Daycare issues - need advice - UPDATE post #1

[lecach]

My DS is 3 1/2. We are having issues with his current daycare. Just a little background: we left his last daycare for several reasons. Once it went to 5 star they started stretching the ratios a lot - I would come in and find the class out of ratio at mid-morning (when they didn't think anyone was going to be stopping by). The long time teachers started leaving. And then I got laid off and we couldn't afford full time care. His best friend left to go to another daycare and we decided to follow becuase they offered 1/2 day care and would hold a full time spot for DS once I got a job.

Since they got a new director there have been a lot of issues. We're hearing from the teachers that they are cutting the food budget - and some kids don't get their fill of food. The teachers hours are being cut - on Friday DS's teacher was left alone all day with 15 kids (within the state ratio but wrong in my opinion) because they told the co-teacher not to come in til 3:00. So DS had a potty accident because the teacher couldn't get him to the bathroom. When we toured the daycare we were shown the multi purpose room which we loved because it gave the kids somewhere to go during bad weather. Now that room has been changed to the 4 year old room. The room that we were told would be for kids transitioning to kindergarten has been changed to a 2 year old room. So my DS who is a December birthday will be in the 4 year old class until he is almost 6. And the teacher in there is totally inept and the kids in the class run all over her. Now his favorite teacher in his current class is leaving. We like the cost of the daycare and the proximity to home. But DS begs not to go and clings to me every day - somethign he's never done before. So all these red flags really worry me.

I have the option of putting my DS in the YMCA run daycare where I work. My company pays $250 towards the monthly fee which brings the cost to what I pay now. Plus DS would be there an hour less each day (of course he'd be in the car longer with me). They are much more structured and DS would be very well prepared for school. But the negatives are that they close more (for Easter they were closed two days) and they close each day at 5:30. If I have to work late it's not convenient for anyone else to pick him up. Although other people here have worked it out to get a security officer to pick up their kids. I am the President's assistant so that wouldn't be a problem. Also, DH would never be able to pick up DS - but to be honest he only does it now once a month anyway. The biggest negative is that DS would have to leave his best friend - the friend he's been with since they were 6 months old.

I just don't know what to do - stay where we are for the sake of convenience, friends and schedule. Or come to the onsite care for a more learning-centered environment.

Any advice?

***********************************************
UPDATE:

We're moving DS. He had a transition visit this week and did great. His first full day at the new school is on Monday. I found out that the rates at the current school are going up and the move will save us about $1000 a year - so that helped sway our decision.

Of course the current teachers and directors are being SO nice this week. And they are doing all kinds of lesson plans and crafts this week. I told DH that I wish they were being rude and slack - it would make it easier .

DS seems to be excited about the change. And I hope we wont miss his friends too much. We're taking in cupcakes on Friday for a going away party - I thought it might make more sense to the other kids - and to our DS - rather than jsut not showing up on Monday.

I hope we've made the right decision. I appreciate all the advice that everyone on here gave me.

 

[sashagiselle]

Tough decision. The current daycare sounds pretty chaotic and mismanaged. Is is possible to take your son to your work daycare for a two day test period and see how he does there? I understand about him leaving his best buddy, but perhaps he can still get with him some afternoon or weekend morning. Good luck!

 

[Mom-2-2Princesses]

I think I would move him. Being separated from his best friend may be a little tough, but you can make sure that they still see each other on weekends, and the friendship can be maintained (we had to do this with my dd(4) and it has worked out just fine). It sounds like the environment at the YMCA would be a better one for him, especially if he is suddenly not wanting to go to the other center. I think the factors you listed favor moving him-- his education and safety are paramount and outweigh the possible inconvenience of having to take an extra day or so off work each year.

Good luck with whatever you decide!!

 

[lecach]

Is is possible to take your son to your work daycare for a two day test period and see how he does there?

I asked but they don't really allow that. They did say that we could come for a visit to see how he did.

 

[tlbwriter]

He will make new friends. If that's your biggest fear, I'd go with the new daycare. Like you said, the fact that he suddenly doesn't want to go to the old one any more is a disturbing sign.

 

[Patti_C]

I see alot of red flags, I would say change pre-schools. Most importantly not wanting to go. Something has changed to make him feel insecure.

 

[RMulieri]

get your child out of there.Worrying about a best friend is not in the best interest of your child. Your ds will make new friends , and you can have playdates with the best friend.

 

[buckler]

His best friend left to go to another daycare and we decided to follow becuase they offered 1/2 day care and would hold a full time spot for DS once I got a job.

The current daycare doesn't sound like a good place for your child. I'd switch.

You say the biggest negative is leaving the friend. But didn't the friend's parents almost do this to your child when they moved their child? It didn't sound like they consulted you before they decided to leave. Maybe you are more loyal to the friendship than the other family?

