Day Care for Ages 13 and Up?

[Christine]

Am I the only one in the world with this problem?

I have a DD who will be 13 in July and a DS who is 9. The 9-year old is not a problem; however, finding care for DD is. I don't know about you guys, but I am JUST NOT COMFORTABLE leaving my soon-to-be 13 year old alone. Fortunately, I think I have someone to watch her over the summer at $175 per week (whew) but this just blows my mind. I was doing some web searches because we were thinking about moving and, of course, I was checking into the local day care. Everyone seems to stop providing care at 13. I'm sure there are scattered people who do it here and there, but there is nothing I can depend on.

Why does this country not support this better. We have countless books, TV shows, new stories about the horrors of "latchkey" children, yet when a working parent tries to do the right thing, they run into brick walls everywhere. Heck, even the government stops my child care benefit at 13. It's like they are advocating that kids stay home alone at that age. And, for me, it's not just summer care, it is also before and after care. I'm lucky in that my DD is in a private school that goes to the 8th grade that provides care; however, if I had her in public middle school I would be out of luck.

I do place a lot of blame on myself. I have not made the *best* choices in my life. Both DH and I have wound up in jobs where, while we don't work long hours, we don't have a lot of flexibility about coming in late (hence needing before school care). Also, we were not wealthy enough to move closer to our work places so we both have fairly yucky commutes which means we need to leave earlier in the mornings. I guess I could have done a lot of things better/wiser, but I can't believe there aren't a lot of other parents out there with this same problem. What do you all do?

 

[peg2001]

I know this is a real problem because I've had co-workers who have had to bring their young teens in to work with them during school breaks. I suspect MOST people just have the child at home alone but I don't blame you for not wanting to go this route. Thirteen seems young to me to be home alone all day every day. There are some summer day camps that include activities for teens.

Don't beat yourself up! You are doing the best you can.

Peggy

 

[snoopy]

My niece is 13, and this summer she will be an assistant camp counselor at the local YMCA. This is not a paid position, actually, her parents have to pay for her to do it! But its pretty cheap, about $50 per week, and best of all she will gain experience working with young children. Plus, her parents don't have to worry about where she is or what she is doing all summer long.

Check w/your YMCA and county recreation programs, you might find something there. I don't blame you though, I would not want my 13 year old to sit home idle all summer either!

 

[pumba]

in our town......it is called a teen center and they provide everything except the food......check around and see if they have one

 

[justjulie]

I'm in the same position. Up here (in Canada) daycare is only provided until the child's 13th birthday then they're on their own. Apparently because they are old enough to legally babysit, they are viewed as being old enough to stay on their own.

I hear your plight. Being a working Mom, I am not comfortable leaving a 13 year old alone all summer and camps that include 13 year olds are nearly impossible to find. There are a couple of YMCA and scout camps that include programs for 13 year olds but not many - try that and see if you have any luck and please, let me know if anyone has a solution, I'll consider all options ....

 

[Christine]

Can you believe we do not have a Y at my boondocks, suburban town? We do a have rec center but they will not emloy ANYONE under 17 and their "day care" ends at 13. Believe me, I've scoured the area!

Snoopy, that sounds like an excellent program. I don't see why some of the local day care centers couldn't take on some of the "early teens" as assistants. I wouldn't expect them to be paid, but they could really help out. Just wish more places would do this.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I am JUST NOT COMFORTABLE leaving my soon-to-be 13 year old alone.

I'm not either. I have a 13yo. He might be man-sized now, but he is extremely immature and still has a very undeveloped sense of cause and effect. I have people tell me all the time that he should be able to babysit my infant. People who don't know him well that is. I'm very hopeful that by the time he is college aged, I'll be able to leave him alone for longer periods, but right now 3 to 4 hours is my max.

You are right. It is a huge problem.

There are numerous studies that show the early teen years are a dangerous time for kids to be left bored, alone, and unsupervised for long periods of time. I don't blame you for being concerned.

I have a couple of friends who had to resort to sleep away summer camps during break -- there isn't very much available for kids over 11yo here, that doesn't require parents to drive them to and fro during the day. Luckily I work out of my house, and I can rearrange my schedule to fit his needs.

 

[cherylp3]

Is there a 4h in your area? They may have summer camps as well. Also perhaps the Boys and girls club might be a good source as well - http://www.bgca.org/

 

[AirForceRocks]

Originally posted by Christine
Can you believe we do not have a Y at my boondocks, suburban town? We do a have rec center but they will not emloy ANYONE under 17 and their "day care" ends at 13. Believe me, I've scoured the area!

Snoopy, that sounds like an excellent program. I don't see why some of the local day care centers couldn't take on some of the "early teens" as assistants. I wouldn't expect them to be paid, but they could really help out. Just wish more places would do this.

If you work north of Woodbridge, you might consider checking into the YMCAs on the way up to DC. There are a number of them, and perhaps you could drop your 13 yo off on your way into town for work.

 

[sharbear]

I'm going to try this again. I typed up a big response and it's lost somewhere in cyber-space!

I agree that leaving your 13 yo home alone would make me nervous. A lot of things can happen when kids are left home with no supervision. I have a 14yo DD and I am very blessed that I am able to be home in the summers. It's a financial hardship but I really feel better being home.

I was also going to suggest sleep away camp. Most of the camps for older kids are for at least two weeks. Many universities have camps for older kids, my DD went to a Women In Engineering camp when she was 13. She plays the flute and they have music camps I know my DD would like to go to.

Last summer my son went to a two week sail camp. I was the only one in the carpool who was off in the summers. We took turns, I drove more than the other women but it worked out. Maybe you could work out a situation with one of your DD's friends.

