Dave Ramsey as a Wedding Gift??? Not to sure about that?

[chris31997]

No it is not bragging you are just jealous. J/K

I agree with you.

I am not in the least bit surprised that others on here make more than we do or less than we do; that some give $1K wedding gifts; that others save more than we do or less than we do; that others will leave big inheritances and we are not planning on that. BUT why the need to say it over and over and over again on thread.


All you who are so savvy - Why did you not help the person with the 401K question or the one with the term life insurance question. Those are both financial questions but you did not reply. They were posted at the same times as the threads that you did post in. Why not post on them too?

I can answer for me I did not see or remember the 401k. I did read the term life, I had nothing new to add. After so many posts saying the samething I don't like to add another post saying the samething.
I will post if I have something new or differant to add. I posted earlier here, defending giving the gift. I have refraned from posting since then because it has gone down from there and gotten close to getting personal. I don't want to be viewed as someone "arguing" with people. I did it once. I won't do it again. I have found some of the posts funny and sad. I will continue to lurk here as long as it stays on top

 

[ilovemk76]

I can answer for me I did not see or remember the 401k. I did read the term life, I had nothing new to add. After so many posts saying the samething I don't like to add another post saying the samething.
I will post if I have something new or differant to add. I posted earlier here, defending giving the gift. I have refraned from posting since then because it has gone down from there and gotten close to getting personal. I don't want to be viewed as someone "arguing" with people. I did it once. I won't do it again. I have found some of the posts funny and sad. I will continue to lurk here as long as it stays on top

I was not referring to you. I was against the gift because it implied they had a problem and the money had strings attached.

 

[crisi]

All you who are so savvy - Why did you not help the person with the 401K question or the one with the term life insurance question. Those are both financial questions but you did not reply. They were posted at the same times as the threads that you did post in. Why not post on them too?

Sometimes I respond to things, sometimes I don't. This isn't a job and I don't feel obligated to respond to things unless they happen to catch my fancy at the moment. Some days I'm willing to answer a question that has been asked before and I've answered before, sometimes I'm not.

 

[maggiew]

Wedding gifts of $1,000 and up may well be "way over what most people give" but they're certainly not unheard of - particularly amongst close family or in certain circles. My husband and I received several $1,000 gifts when we married nearly 16 years ago. Just because something else happens more commonly, saying that these gifts *are* given/received is not bragging.

Wow! As Crisi said in a previous post, one great thing about this message board is that you learn so much about others. The most money we got 19 years ago as a wedding gift was $50 and that was from my aunt. I routinely give around a $50-$75 gift from their registry for regular weddings and was thinking if it were my niece, I would give $100-$150. I might also help her with her dress or flowers or something, so I guess that would count too. However, she will just be starting high school in the fall, so I have a little while (hopefully).

Maggie

 

[dvcgirl]

All you who are so savvy - Why did you not help the person with the 401K question or the one with the term life insurance question. Those are both financial questions but you did not reply. They were posted at the same times as the threads that you did post in. Why not post on them too?

Sigh.....because this is a message board and not a job. Sometimes I have time to reply.....sometimes I don't. Simple as that. I haven't even seen the threads you're referring to....but I'm sure that there are plenty of people reading those threads who can help those posters out.

Perhaps you could help those posters by adding some of your wisdom on the topic? Maybe you did...again, I didn't read the thread.

 

[bumbershoot]

she could have just said my BIL made a large settlement and we all took him to dinner[/I]-still not sure why the moneybags BIL didnt treat all the family, though?

So when something good happens to someone, we make that someone pay for their celebration dinner, even though someone else thought of it? Since when is THAT normal?

Now, I would bet that the BIL and family members had a mighty tussle for the bill, which is how it will be when (officially "if" but we have very high hopes) my SIL is made partner in a top 10 law firm, but still, it's just not right to *make* the guest of honor pay for a meal like that.

Wedding gifts of $1,000 and up may well be "way over what most people give" but they're certainly not unheard of - particularly amongst close family or in certain circles. My husband and I received several $1,000 gifts when we married nearly 16 years ago. Just because something else happens more commonly, saying that these gifts *are* given/received is not bragging.

