not a very big percentage, but it does allow Sophomores and Juniors a much better chance.

 

[kkandaj]

LOL. You're not kidding. I just returned to my undergraduate campus for my sorority's 95th chapter anniversary. Skee wee AKA!!

Anyhow I have not been financially active in quite a while. So I thought, hey I'll start participating. cost to reactivate? 1,000 bucks. whew.

Now as for the rejection. I got rejected my first try out. I got over it and tried again. Never asked why I was rejected. luckily for me my parents were not the type to shield their kids from disappointments so I was definitely the "pick yourself up, dust yourself off" type of college student.

Skee Wee Soror

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Just a piece of advice, it's fine that you're helping your dd with background info and prep work for rush but she should be the only one contacting people. Your days of contacting anyone on her behalf should have ended in high school if not before. It just sends out a helicopterish vibe which won't help your dd to come across as a strong, confident young woman.

I disagree. If her mom has contacts, why not use them? I work with he Harvards, Yales, Browns, Columbias, Princetons...they all use their contacts when their kids are applying for schools, jobs, etc. It's the way it works. It's who you know. So why not use every advantage? The "helicoptering" seems to work out well for these kids and they go places. Is it helicoptering or networking?

 

[Burnedout]

I disagree. If her mom has contacts, why not use them? I work with he Harvards, Yales, Browns, Columbias, Princetons...they all use their contacts when their kids are applying for schools, jobs, etc. It's the way it works. It's who you know. So why not use every advantage? The "helicoptering" seems to work out well for these kids and they go places. Is it helicoptering or networking?

It depends. If it is someone else it is helicoptering, if it is "you" it is networking.

Frankly if someone can't make it without mommy and daddy pulling strings you aren't really making it, IMO.

And yeah, I work with folks who pull all the strings they can. Usually pretentious and usually think theirs are more worthy than others. And people whine about the McDonald works being "entitled"

 

[fae]

It depends. If it is someone else it is helicoptering, if it is "you" it is networking.

Frankly if someone can't make it without mommy and daddy pulling strings you aren't really making it, IMO.

And yeah, I work with folks who pull all the strings they can. Usually pretentious and usually think theirs are more worthy than others. And people whine about the McDonald works being "entitled"

I think asking your mom to ask her friends if they are in sororities is a lot different than "having mommy and daddy pull strings" for you. I agree that the daughter should put together her packet and send her own thank you notes, but I think it's just smart to have her mom reach out to her own friends and coworkers to get base info. Coldcalling people about their sorority affiliation is weird. Also, there is no such thing as string pulling in recruitment. If the girls in the individual chapter don't like you, you're not getting in. Even legacy status is not a guarantee. There are probably a few exceptions, such as if your mother is the national president of a group, but they are few and far between.

 

[HM]

Asking friends that are were in different sororities to write recommendations is something the mother should do. Generally, the daughter won't know them as well as the mother and would likely have no clue about their affiliation. If the woman is willing to write the Rec, she may end up asking the student questions so that they can fill out the form rather than the mother.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

College girl here...

It really depends on the school and how they hold their rush week. Advice that works for one school may not be at all accurate for another! If you know other girls who have gone through recruitment at that school, DD should reach out to them. At our school, you can get as much help as you need before recruitment begins (after school starts, you can't talk to sorority sisters). Also, recommendation letters never hurt! Get one in for every sorority that you have a contact with. For some chapters, recs are a strong factor for consideration, while others might value legacy more. Recs and legacy alone won't get you into a sorority, but it will make them look at you. When they know who you are going in, they can arrange who you see each round and make sure that person is a good fit. Also, I don't know about other colleges and chapters, but we have the opportunity to make "brag boards" for girls we know and think are a good fit so that other sisters are familiar with them. Wardrobe is a really big deal at my southern university, and girls spend a lot of time planning out their outfits. Everyone is told what to wear - it starts out more casual with shorts or capris and each round is more formal.

Rush week is really superficial, and it kind of stinks. But I think in the end, everyone gets a sorority that is a good fit for them (or learns that Greek life isn't what they want). Also, the sorority chapters are really diverse. While each sorority probably has its own "image" on campus, there's a wide range of girls actually in that sorority - some may be representative of its acquired image, while others may be totally different.

Best of luck to your DD!

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

References are important, but it is not your DD's job to get them - it is the sorority's job. However, if you know someone who was in a sorority, getting them your DD's picture and resume may encourage them to submit a reference. It certainly can't hurt.

Depending on how competitive recruitment is on her campus, her sophomore standing may limit her opportunities. Not saying it will, but she should be aware that some chapters will favor freshmen to fill their incoming pledge class.

Many campuses now set a separate upperclass quota so that upperclassmen are competing with each other instead of with freshmen. This has really helped get a better upperclassman distribution.

 

[mhsjax]

Asking friends that are were in different sororities to write recommendations is something the mother should do. Generally, the daughter won't know them as well as the mother and would likely have no clue about their affiliation. If the woman is willing to write the Rec, she may end up asking the student questions so that they can fill out the form rather than the mother.

Yep, In any other conversation here on the Dis that would be considered helicopter parenting and the child would be a snowflake. I guess as usual, sororities have their own rules for things.

 

[Help Please!]