 

[lecach]

You say the biggest negative is leaving the friend. But didn't the friend's parents almost do this to your child when they moved their child? It didn't sound like they consulted you before they decided to leave. Maybe you are more loyal to the friendship than the other family?

Actually they really had no choice. They were having another baby and the old daycare couldn't promise them a spot for the infant. So they had to find another center.

But you guys are right - I have to do what's best for DS. I'll try to talk to DH tonight about it.

 

[thistle922]

We just went through a similar situation wh DS4.5's daycare in January. Since August, they had been through 4 teachers in his preschool room, no consistency (and my DS is one that NEEDS to be on his schedule or he's a total mess), just utter chaos. The it was basically the lunatics running the asylum, so to speak. My son totally changed...cranky, aggressive, ugh. It was awful.

We made the decision to pull him out (we were trying to hold out until February when he'd turn 4 and could move to pre-k, which was a much more stable room) and put him at a church-based program near my office. I was hesitant because he had a lot of good friends at his old school, and they were a nicer, more "modern" center with lots of nice activities..but in the end, if they aren't taking what I deem to be proper care of my child, well, then, I'm not keeping him there.

Moving him has been one of the best choices we've made. His attitude has changed drastically (he's not an angel, but he's so much better now) he's LEARNING so much, and he quickly made new friends.

If you're not happy with them (and especially if ratios are off and things are all out of sorts there) then I would consider a move. Kids are resilient, and your DS will surely make new friends at a new center.

Good luck and hang in there...it's no fun having to deal with daycare problems.

 

[juliana_sd]

I moved DS after he turned 2. He was in the infant room from 5 mos until his 2nd birthday and I loved the teachers there. The 2 year old teachers were awful and he started acting out, crying every morning, etc. I was not comfortable taking him there anymore - just that gut feeling you get about people.

I moved him to a new school that I *loved* - until they got a new director toward the end of his 3 year old year. We had about 80% teacher turnover after the director switch. It's been tough. I kept him in because he had just one year left before K, but this 4 year old year has not been the same quality as prior years. The old director was fantastic! The new one is "fine" but it's just very different.

If I were in your shoes I'd move him. You have 2 years left and he will make new friends. It will be nice to have him nearby! You can go have lunch with him The current place sounds like it's going downhill fast.

 

[santa's surpriz]

I had interesting situation when I abruptly pulled my daughter then 2 out of a Kindercare childcare center. I had good experiences with them and after relocating I spefically sought them out bc I thought it would be an easy transition for my DD. I ended up picking her up at least 3-4 days a week w. fevers. They were taking her tempature after playing outside in 85+ degrees in the summer. Go figure! Then one afternoon, I picked her and she could not find a toy she allowed to bring in. I asked the ONLY teacher in the room said she did not know my daughter was not her responsibility! Woooh, wait a second...I dropped off DD and she was the only teacher in the room and now I am picking her up and again the only teacher in the room. Did not take me long to pack uo her stuff and get on the phone to the corporate office. I was livid, for a moment I thought I over reacted, but what the teacher told me was totally unacceptable in my opinion.

Luckily, I find a new daycare in the area that room for DD. Best decision I ever made! IT is a family owned facility that still gets all the state inspections. They have tripled in size since we startedthere 3 yrs ago. All the pre-k teachers have degrees in early childhood learning are educated in special areas that offer their own unique style to learning. One has certification in early literacy, one has an art degree, another is musically gifted. They have really used their talents to created a great cirruculum that covers all subjects and works! I had an issue with one class, the worked quickly to correct my concerns.

I went with my gut and everything worked out for the best. If the new daycare is structured, which kids need, and will get him ready for kindergarten I would do it. This way if something happens or you are unsure, you always have the ability to check in on him. He is young and will adjust easily. I would suggest however making sure that is going to work out. The last thing you want to do is move him and have to do the same in 6 months, the unstability may not be healthy for him. By NO means should your child be going hungry bc they are cutting back...how much do you pay weekly and isn't that supposed to cover food, healthy food? If you decide to keep where he is, I would definitely look into packing his lunch.

As a mom, and I good one that for being concerned, go with your gut and motherly instincts. They will be right about 99 % of the time on what is best for your child! Find solutions to your doubts. You will feel much better.

 

[ColleenG]

If you have red flags going up in your mind, you should follow your instinct and pull him out. Never doubt the mommy instinct. If he's not wanting to go and he never had a problem before something is going on. As far as his friend goes, I agree with the other posters, he'll make new friends and he can always have a playdate with his old friend. Follow your gut.

