Daughter not excited

[Brittmarie04]

I still don't understand why people are being so critical of OP's parenting choices...if a parent wants to give the child a choice, it's their call. After all, it's a family vacation and the child is part of the family.

Exactly

 

[Brittmarie04]

We took our oldest daughter to Disney 2 years ago... she was 8 at the time. As we were planning, I kept talking to her about all the different things and characters we would meet. She would just look at me like I was crazy and reminded me EVERY chance she had that "they are just people in costumes" I was really starting to get frustrated with her... My husband told me that once we got there she would "get it" and to just let her be. Well, I did exactly that. Our first park was MK, we rode the Haunted Mansion and the girls wanted to ride Dumbo. We had an ADR at the Castle for our first meal. The girls had purchased autograph books while waiting... mainly because I told them they would need them. Well, when our name got called to get our picture taken with Cinderella, my oldest RAN down the isle and gave Cindy the tightest hug you could imanige. I still get teary eyed just thinking about it. That is the moment I knew she "got it". Go, have a good time.... she will "get it" once she's in the magic!!!!

Yes thank you for sharing. I know she will have a great time

 

[Brittmarie04]

Maybe stop talking about the vacation and instead take some money and have her help you choose someone to loan money to via kiva.org or choose another charity to give to. I suggested kiva, though, because you can use that to facilitate a conversation about being thankful and show her that a small fraction of what you are spending on your vacation can change someone's life.

I don't think there is anything wrong with allowing her to pick a vacation since you guys obviously are fortunate enough to be able to take several per year. It would be good for her to understand, though, that she IS fortunate. She probably doesn't realize that there is a significant cost difference and may think that, since you go on multiple vacations, that the cost matters. This is a good learning opportunity for her and a grrat opportunity for you to help her grow.

Thanks for the advice/idea I will def look into doing that sounds like a great learning experience for her!!

 

[Brittmarie04]

I totally agree.

In most homes in America, children run the home instead of the parents. When I was a kid in the 70s and 80s, I was NOT allowed to tell my parents what we were going to do. There were 5 kids, a mom and a dad. Dad was the man of the house and the family submitted to him first and mom second. If at any point we tried to tell my parents what to do or pouted because we weren't happy with their decision, we got a spanking (and yes, we turned out great) and it was made clear to us that it was not okay.

I have 1 child and I ask her opinion on a lot of things, but she never dictates how or what we will do. I won't have that. She is a bit spoiled (not rotten) being an only child, but she is also a wonderful, obedient, sweet, kind-hearted young lady. :

She is a bit spoiled (not rotten) being an only child, but she is also a wonderful, obedient, sweet, kind-hearted young lady.

MY DAUGHTER EXACTLY

 

[TB'sWidow]

Sorry but an 8 year old will not tell me they want an cruise instead.

When they pay the bills they get a choice. I would offer to leave her home if you have someone to watch her and see if that changes her tune.

Denise in MI

Yep

 

[Brittmarie04]

We went to Seaside Heights NJ (2 hours from our house) for a week every year. Not once would I ever even think of telling my Mom to cancel. We always had a great time and I don't ever remember complaining about going to the same place every year.

I don't understand what you're worried about. You've received some great suggestions. Your daughter's reaction to a WDW vacation should be a wake up call to you regarding the level to which she is spoiled. Its not about her lack of excitement, its about her sense of entitlement which you have created. Nip it in the budd or it will continue to increase until she is deciding every vacation, restaurant, etc.

We also have an only child. She wants to go to Hawaii (heck I want to go to Hawaii). We can't afford it, she (and I can dream) but she knows it is just that. I'm far from perfect, but I would be worried about her not upset that she wasn't excited if she thought a WDW vacation wasn't good enough for her.

It has nothing to do with Disney not being good enough for her, she's not a snobby little brat. It's that she has a voice and a opinion and simply stated that she would rather go on a cruise.

 

[Brittmarie04]

I completely disagree with all of the extreme stick-it-to-her type suggestions like cancelling the vacation or going without her. The child is 8, and you are talking about cancelling a vacation, not turning off a movie. A dramatic response teaches drama.

Assuming she does need to learn respect and gratitude, I think it's best learned by example.

Yes!!! Exactly. Thank you someone that understands.
She is a good kid. Good grades, well behaved for the most part, sweet, loving, kind hearted.
She simply had a thought and opinion so she stated that she would prefer to go on a cruise, after all this is her vacation we let her pick. We will not be going on a cruise bc this is already planned/paid for and airfare is bought. I did explain this to her and she seems to get it now. We will def be looking into a cruise for her spring break from school.

 

[Brittmarie04]

Im so sorry for this: HECK NO!!! My daughter has never been this way or will ever be this way. Im not saying you are a bad mother but something went wrong. Kids are not born with this attitude, they learned, they try it once and if the see they can get their way they keep using it. Not every 8yo is the same.

