Dave Ramsey as a Wedding Gift??? Not to sure about that?

[crisi]

So, along the same lines, should people start giving out sex manuals (I saw you gave one as a gag gift, LOL!), cooking classes or marriage counselling as wedding gifts? I totally get that people are trying to be practical and helpful, but telling someone how to spend the money you are gifting to them is just not a great idea, IMHO.

Young couples should spend time in financial and marriage counseling if they need to. They should, if they don't know how, learn to maintain a house, take baby care classes. Those are all wonderful things. But the advice to do those things to a couple starting out needs to balance two things. The first is that not everyone needs the same help - some people are well prepared to manage their finances, or have great homemaking skills. The second is that whatever advice you give to get help needs to be done in a gentle fashion. Saying to your brother and his wife, privately "I don't know how you guys manage your money, but I really wish Bob and I would have done this seminar when we first got married" or "if you don't have a financial planner yet, I like mine" or "I know the first year of marriage can be tough - if you find you need a therapist, Bob and I went to counseling with a wonderful woman early on" is about as much as you can do.

 

[SunnyP4Disney]

To me, it's a very presumptuous and condescending gift. I can't stand Dave Ramsey and his way (I'm another fan of Clark Howard), and have rolled my eyes at his evangelical slant to his teachings. If I received this gift, I would either politely decline it or take the $1000 and donate it to an organization that I know would make DR's head explode, lol!

 

[maggiew]

First of all, the Financial Peace University thing that is being given is NOT a book. It is a 14 week seminar class!!! Yikes!!

Secondly, do people really give $1000 to siblings for their wedding????? Yikes again!!

Thirdly, we had to go through pre-cana (marriage preparation) classes before we got married. It might not have been a "Financial Peace University" type level, but it got you and your future spouse talking about these issues and making up mock budgets, etc. You also talked child rearing, etc. Don't more people take these kinds of things before the wedding?

Maggie

 

[Pigeon]

Personally, I think it would be a FABULOUS gift!! How often do you actually use your fine china?

A whole lot more than I'd use Dave Ramsey. And other than a modest mortgage, we are debt-free.

Any type of "self-help" material is not suitable as a gift. That's just a passive agressive way of telling people they aren't good enough the way they are.

 

[jrmasm]

How rude!

 

[2girls4me]

Rude. It's no one's place to preach financial planning to anyone else. I can't stand Dave ramsey, so if someone gave it to me as a wedding gift, I think i'd throw it at them.

 

[sk!mom]

First of all, the Financial Peace University thing that is being given is NOT a book. It is a 14 week seminar class!!! Yikes!!

Secondly, do people really give $1000 to siblings for their wedding????? Yikes again!!

Maggie

This was another part that bothered me- Commiting the gift recipient to a weeks long seminar. Giving a gift that will take so much of the recipient's time would only be appropriate if you knew in advance that this was something that they wanted to do. That's another part of the gift that could potentially cause a rift. What if the timing doesn't work for them? What if the don't attend?

I once gave my DH golf lessons but only because I knew that he had been wanting them. And unlike a seminar with a preset time, my DH could schedule the lessons at his convenience.

 

[princessmom29]

I gave a girlfriend "Sex for Dummies" as a shower gift. It was, of course, a gag gift and accepted in that spirit (I know her pretty well).

Yes, but would you ahve given it a s a wedding gift to a SIL you barely knew???

 

[crisi]

Yes, but would you ahve given it a s a wedding gift to a SIL you barely knew???

Oh, absolutely not.

Well, maybe my last (and now ex) sister in law - but in that case, only with the hindsight that humiliating her right off the bat so that she cut off all contact would have made my life easier, since nothing I tried to establish a GOOD relationship did anything other than bring misery to me.

 

[tlbwriter]

Oh, absolutely not.

Well, maybe my last (and now ex) sister in law - but in that case, only with the hindsight that humiliating her right off the bat so that she cut off all contact would have made my life easier, since nothing I tried to establish a GOOD relationship did anything other than bring misery to me.

In that case, you should have made it a trifecta and given her a weight loss book and "The Surrendered Wife" as well.