 

[letthewookiewin]

First, I would like to say that I worked in day care for about 12 years on and off. I have had my children in very few day cares that I did not work for. I had a similar situation with my mommy instincts and a day care when DS10 was an infant. First let me say that I would pull them out and put them in at the YMCA. When you put them in at the YMCA, I would ask for the number of the agency in your state that monitors day care compliance and turn them in for the over ratio, and the food thing. I followed mine, turned the place into state, and they were closed down by the state.

I'll share my situation in hopes that it helps you make your decision. My DS was born 8 weeks early and was on a heart monitor. I had stopped working in day care b/c I was offered a job with my father in laws company where he would only have to be in day care for 2 hours. We were only able to find one day care in our area that would charge us just for the 2 hours. When I walked into the day care for the first time, I noticed a lady that I had worked with at the day care I had just quit. She had been fired for mental abuse of children. I asked the director if she was aware of this, and she thought that "everyone deserved a 2nd chance." Since it was the only place that would only charge us for 2 hours, we kept him there. I started noticing that we had a lot of diapers and bottles missing. This was our first child, and my DH would take 8 bottles for the 2 hours and there would only be 2 or 3 when I got there. His teacher also had an infant in the class and we thought she was taking them. I came in one day, and he was in a bouncer seat in a crib with a bottle propped up with a blanket (not allowed at all by state). Which is where he was when my DH left him. I came in one day to pick him up and between the infants and the 2 yr olds there were 20 children and only 2 teachers. I noticed that the back door to the room was open and there were toddlers outside with out any teachers on a concrete playing area. At this point my mommy instincts are going nuts. I asked about the extra children in the room and the director said they were remodeling the 2 yr old room. Until that remodel was done, which should take about 2 weeks, they would be in the infant room. The director was very proud of the changes there were making. She took me to the room and showed off what was done and then explained what was left to do. Honestly, it could have been done in one weekend if they had just taken the time to do it. I took the next day off to check things out. I went in at 9 am to "drop him off", and there were already a dozen children 2 and under in the room. Oh yeah and no teacher. There was a door that lead from the room into the kitchen. The teacher stepped over the baby gate with a big knife in her hand, blade down. There was a child size sink in the room and one of the 2 yr olds had gotten something stuck in it, so her solution (this is the lady that I had worked with before) was to get a big knife to dig it out. The toddler had jumped up to get the knife and he barely missed cutting his hand on it. I took a check to the director, and took my child home. Then I called the day care I used to work with, and got the number to turn them into state. I talked to the person for an hour giving them all the ways I knew they had gone against states rules. Then my next call was to quit my job. I let the convenience of that day care silence my mommy instincts. God gaves us out mommy insticts for a reason. I would listen to your and get your child into a day care that truly care for him, and that he will love.

 

[lecach]

Thanks everyone for your advice.

I talked to DH last night. At first he was resistant because he's afraid there will be a problem at every daycare. But after I told him all my reasons he agreed to leave the decision to me - that he supports the decision to move if I think its best. Since he has so little interaction at the daycare since I do pickup and dropoff he feels I need to make the final decision. But he agreed that I had very good reasons for doing it.

I talked to my Mom this morning - she picks DS up a lot. She is all for a move - she said she's never liked the current one. She told me not to worry about what to do when DS is sick - she'll still come pick him up even though its 15 minutes further for her. So she's on board.

I think my Mom is going to pick up DS tomorrow and bring him to the one at work for a little visit to see how he does.

We still haven't made a final decision but I am really leaning towards a move.

 

[RMulieri]

First, I would like to say that I worked in day care for about 12 years on and off. I have had my children in very few day cares that I did not work for. I had a similar situation with my mommy instincts and a day care when DS10 was an infant. First let me say that I would pull them out and put them in at the YMCA. When you put them in at the YMCA, I would ask for the number of the agency in your state that monitors day care compliance and turn them in for the over ratio, and the food thing. I followed mine, turned the place into state, and they were closed down by the state.