We also received quite a bit of money from DH's Korean relatives. It's a cultural thing.

And what did we do with that money? We blew it. Entirely. Even though MIL asked us to put it into savings. How I wish it had come with a book on HOW to save it and do better...

But saying that doesn't mean that's ALL we got, oh my goodness no! I think the FIRST gift I think of, when I think of our wedding, is the bright green candlestick holders. I don't *think* they cost a lot of money...I could see them being sold at Pier 1...but they are awesome and they were a perfect gift.

You do realize that gift is WAY over what most people give as a wedding gift -right?

So you also realize its a brag-right?

Who is she bragging to?

Hey, is it bragging if I tell you that my brother and sister in law gave our son $500 for a *birthday* present? It's just a fact. She probably doesn't tell her sister or mom about it, unless they happened to ask, but then again, they are just as generous with her family. LOL...when SIL's sister had a baby, they laughed and said that our son's inheritance had just been halved... They are very honest with money (though they can tell we don't really WANT to know the real numbers so they don't talk actual numbers...though I'll be honest, I saw a scratch pad near her phone last year that laid out the numbers if she were to be made partner next month, and WOWZA...and I was googlemapping their house to get the address one day and came across the redfin.com page so I saw what they paid for it) and they are very generous with money...it's just a fact.

I don't see bragging in dvcgirl's posts. I see honesty and the reality of being in their family and their area and lines of work.

 

[dvcgirl]

So when something good happens to someone, we make that someone pay for their celebration dinner, even though someone else thought of it? Since when is THAT normal?

Now, I would bet that the BIL and family members had a mighty tussle for the bill, which is how it will be when (officially "if" but we have very high hopes) my SIL is made partner in a top 10 law firm, but still, it's just not right to *make* the guest of honor pay for a meal like that.



We also received quite a bit of money from DH's Korean relatives. It's a cultural thing.

And what did we do with that money? We blew it. Entirely. Even though MIL asked us to put it into savings. How I wish it had come with a book on HOW to save it and do better...

But saying that doesn't mean that's ALL we got, oh my goodness no! I think the FIRST gift I think of, when I think of our wedding, is the bright green candlestick holders. I don't *think* they cost a lot of money...I could see them being sold at Pier 1...but they are awesome and they were a perfect gift.



Who is she bragging to?

Hey, is it bragging if I tell you that my brother and sister in law gave our son $500 for a *birthday* present? It's just a fact. She probably doesn't tell her sister or mom about it, unless they happened to ask, but then again, they are just as generous with her family. LOL...when SIL's sister had a baby, they laughed and said that our son's inheritance had just been halved... They are very honest with money (though they can tell we don't really WANT to know the real numbers so they don't talk actual numbers...though I'll be honest, I saw a scratch pad near her phone last year that laid out the numbers if she were to be made partner next month, and WOWZA...and I was googlemapping their house to get the address one day and came across the redfin.com page so I saw what they paid for it) and they are very generous with money...it's just a fact.

I don't see bragging in dvcgirl's posts. I see honesty and the reality of being in their family and their area and lines of work.

It sounds like were *at* that dinner....because there was a tussle over the bill with my "Mr Moneybags" BIL, as swan4me so eloquently called him (but no, there's no envy in that....not at all)....on that night we took him out for dinner. That's always the way it is when we go out for dinners like that.

Be very clear, it's not about the numbers that I posted, it's that those numbers are perceived by some as *high*, and therefore....it's bragging. I *guarantee* you that if someone posted on a budget thread that they earn 80K a year and saved 40% of their income a year....there would be *no* problem. If someone posted that they hit the *lottery*.....and *won* $250,000.....they'd be getting high-fives and a lot of these little guys in response..........................

But when this thread, about a sister giving her brother Financial Peace and $1,000 turned to talking about "finances being personal....and it's best not to go there".....and I posted about *my* family, and we openly discuss finances and numbers...and I mentioned that 250K number in reference to my attorney BIL winning a big case......and that we went out to dinner to celebrate that accomplishment.....that's bragging.

