Daughter doesn't want to wash her hair?

Because of this one issue you are assuming that the OP has never disciplined her child? Some of us prefer to pick our battles and do not want to raise obedient drones. Blind obedience is not what everyone views as successful parenting. And sometimes kids need to learn natural consequences, like maybe losing her friends because of her hair. You can tell you own kid they stink until they cows come home, but the impact doesn't hit them until a peer says it most times. Having unwashed hair is not unhealthy, it's just gross. Head lice has nothing to do with how often you wash your hair. It's spread by head to head contact.

Nobody is saying the OP has never disciplined her child but we are saying that if she hasn't then now is the time to start. Hygeine is not something that a child needs to learn the natural consequences of. Not that I am singling you out or do I know if you are this way so don't take it personal, but I am sick and tired of parents letting little Mary and Johnny be their own person and do what they feel is good for them. They are children and need guidance and boundaries. That is not blind obedience. We explain the reasons behind our choices. Our children are very independent and have their own minds and we encourage that, but that doesn't mean it is a free for all because we don't want to stifle them. Sometimes you can beat to a different drum but there are times when you have to follow the band as well. Teaching children hygiene is teaching them to have respect for themselves and a sense of self worth. We aren't talking about forcing them to learn origami. Part of preparing your kids for the world is teaching them life skills. Bathing is a neccessitie. (sp?) It's great to let kids find their own way in alot of situations but I am sorry to say that too many parents don't want to act like a parent. They want to be friends. Then people will wonder why we have such a selfish society. These kids never learn that their actions have an effect on others. This child not bathing is making the rest of the family ill. I don't think this is an issue at all. You must bathe. Period.
 
I had an issue similar to this with my oldest dd. She's 14 now, but when she was around 8 years old, she went through a thing of not wanting me to help her wash her hair or help her comb it anymore. One night, I noticed her hair looked really thick. The outside of it was smooth and looked normal, but when I took a closer look, underneath was a massive wadded up tangled mess! :eek: We stayed up late working the knots and tangles out of it. Quite a few of them had to be cut out. :sad2:

The next day I picked her up from school, and we went straight to the salon. I had her hair chopped off up to her ears. She sat there crying, but she didn't fight it.

Her dad and ex-MIL were furious with me, but it didn't bother me. She didn't want to take care of her hair, and she didn't want me to help her with it either. I made her hair a length where she could manage it on her own. By the time it grew out again, she was old enough to take care of it herself.
 
Nobody is saying the OP has never disciplined her child but we are saying that if she hasn't then now is the time to start. Hygeine is not something that a child needs to learn the natural consequences of. Not that I am singling you out or do I know if you are this way so don't take it personal, but I am sick and tired of parents letting little Mary and Johnny be their own person and do what they feel is good for them. They are children and need guidance and boundaries. That is not blind obedience. We explain the reasons behind our choices. Our children are very independent and have their own minds and we encourage that, but that doesn't mean it is a free for all because we don't want to stifle them. Sometimes you can beat to a different drum but there are times when you have to follow the band as well. Teaching children hygiene is teaching them to have respect for themselves and a sense of self worth. We aren't talking about forcing them to learn origami. Part of preparing your kids for the world is teaching them life skills. Bathing is a neccessitie. (sp?) It's great to let kids find their own way in alot of situations but I am sorry to say that too many parents don't want to act like a parent. They want to be friends. Then people will wonder why we have such a selfish society. These kids never learn that their actions have an effect on others. This child not bathing is making the rest of the family ill. I don't think this is an issue at all. You must bathe. Period.


You are assuming way to much about my parenting and the OP's parenting based on this one issue.

My kids are just fine thank you as I'm sure the OP's is. This issue is non-negotiable for me, but there are others that you might find non-negotiable that are not for me.


Hygiene is something that a child can learn from natural consequences in my opinion, just as your opinion is that it is not. Your opinion is no better than mine or the OP's.
 
Because of this one issue you are assuming that the OP has never disciplined her child? Some of us prefer to pick our battles and do not want to raise obedient drones. Blind obedience is not what everyone views as successful parenting. And sometimes kids need to learn natural consequences, like maybe losing her friends because of her hair. You can tell you own kid they stink until they cows come home, but the impact doesn't hit them until a peer says it most times. Having unwashed hair is not unhealthy, it's just gross. Head lice has nothing to do with how often you wash your hair. It's spread by head to head contact.

Well, in our house, the natural consequence would be that they would not be allowed to visit others or run with me unless they were unstinky. I work hard to keep my world relatively clean and fresh smelling (the cat is working against me, though!:sad2: ) Teaching good hygeine is a part of that.

My boys trust me when i tell them they stink, and they take care of it (and are thankful I care enough not to let them be embarrassed). I'd much rather my husband tell me I have brocolli in my teethe, then allow then go out to a party and suffer the natural and logical... While some might need a peer to tell them, mine don't. That doesn't make them drones, it makes them a part of a family.
 

Well, in our house, the natural consequence would be that they would not be allowed to visit others or run with me unless they were unstinky. I work hard to keep my world relatively clean and fresh smelling (the cat is working against me, though!:sad2: ) Teaching good hygeine is a part of that.