I'll share my situation in hopes that it helps you make your decision. My DS was born 8 weeks early and was on a heart monitor. I had stopped working in day care b/c I was offered a job with my father in laws company where he would only have to be in day care for 2 hours. We were only able to find one day care in our area that would charge us just for the 2 hours. When I walked into the day care for the first time, I noticed a lady that I had worked with at the day care I had just quit. She had been fired for mental abuse of children. I asked the director if she was aware of this, and she thought that "everyone deserved a 2nd chance." Since it was the only place that would only charge us for 2 hours, we kept him there. I started noticing that we had a lot of diapers and bottles missing. This was our first child, and my DH would take 8 bottles for the 2 hours and there would only be 2 or 3 when I got there. His teacher also had an infant in the class and we thought she was taking them. I came in one day, and he was in a bouncer seat in a crib with a bottle propped up with a blanket (not allowed at all by state). Which is where he was when my DH left him. I came in one day to pick him up and between the infants and the 2 yr olds there were 20 children and only 2 teachers. I noticed that the back door to the room was open and there were toddlers outside with out any teachers on a concrete playing area. At this point my mommy instincts are going nuts. I asked about the extra children in the room and the director said they were remodeling the 2 yr old room. Until that remodel was done, which should take about 2 weeks, they would be in the infant room. The director was very proud of the changes there were making. She took me to the room and showed off what was done and then explained what was left to do. Honestly, it could have been done in one weekend if they had just taken the time to do it. I took the next day off to check things out. I went in at 9 am to "drop him off", and there were already a dozen children 2 and under in the room. Oh yeah and no teacher. There was a door that lead from the room into the kitchen. The teacher stepped over the baby gate with a big knife in her hand, blade down. There was a child size sink in the room and one of the 2 yr olds had gotten something stuck in it, so her solution (this is the lady that I had worked with before) was to get a big knife to dig it out. The toddler had jumped up to get the knife and he barely missed cutting his hand on it. I took a check to the director, and took my child home. Then I called the day care I used to work with, and got the number to turn them into state. I talked to the person for an hour giving them all the ways I knew they had gone against states rules. Then my next call was to quit my job. I let the convenience of that day care silence my mommy instincts. God gaves us out mommy insticts for a reason. I would listen to your and get your child into a day care that truly care for him, and that he will love.

OMG! I would have flipped out.I am so sorry.One of our local daycares had fired a woman for neglect and abuse of children, she showed up working in another daycare 3 blocks away!How does this happen?

 

[letthewookiewin]

OMG! I would have flipped out.I am so sorry.One of our local daycares had fired a woman for neglect and abuse of children, she showed up working in another daycare 3 blocks away!How does this happen?

My guess would be that the person that is running the day care shouldn't be. Also when the place they applied to calls the old place, the old place is only allowed to tell their beginning and ending wage, start and end times of their employment, their position title, job description (maybe), and if they were eligible for rehire. At least that's what I was told by the lady that owned the last day care that I worked at. Honestly, I am truly amazed at the amount of people that either run/own or work in day care that shouldn't be. At least once or twice in the summer I hear on the new about a child dying b/c their day care employee left them alone out in in a van the hot Texas sun. As someone that was over field trips, I just don't see how that happens. As soon as we lined up to go, we did a head count and matched every name on our list to kids in the line. This was done again when we got in the van, when they got out of the van to go inside the location, as soon as we got to the location before we "let them loose". While we were there we would do a visual confirmation of every child every few minutes. When we went to leave we would do another line head count with name check off, then again once we got in the van, and then once we got back into the building at the day care. I would always tell prospective parents that when they droped their child off with me that my number one job was to keep them safe. Then again at the last day care I worked at, I could see the parking lot from the room I was in during parent pick up time. The owner did this on purpose b/c I knew every car that every parent drove, and what child they went to. If a car pulled up that I didn't recognize they had a couple of minutes before I had the owner go out to investigate. Sometimes it would just be a parent in a new car. Other times it would be someone that said they need to pull over ro right something down. In that case she gave them 5 minutes to pull out of her parking lot before she called the police.
Sorry for the OT rant, but as someone that used to work in a day care I just really hate people that do that don't do their jobs as they should. Honestly, I think once you move your child you will feel so much better. It will be like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. The only thing that I can see as a loss in this situation is all the stress you will be loosing once you see that your DS is happy and being taking care of in the new day care.

 

[shelly3girls]

At 3.5 your DS will get over leaving his best friend pretty quickly. The conditions and possible neglect occuring in the daycare will have much longer lasting effects.

 

[lecach]

We took DS to the new school for a visit on Wednesday. At first he was a little shy but then he saw the tricycles on the playground. They have a curvy sidewalk throughout the playground and all the boys were having a ball. My DS became the leader of the pack and all the other kids seemed to accept him as one of them. They showed him the slide and all the other toys. DS did NOT want to leave. And asked to go to the new school on Thursday. Of course I know it was about the new toys and not necessarily anything to do with the school.

I liked that they maintain two teachers at all times and never more than 16 kids in a class. There were only 9 kids there that day but they still had 2 teachers. My Mom loved it too.

DH is going to visit on Tuesday and then we'll have to decide. When I told DH that our current center is going up $20 a week ($960 a year) that almost sealed the deal for him.

Everyone at work that has used it has nothing but good things to say about it.

I'm still conflicted though.......

 

[RMulieri]

it is ok to still feel conflicted..that is why parenting is tough.I always feel conflicted and question my choices and decisions for DD.Everything will work itself out.Don't worry