Daughter not excited

[disneyobessed]

What an awful attitude to have! Maybe you should sit her down and tell her how lucky she is to be in a family that can afford a vacation to Disney and tell her that you can cancel if she would rather not go anywhere.

And I was upset my son didnt want to stay at the BCV and wanted VWL instead..

 

[Lynn57]

As a teacher, issues like this drive me nuts! Today children are used to having a say in everything and don't know how to handle situations where they don't exactly what they want.

This past year my class was upset because as an end of the year treat I was going to show them Toy Story 3, not some PG-13 movie (they are third graders). My reaction? If you cannot appreciate and be thankful for the surprise I have planned, then you can do worksheets instead. When someone does something nice for you, say thank you. DON'T COMPLAIN!

Your daughter needs to realize all the vacations you go on are not cheap and are special times. I agree with everyone else who says either cancel the trip or go without her. And above all else, please don't book a cruise anytime soon. Use this as a teaching opportunity about respect and appreciation for you and your husband.

 

[kifuller4]

We took our oldest daughter to Disney 2 years ago... she was 8 at the time. As we were planning, I kept talking to her about all the different things and characters we would meet. She would just look at me like I was crazy and reminded me EVERY chance she had that "they are just people in costumes" I was really starting to get frustrated with her... My husband told me that once we got there she would "get it" and to just let her be. Well, I did exactly that. Our first park was MK, we rode the Haunted Mansion and the girls wanted to ride Dumbo. We had an ADR at the Castle for our first meal. The girls had purchased autograph books while waiting... mainly because I told them they would need them. Well, when our name got called to get our picture taken with Cinderella, my oldest RAN down the isle and gave Cindy the tightest hug you could imanige. I still get teary eyed just thinking about it. That is the moment I knew she "got it". Go, have a good time.... she will "get it" once she's in the magic!!!!

 

[Embel]

My suggestion would be to firmly tell your dd that you will not be cancelling or going on the cruise at this time, and to end any lines of discussion about changing the vacation.

Then I would spend a few minutes each day talking to her about the things you are grateful for and excited about with regards to this trip. I think she will eventually learn from your example and begin to feel excitement and gratitude as well.

 

[TheAceOfAces]

As a teacher, issues like this drive me nuts! Today children are used to having a say in everything and don't know how to handle situations where they don't exactly what they want.

This past year my class was upset because as an end of the year treat I was going to show them Toy Story 3, not some PG-13 movie (they are third graders). My reaction? If you cannot appreciate and be thankful for the surprise I have planned, then you can do worksheets instead. When someone does something nice for you, say thank you. DON'T COMPLAIN!

Heck, I'm 21, and I would love it if one of my college classes (or more likely, a group that puts on events on campus) showed Toy Story 3 as an end of the year thing!
Kids are so terribly spoiled these days. Kudos to you, Lynn; I would never be able to stand being a teacher and dealing with that crap. I don't know how you do it without going insane.

 

[Olivejuicy]

Maybe stop talking about the vacation and instead take some money and have her help you choose someone to loan money to via kiva.org or choose another charity to give to. I suggested kiva, though, because you can use that to facilitate a conversation about being thankful and show her that a small fraction of what you are spending on your vacation can change someone's life.

I don't think there is anything wrong with allowing her to pick a vacation since you guys obviously are fortunate enough to be able to take several per year. It would be good for her to understand, though, that she IS fortunate. She probably doesn't realize that there is a significant cost difference and may think that, since you go on multiple vacations, that the cost matters. This is a good learning opportunity for her and a grrat opportunity for you to help her grow.

 

[bytheblood]

Originally Posted by kristin08 View Post
What an awful attitude to have! Maybe you should sit her down and tell her how lucky she is to be in a family that can afford a vacation to Disney and tell her that you can cancel if she would rather not go anywhere.

I totally agree.

In most homes in America, children run the home instead of the parents. When I was a kid in the 70s and 80s, I was NOT allowed to tell my parents what we were going to do. There were 5 kids, a mom and a dad. Dad was the man of the house and the family submitted to him first and mom second. If at any point we tried to tell my parents what to do or pouted because we weren't happy with their decision, we got a spanking (and yes, we turned out great) and it was made clear to us that it was not okay.

I have 1 child and I ask her opinion on a lot of things, but she never dictates how or what we will do. I won't have that. She is a bit spoiled (not rotten) being an only child, but she is also a wonderful, obedient, sweet, kind-hearted young lady. :

 

[Violet Parr]

I would not allow an 8 year old child to make vacation choices. That's basically allowing an 8 year old child to spend thousands of dollars. An 8 year old doesn't have the critical thinking skills to cope with making such an enormous choice. Perhaps having too many choices is stressing her out and has her rethinking her first choice? If that's the case, maybe cutting back on the Disney talk would help a bit.

