Daughter not excited

[moobar25]

I'd leave her spoiled but home. If she doesn't want to go then be it. Let her save her allowance to pay for a cruise - wonder how long that would take. My first Disney trip was when I got married. This type of situation is the exact reason why I want to have a second child - to make sure they aren't spoiled. To teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them!

 

[AddictedtoDoleWhip]

I'd leave her spoiled but home. If she doesn't want to go then be it. Let her save her allowance to pay for a cruise - wonder how long that would take. My first Disney trip was when I got married. This type of situation is the exact reason why I want to have a second child - to make sure they aren't spoiled. To teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them!

I don't understand your point, you want a 2nd child solely so you don't have a spoiled only child that makes no sense. Having another child solely for that reason is problematic to me, you should want another child because you want to raise another child and bring them into the world with love. Not to keep a child from being spoiled. And just because you have multiple children doesn't stop someone from being spoiled, I know quite a few children who are not an only child that are extremely spoiled.

OP, I think every child has their moment. I was never able to go to WDW because my Mom could not afford to take me and she felt bad about it because I was so obsessed with Disney but she said that one day in the future I may get to go even if it's not until I was much older (I went for hte first time a month ago.) Of course our version of a vacation for a long time was going to Disneyland for the day (even if we were 20 min away) we did go to Las Vegas a few times because we didn't need to fly there. I hope she is excited to go eventually!

Has any of her other friends gone on a Disney Cruise? I know that some kids talk about their cruise and how fun it was and then automatically they'd rather do that because it sounds so much better. But when the trip gets closer I'm sure she'll get more excited. I know plenty of kids who aren't excited for vacation until the week before they go! and then they can't stop talking about it.

 

[luvmyguyz]

I'm curious. She gets to pick one vacation a year. Is WDW the one she picked this year and now she's changing her mind? If she doesn't feel like doing WDW, how were the plans decided in the first place?

This is what I was wondering, too. While it just wouldn't work in our family to give the kids the choice of where we are going on vacation, it seems from the OP's posts that her DD does get to choose one vacation. So, if she chose WDW as her vacation originally, then I think she needs to be told that she made her decision, plans were made, deposits were paid, and changing the vacation is no longer an option. If she is being given the "adult" benefit of choosing a vacation locale, then she needs to adhere to "adult" responsibilities and follow through with her original choices.

On the other hand, if this was supposed to be "her choice trip" and you made the plans without consulting her because you thought it would be something she would have chosen for herself, then maybe switching to something she actually wants to do is the right decision. I mean, if she gets to decide where to go, then it's only fair that her choice be respected (within reason, of course!)

I don't know - I think 8 is pretty young to be given so much say in something as elaborate and expensive as a family vacation, but if you are truly allowing her to choose, then I think you need to follow through with your decision to let this trip be her choice, if for no other reason than to teach her the importance of following through. (sorry for the run-on sentence there!!)

 

[srferson]

Yes we booked it back in march. I brought up the idea of going there again this yr and she was all about it until recently.

Ah, well, there's another reason not to change plans. She made the decision in the first place.

She chose WDW. You made the plans. That's that.

 

[gtpoohbear]

She is spoiled but she is not a brat. I mean she might be a brat sometimes but what 8yo isn't?

So glad to know my 8yo isn't the only one, lol! It's easy for others to judge about how we are bad parents when our kids aren't perfect, but they actually have minds of their own and can really complicate our all-too-perfect plans sometimes.

My guess is that she'll get more excited as it gets closer. My DD does the same thing sometimes about stuff that I know she DOES care about. Maybe suggest that a cruise might be something to think about for the future, and start planning how long it would take to save, what sacrifices you might have to make, etc. And WDW will hold her over until then.

I do think it's reasonable to let kids have a say in the family vacation, afterall, they are part of the family! We go on one "big" vacation every year, and take turns with who gets to pick it. The last two times we went to Disney, it was DD's pick - when we go next year it is actually mine. There is a delicate balance that must be achieved between letting kids dictate everything, and in not letting them have any control over anything. I think what you are doing sounds fine, and it sounds like she is generally a good kid. So if it comes up again, explain the reality that the trip is already booked and you hope she will enjoy it, and maybe next time she can pick something different.

 

[luvmyguyz]

Yes we booked it back in march. I brought up the idea of going there again this yr and she was all about it until recently.

In this case, my advice would be to tell her that she made this decision and now needs to live with it. She can choose a cruise next year.

 

[alice99]

Bingo we have a winner!

Denise in MI

OP,
Did she just shrug and say "So?"? If that's the case, then I would be leaving her at home and going with DH.

I am a teacher and it's getting harder and harder to deal with children who are never told "no" and who expect things just to be handed to them. Call her bluff, OP.

 

[poorunfortunatesouls]

If she made the choice she has to live with it.

I don't, however, see the harm in OP letting her child choose a vacation.

I also don't see what is bad about a child expressing her desire not to go to WDW. It doesn't mean she's spoiled, it just means she isn't excited and doesn't care if she goes.

 

[FantasiaMagic]

I guarantee she'll have a good time once she gets there.