 

[punkin]

First of all, the Financial Peace University thing that is being given is NOT a book. It is a 14 week seminar class!!! Yikes!!

Secondly, do people really give $1000 to siblings for their wedding????? Yikes again!!

Thirdly, we had to go through pre-cana (marriage preparation) classes before we got married. It might not have been a "Financial Peace University" type level, but it got you and your future spouse talking about these issues and making up mock budgets, etc. You also talked child rearing, etc. Don't more people take these kinds of things before the wedding?

Maggie

Yes, some people definitely do. DH and I gave BIL $500 for his first wedding ($250 for the second and now trying to decide what would be appropriate for the upcoming third, as soon as the divorce is final, of course ) and my mother thought that was not enough.

My sister, who was in school at the time, so had very limited funds, paid for a week's honeymoon for DH and me at a golf resort. She had a timeshare so it cost her a lot less than it would have cost us to rent there. Had we rented it would have cost us a lot more than $1K.

Also, the $500 for 15 years ago, so factor in inflation.

 

[Twinprincesses]

I work with someone that is a Ramsey follower and the way she talks to people about finances really bothers me. I feel that is such a personal issue that nobody should get involved. She will tell people they should pay extra on their car loan or not finance it at all. or will tell them they should pay cash instead of with credit.

 

[Tiger926]

Young couples should spend time in financial and marriage counseling if they need to. They should, if they don't know how, learn to maintain a house, take baby care classes. Those are all wonderful things. But the advice to do those things to a couple starting out needs to balance two things. The first is that not everyone needs the same help - some people are well prepared to manage their finances, or have great homemaking skills. The second is that whatever advice you give to get help needs to be done in a gentle fashion. Saying to your brother and his wife, privately "I don't know how you guys manage your money, but I really wish Bob and I would have done this seminar when we first got married" or "if you don't have a financial planner yet, I like mine" or "I know the first year of marriage can be tough - if you find you need a therapist, Bob and I went to counseling with a wonderful woman early on" is about as much as you can do.

I'm sure it would benefit young couples to learn about finances and have marriage counselling, but they should not be given as gifts. Those are very personal areas, and so they are not appropriate for wedding gifts, IMHO.

Like you said, if it comes up in conversation, and you find they ask or would benefit if you offered advice or recommendations based on your own experience with a specific counsellor or financial advisor, that could be appropriate, but never as wedding gifts.

Tiger

 

[Planogirl]

Is the spirit intended "we don't think you are capable of handling your own money?"

I would think of it more along the lines of "this is something we believe and want to share." Kind of like witnessing but who knows?

As for self-help type gifts never being welcome, I would say such gifts are OK IF you know that the person or couple likes a certain something. For example, I'm a fan of Wayne Dyer and I'd be over the moon if someone gave me something having to do with him. However, I would never be presumptuous enough to gift any of his stuff just because I'm a fan.

 

[EKW]

I guess, to me, it would depend on how old the couple is and how they've handled their money in the past.

If they are young...maybe haven't lived on their own, then I think it's a great idea. If they are bringing huge debt into the marriage, I think it's a great idea. If one or both of them has exhibited poor money management in the past, I think it's a great idea. Even if they've both exhibited good money management skills, it would be a good gift.

I also think it would be really, really, really important to present the gift this way: "You know, when we got married we thought we had talked through all our issues and were ready for anything. One of the biggest threats to the success of our marriage was money issues. We had to tackle a steep learning curve...luckily we heard about Dave Ramsey, and his ideas have worked for us. We really wish we'd started out with better money skills. That's why we're giving you...."

If the gift is given with a, "Dave Ramsey is the answer to all the money questions you'll ever have. We have seen all our friends really screw up their marriages over money issues, and the reason we don't have those problems is because we know how to handle money because we went to a Dave Ramsey seminar" attitude, it would be super offensive. Gloating and an attitude of superiority are rarely appreciated.

 

[EKW]

To me, it's a very presumptuous and condescending gift. I can't stand Dave Ramsey and his way (I'm another fan of Clark Howard), and have rolled my eyes at his evangelical slant to his teachings. If I received this gift, I would either politely decline it or take the $1000 and donate it to an organization that I know would make DR's head explode, lol!