You are either crazy or in denial if you are saying ur 8 yr old child has never been a brat or had a braty attitude even for just a minute. I'm sure there has been a time where the child has had a bad attitude about a situation, not wanted to share a toy, whined about wanting something. The list goes on and on. No ones children are perfect the are kids and all have their moments.

 

[Brittmarie04]

I have a few suggestions. Perhaps making reservations for something like dining with princess, or storybook princess assuming that its something that she likes. If someone else is going on the trip make sure that you engage in whimsy conversation with that person about the trip while your daughter is around. Watch videos of Disney rides such as Toy Story Mania and others that an 8 year old might enjoy. A Disney vacation is typically very expensive and usually much more than 2K so I would milk it for as long as possible. In other words do something special every day that is related to your Disney trip and continue to build up her excitement. Below is a video of my 8 year old doing a tour of our room the moment we arrived in it. He took the camera while we weren't watching and you can tell he was so overcome with excitement.

Anyway, I hope this helps you!

Thank you!

 

[Brittmarie04]

As a parent, I think some people are overreacting to this.

First, most people on the DIS boards are super-into Disney and have gone like 20 times and have trouble comprehending the fact that for most people, if you just went last year, you are probably not going to be super-excited about going again. Second, 3 or 4 vacation trips every year is a lot -- certainly a lot more than most people get. So, with the combination of these two factors, it should not be a big surprise that your daughter is rather ho-hum about it. This does not necessarily mean that she is "spoiled;" it means that as a result of her experience, vacations are just nothing very special to her.

Unless YOU really don't want to go to Disney, don't cancel the trip. That's actually giving her more control, and will punish everybody. (Of course switching to a Disney cruise is out of the question!) The fact is that she will have fun when she gets there. I wouldn't make a big deal out of this; if you harp on it, she might feel obligated to not have a good time!

Some people are acting like she is disobeying you by not being excited, but you can't force somebody to be excited about something! She is her own person and we certainly all know that others don't always feel the same way we do, or the way we think they ought, about things. There is no battle to be fought here.

But, going forward, I would stop with her picking trips. You are creating expectations that may become more and more difficult to meet, and you may in fact be "spoiling" her if the result is that she is unhappy with any vacation that doesn't match her whim of the moment. She has to learn to take what comes in life and roll with it; a kid is "spoiled" when he or she loses the ability to do that. Any trip you take should be a trip that YOU want to take, and you are much better qualified to plan vacations than an 8-year-old.

Of course, I'm a terrible parent. My older daughter (9) is literally the ONLY kid in her entire grade who has NOT been to Disney World. (Although, some went when they were too young to remember.) We're going in a few weeks. You can bet that she is excited!

Yes THIS!!!!!!

Some people are acting like she is disobeying you by not being excited, but you can't force somebody to be excited about something! She is her own person and we certainly all know that others don't always feel the same way we do, or the way we think they ought, about things. There is no battle to be fought here.

LOL some people are just a bit Crazy I guess.

 

[jayze2525]

Britt..I skipped about 4 pages but I think I got the "jist" of your post...I too have an 8 year old who we've spoiled in some ways but on the flip side is a very "mature for her age", resepectful kid who we always give ability to weigh in on where we go. We too take 3-4 vacations a year and think and try to make everyone (family of 4) happy. Your parenting style is fine and all these "Sgt Hardnose" posters have their style. I totally "get" your kid and she just thought a cruise sounded better at the moment. Doesn't mean she's ill mannered, spoiled brat, grow up to be a B**** at all. I would shut down this thread by saying "thanks" and move on...Have a nice vacation whereever you guys choose.

 

[Brittmarie04]

i totally agree, but i wonder if the response of many posters would have been so extreme if we were talking about anything but going to disney.

this.

 

[Brittmarie04]

Maybe you could send a child in need with his/her parent(s) instead. Maybe it would do you and your daughter good to help someone less fortunate? A great teaching opportunity for sure. I know volunteer work always helps put things in perspective for me and my daughters. I hope I'm not coming across as rude, I just really believe it would benefit your family.

Yes I will consider this. Thank u

 

[Brittmarie04]

OP- my DGD was like that at 8 YO. DD and DSIL took her that year and from what they said she was not totally enthusiastic. She had told them she was not really looking forward to the trip but they thought that once they got there she would be that kid who was All Disney All the Time. She was not. She was not rude and enjoyed aspects of the trip but We could not understand why she was not totally into going back to WDW, she would not say.

Well she is an only child and our only GC so we spend a lot of time with her. She likes to "surprise her Pa so this winter we started planning a get-a-way and she kept showing me WDW resorts. Then we talked about a Disney Cruise but again, I told her that was Disney so we could look for something else.

Turns out that a big part of the problem was that her closest friends had never been to Disney and would make comments about her frequent trips. An 8 YO girl is a little bit uncomfortable in her own skin so it can take time to figure out how she should act and how to react to peer pressure.

