Daughter not excited

[Dorisk3]

I completely disagree with all of the extreme stick-it-to-her type suggestions like cancelling the vacation or going without her. The child is 8, and you are talking about cancelling a vacation, not turning off a movie. A dramatic response teaches drama.

Assuming she does need to learn respect and gratitude, I think it's best learned by example.

I totally agree, but I wonder if the response of many posters would have been so extreme if we were talking about anything but going to Disney.

 

[HappyGal]

Maybe you could send a child in need with his/her parent(s) instead. Maybe it would do you and your daughter good to help someone less fortunate? A great teaching opportunity for sure. I know volunteer work always helps put things in perspective for me and my daughters. I hope I'm not coming across as rude, I just really believe it would benefit your family.

 

[Phatoomch]

I'd leave her spoiled but home. If she doesn't want to go then be it. Let her save her allowance to pay for a cruise - wonder how long that would take. My first Disney trip was when I got married. This type of situation is the exact reason why I want to have a second child - to make sure they aren't spoiled. To teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them!

Actually, its you who decides whether your child is spoilt, not a second child.

My daughter is (11yrs) and will remain an only child. Yes, we are able to give her more but she understands that gifts/vacations are a privilege, not a right. She also understands that she is the child, and we (the parents) are the adults, therefore we make the decisions. I know plenty of 'spoilt' people who are not only children.

 

[Nancyg56]

OP- my DGD was like that at 8 YO. DD and DSIL took her that year and from what they said she was not totally enthusiastic. She had told them she was not really looking forward to the trip but they thought that once they got there she would be that kid who was All Disney All the Time. She was not. She was not rude and enjoyed aspects of the trip but We could not understand why she was not totally into going back to WDW, she would not say.

Well she is an only child and our only GC so we spend a lot of time with her. She likes to "surprise her Pa so this winter we started planning a get-a-way and she kept showing me WDW resorts. Then we talked about a Disney Cruise but again, I told her that was Disney so we could look for something else.

Turns out that a big part of the problem was that her closest friends had never been to Disney and would make comments about her frequent trips. An 8 YO girl is a little bit uncomfortable in her own skin so it can take time to figure out how she should act and how to react to peer pressure.



Kady is 10 now. We got a code for free dining so DD and I decided to plan a family trip but I refused to finalize the plan until I knew that Kady wanted to go. IMO- if a trip is to please a child it is not a bad thing t include that kid's opinion. If the trip includes the child but is not about the child then make plans and tell the child what those plans are. Holy Smokes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dancing the Mickey Happy Dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kady has gone down memory lane, she has requested several restaurants and has a reason for each one. She put a lot of thought into her requests and we were touched by her reasons.


I see no reason on the trip that you have planned to make changes based on your DD's reaction. I would explain that you make vacation choices based on several criteria and tell her what they are. If a child has been included in vacation planning but was not privy to the budget or time constraints she would have no way of knowing if her requests were reasonable or unreasonable. You have let her choose vacations destinations in the past but now it is time to start teaching her how you make the choices. You have a good code making this trip fit the budget you planned. Tell her that and the difference in price and time a Disney Cruise is. When Kady and I talked about a Disney Cruise we also discussed the price. DH and I had already decided that we would take her when she is older but I saw this as an opportunity to discuss vacation planning, budget and age so that she could learn how to reason out appropriate plans.

I saw another poster suggested an only child would be "spoiled" and wanted to add to her family to ensure that did not happen. My DGD is an only child and her Mom would never allow her to misbehave. The size of the family does not dictate behavior. Parental choices do. Every parent determines how they want to include their children in their discussions and while those choices do not work for everyone they aren't wrong. Just different.

 

[Tonka's Skipper]

Sorry but an 8 year old will not tell me they want an cruise instead.

When they pay the bills they get a choice. I would offer to leave her home if you have someone to watch her and see if that changes her tune.

Denise in MI

Your being tested!

AKK

 

[dzorn]

I totally agree, but I wonder if the response of many posters would have been so extreme if we were talking about anything but going to Disney.

I can tell you my response would have been the same no matter the destination. A child that has already gotten a cruise, and a 10 beach vacation shoud consider herself very lucky and appreciate what she already has recieved not complain about another vacation to anywhere because she wants another cruise. She has gotten more than many kids will ever get.

