DD 17 is so mad at us....

[powellrj]

I guess I am THAT parent tonight. DS is going to a party at the frat house. The house is SUPPOSE to be dry because they didn't make grades this semester. He promised he wouldn't drink and I asked him to spend the night and not drive home until morning. I hope he listens to us.

 

[mic&min]

My 17 year old daughter is also staying at home tonight. She is working now but should be home soon. She invited some friends over and I feel so much better about them being here. Her friends have actually been here for two hours and she is still at work....

Happy New Year everyone!!!

 

[RitaZ.]

I expected more griping from DS, but he didn't. My guess is that his friends' parents had the same rule for NYE.

 

[AristocatFan]

Well after much debate we let DS(17) go out tonight. He's been at a party at his friends house and is to be home by 12:30am. We've been a nervous wreck but keep telling ourselves this is the first step in letting go. He's going to college in the fall. It has been strange this evening not having him here but we've been texting!

Now last year I was in your shoes. He wanted to go over to his girlfriends house and her parents weren't home. We did not let him go.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

We allowed DS 17 to go to the hockey game and then back to his girlfriends house where they were having family over. I didn't like him driving into the city tonight but it was early. They were at her house by 9:30 ish. I just called over and asked if they would let him sleep on the couch and drive home tomorrow. Her mom agreed she had been worried about him driving home too. I feel much better now. The thought of his 1/2 hour drive on the highway after 12 was making me really uncomfortable! She has to work at noon tomorrow so he will be home by then.

 

[gm]

well I guess I have it worst. DS 18 just came home from College(columbia) from New York and decided he wanted to spend new years eve with his buds at University of Texas and I said no because I wanted him to spend time with us at home. Well he left early morning yesterday without telling anyone. I thought he was in his room sleeping until he called me at 12pm to let me know he was on his way to Austin with his friends and will be back Friday morning and he left early because he knew I would not approve. I was so furious and sad at the same time. His friend had picked him up early morning and they left for Austin without telling me. His friend goes to UT so he will be staying in his dorm there. He is 18 and now thinks he can do anything anytime.

 

[LadyZolt]

well I guess I have it worst. DS 18 just came home from College(columbia) from New York and decided he wanted to spend new years eve with his buds at University of Texas and I said no because I wanted him to spend time with us at home. Well he left early morning yesterday without telling anyone. I thought he was in his room sleeping until he called me at 12pm to let me know he was on his way to Austin with his friends and will be back Friday morning and he left early because he knew I would not approve. I was so furious and sad at the same time. His friend had picked him up early morning and they left for Austin without telling me. His friend goes to UT so he will be staying in his dorm there. He is 18 and now thinks he can do anything anytime.

Well, he can -- and you should let him know that he can do anything anytime now that he's an adult. This means no more financial support from his parents, no more staying at home unless he asks and you agree -- and even then I'd have it be just a few days. So pretty much treat him the way you'd treat any other adult you know. He can pay his own bills, buy his own food and clothes, etc. Tell him, "Congratulations! Today you are a man."

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

ETA: PS: I'd change the locks while he's gone if he has a key.

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

In 2005, a group of us went to NYC for the famous ball drop. I was 25, living on my own as a college grad and when my father found out, he was so ticked off. I heard it all, "Are you stupid? You're going to go to NYC where all the terrorist are and try and get blown up! I'm very disappointed in your decision." He was not happy. I called him every 6 hrs just so he would know I was alright. But yeah, parents ALWAYS worry about their children and I love him even more for that.

 

[aprilgail2]

I wouldn't want my teenager driving tonight but I have no problem taking my 10 year old someplace and picking her up. I have to pick her up from a party at her friends house she is at in a few minutes.

 

[LadyZolt]

In 2005, a group of us went to NYC for the famous ball drop. I was 25, living on my own as a college grad and when my father found out, he was so ticked off. I heard it all, "Are you stupid? You're going to go to NYC where all the terrorist are and try and get blown up! I'm very disappointed in your decision." He was not happy. I called him every 6 hrs just so he would know I was alright. But yeah, parents ALWAYS worry about their children and I love him even more for that.

