Dan, RoutemanDan - The Case of the Tag Fairies
- Thread starter Bennet
- Start date
DaisyDebbie
<font color=green>Just give me one to cook and one
- Joined
- May 21, 2000
- Messages
- 2,674
Of course, it is 
Bennet
<font color=red>aka Evil Emperor Zurg<br><font col
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2000
- Messages
- 517
Scene featuring M
<bgsound src="http://soundamerica.com/sounds/spoofs/Music/scotsman.wav" loop="-1">
Instead of playing Paul in the British Invasion, Kev / M / Klombar is sitting in at bass for Mark Weldon of Offkilter . He is on the look out for trouble. Okay he is on the look out and that may get him in trouble.
Two lime green temptress approach him between sets. Looking for autographs they flatter him into an invitation to the Rose and Crown for a few pints.
Not wanting to break his cover he accepts. The rest is a matter best left to the folk songs:
Scottsman Kilt
Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue duct tape ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
I like Keith Synnestvedt's version a lot better. Same words much better singing, but I couldn't find a .wav. If you are in Breckenridge Colorado find out where he is playing. Tell him Bennet sent ya.
<bgsound src="http://soundamerica.com/sounds/spoofs/Music/scotsman.wav" loop="-1">
You sure about that Bouncy? I do have a role for a Scotsman but I could re work it.
Instead of playing Paul in the British Invasion, Kev / M / Klombar is sitting in at bass for Mark Weldon of Offkilter . He is on the look out for trouble. Okay he is on the look out and that may get him in trouble.
Two lime green temptress approach him between sets. Looking for autographs they flatter him into an invitation to the Rose and Crown for a few pints.
Not wanting to break his cover he accepts. The rest is a matter best left to the folk songs:
Scottsman Kilt
Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue duct tape ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
I like Keith Synnestvedt's version a lot better. Same words much better singing, but I couldn't find a .wav. If you are in Breckenridge Colorado find out where he is playing. Tell him Bennet sent ya.
Bennet
<font color=red>aka Evil Emperor Zurg<br><font col
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2000
- Messages
- 517
Scene X
<bgsound src="http://www.007sdomain.com/jbtheme.mid" loop="-1">
Dan was the last one loaded into the elevator.
There was green all around him.
Dan sees Jen surrounded by the Green Babe Gang in the elevator. He sits, cool and comfy in his new Areosmith boxers. The ride safety bar is lowered and the Tower of Terror Cast Member breaks character smiles and says, Goodbye Mr. Dan.
Not again, Dan thinks.
The doors close, the ride starts. It is the normal show as they move to the drop area. Lightening hits the tower bla bla bla.
They lock in to the drop elevator shaft and the lights go out. They rise they fall. Ho hum nothing out of the unusual. The group shuffles nervously, there is a quiet rip. They have a prolonged wait in the dark and Dan starts feeling good about a new Drop Program.
The elevator rises rapidly. It is the open-the-doors-at-the-top part of the ride and as the doors open and light pours in. In the quick flash of light Dan realizes the GBG have all somehow disappeared. It is only Jen and Dan.
The elevator drops and accelerates down. It keeps dropping. Dan struggles to move but his hands have been duct taped to the safety bar. The elevator car is still falling fast but the feeling of weightlessness has gone.
Oddly instead of an abrupt stop the car is still moving and seems to be rotating backwards. His weight is on his back. The elevator has curved at the bottom of the shaft and is moving rapidly underground like some strange subway.
The car finally stops.
Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards (HAGs?) release Dan & Jen and put them in a cell. The elevator car continues around a corner on an underground monorail. (Okay how many Bond movies have we seen this monorail, with different trim, in?)
The Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards lock Dan and Jen in the cell. A 1950s style intercom on the wall instructs Jen and Dan to dress for dinner. A white tux, freshly pressed and a costume out of an EROS post are hanging on a clothing rack.
Words are exchanged about who is wearing what. Only after Dan tries to put on the EROS post outfit and proves it is too small does he get the tux.
After another short ride on the underground monorail, they are escorted into a dining room by the Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards. The Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards retreat leaving Dan and Jen alone. A curved, modern stair case descends into the room. Large glass panes on the walls look into huge fish tanks. (We have seen this set a few times before too.)
A door opens and the elegant woman from Jelly Rolls enters holding a gray cat. The cat isnt very happy and its tail is twitching. You are a hard man to kill Mr. Dan, she says.
Dan looks maliciously at the cat, but calmly replies, I make it a point to stay alive. Particularly when I dont know who is trying to kill me or why.
<bgsound src="http://www.007sdomain.com/jbtheme.mid" loop="-1">
Dan was the last one loaded into the elevator.
There was green all around him.