 

[dvcgirl]

You know, this is very funny. I plan to give my nephew at least $1K if/when he gets married. My sister died in a tragic accident and will not be able to give him anything. His father has always been a neer-do-well. I am very close to him and love him beyond measure. I will give him as much as I possibly can to get him well started. That's what Aunties do. I guess I'm bragging too.

That's really sweet of you....to look out for your nephew that way. I'm really sorry that you lost your sister that way. I can't imagine that

And I know you have children of your own, so it's really good of you to be so generous to your nephew.

When my little niece (age 6), and nephews (ages 4 and 5), get married....they'll be no restraining me....lol!

 

[Planogirl]

That's really sweet of you....to look out for your nephew that way. I'm really sorry that you lost your sister that way. I can't imagine that

And I know you have children of your own, so it's really good of you to be so generous to your nephew.

When my little niece (age 6), and nephews (ages 4 and 5), get married....they'll be no restraining me....lol!

You could be right in a way. There could be some envy from some because they would like to be as generous as this but can't. They could perceive mentioning high money amounts as rubbing it in their face a bit.

It never occurred to me until just now because I'm not in this situation but I can see where other people might have such thoughts.

I agree that punkin is kind and generous by the way.

 

[okeydokey]

I think the appearance of bragging comes in when the same poster uses any thread possible to say she makes lots of money. We know, you have already told us many many times.

 

[sk!mom]

Be very clear, it's not about the numbers that I posted, it's that those numbers are perceived by some as *high*, and therefore....it's bragging. I *guarantee* you that if someone posted on a budget thread that they earn 80K a year and saved 40% of their income a year....there would be *no* problem.

Very true. In that case all the comments would be along the lines of, "How do you do that?" "Please enlighten us."

I think the appearance of bragging comes in when the same poster uses any thread possible to say she makes lots of money. We know, you have already told us many many times.

I think that sometimes envy causes us to project our insecurities onto others. Some are envious of a large income so they call the disclosure bragging. I'm not open enough to disclose my income even on an anonymous message board- Others are. But just as disclosing $80,000 isn't bragging neither is the disclosure of a much larger income. It is simply stating facts.

 

[Swan4Me]

I think the appearance of bragging comes in when the same poster uses any thread possible to say she makes lots of money. We know, you have already told us many many times.

And that's why I wont put her on ignore-it continues to amaze me the numbers she constantly drops-when the same thing can be expressed without them.

For example-My lawyer BIL got a huge 6 figure settlement and we all treated him to dinner.

I am not at all jealous over what some feel ($1000) is the norm for a nephew's wedding gift- although its over what probably 95% of Americans spend-and its already beeen told by DVCGal( in great detail) in two threads on this board.

Edited-From Ediquette in America:

Money
One does not discuss one's personal wealth, possessions or finances socially.
It is not appropriate to ask about another's salary, real estate holdings, or to make other such financial inquiries.

 

[Planogirl]

Some people think that it's crass to ever mention income. There could be some of that belief involved in this too.

 

[rt2dz]

It's about as klassy as gifting a weight watchers membership to your chunky cousin at the annual family holiday gift swap.

If I were going to offer financial advice to a family member - it'd be only after I was asked and it would be separate from any sort of celebration such as a wedding or birthday or holiday.

Any type of "self-help" material is not suitable as a gift. That's just a passive agressive way of telling people they aren't good enough the way they are.

There is quite a few comments I agree with, but these one especially.

When you give a "gift" you can not demand what be done with it. And something like that as a gift, isn't a good idea period. Of course, I take issue with Dave Ramsey anyhow. He's an extremist and I never trust an extremist.

The only time I would give something like (NOT DR, but money mangement basics) this (to my in-laws) is when they are asking us (again) to bail them out of their money problems. To say, only if you do A will I give you yet another $$$ to help you out of your immediate problem. Certainly not as a "gift."