When someone offers you A you either say thank you or no thank you not I'd rather have B. I would feel differently if the child said she was all vactioned out and wanted to just spend time at home with family.

For us vaction is for spending time with family and building memories. That can happen anywhere so no reason a child should dictate where that happens.

Denise in MI

 

[Nancyg56]

I can tell you my response would have been the same no matter the destination. A child that has already gotten a cruise, and a 10 beach vacation shoud consider herself very lucky and appreciate what she already has recieved not complain about another vacation to anywhere because she wants another cruise. She has gotten more than many kids will ever get.

When someone offers you A you either say thank you or no thank you not I'd rather have B. I would feel differently if the child said she was all vactioned out and wanted to just spend time at home with family.

For us vaction is for spending time with family and building memories. That can happen anywhere so no reason a child should dictate where that happens.

Denise in MI

The child has not thrown a temper tantrum. She has simply said she does not want to go to Disney again and would prefer a cruise. She is not sulking but she is not enthusiastic.

AN 8 YO probably would not have the ability to articulate that she wants to vacation at home with her family. An adult would. Her parents have included her opinion when making their vacation decisions. She enjoyed the cruise they took her on. The child may have see a Disney Cruise as the best of both worlds and had no idea that she was asking her parents to spend about 3 grand more.

Instead of telling her how lucky she is and that others get less perhaps the parents can use this as an opportunity to teach her how they come to the decisions they do. When the child has made a decision in the past she probably was given a list of destinations. Her parents already narrowed her choices down so that they fit into the time-frame and budget. It seems to me that this is a perfect time to explain that to her, show her what goes into paying for a Disney Cruise, the time involved as well as the length of time it takes to plan it in order to make sure that the family gets the most out of that vacation.

It really is not fair to make a child feel guilty because circumstances have given the child more vacation opportunities than some other kids have had. It is a good time to help her to learn about priorities and how to manage them.

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

Either cancel or make it a couple trip and leave her with a babysitter. You will resent having paid so much money for her to whine. And you do want to be spending a fortune trying to make her happy while at Disney. She may need a break from Disney. As much as I love it I need a break. Sure a Disney cruise may be what she prefers but it may not fit the family budget at the time or ever.

Personally I could cancel and put the money in a retirement or college fund.

 

[Happyjen27]

Cancel the vacation, and donate the $2000.00 to a cause she cares about. Make a Wish? SPCA? Food Pantry? Let her choose who this money helps.

This $2000.00 could create a great way to learn a lesson in gratitude and humility. You're in a wonderful position to use this $2000.00 to transform your daugther into a woman of substance.

Or, she could just be another Paris Hilton wannabe.

 

[AlohaAnnie]

My daughter is 10 almost 11 and she is a Disney Lover like my DH & myself. But DS is a stinker for our last few trips. He is 15 almost 16 and since he was 10 has acted like he doesn't care if we go or not but when we get there he had the best time. We never point it out to him and we stopped asking him if he is excited to go. But we can tell when he starts acting like a little boy at Disney and stops acting like a snotty teen he is having a good time. Nothing like seeing him sing & skip with his Sister to the next attraction or enjoying our latest meal.

Take her anyway, she will have a blast once she gets there. Just don't talk to her about it anymore. Don't ask her. She doesn't have a choice.

Good Luck!

 

[MJ6987]

Alright everyone I need advice. My DD8 is not excited for our upcoming trip to Disney in Sept. she actually told me today she doesn't even care if we go I was/am so excited cuz we got such a good deal on the trip. Free dining 4 people 5 nights/6 days for righ about $2,000. We were there may 2011 and she had so much fun. She keeps saying cancel it bc she wants to go on a Disney cruise. I don't want to cancel but I also don't want to spend 2000 on trip plus airfare if she's not excited and doesn't care to go. Any advice??

OMG she sounds like a right spoilt brat! My daughter didn't even know what a cruise was at that age. I have got friends whose kids have never been to Disney World and its their dream but their parents can't afford it and they feel awful.