Also, it kind of sounds to me like you want to go to WDW, not the cruise. If that's the case, you're the mom, you get to decide. Don't feel guilty for making her stick to her choice. Family vacations should make the entire family happy, not just one person.

VP

 

[alice99]

As a teacher, issues like this drive me nuts! Today children are used to having a say in everything and don't know how to handle situations where they don't exactly what they want.

This past year my class was upset because as an end of the year treat I was going to show them Toy Story 3, not some PG-13 movie (they are third graders). My reaction? If you cannot appreciate and be thankful for the surprise I have planned, then you can do worksheets instead. When someone does something nice for you, say thank you. DON'T COMPLAIN!

Your daughter needs to realize all the vacations you go on are not cheap and are special times. I agree with everyone else who says either cancel the trip or go without her. And above all else, please don't book a cruise anytime soon. Use this as a teaching opportunity about respect and appreciation for you and your husband.

This.

 

[suemom2kay]

We went to Seaside Heights NJ (2 hours from our house) for a week every year. Not once would I ever even think of telling my Mom to cancel. We always had a great time and I don't ever remember complaining about going to the same place every year.

I don't understand what you're worried about. You've received some great suggestions. Your daughter's reaction to a WDW vacation should be a wake up call to you regarding the level to which she is spoiled. Its not about her lack of excitement, its about her sense of entitlement which you have created. Nip it in the budd or it will continue to increase until she is deciding every vacation, restaurant, etc.

We also have an only child. She wants to go to Hawaii (heck I want to go to Hawaii). We can't afford it, she (and I can dream) but she knows it is just that. I'm far from perfect, but I would be worried about her not upset that she wasn't excited if she thought a WDW vacation wasn't good enough for her.

 

[Embel]

I completely disagree with all of the extreme stick-it-to-her type suggestions like cancelling the vacation or going without her. The child is 8, and you are talking about cancelling a vacation, not turning off a movie. A dramatic response teaches drama.

Assuming she does need to learn respect and gratitude, I think it's best learned by example.

 

[stamot]

No no no she does not yell " but I said so" or "but I want" she will sometimes whine go get her way but after I say no and she knows I'm serious she stops.

She is spoiled but she is not a brat. I mean she might be a brat sometimes but what 8yo isn't?

Im so sorry for this: HECK NO!!! My daughter has never been this way or will ever be this way. Im not saying you are a bad mother but something went wrong. Kids are not born with this attitude, they learned, they try it once and if the see they can get their way they keep using it. Not every 8yo is the same.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I can't imagine giving a child of any age decision-making authority over a family vacation unless he/she is paying for it. A decision that involves thousands of dollars of the family's money is NOT one that should be handed over to a child, period. I've always believed that he whose money is being spent is the one making the decision. Input should certainly be solicited and carefully considered, but the purse strings are firmly attached to the decision making authority.

As a teacher, issues like this drive me nuts! Today children are used to having a say in everything and don't know how to handle situations where they don't exactly what they want.

This past year my class was upset because as an end of the year treat I was going to show them Toy Story 3, not some PG-13 movie (they are third graders). My reaction? If you cannot appreciate and be thankful for the surprise I have planned, then you can do worksheets instead. When someone does something nice for you, say thank you. DON'T COMPLAIN!

Your daughter needs to realize all the vacations you go on are not cheap and are special times. I agree with everyone else who says either cancel the trip or go without her. And above all else, please don't book a cruise anytime soon. Use this as a teaching opportunity about respect and appreciation for you and your husband.

Im a high school teacher and my kids watched TS3 the last day of school and some of them were crying at the end. They were very happy. I was surprise.

I totally agree.

In most homes in America, children run the home instead of the parents. When I was a kid in the 70s and 80s, I was NOT allowed to tell my parents what we were going to do. There were 5 kids, a mom and a dad. Dad was the man of the house and the family submitted to him first and mom second. If at any point we tried to tell my parents what to do or pouted because we weren't happy with their decision, we got a spanking (and yes, we turned out great) and it was made clear to us that it was not okay.

I have 1 child and I ask her opinion on a lot of things, but she never dictates how or what we will do. I won't have that. She is a bit spoiled (not rotten) being an only child, but she is also a wonderful, obedient, sweet, kind-hearted young lady. :

My daughter is an only child and to be honest we spoiled her but we teach her respect and that we are the ones that takes the last descisions at the home. We listen to her but she understand how lucky she is and how hard we work to give her what she has.