 

[Kermit]

I think that the main reason that a lot of child care centers can't take kids over 12 is that in many areas, the licensing won't allow them to have children that old in a center that also has younger kids. That part does make sense. I don't think I'd want my baby going somewhere that had teenagers in the same place. And sense a center can make a lot more money caring for babies up to age 12 rather than ages 13 and up, that's what they chose to do.

I do think that there should be more care for older children, though. I certainly wouldn't want my 13 year old staying alone on a regular basis.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Have you talked to other moms in your childs class? Maybe if one is at home in the summer you could ask her or bring the need before your childs school. We did this once and when there was a great need the school had a day camp for the kids. Its not every year though. Also a local summer camp by us has a counselor in training program., really the teen is going to camp but gets junior counselor training. You pay them, as another poster wrote. How about a local church in the area? Do they have any summer programs? Good luck.

 

[tar heel]

I can tell you another reason there are so few programs -- because they don't get enough kids enrolled to break even. A lot of 13-year-olds refuse to go. I used to do contract work for a YMCA. Child care for older kids was one of the things consistently listed as needed, yet when the program was offered, not enough kids registered to break even on expenses.

What I have found works with that age is to put together a patchwork of summer opportunities that actually interest the child so it isn't thought of as day care. It may be an art camp one week, a sports camp the next and a church program the following.

I'm fortunate that I work part-time and have a good bit of flexibility. I felt okay about having my kids at home part of the time when they were that age. They were rarely alone, though, b/c of the siblings and had a work list each day. I also live in a neighborhood in which there's always someone home, which helps.

 

[snoopy]

Christine, I see you are in Woodbridge, which is a hike to Montgomery County, Maryland. I just asked SIL where she found out about this program, and she gave me this link:

Summer Teen Programs

They had originally looked into one of these programs, but then found out about the Counselor in Training program (which she found out about in a brochure). They decided since my niece is interested in becoming a teacher someday that the CIT program would be a perfect fit. The number they called was 240-777-6961. You might consider calling them and asking them if they know of a similar program in the Virginia area that would be more convenient for you.

 

[pnelson]

I would look for another mother who stays home who has kids your childs age and is willing to take on another child. It's a tough situation and one I have prepared for for several years. My son (an only) is 10 now, by the time he is in middle school, I should have my teacher credential so I can work the same hours as him.

 

[disykat]

Do you know any SAHM's who would like a helper? When my neighbors daughter hit jr high, she spent several summers "on her own". She spent part of the summer helping with my kids several hours a day. Since we lived next door, she would usually sleep in and then come over about 10. Her parents also took turns staying home with her when we weren't going to be around and also sent her to visit her grandparents for several weeks.

I enjoyed the time she was around (it was probably a total of about three weeks that she hung out with us). It was really a win/win situation. Her parents knew I would look out for her and I had someone to help entertain my kids for about 5 hours a day!
I took her with me to help out at our church's Vacation Bible School etc. I think she kind of enjoyed herself too.

 

[Christine]

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. Unfortunately, they are all ones I have investigated from about the time she turned 11.

We do have a Girls & Boys Club in our area and we did check that out. Seems that there was a lot of "trouble" there and DD felt kind of threatened by the kids there, so that was out.

I have also tried the sleep away camps. So far she has really dug in her heels about going away from home. She probably would if we could find a friend who was going, but so far, no luck. She plays flute and is very active in a drama and we have made inquiries in this area but no one is going. Last year, her drama club was going to offer a two-week camp, but they cancelled and aren't doing it this year. They were also going to not start until 9:30 a.m. so I was going to take leave for 2 weeks to get her there but I obviously can't do that all summer.

As I said, my hours and transportation or very inflexible. I am in a car pool. We have stacked parking at my office where we have the priveledge of paying $200 per month to park. I car pool to share the expenses of this. There is also a huge waiting list to get my own pass. So, as you can see, I can't really change my hours, drop her anywhere on my way in, etc. As I've said, I have obviously made some bad decisions, but I'm stuck!!

As far a helper, that really seems like a good idea. Right now, the woman she will be staying with this summer doesn't take any kids under 6 years old. She has a pool in her yard and takes in another child that is my DD's age. She prefers the older kids and that is great, but she has told me that she will be charging $175 - $200. Of course, I'll pay it--I'll pay anything but I do think she's gouging me a bit--I mean my DD helps her with the younger kids!

Anyway, enough whining. I'lll continue to check things out--just wondering if I was the only one struggling with this. I just see it going on for at least a few more years and then it will be my son's problem!

 

[clh2]

My DD, 10 will be doing a variety of day camps this summer. I personally don't find the $175 per week to be out of line.

I think the only "bargain" is her Girl Scout Day Camp week, which is only ~$80. But they pretty much expect 1 parent for each girl to help out 1 day during the week. Quite honestly, I would rather pay them to bring in camping staff, and not have to take a vacation day. But that's a whole different post.

Now I am going to ramble for a minute...are there any college age kids that would be able to provide any childcare services for you this summer? Maybe you could find one who could come over for 4 or 5 hours a day - or whatever it is that you feel most comfortable with. If you took the $175 for your daughter, and I am assuming you are spending the same for your son, that would be $350. I would assume that there would be a college student who would work for less than that over the course of a summer.

 

[Pin Wizard]

$175 a week? You better grab that!! I pay more than that for DS-10. And here they stop taking them at 5th grade. They don't want the middle schoolers at 6th! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The only place I found to send him at that point is the YMCA. He can't stand it there!

 

[newholiday]

DS will be turning 12 before this summer starts.
I only work 1.5miles from our house - go home for lunch in the middle of the day. If DS needs to, he can return to work w/me after lunch.
I booked our 3 mini-vacas so I have Fri & Mon off. Got an extra wk vaca time this yr too. Wed I work 1230-8 - DH is home at 330.
DH is also taking a full wk off in Aug.