To be honest, this thread seems like it might be a wind up to get people to "bite" but if it isn't then I think you've got bigger issues than how to get her excited for a "trip of a lifetime".

 

[Nancyg56]

Oh my word! She is 8. How on Earth posters can jump to the conclusion that she is a spoiled Brat or that she is an ungrateful kid is beyond me. She has been included in vacation planning before so why is it outrageous for her to think she can at least offer an opinion about this trip? I wonder why a parent would punish a kid for not showing proper enthusiasm for a trip by making the kid choose a charity to donate the trip money to or punish her buy leaving her home.

I would prefer to know how my child feels and then decide how to handle it rather than teach my child to lie to me in order to please me or to avoid being punished.

 

[miami305]

The child has not thrown a temper tantrum. She has simply said she does not want to go to Disney again and would prefer a cruise. She is not sulking but she is not enthusiastic.

AN 8 YO probably would not have the ability to articulate that she wants to vacation at home with her family. An adult would. Her parents have included her opinion when making their vacation decisions. She enjoyed the cruise they took her on. The child may have see a Disney Cruise as the best of both worlds and had no idea that she was asking her parents to spend about 3 grand more.

Instead of telling her how lucky she is and that others get less perhaps the parents can use this as an opportunity to teach her how they come to the decisions they do. When the child has made a decision in the past she probably was given a list of destinations. Her parents already narrowed her choices down so that they fit into the time-frame and budget. It seems to me that this is a perfect time to explain that to her, show her what goes into paying for a Disney Cruise, the time involved as well as the length of time it takes to plan it in order to make sure that the family gets the most out of that vacation.

It really is not fair to make a child feel guilty because circumstances have given the child more vacation opportunities than some other kids have had. It is a good time to help her to learn about priorities and how to manage them.

Not buying it. My 7yr old did the non-tantrum diva pout this weekend. She didn't want to go to the mall with me to buy HER new shoes. I told her fine. She could sit at home on her tush, but not to expect me to buy her anything. She quickly changed her tune and suddenly was all excited about the mall. I then proceeded to remind her of the need to appreciate what others do for you. OP's daughter needs that life lesson.

Money no object, it still is not wise to scrap vacation plans because the child wants a cruise! Sounds like a solid plan for creating a teen like those girls on MTV's Sweet 16. The parents only want to make their daughters happy and look how that turns out. Good intentions can still lead to disastrous results.

People on this thread see danger ahead and are trying to warn OP to set some boundaries with her daughter. An 8 year old's priorities are learning multiplication tables, not manipulating Mommy into paying for a Disney Cruise.

 

[miami305]

Oh my word! She is 8. How on Earth posters can jump to the conclusion that she is a spoiled Brat or that she is an ungrateful kid is beyond me. She has been included in vacation planning before so why is it outrageous for her to think she can at least offer an opinion about this trip? I wonder why a parent would punish a kid for not showing proper enthusiasm for a trip by making the kid choose a charity to donate the trip money to or punish her buy leaving her home.

I would prefer to know how my child feels and then decide how to handle it rather than teach my child to lie to me in order to please me or to avoid being punished.

If the child doesn't WANT to go, then why on earth spend the time and the money to go to WDW? It isn't punishment. It is commonsense to leave her at home since she doesn't want the trip. Taking a pouty child who is complaining about everything to WDW is not my idea of fun.

 

[Nomad70]

My 13 year old son isn't really big on Disney or amusement parks in general. lol He goes because it's a family vacation, but he doesn't do rides, and we aren't into shows all that much. He would much rather go on a cruise. Now, our daughter (15) does NOT like cruises, but enjoys WDW. lol So, to please them both we have decided to split our vacation up next year and do 2 days at WDW and then a 4 day cruise. She said she didn't want to go (because of the cruise, she has a fear of being on a ship/boat and I understand that), but we are hoping she will change her mind. If not, she will be staying here and Grandpa will be coming down to stay with her. THIS DOES NOT MAKE EITHER OF OUR KIDS SPOILED BRATS. They just have different preferences. Now, our little one, he doesn't care either way, he's just excited in general. lol For those of us who love Disney we have to understand sometimes that our children are not going to hold that same "Love" and while it's easy to say, oh, my kid isn't going to dictate where we go, sometimes we all need to compromise. For the OP, I personally would explain that this time we are doing the parks and that next time we can do a cruise. Now, if it's easy to switch, I see no problem doing so, a Disney Cruise is awesome too.