Dan sees Jen surrounded by the Green Babe Gang in the elevator. He sits, cool and comfy in his new Areosmith boxers. The ride safety bar is lowered and the Tower of Terror Cast Member breaks character smiles and says, Goodbye Mr. Dan.
Not again, Dan thinks.
The doors close, the ride starts. It is the normal show as they move to the drop area. Lightening hits the tower bla bla bla.
They lock in to the drop elevator shaft and the lights go out. They rise they fall. Ho hum nothing out of the unusual. The group shuffles nervously, there is a quiet rip. They have a prolonged wait in the dark and Dan starts feeling good about a new Drop Program.
The elevator rises rapidly. It is the open-the-doors-at-the-top part of the ride and as the doors open and light pours in. In the quick flash of light Dan realizes the GBG have all somehow disappeared. It is only Jen and Dan.
The elevator drops and accelerates down. It keeps dropping. Dan struggles to move but his hands have been duct taped to the safety bar. The elevator car is still falling fast but the feeling of weightlessness has gone.
Oddly instead of an abrupt stop the car is still moving and seems to be rotating backwards. His weight is on his back. The elevator has curved at the bottom of the shaft and is moving rapidly underground like some strange subway.
The car finally stops.
Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards (HAGs?) release Dan & Jen and put them in a cell. The elevator car continues around a corner on an underground monorail. (Okay how many Bond movies have we seen this monorail, with different trim, in?)
The Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards lock Dan and Jen in the cell. A 1950s style intercom on the wall instructs Jen and Dan to dress for dinner. A white tux, freshly pressed and a costume out of an EROS post are hanging on a clothing rack.
Words are exchanged about who is wearing what. Only after Dan tries to put on the EROS post outfit and proves it is too small does he get the tux.
After another short ride on the underground monorail, they are escorted into a dining room by the Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards. The Hardly-uniformed, Armed Guards retreat leaving Dan and Jen alone. A curved, modern stair case descends into the room. Large glass panes on the walls look into huge fish tanks. (We have seen this set a few times before too.)
A door opens and the elegant woman from Jelly Rolls enters holding a gray cat. The cat isnt very happy and its tail is twitching. You are a hard man to kill Mr. Dan, she says.
Dan looks maliciously at the cat, but calmly replies, I make it a point to stay alive. Particularly when I dont know who is trying to kill me or why.
CathyCanada
<font color=teal>The <b>Fluffy</b> Former Webmaste
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2000
- Messages
- 8,264
Kev, I would pay big money to see you in a kilt, be sure you wear yours when you come to Canada...you know the kilt will match our plaid lumberjack shirts.
Dan, I'm sorry, I couldn't stop Bennet, he just got out of control!!!!
CC
Dan, I'm sorry, I couldn't stop Bennet, he just got out of control!!!!
CC
Bennet
<font color=red>aka Evil Emperor Zurg<br><font col
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2000
- Messages
- 517
Scene XI: The Plan
You are in the way Mr. Dan. Since you will not be alive to see it happen, I will explain my plan over dinner. She says gesturing to a fancy dining table. Dan and Jen sit. The elegant maniacal megalomaniac sits at the opposite end of the table and sets the cat down at her side. The cat looks at Dan and hisses and is reprimanded by her master, Where are your manners? Is that is no way to speak to the condemned. The to Dan, Try the wine, I think you may enjoy it.
Lovely, raising the wine glass to eye level his other hand casually at his side. He gives it a little swirl, inspecting the wines legs and sips, A very expressive nose. Intense and complex. Aromas of soft, red fruit and wood, with a touch of vanilla and delicate hints of spice. Château Beau-Séjour Bécot?
Very Good Dan. His hostess replies. Very Good. I see you can read the bottle.
..and I can see you will never Rule the world. Dan retorts.
But I will Mr. Dan. Even as we speak my top agents are about to capture the last pieces to the puzzle. The maniacal megalomaniac parries.
Pieces? - Dan
Yes, Pieces. Finish off your feeble friends, capture the only webmaster wily enough to weasel around the worms I will use to win the world and take over the next space shuttle launch so I can beam the viruses down from space..
Wily weasel worms? RMD, you Wascally Wabbit!
Laugh while you can spy-boy. I have created viruses, well more technically worms, to infiltrate and control web servers. With them I can control all the content of the web, with control of the content I can control the peoples hearts, with the hearts I can control the minds, with control of the hearts and minds I can control the world. The elegant woman smiled at the sound of her elegant plan.
Very elegant, Dan tried to control the conversation with flattery.
Thank you, flattery will get you no where of course. There are two basic worms. One for each gender; Men are easy; I can plant subliminal messages on ESPN. That takes care of most of them the rest are simply incapacitated by the outfits my GBG wear, she explains You men are so visual flash a little ripped bodice and your minds turn to Playdough.