Wow, now see I'd say that was a fabulous choice you made -- no better time to do Time's Square in NYC on New Year's Eve than when you're young and on your own in the big city. Good for you! It was sweet of you to alleviate your dad's fears, though. You're no doubt a thoughtful and loving daughter.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[bluesaturn]

well I guess I have it worst. DS 18 just came home from College(columbia) from New York and decided he wanted to spend new years eve with his buds at University of Texas and I said no because I wanted him to spend time with us at home. Well he left early morning yesterday without telling anyone. I thought he was in his room sleeping until he called me at 12pm to let me know he was on his way to Austin with his friends and will be back Friday morning and he left early because he knew I would not approve. I was so furious and sad at the same time. His friend had picked him up early morning and they left for Austin without telling me. His friend goes to UT so he will be staying in his dorm there. He is 18 and now thinks he can do anything anytime.

Is he generally a good kid? Were you worried he would get in trouble, or were you just wanting to spend time with him? Honestly if he is not a troublemaker, I would let him know you are upset that he lied, but not pursue further. I know you miss spending time with him, and I'm sure he misses you too, but he probably misses his friends as well. I agree that running off is not the best way to handle anything, but were you going to listen if he tried to reason with you?

I know everyone is now going to tell me I don't know anything because I'm not a parent, but I was a college student recently. The forcing of family time generally had me running in the opposite direction, but when my parents were understanding of my relationships with others I was more than willing to spend time with them.

 

[gm]

Is he generally a good kid? Were you worried he would get in trouble, or were you just wanting to spend time with him? Honestly if he is not a troublemaker, I would let him know you are upset that he lied, but not pursue further. I know you miss spending time with him, and I'm sure he misses you too, but he probably misses his friends as well. I agree that running off is not the best way to handle anything, but were you going to listen if he tried to reason with you?

I know everyone is now going to tell me I don't know anything because I'm not a parent, but I was a college student recently. The forcing of family time generally had me running in the opposite direction, but when my parents were understanding of my relationships with others I was more than willing to spend time with them.

He is a really good kid who never gets in trouble and is mature enough so i am not worried that much because I know he can handle himself well. I really dont know if I would have said yes on going but I was missing him and wanted him to spend more time with us since he is leaving early for college in a week to go on a ski trip. I know that he is an adult and fortunately, he has a scholarships to pay for college and I dont pay for anything except some spending money so I really cannot stop funding or such. I am happy to see your post from someone who was in college recently. I miss him especially because he goes to College in New york and i am watching Times Square on New Years Eve.

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

Wow, now see I'd say that was a fabulous choice you made -- no better time to do Time's Square in NYC on New Year's Eve than when you're young and on your own in the big city. Good for you! It was sweet of you to alleviate your dad's fears, though. You're no doubt a thoughtful and loving daughter.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

Well, thank you very much for that. I like to think I was raised properly with manners, respect and compassion and I know I have my parents to thank for everything I am today. I have always tried to tell them how wonderful they are every chance I get. Love seeing my Dad get all choked up cause I tell him I'm proud to be his daughter.

 

[gm]

Well, thank you very much for that. I like to think I was raised properly with manners, respect and compassion and I know I have my parents to thank for everything I am today. I have always tried to tell them how wonderful they are every chance I get. Love seeing my Dad get all choked up cause I tell him I'm proud to be his daughter.

Can you be my daughter? You are like every parents dream daughter. I salute your parents.

 

[bluesaturn]

He is a really good kid who never gets in trouble and is mature enough so i am not worried that much because I know he can handle himself well. I really dont know if I would have said yes on going but I was missing him and wanted him to spend more time with us since he is leaving early for college in a week to go on a ski trip. I know that he is an adult and fortunately, he has a scholarships to pay for college and I dont pay for anything except some spending money so I really cannot stop funding or such. I am happy to see your post from someone who was in college recently. I miss him especially because he goes to College in New york and i am watching Times Square on New Years Eve.

