Dad Made Me Feel Like a Total Loser

[bitohoney]

Ok so...my dad just called me, which he hasn't in years, and told me I should be ashamed of myself for not getting my mother anything for Christmas. Not even a card. So now I feel like an idiot. I usually don't get my parents anything for Christmas but I usually send a card but this year it came too fast. But I was planning on sending her something for her bday which is in Jan. You see...my Dad has lived off of my mother all their marraige. She's the one to support him, he's the lazy bum and sometimes abusive physically and verbally so thats why I don't like him. And he just had the nerve to call me and say that I should be ashamed. Now my day is ruined.

 

[Jennasis]

Ok so...my dad just called me, which he hasn't in years, and told me I should be ashamed of myself for not getting my mother anything for Christmas. Not even a card. So now I feel like an idiot. I usually don't get my parents anything for Christmas but I usually send a card but this year it came too fast. But I was planning on sending her something for her bday which is in Jan. You see...my Dad has lived off of my mother all their marraige. She's the one to support him, he's the lazy bum and sometimes abusive physically and verbally so thats why I don't like him. And he just had the nerve to call me and say that I should be ashamed. Now my day is ruined.

If you usually send a card, it stands to reason that your mom would be upset that she didn't get one. As for Christmas coming "too fast"?? What does that even mean?? It comes the same time every year. No excuse for not having enough time to write "To Mom" and "Love Sally/Jimmy" on a pre-printed Hallmark card and toss on a stamp. I get you don't like your dad and that's probably really why being chastised sucked...but you earned it. They aren't mind readers. how would they know you planned to send a gift in January?

Your dad may be a bum, so YOU may very well be the only joy she has. You dropped the ball.

You were in the wrong...IMHO.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Sorry, I can't sympathize with you here. I am a mother, and if the only acknowledgement that my children gave me during Christmas was a card, and I did not receive one, I would be really hurt. It seems to me that your mom must feel really unappreciated by the family that surrounds her. That is so sad.

 

[wdwfan16]

I agree with the PPers.

 

[bitohoney]

Well the thing is, I already felt like a loser, I didn't need to hear it from him. Besides, I'm the one who calls my mom everyday. She never calls me. Not even on my bday. I don't whine bout that.

 

[MinnieMe87]

If you usually send a card, it stands to reason that your mom would be upset that she didn't get one. As for Christmas coming "too fast"?? What does that even mean?? It comes the same time every year. No excuse for not having enough time to write "To Mom" and "Love Sally/Jimmy" on a pre-printed Hallmark card and toss on a stamp. I get you don't like your dad and that's probably really why being chastised sucked...but you earned it. They aren't mind readers. how would they know you planned to send a gift in January?

Your dad may be a bum, so YOU may very well be the only joy she has. You dropped the ball.

You were in the wrong...IMHO.

 

[aprilgail2]

you SHOULD be ashamed!!!

 

[ginna74]

Ok so...my dad just called me, which he hasn't in years, and told me I should be ashamed of myself for not getting my mother anything for Christmas. Not even a card. So now I feel like an idiot. I usually don't get my parents anything for Christmas but I usually send a card but this year it came too fast. But I was planning on sending her something for her bday which is in Jan. You see...my Dad has lived off of my mother all their marraige. She's the one to support him, he's the lazy bum and sometimes abusive physically and verbally so thats why I don't like him. And he just had the nerve to call me and say that I should be ashamed. Now my day is ruined.

Am sorry he made you feel so bad, and especially for you not giving a christmas present, SHEESH. And for those that said she deserved to be treated that way SHAME SHAME. The day that any adult demands a present from me and then gives me grief if I forget or cant is the day they get no more!

 

[HeatherH]

Well, okay, you talk to your mom every day...so CALL her and say you messed up, and are very sorry you didn't acknowledge her with a card this year. Then do something to make it up to her...bake her cookies, do a chore for her...SOMEthing.

Stop feeling like a loser, and GO make it better for your mom.