My boys trust me when i tell them they stink, and they take care of it (and are thankful I care enough not to let them be embarrassed). I'd much rather my husband tell me I have brocolli in my teethe, then allow then go out to a party and suffer the natural and logical... While some might need a peer to tell them, mine don't. That doesn't make them drones, it makes them a part of a family.

Can we just agree that not everything works for every family? That there is no one way to parent/discipline?

I'm not saying the child NEEDS to have a peer tell them, but that it may be better way for this child. Who knows?

I don't have all the answers. I know my system is working out quite fine and that is all that matters.
 
The Bible quote does nothing for me personally. That is nice that on this issue you would not do what the OP is doing, but that does not mean she has not ever disciplined her child, just because she has a different parenting philosophy than you.

And its not for you to decide which issues are non-negotiable for other people's children.

I Never said that the OP has not disciplined her child. Someone else posted it that way. I posted that IF the OP has not be disciplining her child that it should start. The OP asked for opinions on this and that is what I (and others) are giving. In my opinion a child not washing her hair for the summer and letting the pool be the washing she gets is not acceptable. I posted what I would do. I said that this issue would be a non-negotiable one for us and we would take care of it. Others have their opinions including you and I am just posting mine. I am not deciding what issues are non-negotiable for others. I do believe that most people agree with me that nasty hair is gross and the child should cut it or be made to wash it regularly.
 
:scared1: I haven't read every post here, but I did get to the whole "pick your battles" argument. I absolutely hate hate hate that argument!!!!!

One battle that I will never ever ever give up is obedience. Once I have told my child to do something, I have picked that battle. If I tell my kid to wash up, she had better do it or there will be a consequence. If a mom has been telling her kid to wash her hair it would be a huge mistake to "let it go". In my opinion you have to make the decision to "not pick the battle" before you start nagging at your kid.

Honestly though, I don't see how you can let a kid stink. If anyone does that I hope they keep their kid at home with them. I would be really ticked off if we had one dd's friends over to play and her mom had decided to let her skip showers for the summer!!! :scared:
 
I Never said that the OP has not disciplined her child. Someone else posted it that way. I posted that IF the OP has not be disciplining her child that it should start. The OP asked for opinions on this and that is what I (and others) are giving. In my opinion a child not washing her hair for the summer and letting the pool be the washing she gets is not acceptable. I posted what I would do. I said that this issue would be a non-negotiable one for us and we would take care of it. Others have their opinions including you and I am just posting mine. I am not deciding what issues are non-negotiable for others. I do believe that most people agree with me that nasty hair is gross and the child should cut it or be made to wash it regularly.


I agree with you, however, your post and a couple of others did come off as seeming to tell the OP this is how she MUST parent because this is what you would do.

You and others sound like more authoritarian parents then I am and the OP appears to be. That is fine--for you. There is a whole scale of parenting from being a complete dictator that does not allow their children to think for themselves, to being a complete friend who does not ever correct their child in anyway. Either extreme is not good in my opinion, but most of us fall somewhere in between. I fall a little further from the authoritarian end than perhaps you, it works for me and my family.
 
Can we just agree that not everything works for every family? That there is no one way to parent/discipline?

I'm not saying the child NEEDS to have a peer tell them, but that it may be better way for this child. Who knows?

I don't have all the answers. I know my system is working out quite fine and that is all that matters.

Yep. I'll meet you there!:)
 
I have to be honest here. I would give here a choice. Either wash your hair or you will be getting a very short haircut. This is not a pick your battle issue. This is personal hygiene! She's 10. She needs to wash her hair. Period. I am sure it is a pain to fight with her but I would not let up on this one. JMHO.

That's the same advice I'd give and I'm the mother of 6 grown daughters and 4 granddaughters. Some things are non-negotiable in my house and hygiene is one of them. In reality, it's a self-limiting problem that will resolve itself in time. Just wait until she discovers boys. Then you won't be able to get her out of the shower.
:love:

Beth
 
Someone on here suggested, "What would you do if the child completely refused?"- that's when others stated that their child wouldn't refuse and if your child did refuse, you would do what is necessary to ensure your rules are still followed.

Why does everything get so twisted and warped on this board?

If allowing your child to reek is a good natural consequence for some of you- that's great. I hate stench- hate it. So I'd have to follow through and have the hair cut. Particularly in summertime- I bet the heat really makes it smell a lot worse!
 
Can we just agree that not everything works for every family? That there is no one way to parent/discipline?

I'm not saying the child NEEDS to have a peer tell them, but that it may be better way for this child. Who knows?

I don't have all the answers. I know my system is working out quite fine and that is all that matters.


Chobie, I tend to be a "pick my battles" parent. But at her dd's age, this could have really long-reaching consequences that a 10 yr old can't envision. I remember this poor guy in 5th grade. He came to school with filthy hair and he smelled. Everyone called him "sow". Of course when everyone picks on you everyday, you become antisocial, as this poor kid did. We moved before I went to jr high, so I"m not sure what happened to this kid. Anyway, social skills and interaction are just too important IMHO, to let this go.