After reading some responses I can't believe how many have said they don't let their children have any say or input into family vacations! A child has a voice too and i see nothing wrong with taking into account what a child would like to do. I don't think it's caving into kids just by letting them have a say in what you do. Sometimes we can accommodate, sometimes we can't. It's called compromising. I am sure glad I didn't have parents like that! lol

 

[goofyernmost]

Almost everybody is missing the whole thing here. I don't know if most of the "advice" is coming from people without children or what.

When I was a kid I "preferred" to go to Disneyland. Guess what, we didn't go! I really wasn't that disappointed. I did not make the decisions, but like kids everywhere, you give it a shot.

This mole hill is or has become a mountain and it is totally unnecessary. It's simple really...first define if you are going just for the child or do you really want to go yourself. If you don't really want to go, but you are doing it for them, then by all means cancel and find a different thing to do that you will enjoy. I don't think it has to be a cruise though.

If you want to go yourself, then be the adult, make the decision to go and I will assure you that she will have a good time. Just don't make it a power issue by overdoing the "have to make it good for her" aspect. She has to go along, like it or not. If you have fun, so will she. If you spend all your time frustrated and trying to make it work...the forces of power will take over and no one will have a good time. Ignore the whining, if it happens. Don't allow it to be a weakness on your part. You are in charge and rightfully so. It is your job to make decisions based on what is good for all and a 7 or 8 year old has no ability or basis of life to know what that might be.

Making idol threats like she will have to stay home will have no influence. She knows you won't. She needs to know that for the time being she doesn't have the choice. Go and make the best of it. Enjoy it for yourself and stop thinking that the only way you can enjoy the trip is if she is constantly floating on a cloud of pixie dust. If it's going to happen then the chances are she will find her own cloud to climb on. Just let it happen, don't try to force it. The earlier that she knows that the world does not revolve around her the easier you will have it when she gets to the real grumpy teenager stage.

 

[goofy4tink]

Well, I have three kids...so fairly qualified to speak!! My oldest is 38, youngest is 18. While my dd, 18, has had some imput in our vacations, she doesn't make the final decision. The one time I listened to her and booked the Polynesian (oh, Mom, I really, really want to stay there. It's my dream hotel!!!) instead of POR, she got there, walked around, and said...'Well, it's nice and all, but it's really not as Disney-fied as POR. Wish we had stayed there instead!!' So now.....she gets little say.
I would have a heart to heart with the 8 y/o. Ask her if she really doesn't want to go to WDW. Make sure she completely understands that cruising is NOT an option. It's either WDW or nothing. I think she'll probably be just fine with WDW in that case. If she isn't? Cancel the trip, and put that money towards a cruise a few years down the road.

I have to say...my dd would have been thrilled with 3-4 family vacations a year anywhere!!! One big trip every other year is her deal.

 

[Praying Colonel]

IMHO this is what happens when you give an 8 y/o a say in vacation plans. They're going to state their preferences like the 8 y/os they are.

In our house, here's how much say we gave 8 y/os in the vacation planning: "Hey, sweetie, guess where we're going on vacation this year!"

 

[alice99]

OMG she sounds like a right spoilt brat! My daughter didn't even know what a cruise was at that age. I have got friends whose kids have never been to Disney World and its their dream but their parents can't afford it and they feel awful.

To be honest, this thread seems like it might be a wind up to get people to "bite" but if it isn't then I think you've got bigger issues than how to get her excited for a "trip of a lifetime".

I am not biting , because I don't want to get involved..... let's leave it at that.

 

[eliza61]

That.

There is no freaking way an 8 year old would get to dictate our family vacation plans and especially KNOW they did so. That's a slippery slope you're creating.

This attitude:

.

did not read all the replies so sorry if this is a repeat. Pretty much my kids did not (and still don't) have that type of authority.

We do ask them prior what they think would be fun for vacation but truthfully at 8 they really didn't care enough. So we really always just said "hey guess what we are doing this year!" and left it at that.