Take her on as many boat rides as you can and tell her, "This is your Disney cruise!"

I also think she will have such a wonderful time once she gets there. Don't worry about a thing! Is she missing school when she goes? Maybe telling her that would make her happier also!

And for the part I bolded LOL!!! I love this!

 

[ls1222]

I would call her bluff..... tell her that you and your DH will still go, but if she really is not interested, you will cancel her off the reservation (and stick with it)! I know children can be fickle but we are taking our 3 teens to Disney next month (kind of our last family vacation with our oldest)... We have been visiting WDW for years. My 18 yr old expressed his interest in going to Uni too but ultimately we as the parents have the last say!

 

[AJA]

...then she can stay home with Grandpa

Seriously though, we have an 8 year old daughter thats an only child and I can understand the attitude. It might be she's just hit the age where she finds causing a bit of conflict with you as a sort of early tween "power struggle" with mom. If my DD says something like that I reply with the above. DH and I will still go and have a great time, we'd be happy to call her each day and let her know how great our trip is going.

If the trip was her choice and she doesn't want to go then just cancel.


If the trip is just for her and her attitude keeps up I would cancel it. Then use the money later for an agreed upon family trip.

It can be a different dynamic having an only child, but I know I can't let my DD have any idea she could/would have that much "power" in our family, I can't imagine what that would lead to in her teen years! Letting her know now, mom and dad have the decision making power, she can go with us if she wants but can't be the decision maker.

 

[MrsDuck]

I'm sure she'll get more excited as it gets closer. Plus, I bet she will have a great time when you're there!!

I have to agree with some of the PPs-- you're the adult and the parent. She isn't paying and if you want to go to WDW, go. She's only 8- there's plenty of time for a DCL! Just my .02...

 

[JennyDrake]

At 8, I had NO say in any family trip--nor should I have.

 

[DeaverTex]

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I can't imagine giving a child of any age decision-making authority over a family vacation unless he/she is paying for it. A decision that involves thousands of dollars of the family's money is NOT one that should be handed over to a child, period. I've always believed that he whose money is being spent is the one making the decision. Input should certainly be solicited and carefully considered, but the purse strings are firmly attached to the decision making authority.

 

[alice99]

At 8, I had NO say in any family trip--nor should I have.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I can't imagine giving a child of any age decision-making authority over a family vacation unless he/she is paying for it. A decision that involves thousands of dollars of the family's money is NOT one that should be handed over to a child, period. I've always believed that he whose money is being spent is the one making the decision. Input should certainly be solicited and carefully considered, but the purse strings are firmly attached to the decision making authority.

 

[bytheblood]

If she is the whole point of the trip and she doesn't want to go then I would cancel. While I would never let my child dictate where we vacation, if the vacation is for the child then they should have say in it. And she has spoken. Why would you take a vacation for someone to a destination they don't want to go to? That is like taking someone out to dinner to celebrate their achievement but choosing a restaurant they don't like.

Originally Posted by DeaverTex View Post
Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I can't imagine giving a child of any age decision-making authority over a family vacation unless he/she is paying for it. A decision that involves thousands of dollars of the family's money is NOT one that should be handed over to a child, period. I've always believed that he whose money is being spent is the one making the decision. Input should certainly be solicited and carefully considered, but the purse strings are firmly attached to the decision making authority.

Best posts right here!!

 

[ols386]

I would just explain to her that the arrangements are already made, and that she indicated before the arrangement were made, that she wanted to go to WDW, and that because of these things, she will be going with you and her Dad to WDW, and it's up to her whether she has a fun time or not.

 

[Dorisk3]

I would go ahead and take the vacation, doing all the normal things you do to get ready. I wouldn't make a super big deal out of it or talk about it constantly either (a thing I get the feeling many disboarders do to their spouse and kids). You shouldn't take it personally, little girls can be mercurial and maybe you caught her at a bad time.

Next year if you want to , then go ahead and take a cruise. I'm a big person for having your cake and eating it to. You can do a 3 or 4 day for her, and maybe a few days in the parks for you if that is what you like to do.

While I don't think that a child should have the only say on vacation, I do think kids are entitled to their opinions too, whether they like Disney or not.

 

[Phatoomch]

I wouldn't leave her at home. She is the whole point of the trip. Maybe she will get more excited as it gets closer. I guess she's just spoiled she's already been on 1 cruise this year and to the beach for 10 days. We usually go on 3-4 vacations a year and usually let her pick where we go for 1-2 of them so i don't think she was trying to hurt my feelings but just saying she'd rather go on a cruise.

With respect, thats where you went wrong. Our daughter is allowed to share her thoughts on where she'd like to go but we decide on where we are going, taking into account her thoughts. When she has children of her own, then she can call the shots

 

[DisLis]

I would down play it. Accept that she is entitled to her opinion and try not to talk about the trip when she is around. This is just an opening for conflict. She'll likely get into it at some point, but don't force it or she'll dig in. Make it easy for her to change her mind without making it appear that she is giving in.
You may also want to find out what it is she would like about a cruise and see if there is anything you can do to make this trip more fun for her. She may like to hang out at the hotel pool more, for example.