Issues, issues! Let me know if you need my addy...I'd be more than happy to take any unwanted checks or cash that you receive!

 

[Tiger926]

I guess, to me, it would depend on how old the couple is and how they've handled their money in the past.

If they are young...maybe haven't lived on their own, then I think it's a great idea. If they are bringing huge debt into the marriage, I think it's a great idea. If one or both of them has exhibited poor money management in the past, I think it's a great idea. Even if they've both exhibited good money management skills, it would be a good gift.

I also think it would be really, really, really important to present the gift this way: "You know, when we got married we thought we had talked through all our issues and were ready for anything. One of the biggest threats to the success of our marriage was money issues. We had to tackle a steep learning curve...luckily we heard about Dave Ramsey, and his ideas have worked for us. We really wish we'd started out with better money skills. That's why we're giving you...."

If the gift is given with a, "Dave Ramsey is the answer to all the money questions you'll ever have. We have seen all our friends really screw up their marriages over money issues, and the reason we don't have those problems is because we know how to handle money because we went to a Dave Ramsey seminar" attitude, it would be super offensive. Gloating and an attitude of superiority are rarely appreciated.

I agree that presentation if everything, but even your nice words still assume that all or most couples 1) Will or do have money troubles and 2) That they want some type of self-help program to cure those troubles.

To me, no matter how nice it's presented, it's still presumptious and tacky. Despite the fact that finances are the number 1 reason couples divorce, and so many people are in financial tailspins these days, I still think that any type of self-help or formalized program is not an appropriate wedding gift at all.

Those types of gifts are mostly about the giver in that respect, and they come with attitudes and values that perhaps may not sit well with the couple.

We are very close to my sister and brother in law (I call him my brother, and he calls me sister), and so we know all about each other's financs, how much we make, etc., and I still wouldn't give this as a gift as I would be determining how they work their money, and that's not my job to do. I can help out, and we do this all of the time with each other, especially since hubby is the family banker (he's a bank manager/financial advisor), and even then, it's done in a certain way. You never want to offend, and with money, that usually happens, as it's such a complex and personal subject...

Just my 2 cents, Tiger

 

[HHSTigerFan]

If someone would give me such a gift, would take the $1000, tell them I spent it on a down payment for a timeshare and to mind their own business next time...

Is there anyone in entertainment thats more annoying than Dave Ramsey?

 

[momtosam]

I don't think Mrs. Ramsey would like it.

 

[dvcgirl]

I'm sure it would benefit young couples to learn about finances and have marriage counselling, but they should not be given as gifts. Those are very personal areas, and so they are not appropriate for wedding gifts, IMHO.

Like you said, if it comes up in conversation, and you find they ask or would benefit if you offered advice or recommendations based on your own experience with a specific counsellor or financial advisor, that could be appropriate, but never as wedding gifts.

Tiger

It's interesting to me how often people say "finance is *very personal*". I know we have that term "personal finance"....but I've always thought of that as personal as in......pertaining to the individual situation of that "person or people"....but not that "it's taboo to talk about it". Especially within the boundaries of the family.

We must be really weird, but in my immediate family....we talk about money.....openly. We even talk numbers and we celebrate accomplishment. We don't see it as "bragging" when my younger sister calls to tell me that her husband just settled a case and just made $250,000. We high-fived him, and then my whole family took them out to dinner. When my older sister was promoted to COO at her huge company (a huge accomplishment).....we sent a huge basket to her home in NC. And yes, she told me how much her raise was.

And she and her spouse earn close to twice what we do....and we're thrilled for them. My other sister and her spouse....sometimes earn more, sometimes less. But we talk about it. And it's not just because we're all doing well now....we (my sisters and I) have always been this way....and we've married people who operate the same way. My younger sister's husband in particular....he and his three brothers talk openly about finances.

And the little ones in our family (ages 4,5 and 6) are hearing us talk openly about finances and that hard work, education and dedication are tied to financial success. And I love that.... We talk to them about these discussions staying "in the family". So they know not to brag. But within a family, I think as long as all of the players are comfortable, it's not only okay to "talk money", it's healthy.