 

[brookmey]

A whole lot more than I'd use Dave Ramsey. And other than a modest mortgage, we are debt-free.

Any type of "self-help" material is not suitable as a gift. That's just a passive agressive way of telling people they aren't good enough the way they are.

So totally agree!!!

For my bridal shower, DH's sister gave me 2 relationship books written by Dr. Laura. If she wasn't trying to tell me something there.....

That same sister and her husband gave DH self-help books written by Joel Osteen and other Christian authors for 4 years in a row because they felt DH would really benefit from the books as they had. DH was polite when opening them, but he didn't lie when his sister later asked him if he'd read them and what he thought. DH is so not a reader, so there was the first mistake. #2 was assuming that he needed them. She didn't consider who the person was when she chose these gifts.

I believe that any gift should be given based on who the person or couple is and what their interests are. Gifts should not be chosen based on what we think they need or should have. To me, that takes the fun out of giving and receiving. Anything self-help related that has not been asked for is way over the line when giving gifts.

 

[dvcgirl]

Very true. In that case all the comments would be along the lines of, "How do you do that?" "Please enlighten us."



I think that sometimes envy causes us to project our insecurities onto others. Some are envious of a large income so they call the disclosure bragging. I'm not open enough to disclose my income even on an anonymous message board- Others are. But just as disclosing $80,000 isn't bragging neither is the disclosure of a much larger income. It is simply stating facts.

That's always how I've looked at it...simply stating facts, but clearly that's not how the masses view it. I'm a "numbers person"....always have been. Again....if I had a lower income, I'd post it the same way that I post what we really earn...whenever I felt it was relative to the topic. It's just the number is high. Of course, I've mentioned many times in this thread and the other thread where a couple of posters are getting really snarky....that where I live, our income is no big deal.

If I have any pride at all with respect to our income it's that we save and invest a good deal of it....year in and year out. But the number is just that....a number. Again, I *work* for people who in some cases have a massive amount of wealth. In my area, some of the cleaning ladies drive Escalades. That should help put things in perspective .

I retain my right to post here and mention my income in real dollar values....just like thousands of other posters have done. I've suggested that those people who find my posts highly offensive simply use the "block feature". But I knew that they wouldn't do that. I would appreciate it just one of them would PM me if they wanted to have a real discussion, but of course, that's not why they're interested in responding.

I really did think about it a bit before posting the actual number awhile back. And it's incredibly interesting to me to see the response it arises in some. It's all good though....... . It's like a social experiment of sorts or something similar.

 

[dvcgirl]

Edited-From Ediquette in America:

Money
One does not discuss one's personal wealth, possessions or finances socially.
It is not appropriate to ask about another's salary, real estate holdings, or to make other such financial inquiries.

This is a *Budget Board*, where people post personal finance questions every single day in multiple threads. And some even post *gasp*....real numbers. People post their income, level of debt, what they have in their emergency fund, what they invest in a year, amount they're spending on vacation, home values and loads of other real honest to goodness numbers all of the time.

If speaking of those topics is out-of-bounds.....well, I'm in excellent company. Because pretty much every regular poster has at one time or another mentioned one or more of those items. Or *gasping again*, even on a regular basis. Some people are comfortable posting real numbers.

 

[crisi]

Regarding etiquette, it also is considered rude to point out when other people are being rude. So if you want to be well mannered, and you find anyone else's behavior rude, just keep your thoughts to yourself.

The topic of this board is money, and if that topic is one you find distasteful, there are other boards on the DIS and other boards on the internet.

 

[badblackpug]

...back to the original topic....

It's a bad gift idea. It is rude to offer unsolicited advice, which giving the book would be, and a gift should never be given with strings attached.

Once a gift is given it is the recipients to do with as they please. You don't give a picture and then tell someone they can only hang it over their fireplace.

 

[mjbaby]

When you give a "gift" you can not demand what be done with it.

I've heard this idea expressed as the difference between a "gift" and a "present". A gift is something you give that the recipient actually wants/needs. A present is something you want them to have. Sometimes gifts and presents overlap, but not always.