Dad Made Me Feel Like a Total Loser

[MoonFaerie]

I was hoping she was referring to mom "paying her back".

Paying me back?

Why does me rolling my eyes at my mom's hypocrisy mean I don't have big girl panties? I didn't spend the day crying in a corner having my dh calling to try to guilt trip her. Nor did I act any any different on her subsequent birthdays.

 

[Wall-E1]

Ok so...my dad just called me, which he hasn't in years, and told me I should be ashamed of myself for not getting my mother anything for Christmas. Not even a card. So now I feel like an idiot. I usually don't get my parents anything for Christmas but I usually send a card but this year it came too fast. But I was planning on sending her something for her bday which is in Jan. You see...my Dad has lived off of my mother all their marraige. She's the one to support him, he's the lazy bum and sometimes abusive physically and verbally so thats why I don't like him. And he just had the nerve to call me and say that I should be ashamed. Now my day is ruined.

To sum up my thoughts on this -

1. Don't let a real loser make you feel like a loser. There are people in this world that enjoy making others feel bad. I know it's hard to, but you need to learn to ignore them. They are filled with anger and hatred and only want to spread it.

2. Don't feel like an idiot. I completely forgot to get presents for my son's Christmas stocking this year. I found myself digging through the house for odd gifts to put in the stocking. In the end, the stocking ended up being a mix of toys for him and cat toys for our two cats. I know that "idiot" feeling. When I realized I forgot, I felt awful. This would be the first Christmas that he had an empty stocking. I felt like a terrible parent. In the end, he didn't even question me as to why his stocking was mostly filled with cat toys. We all lead busy lives. Sometimes, something that seems obvious to most can be forgotten. I'm sure you have learned from this and won't ever forget your mom's Christmas card again. So, no harm done, don't feel bad.

3. It seems your mom has made a bad decision to stay with this "loser". I'm sure that you love her and would want her to leave him. Unfortunately, there are some things that are out of our control. You need to accept that this is your mother's problem. Until she reaches out for help, there will be no resolution. So instead, focus on your life and your daughter and enjoy every day with her. Don't focus on the negative relationship your mom is involved with.

Hope you have a happy and healthy new year.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Seems like family drama to me, and I don't think not getting a card is that big of a deal. Did the OP get a card from her parents?

 

["Got Disney"]

Seriously, some of you people are making the OP out to be a monster.

I hope that if my DD ever forgets to send me a card I won't pull any of this guilt nonsense on her. The every day relationship between people is more important than any card or gift anyone could ever give me.

People forget. It's not like she committed a murder.

ITA...and I have found through the years of posting that there are many judgmental posters hanging on this board.

I say to them...don't try to take a stick out of someone else's eye when you may have a board in your own.

 

[Planogirl]

I did call my mom on Christmas, 3 times as a matter of fact.
But, she just called my and told me to ignore him, she doesn't care about not getting a card or anything else. He's got mental problems, always has, always will. She says he's getting worse. But now I feel better that she's not the one upset but I'm already looking for a bday gift.

That's great news! You did the right thing and your Mom made you feel better just like a good Mom should. I'm glad that you can set this aside.

 

[C.Ann]

As for Christmas coming "too fast"?? What does that even mean?? It comes the same time every year.
.

It drives me crazy when people use this excuse - especially when it comes to not having a few bucks put aside for a gift.. Christmas comes EVERY year.. It's ALWAYS December 25th.. Even if a person put away $1 a week, they would have $50+ bucks to spend on a gift or two.. And the ones who don't, act all surprised like - "Oh - Christmas is coming THIS year too?"

I get that you don't like your dad, but your mom deserves some kind of acknowledgement - even if it was only a phone call.. I'm assuming she did her best to raise you and provide for you - and even if she didn't do a "perfect" job, I'm sure she did the best that she could given the circumstances..

Hopefully you will have learned from this lesson and will make her birthday an extra special one - as well as "remembering" that Christmas will be coming next year as well.. Actually - with all the Christmas cards on clearance right now, you could go out and find a very special card, write her a short note inside, sign it "Love, -------", address it, and have it all ready to slap a stamp on it NEXT year.. Then you won't have to get another nasty call from your dad..

 

[minkydog]

It drives me crazy when people use this excuse - especially when it comes to not having a few bucks put aside for a gift.. Christmas comes EVERY year.. It's ALWAYS December 25th.. Even if a person put away $1 a week, they would have $50+ bucks to spend on a gift or two.. And the ones who don't, act all surprised like - "Oh - Christmas is coming THIS year too?"

I get that you don't like your dad, but your mom deserves some kind of acknowledgement - even if it was only a phone call.. I'm assuming she did her best to raise you and provide for you - and even if she didn't do a "perfect" job, I'm sure she did the best that she could given the circumstances..

Hopefully you will have learned from this lesson and will make her birthday an extra special one - as well as "remembering" that Christmas will be coming next year as well.. Actually - with all the Christmas cards on clearance right now, you could go out and find a very special card, write her a short note inside, sign it "Love, -------", address it, and have it all ready to slap a stamp on it NEXT year.. Then you won't have to get another nasty call from your dad..

Everything you said. OP, it's only 12 more months until Christmas. Plan early.

 

[Wall-E1]

I say we take her out to the river, tie her up, and hold her head beneath the water. If she is still alive after ten minutes, we will know that she is in fact a witch and not a very good daughter. If she is deceased, we will be satisfied that she is a loving and caring daughter. This is the only way we can be sure.

Disclaimer - The preceding statement has been a historical example of the unfortunate Salem Witch Trials. Will you people get over it already? She forgot. She's very sorry. She feels terrible about it. Let's try not to make her feel worse. It's the holidays. You know - the time to forgive. So move along. Nothing to see here.

 

[ols386]

To the op....don't let your Dad make you feel like a loser...sounds like he's the loser.

You may have messed up a bit by not getting your Mom a card, or not calling, or whatever, but these things do happen sometimes. You are human, and like the rest of us, make mistakes. Maybe you could make your Mom's birthday extra special, in some way, next month.

My kids are grown, and they didn't give me a card or Christmas gift, and honestly, I couldn't care less. They bring so much joy to my life throughout the year, and that's enough for me.

But, really, don't beat yourself up.

 

["Got Disney"]

I say we take her out to the river, tie her up, and hold her head beneath the water. If she is still alive after ten minutes, we will know that she is in fact a witch and not a very good daughter. If she is deceased, we will be satisfied that she is a loving and caring daughter. This is the only way we can be sure.

Disclaimer - The preceding statement has been a historical example of the unfortunate Salem Witch Trials. Will you people get over it already? She forgot. She's very sorry. She feels terrible about it. Let's try not to make her feel worse. It's the holidays. You know - the time to forgive. So move along. Nothing to see here.

you forgot that she needs to be tarred and feathered first.....its nice to know that so many on this board are such perfect mothers and daughters, fathers and husbands and walk around with a hallow above their heads....good grief