I can truly understand your desire to see him. I think sometimes our parents love us and miss us so much, it's hard for them to let us go have those "experiences" that make college and our young adult years. It's natural you feel this way but his feelings are natural too.

Your son sounds a lot like me and I also had scholarships paying for school (although I was much closer to home). I think kids that are naturally responsible and mature often push for even more independence than most, it's just in our nature. That's a really good thing, as frustrating as it is for you right now.

When he comes home you should tell him it's not cool to leave without letting anyone know. But then see if you can set aside some specific time to hang out before he leaves. He's probably never scheduled time to hang out with the family before because he was always just home, but it's different now. If you have the mean you should try to visit him at school this semester. It was always nice when my parents visited me and I could show them around.

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

Can you be my daughter? You are like every parents dream daughter. I salute your parents.

Haha, don't get me wrong, I gave my folks their fair share of gray hairs. Nothing too serious though and no where near like my older brother.
No, but seriously I couldn't ask for a better family.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Well, he can -- and you should let him know that he can do anything anytime now that he's an adult. This means no more financial support from his parents, no more staying at home unless he asks and you agree -- and even then I'd have it be just a few days. So pretty much treat him the way you'd treat any other adult you know. He can pay his own bills, buy his own food and clothes, etc. Tell him, "Congratulations! Today you are a man."

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

ETA: PS: I'd change the locks while he's gone if he has a key.

Oh come on that is just daft he is generally a good kid from what his mother says and for one "mistake" (and I believe the mistake was the mother's by dictating to her adult son) he is to be cut off from the family kicked out and told the door keys have been changed.

 

[bluesaturn]

Oh come on that is just daft he is generally a good kid from what his mother says and for one "mistake" (and I believe the mistake was the mother's by dictating to her adult son) he is to be cut off from the family kicked out and told the door keys have been changed.

I agree. Behaving that way would definitely cause him to never come visit, which is the exact opposite of what mom wants. Thankfully based on her response, I think this poster realizes they were both being emotional and this is something they will get over. Sometimes it takes a little while to work out the kinks when the parent-child roles change.

 

[KimRaye]

Well, my DS turned 22 on NYE, legal age for drinking, living at home, paying no rent, pays his portion (but not 1/3) of the cell phone bill, etc. He wanted to share some free movie passes tonight with us and a friend and a cousin - fine, great. $100 later, for me, for required dinner at the theater, he was unhappy that I didn't like the place! Excuse me?!? When was I forbidden from having an Opinion?!?! And, when I paid for it all?!?! When we arrived home, after he slept through the drive, he was going out with his friend and told me MYOB when I asked where he was going. This is a NORMALLY nice kid, no trouble, but apparently needs a reality check - asap! He did go out, for about 1-1/2 hours, and was back before midnight, but left again, to go across the street (thankfully) to his/our friend's house. He's not home yet tho. Never a thank you, good bye, nothing, for the meal we provided all his guests. I guess I'm just sadly disappointed in him right now.

I also know I'm blessed to have 2 great kids, my DD is 12, but they really do take things for granted - too often!

 

[Magic Mom]

Oh come on that is just daft he is generally a good kid from what his mother says and for one "mistake" (and I believe the mistake was the mother's by dictating to her adult son) he is to be cut off from the family kicked out and told the door keys have been changed.

Agreed, cutting him off and changing the locks would be over reacting. It was New Years and he wanted to be out with friends, not sitting at home with mom. My ds(18) was home from college and did the same thing. In fact he has spent a lot of time with friends while he is home. I feel bad that I don't get to see him moe, but on the other hand, he is a responsible kid, and I am happy for him that he has so many friends to visit and catch up with.

It's definitely hard letting them fly out of the nest.