 

[sharadoc]

I'm just sad that she's not excited to go! If she doesn't love Disney now, will she ever love it??

My DDs first trip was when she was 8. She's 11 now and looking forward to her 8th trip in August. She can't wait!

I used to hate my family vacations because my mother was so commando. It's not where we were or what we were doing but HOW we did it. Maybe that's her issue too. Maybe she's not liking your style of vacation. Do you love it, do you do things for the whole family or is the trip focused only on her? We've passed along our love for Disney to our kids and everything we do is focused on the entire family.

FYI - I am an only child and was NEVER given a choice or an option of what to do or where to go. I guess I"m a different generation though. I resent the stereotype of "spoiled" only child, but of course it does have a basis in fact.

 

[dispros]

I have a few suggestions. Perhaps making reservations for something like dining with princess, or storybook princess assuming that its something that she likes. If someone else is going on the trip make sure that you engage in whimsy conversation with that person about the trip while your daughter is around. Watch videos of Disney rides such as Toy Story Mania and others that an 8 year old might enjoy. A Disney vacation is typically very expensive and usually much more than 2K so I would milk it for as long as possible. In other words do something special every day that is related to your Disney trip and continue to build up her excitement. Below is a video of my 8 year old doing a tour of our room the moment we arrived in it. He took the camera while we weren't watching and you can tell he was so overcome with excitement.

Anyway, I hope this helps you!

 

[bill2012]

As a parent, I think some people are overreacting to this.

First, most people on the DIS boards are super-into Disney and have gone like 20 times and have trouble comprehending the fact that for most people, if you just went last year, you are probably not going to be super-excited about going again. Second, 3 or 4 vacation trips every year is a lot -- certainly a lot more than most people get. So, with the combination of these two factors, it should not be a big surprise that your daughter is rather ho-hum about it. This does not necessarily mean that she is "spoiled;" it means that as a result of her experience, vacations are just nothing very special to her.

Unless YOU really don't want to go to Disney, don't cancel the trip. That's actually giving her more control, and will punish everybody. (Of course switching to a Disney cruise is out of the question!) The fact is that she will have fun when she gets there. I wouldn't make a big deal out of this; if you harp on it, she might feel obligated to not have a good time!

Some people are acting like she is disobeying you by not being excited, but you can't force somebody to be excited about something! She is her own person and we certainly all know that others don't always feel the same way we do, or the way we think they ought, about things. There is no battle to be fought here.

But, going forward, I would stop with her picking trips. You are creating expectations that may become more and more difficult to meet, and you may in fact be "spoiling" her if the result is that she is unhappy with any vacation that doesn't match her whim of the moment. She has to learn to take what comes in life and roll with it; a kid is "spoiled" when he or she loses the ability to do that. Any trip you take should be a trip that YOU want to take, and you are much better qualified to plan vacations than an 8-year-old.

Of course, I'm a terrible parent. My older daughter (9) is literally the ONLY kid in her entire grade who has NOT been to Disney World. (Although, some went when they were too young to remember.) We're going in a few weeks. You can bet that she is excited!

 

[maxaroni]

I am an only child and never had a say in most things, certainly not vacation. My DS19 was able to express his thoughts and we took his thoughts into consideration when choosing our family vacation (1 per year). DH and I had final say but DS would usually be upset until we got to our destination as he was hesitant about trying something new. He'd always want to go to the place we went the year prior. Once we got to our destination he had a blast. DS would also get upset as his best friend went on "exotic" trips each year.....3 weeks to Japan, a month to Hong Kong. Things of that sort. However he was always fine with our trips once we got going.

 

[poorunfortunatesouls]

I still don't understand why people are being so critical of OP's parenting choices...if a parent wants to give the child a choice, it's their call. After all, it's a family vacation and the child is part of the family.

 

[miami305]

She's too young to demand a cruise! She has so many vacation opportunities that she no longer appreciates them. My suggestion is an inexpensive camping trip. She needs to learn the joy of simple fun and family time together. You don't want her 12 and complaining because your going to Jamaica instead Hawaii.

The only child bashing is ridiculous. Any child can be unappreciative! I personally would cancel the Disney trip and use the money for a romantic getaway with DH.

 

[miami305]

with respect, thats where you went wrong. Our daughter is allowed to share her thoughts on where she'd like to go but we decide on where we are going, taking into account her thoughts. When she has children of her own, then she can call the shots

this!

 

[Sammie]

Time for Mom and Dad to take a couples trip. Believe me it will do everyone a world of good.

It was the best advice our pediatrician ever gave us, that as parents we do not need to let our children become the center of our world. That being apart is healthy for everyone.

If you don't want to do Disney World without her, cancel and book somewhere for the two of you.