 

[metalis4ever]

Ok so...my dad just called me, which he hasn't in years, and told me I should be ashamed of myself for not getting my mother anything for Christmas. Not even a card. So now I feel like an idiot. I usually don't get my parents anything for Christmas but I usually send a card but this year it came too fast. But I was planning on sending her something for her bday which is in Jan. You see...my Dad has lived off of my mother all their marraige. She's the one to support him, he's the lazy bum and sometimes abusive physically and verbally so thats why I don't like him. And he just had the nerve to call me and say that I should be ashamed. Now my day is ruined.

Don't feel ashamed seriosuly it's just another day in 365...It's not your job in life to make your parents happy. If your mother isn't understanding to the fact that you were probably busy and didn't have time then that's on her not you ...Not to mention if your father is that much of a bum and hasn't spoken to you in years why even value his opinion?

 

[Magic Mom]

Well the thing is, I already felt like a loser, I didn't need to hear it from him. Besides, I'm the one who calls my mom everyday. She never calls me. Not even on my bday. I don't whine bout that.

If you already felt that way, then all he did was confirm your feelings. You dropped the ball. Forget about him and call your mother. Then send her a letter letting her know you love her.

 

[kpm76]

Did you at least call your mother on Christmas?? I'm not going to kick you when you are already down, but sending a card to your mother is a really simple task and not doing it should not be blamed on Christmas "coming too fast."

 

[minkydog]

Sorry you "already felt like a loser." I don't agree with your dad's tactics--you're not a loser!--but I think it's pretty low that you didn't send your mom anything, not even a card. Waiting until her birthday in Jan. doesn't cut it, IMO. Birthdays should be recognized separately from Christmas. It doesn't really matter that your dad mooches off her, you could have sent her a card any day in December. Maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself you can use this experience to galvanize yourself to get things sent on time.

 

[DebbieB]

Did your mom send you anything?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well I don't agree with PP's. I do not understand getting bent out of shape over not receiving a card, I mean really?

I would prefer a phone call thank you. I hate all the ritual over "Hallmark Holidays".

If the "mom" in this situation was "hurt", how about she pick up the phone and say...."honey, I missed your card this yr" and then chat with her dd.

I am glad my family does not play these games. I will not do it to my kids either. They can send me something or nothing. If I want to chat with them I will call.

 

[dislaney]

Well, okay, you talk to your mom every day...so CALL her and say you messed up, and are very sorry you didn't acknowledge her with a card this year. Then do something to make it up to her...bake her cookies, do a chore for her...SOMEthing.

Stop feeling like a loser, and GO make it better for your mom.

I agree at least call her and apologize.

 

[disney1990]

As a Mom, I can see your Mom being upset. My DD is in college and couldn't afford to buy me a birthday present, but she picked wildflowers and glued them into a blank card and mailed it to me. It made me smile when I opened it. It really is the "thought" that counts.

How about going to the store (now) and buying Mom a card. Give her a call and say, Merry Christmas Mom. I have your card right here, but I didn't get it in the mail yet. Expect it in the next day or two.

 

[bitohoney]

Thanks to those of you who say I'm not a loser. I spent so much time and money making my daughter happy that I didn't do the cards this year. I feel really bad and will probably make up for it on Valentine's day and Easter. And usually my mom doesn't care about gifts I think it was my dad finding a reason to grump. I'm not sure she knows he called and will probably get mad at him.

 

[bumbershoot]

he's the lazy bum and sometimes abusive physically and verbally so thats why I don't like him. And he just had the nerve to call me and say that I should be ashamed. Now my day is ruined.

Oh man, even if he's your father, if he's a loser like that, who CARES what he thinks of you?????

If my dad, who is nowhere near as much a loser as he used to be (at least to me), EVER thought to get on my case about something I did or did not do, first I wouldn't care, and second he'd KNOW how I felt about it.


If your mom was sad, she could have called.


Someone has a sig line about "who is renting space in your head"...and that's what popped up in mine. Don't let him have one little bit of an effect on your day; he's not worth it, from what you've described.


Deal with your mom separately.

 

[pearlieq]

I spent so much time and money making my daughter happy that I didn't do the cards this year.

Can you imagine how much you're going to enjoy it in 20 years when you don't hear boo from her on Christmas? No present. No card. Not even a phone call.

But hey, I'm sure you're going to totally understand that she's busy and has better things to do than spend 5 minutes on you.

Your feelings about your father aside, you should feel bad about this. Make it up to her and don't let it happen again!