ON the one hand, I don't want a stinky kid in my house. But even more importantly, I don't want to hand anyone a reason to make fun of my kid and ostracize her.
 
ON the one hand, I don't want a stinky kid in my house. But even more importantly, I don't want to hand anyone a reason to make fun of my kid and ostracize her.

great point. I have had to use this to get MY dd11 to understand that oh yes she DOES need deoderant. A couple of the girls mercilessly teased a dark haired girl in the class because she didn't shave her legs (in 4th grade - do they get to be kids at all?) And when DD was fighting me on the deoderant, I clued her into who might be the next target if she didn't. Sad but true.
 
great point. I have had to use this to get MY dd11 to understand that oh yes she DOES need deoderant. A couple of the girls mercilessly teased a dark haired girl in the class because she didn't shave her legs (in 4th grade - do they get to be kids at all?) And when DD was fighting me on the deoderant, I clued her into who might be the next target if she didn't. Sad but true.

This is really off topic, but wow!! im shocked at the 4th grade and shaving heir legs thing. I dont think i started until middle school either 6th or 7th and i did it against my moms wishes lol, but imagine im very pale and have dark hair, so yes some of my friends mentioned it but no one picked on me cuz at the time not all of us were shaving yet. I guess times have truly changed...
 
I think the shaving the legs thing has to do with how dark your hair color is. I could grow a whole furcoat on my legs and I don't think anyone would comment! But I don't like my leghair blowing in the breeze :lmao:
 
Wow I am really surprised at some of the posts on here.:sad2:

I have to say that hygiene is a definite must in my house. Everyone has to take atleast 1 shower a day. Even my DH doesn't get in bed with me if he's not showered. :thumbsup2

Being a mom of a ten yr old I can't imagine her even fighting with me about being clean. Yes sometimes I have to remind her to put on her deodorant or to brush her teeth before going to bed but once I say it it gets done. Its just about living healthier....and taking care of your body is healthy for both your body and mind. I think its just something we as parents have to enforce.

I don't blame the child at this point since she is only 11. I can see how a teen may put up a fight though. I would hope that the OP really gets this nipped in the butt as menstruation is just around the corner and that is a whole other issue when it comes to cleaniness.

I would suggest cutting her hair short also. Not too short but where it is manageble for her. If you don't want to cut it then I suggest YOU washing it for her while she's bathing. That way you know its being washed thoroughly. I will sometimes wash my DD's hair if we were at the beach or park and it has sand in it. Kids aren't as efficient with things like that yet.

Good Luck!
 
Chobie, I tend to be a "pick my battles" parent. But at her dd's age, this could have really long-reaching consequences that a 10 yr old can't envision. I remember this poor guy in 5th grade. He came to school with filthy hair and he smelled. Everyone called him "sow". Of course when everyone picks on you everyday, you become antisocial, as this poor kid did. We moved before I went to jr high, so I"m not sure what happened to this kid. Anyway, social skills and interaction are just too important IMHO, to let this go.

ON the one hand, I don't want a stinky kid in my house. But even more importantly, I don't want to hand anyone a reason to make fun of my kid and ostracize her.

The OP said this is for the summer so school is not an issue. Look, it is not an issue I would let go, but I don't fault the OP for her decision. As for hygiene she said she is not washing her hair, not the rest of her body. You don't have to wash your hair to be healthy.

Besides she already made her decision and she is looking for ways to convince her daughter to wash her hair but does not want to be punitive about it. Some people made some good suggestions and some people passed judgment.
 
Ok, I'm mean, but here goes. I agree with you. Tell her if she doesn't want to wash it all summer than fine, grease and go. However, when it came time to go somewhere or do something I would employee this strategy. "I'm not taking you to XXX, I'm sorry, I love you, but I don't want to be seen with you. Your hair is dirty and it smells, and I don't want to be embarassed" Or if she asks to go somewhere "I'm sorry, but no. You can't go over to XXX. I would be embarassed if they saw you looking as you do, with smelly, greasy hair. Your appearance reflects on me, and I won't have people saying that my kids are slobs."

As for school, I would give her a schedule of what days of the week her hair is to be washed. If she doesn't comply there would be loss of priveleges.
 
My oldest is 18 and we went through a period that we had to practically physically put him in the shower. I finally stopped arguing and the SECOND he fought me on it, things in his room started disappearing and he had to earn it all back. It worked pretty quickly once he figured out I was serious. He def didnt like seeing his video games and toys and fav. clothes all go in a trash bag I wasnt playing that game and wasnt going to smell a stinky kid either LOL.
__________________

What a great idea! Thanks for posting this!
 
Originally Posted by Mouse House Mama
I have to be honest here. I would give here a choice. Either wash your hair or you will be getting a very short haircut. This is not a pick your battle issue. This is personal hygiene! She's 10. She needs to wash her hair. Period. I am sure it is a pain to fight with her but I would not let up on this one. JMHO.

This is exactly what I would do too!!
 












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