The whole sorority thing just rubs me the wrong way. I know that many do good things...but when it comes down to it, an overweight girl without "cute" clothes will not get a bit. That was one of my freshman college roommates. She was so sweet, kind, and funny...but the sororities didn't even give her a chance. I was in marching band camp while she was rushing, I'll never forget coming back from camp one day, and there she was crying, not 1 sorority (out of SO MANY, big college!) had expressed any interest in her whatsoever.

You can give me the "well, there must have been something wrong with her" or "maybe she was just quiet" or etc. etc. etc....no. That was just wrong. I will never encourage my daughter to join a sorority, and it makes me sad to see these "exclusive" groups that keep nice girls out.

 

[AC7179]

The whole sorority thing just rubs me the wrong way. I know that many do good things...but when it comes down to it, an overweight girl without "cute" clothes will not get a bit. That was one of my freshman college roommates. She was so sweet, kind, and funny...but the sororities didn't even give her a chance. I was in marching band camp while she was rushing, I'll never forget coming back from camp one day, and there she was crying, not 1 sorority (out of SO MANY, big college!) had expressed any interest in her whatsoever.

You can give me the "well, there must have been something wrong with her" or "maybe she was just quiet" or etc. etc. etc....no. That was just wrong. I will never encourage my daughter to join a sorority, and it makes me sad to see these "exclusive" groups that keep nice girls out.

Agree.

 

[fae]

The whole sorority thing just rubs me the wrong way. I know that many do good things...but when it comes down to it, an overweight girl without "cute" clothes will not get a bit. That was one of my freshman college roommates. She was so sweet, kind, and funny...but the sororities didn't even give her a chance. I was in marching band camp while she was rushing, I'll never forget coming back from camp one day, and there she was crying, not 1 sorority (out of SO MANY, big college!) had expressed any interest in her whatsoever.

You can give me the "well, there must have been something wrong with her" or "maybe she was just quiet" or etc. etc. etc....no. That was just wrong. I will never encourage my daughter to join a sorority, and it makes me sad to see these "exclusive" groups that keep nice girls out.

FWIW, my college chapter is one of my organization's top chapters nationwide and size was absolutely never brought up in any of our discussions regarding potential new members. Fit into our group, good grades, and similarity of values were really all we cared about.

 

[Burnedout]

FWIW, my college chapter is one of my organization's top chapters nationwide and size was absolutely never brought up in any of our discussions regarding potential new members. Fit into our group, good grades, and similarity of values were really all we cared about.

So you had overweight girls in your group? We're they demographically represented or was it just not discussed as criteria?

 

[fae]

So you had overweight girls in your group? We're they demographically represented or was it just not discussed as criteria?

Yes, we had overweight women in our group. I couldn't tell you how many because I never cared enough to notice. More than a handful, though. Weight was just never a factor in our decision to bid someone; personality was WAY more important. I'm not saying that appearance didn't matter, though, because it did matter to a point. We did expect PNMs to wear recruitment-appropriate clothes (nothing too revealing and no sweatpants) and look polished (had their hair brushed and looked as if they had showered recently).

 

[Ceila]

Yep, In any other conversation here on the Dis that would be considered helicopter parenting and the child would be a snowflake. I guess as usual, sororities have their own rules for things.

You sound a little bitter, and no, it's called networking. Just like in the work world, you reach out to people you know, and ask them to reach out to people they know.

I do believe that the girl who is rushing should then be the one to get in touch with those willing to give her a reference to give them any information they might need along with the contact information. And, of course, she should follow up with a thank you letter later. But the initial reaching out? Nothing wrong with asking family and friends to ask around for you.

The whole sorority thing just rubs me the wrong way. I know that many do good things...but when it comes down to it, an overweight girl without "cute" clothes will not get a bit. That was one of my freshman college roommates. She was so sweet, kind, and funny...but the sororities didn't even give her a chance. I was in marching band camp while she was rushing, I'll never forget coming back from camp one day, and there she was crying, not 1 sorority (out of SO MANY, big college!) had expressed any interest in her whatsoever.

You can give me the "well, there must have been something wrong with her" or "maybe she was just quiet" or etc. etc. etc....no. That was just wrong. I will never encourage my daughter to join a sorority, and it makes me sad to see these "exclusive" groups that keep nice girls out.

I'm sorry your friend had a hard time, but the truth is that not every chapter cares about weight or having the most current trendy clothes as you seem to think they do. We had several girls in our chapter who were overweight - my "little sis" was one of them. As long as a girl looked presentable (neat clothes, took some time to brush her hair, etc.), she had a good chance of receiving a bid if she had a good personality. We cared about whether a girl was nice, kind, and generally a good person, we didn't care whether she was a certain size or not.

 

[Poohforyou]

Asking friends that are were in different sororities to write recommendations is something the mother should do. Generally, the daughter won't know them as well as the mother and would likely have no clue about their affiliation. If the woman is willing to write the Rec, she may end up asking the student questions so that they can fill out the form rather than the mother.

No, the mother asking her friends if her dd can contact them about their sorority experience and then giving her dd their contact information is what the mother should do. Networking is not the same thing as being a helicopter parent. Paving the way on the road of life is fine. Carry your child down the road isn't.