Kady is 10 now. We got a code for free dining so DD and I decided to plan a family trip but I refused to finalize the plan until I knew that Kady wanted to go. IMO- if a trip is to please a child it is not a bad thing t include that kid's opinion. If the trip includes the child but is not about the child then make plans and tell the child what those plans are. Holy Smokes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dancing the Mickey Happy Dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kady has gone down memory lane, she has requested several restaurants and has a reason for each one. She put a lot of thought into her requests and we were touched by her reasons.

I see no reason on the trip that you have planned to make changes based on your DD's reaction. I would explain that you make vacation choices based on several criteria and tell her what they are. If a child has been included in vacation planning but was not privy to the budget or time constraints she would have no way of knowing if her requests were reasonable or unreasonable. You have let her choose vacations destinations in the past but now it is time to start teaching her how you make the choices. You have a good code making this trip fit the budget you planned. Tell her that and the difference in price and time a Disney Cruise is. When Kady and I talked about a Disney Cruise we also discussed the price. DH and I had already decided that we would take her when she is older but I saw this as an opportunity to discuss vacation planning, budget and age so that she could learn how to reason out appropriate plans.

I saw another poster suggested an only child would be "spoiled" and wanted to add to her family to ensure that did not happen. My DGD is an only child and her Mom would never allow her to misbehave. The size of the family does not dictate behavior. Parental choices do. Every parent determines how they want to include their children in their discussions and while those choices do not work for everyone they aren't wrong. Just different.

Thank u for sharing I agree.

saw another poster suggested an only child would be "spoiled" and wanted to add to her family to ensure that did not happen. My DGD is an only child and her Mom would never allow her to misbehave. The size of the family does not dictate behavior. Parental choices do. Every parent determines how they want to include their children in their discussions and while those choices do not work for everyone they aren't wrong. Just different.[/QUOTE]

This is our situation. She is a good kid and does not mis behave.

 

[robinb]

Exactly,
Thank you for your kind words I feel bad for the kids on here if their parents really act like this. WOW is all I can say at some of these responses.

Welcome to the DIS and home of "My Way or the Highway" style of parenting.

 

[Brittmarie04]

The child has not thrown a temper tantrum. She has simply said she does not want to go to Disney again and would prefer a cruise. She is not sulking but she is not enthusiastic.

AN 8 YO probably would not have the ability to articulate that she wants to vacation at home with her family. An adult would. Her parents have included her opinion when making their vacation decisions. She enjoyed the cruise they took her on. The child may have see a Disney Cruise as the best of both worlds and had no idea that she was asking her parents to spend about 3 grand more.

Instead of telling her how lucky she is and that others get less perhaps the parents can use this as an opportunity to teach her how they come to the decisions they do. When the child has made a decision in the past she probably was given a list of destinations. Her parents already narrowed her choices down so that they fit into the time-frame and budget. It seems to me that this is a perfect time to explain that to her, show her what goes into paying for a Disney Cruise, the time involved as well as the length of time it takes to plan it in order to make sure that the family gets the most out of that vacation.

It really is not fair to make a child feel guilty because circumstances have given the child more vacation opportunities than some other kids have had. It is a good time to help her to learn about priorities and how to manage them.

Thank you Nancyg56. I agree with what u have said.

 

[Brittmarie04]

My daughter is 10 almost 11 and she is a Disney Lover like my DH & myself. But DS is a stinker for our last few trips. He is 15 almost 16 and since he was 10 has acted like he doesn't care if we go or not but when we get there he had the best time. We never point it out to him and we stopped asking him if he is excited to go. But we can tell when he starts acting like a little boy at Disney and stops acting like a snotty teen he is having a good time. Nothing like seeing him sing & skip with his Sister to the next attraction or enjoying our latest meal.

Take her anyway, she will have a blast once she gets there. Just don't talk to her about it anymore. Don't ask her. She doesn't have a choice.

Good Luck!

Thank you.

 

[Brittmarie04]

OMG she sounds like a right spoilt brat! My daughter didn't even know what a cruise was at that age. I have got friends whose kids have never been to Disney World and its their dream but their parents can't afford it and they feel awful.

To be honest, this thread seems like it might be a wind up to get people to "bite" but if it isn't then I think you've got bigger issues than how to get her excited for a "trip of a lifetime".

Guess since its not a trip of a lifetime for us and we go often that's why she's not extra excited.

Not to get people to bite. And no issues here in my home. My daughter is allowed to express any thoughts or opinions she has.

 

[Brittmarie04]

Oh my word! She is 8. How on Earth posters can jump to the conclusion that she is a spoiled Brat or that she is an ungrateful kid is beyond me. She has been included in vacation planning before so why is it outrageous for her to think she can at least offer an opinion about this trip? I wonder why a parent would punish a kid for not showing proper enthusiasm for a trip by making the kid choose a charity to donate the trip money to or punish her buy leaving her home.

I would prefer to know how my child feels and then decide how to handle it rather than teach my child to lie to me in order to please me or to avoid being punished.

Yes THIS

 

[Brittmarie04]

actually this being the disboards and as you have shown us, some adults do not need a wind up to make them "bite". It is what they do when they are for the most part anonymous.

lol