DD left in tears again.....

[cstokell]

I know that teacher have a hard job to do and that it must be difficult to get the right balance of children in a class but for the second year running my DD has been split up from her "best friends". No real reason was given last year other than they need to have a balance of abilities in the classes.

She will be going in to year 2 next September, she is 6 years old, and has just found out that she will not be in the same class as her two best friends.

Jo-Ann is a confident little girl who gets on with everyone in her class and is normally quite happy working in which ever group she is put in. But after she was split up from her friends at the end of last year we had nightmares, which led to trouble sleeping and then her not wanting to go to school at all. It took most of the first term for her to settle down.

She has managed over the year to build up new close friendships and when asked she put two names down as the people she would most like to be with next year. It however, looks as though this will not be case. When she found out this a morning that the other girls where going together into the other class her face dropped and she burst into tears and came running out of school. It took me about 10 minutes to persaude her to go back in.

I did not get a chance to see the teacher this morning but I know from last year that they don't normally change the classes.

I sometimes think that because Jo-Ann gets on so well with everyone and appears very confident that the teachers just assume that she will be happy whatever.

I really just don't know what to do. I mean what can you do when your DD tells you that she is not going to bother getting a new best friend this year because she is always split up from them..... I suppose that I just have to keep my fingers crossed that she copes a little better than last year and that the nightmares don't come back.

 

[Minniespal]

Can't offer any words of advice ~ Just wanted to give you and Jo-Ann a

 

[Strommie]

It's so hard when you're split up from your friends at that age.

 

[alisonbestford]

This happened to DD (now 8) at the same age

She was distraught, at the time, and I worried myself silly throughout the holidays.

I don't have any advice but big hugs for you both

 

[natalielongstaff]

I bet your dd is very popular and will know lots of the other children in her class try not to worry x x

 

[Frances999]

I think you should put in a complaint. Social bonding and interaction is crucial at that stage, and whilst it may be beneficial to mix with new people, being taken away from those she feels most confident with sounds like it would have a negative effect.

You say "when asked she put two names down as the people she would most like to be with next year" -- so the children get to write down the people they would like to be with? That seems very wrong to me if they are then told no, you cannot be in the same class.

Please keep us updated.

 

[wils]

Sending you both a big . It probably is worth saying something to the school especially as it is such an upsetting thing for your DD. We found out what reception class my DD will be in yesterday and thankfully there are a couple of really nice girls in it too who she seems to get on with

Thinking of you both - I'm sure your heart is breaking for her. I'm sorry

 

[T16GEM]

Ahh big hugs to you both, I would say something, it doesn't matter how confident they are they still need familiar people around them at school! I hope that you can get it sorted.

Keep us updated!

Gems

 

[robinb]

Poor thing! Why do they even ask kids who they would like to be placed with when they don't do anything to make it happen? That would be my biggest complaint! Can you talk to the school or is the placement set in stone?

 

[SammieG]

at our school.. they deliberately separate children who have formed very close bonds..
i thought it was silly at first.. but actually i really like it now. It means that your child doesnt put all their eggs in one basket, and allows them to bond with other children rather than just their one special friend..

They get to see their special friends at play time and also after school.. so im very happy for the mixup to happen every year.

 

[maya_]

I don't understand why they ask them to write down two friends and then separate them. Year 1/2 children don't have the maturity to know that they'll make new friends, and still see their existing friends at playtime. They will, of course, but they don't know this now, and it seems a lot of unnecessary upheaval.

It's a shame, because although they make a wider circle of friends, they don't generally make lasting friendships. I went to a tiny village school, and I'm still friends with 2 or 3 of the people I started Reception with in 1988.

I now work in a one-form-intake school, so this doesn't happen until they leave in Y6.

If I were you, I would try to talk to the teacher. If nothing else, substantial educational theory suggests that children learn best in an environment where they feel safe and secure, first and foremost. Plus, as I say, it doesn't make sense to go through the process of choosing friends and writing them down, and then being separated from them two years running. Most people who work in schools know that pushy parents generally get what they want, and the louder ones won't be shy about it.

 

[emily1982]

Seeing it from the otherside, i work in a reception class and we seperate children into year one. We don't ask the children though because we want it to be quite natural. We do seperate certain children though, because some friendships as close as they are, in school classrooms just don't work. I do think its strange though to ask them.

 

[mandymouse]

Aww bless her, I'm sure she'll make more new friends

 

[irongirlof12]

poor DD, my DD and her friends were always falling in and out with each other- I try not to get involved now. As a crisis one day is resolved the next! ( it gets worse as they get older! )

It might be worth speaking to the school to ask why they asked if they were going to ignore it!

My dd has been seperated from various friendship groups every year since starting primary school as they had a big intake in her year group. She has got used to it now and they do make friends easily at this age.

hope it works out for her.

 

[TotallyAngelic]

Just wanted to send you and your DD a big It's very difficult when these things happen. I would go in and ask the teacher why they have made this decision, especially after aking her who she wanted to stay with.

My DD and her first "best friend" were separated after year 1 primary school as the teacher said they were too close and both too confident and were "taking over" the classroom. We thought that was a bit of a strange way to describe 6 year olds! Despite complaints they wouldn't change their decision, and in the new class without her friend my DD lost her confidence and became quite a shy girl for a while. She eventually made friends with a girl who joined the school from China, and they were inseparable for the rest of primary school and most of secondary school, and because they were quiet and no trouble they were left alone with no more splits. It is bizarre what motivates the schools to make the decisions they make!

 

[hildasmuriel]

It does seem a shame to have a split 2 years running.
It is worth asking about it. I know our school occasionally splits children when they are totally dependent on each other (for example, where one can't work if the other child is off sick - one girl used to cry herself into hysterics if her friend was off, until she made herself sick!) but apart from this the pot isn't usually stirred until they move from KS1 to KS2 at age 7. Then they have been together for 3 years and the school has a chance to see what combination works. Usually the split is made to seperate boys who become too silly when put together.

 

[cstokell]

Thank you all for your hugs. I have passed them all on to Jo-Ann.

She seemed to be a little bit happier when see came home from school and has decided that as long as she can still see her friend at playtime and dinner-times then this will be fine. I have also told her that they can still come round for tea after school.

I does however, appear that there are a lot of unhappy children following the split of the classes. It seems that quite a few children have been split from the person they would most like to be with.

Her teacher has told me that Jo-Ann is part of a close group of 5 (quite clever) friends that need to be split to try to balance the abilities in the two classes. Three of the girls have gone into one class and Jo-Ann and another into the other class. The teachers did try to split according to their friend choices, the girl that Jo-Ann is with had Jo-Ann as one of her choices, the three in the other class had each other and only one of them had Jo-Ann.

One thing that is making me a little happier though is the number of parents that have asked me which class my DD is in and when I have told them they are saying " ..... will be so happy they wanted to be in the same class as Jo-Ann" or " good, their DD/DS has been split up from thier best friend but they will be pleased that Jo-Ann is still in their class". It looks that even though she may be dissapointed and upset that she will still lots of friends in her new class.

Thank you all again, it really helps when you are feeling a bit down to know that you can get such great support from the wonderful people on the disboard.

 

[wils]

Glad you got some answers and that Jo-Ann is happier. How nice that she is so highly thought of by the other parents and children. You must be very proud

 

[natalielongstaff]

thats a great ending i am so pleased it sounds as if it will work out in the end

 

[jtlover]

This happened to my daughter and she saw the positive side in that she would have twice the amount of friends. As she would have her class friends and her best friends.