I see. Dan said distractedly looking over the EROS outfit Jen was wearing.
Hello Dan!? the maniacal megalomaniac said, bringing Dans thoughts back to the current situation.
Er um yes... You were saying two viruses
Yes Two. The master criminal continued, Women were only a little more difficult than men. I give them causes to believe in - they become obsessed and can be lead. Simple really. Yankee candles, complaining about their stupid DHs (mad all the stupider by my ESPN messages) ornament exchanges, Tag Fairies. That last one was my best yet the faithful will do anything I say as long as the message comes in their tag.
You really believe these simple Jedi mind ticks will work? Dan asks.
But of course, they already are. Were you not hounded by my Duct Tape patrol? They think they are on the side of good. Ha they are my slaves all for a few bits of HTML code. And men are disking up their lawns all over to plant my little kitty cat more catnip.
Very clever but surely the technical geniuses will find you out. - Dan
No Dan you are wrong. Only one Webmaster has consistently thwarted my worms. Once he is out of the way the world is mine. His name is Alex.
Dan raised his hand from his lap and shows the elegant woman his Motorola FSR radio. His thumb on the transmit button. The words that leave the womans lips are so sufficiently un-elegant that we cant put them on the Dis.
She pushes a button and ...
You are in the way Mr. Dan. Since you will not be alive to see it happen, I will explain my plan over dinner. She says gesturing to a fancy dining table. Dan and Jen sit. The elegant maniacal megalomaniac sits at the opposite end of the table and sets the cat down at her side. The cat looks at Dan and hisses and is reprimanded by her master, Where are your manners? Is that is no way to speak to the condemned. The to Dan, Try the wine, I think you may enjoy it.
Lovely, raising the wine glass to eye level his other hand casually at his side. He gives it a little swirl, inspecting the wines legs and sips, A very expressive nose. Intense and complex. Aromas of soft, red fruit and wood, with a touch of vanilla and delicate hints of spice. Château Beau-Séjour Bécot?
Very Good Dan. His hostess replies. Very Good. I see you can read the bottle.
..and I can see you will never Rule the world. Dan retorts.
But I will Mr. Dan. Even as we speak my top agents are about to capture the last pieces to the puzzle. The maniacal megalomaniac parries.
Pieces? - Dan
Yes, Pieces. Finish off your feeble friends, capture the only webmaster wily enough to weasel around the worms I will use to win the world and take over the next space shuttle launch so I can beam the viruses down from space..
Wily weasel worms? RMD, you Wascally Wabbit!
Laugh while you can spy-boy. I have created viruses, well more technically worms, to infiltrate and control web servers. With them I can control all the content of the web, with control of the content I can control the peoples hearts, with the hearts I can control the minds, with control of the hearts and minds I can control the world. The elegant woman smiled at the sound of her elegant plan.
Very elegant, Dan tried to control the conversation with flattery.
Thank you, flattery will get you no where of course. There are two basic worms. One for each gender; Men are easy; I can plant subliminal messages on ESPN. That takes care of most of them the rest are simply incapacitated by the outfits my GBG wear, she explains You men are so visual flash a little ripped bodice and your minds turn to Playdough.
I see. Dan said distractedly looking over the EROS outfit Jen was wearing.
Hello Dan!? the maniacal megalomaniac said, bringing Dans thoughts back to the current situation.
Er um yes... You were saying two viruses
Yes Two. The master criminal continued, Women were only a little more difficult than men. I give them causes to believe in - they become obsessed and can be lead. Simple really. Yankee candles, complaining about their stupid DHs (mad all the stupider by my ESPN messages) ornament exchanges, Tag Fairies. That last one was my best yet the faithful will do anything I say as long as the message comes in their tag.
You really believe these simple Jedi mind ticks will work? Dan asks.
But of course, they already are. Were you not hounded by my Duct Tape patrol? They think they are on the side of good. Ha they are my slaves all for a few bits of HTML code. And men are disking up their lawns all over to plant my little kitty cat more catnip.
Very clever but surely the technical geniuses will find you out. - Dan
No Dan you are wrong. Only one Webmaster has consistently thwarted my worms. Once he is out of the way the world is mine. His name is Alex.
Dan raised his hand from his lap and shows the elegant woman his Motorola FSR radio. His thumb on the transmit button. The words that leave the womans lips are so sufficiently un-elegant that we cant put them on the Dis.
She pushes a button and ...
MeanLaureen
<font color=purple>Slam Dancer Extraordinaire<br><
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2001
- Messages
- 6,718
I'm not helping WebmasterAlex save the world unless he says pretty please first - how about you Sonja??
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