Creepy men! (Long, sorry)

[Ready to go in Ok]

Not all men are creepy. I am married to a very non-creepy man. None of my family members are creepy, and in general, I don't think I personally know any creepy men. Here is what I am increasingly encountering lately.

I have 2 DD's, age 14 and 12. My 14 yr old developed early, and thus like many in that situation wore baggy shirts, non descript clothing, etc., anything to disguise the fact that she, um, wasn't a little girl anymore. No problems there.

Now my 12 year old has started developing. She looks very much like a 12 year old. She doesn't wear make up, no belly shirts, nothing that is sexual. She does wear low rider pants, because I can't seem to find any that aren't. Plus, she can't stand anything around her bellybutton. Even when she was a baby with a diaper, she would pull her diaper down so that it would be below her bellybutton. We don't buy the ultra low rise pants, and her shirts always cover the top of her pants. The shirts are sometimes fitted, again hard to find any that aren't. She wears these little half shirt/jacket things over shirts that she has with spaghetti straps (she is embarassed to show her bra strap). Just wears normal stuff all the other kids are wearing!

On 3 separate occassions lately, grown men have approached my 12 yr. old! The girls and I had gone to lunch at a Chinese restaurant, and a grown man was flirting with my DD when she was getting her food. Freaked my DM out. We were discussing this with her, you know, how to listen to your gut, and if you don't feel comfortable to get out of a situation. She said, well, I felt uncomfortable a couple of weeks ago. She was walking home from the bus stop, and some yard workers were working in a neighbor's yard, and started catcalling her! Ok, so from that point forward, I take her to the bus stop in the mornings, and she walks home with her sister in the afternoons. Well, it has happened again! This time at Walmart! Another grown man was flirting with her!

So my grown step daughter and I were talking about it, and she pointed out that we sexualize these kids in the media, and then expect that not to carry over. Several boys in her dorm room at school had calendars counting down the day until Mary Kate and Ashley were legal!

This is so scary to me, I just want to keep her indoors at all times! Thanks for letting me share. We just had a child abducted and killed in our area a few months ago, and I guess it is still bothering me a bit. Am I just getting old?

 

[pyrxtc]

I cannot imagine what my 12 yr old would do if she were as developed as your DD. I'm glad that she is slow to it and on't look forward to this. the best thing you can teach your DD is how to respond to these creepy guys. bringing along mom will not help forever. is there a class she can take, a self desnse course or maybe she could atlk toa conselor at school on what the most appropriate way to handle these guys would be. I wish I was more help but I was still flat at 12 and the way I would ahndle it now is not what you want for your 12 yr old.

 

[NMAmy]

It IS creepy. My dd is 15 and I get very creeped out when grown men ogle her. I've even seen this happen at WDW. For heaven's sake, man, you're with your own freaking family. Quit staring at the young girls.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

That's the thing, she isn't all that developed. Barely in an A cup. My poor older DD, at that age, was really developed, and we never had these issues. I guess that is one reason why I am just

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

If you're getting old, I must be ancient. My DD is almost 10 and she looks like she is around 15. I don't know how to stop it! In one year she has changed dramatically. One year ago she still looked like a little girl. My DM was shocked at the last photos I sent. DD doesn't know how to handle the extra attention she is getting, and I am just worried all of the time. I knew she would develop early because I did, but not THIS early It makes me wish I could pull out a tazer and creep them out

 

[Sparx]

It IS creepy. My dd is 15 and I get very creeped out when grown men ogle her. I've even seen this happen at WDW. For heaven's sake, man, you're with your own freaking family. Quit staring at the young girls.

It happens to me, and I turn 15 in october.

I don't know what to tell you, op. Its creepy, and I've still not figured out how to deal with it.

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry. Make sure she knows it's got nothing to do with her or what she's wearing, saying, anything.
And I agree about the self defense classes. It won't help the jerky men stop, but she'll not feel as vulnerable.

 

[NMAmy]

It happens to me, and I turn 15 in october.

I don't know what to tell you, op. Its creepy, and I've still not figured out how to deal with it.

If your mom is around when it happens, tell her, hon. I've said some stuff to guys on her behalf before--as in, "She's 15 yo, get a life." It annoys me no end.

Do know that it's nothing you're doing, Sparx. They're just jerks. And creepy jerks, at that.

 

[Jeafl]

I know exactly how you feel. I have a 17 year old daughter that has always looked much older than she is, mostly because she has always been tall for her age, plus the fact she developed early.

When she was about 13 we were having lunch at Subway and I was sitting at a table, and she was standing in line. A group of men walked in and got in line behind her and I saw them looking her up and down, pointing to her and making some obscene gestures behind her back. It totally infuriated me. I walked up to them and said "That is my daughter, and by the way, she is only 13". You should have seen the look on their faces! It was priceless! The one guy said he thought she was definitely over 18, and he did apologize. They were so embarrassed they could not get out of there fast enough.

 

[Vickie46]

I saw the same thing happening ... these girls were waiting for their food... I will say they had very short shorts on.. (I will not let mine out of the house with those on) and he kept going back over there just to stare... not even to pretend to get something... I thought it was just sick!

 

[Cantw8]

yeah, it sucks...it's bad enough that preteen and early teen girls are already going through so many changes both physically and emotionally not to mention the whole social scene, to be made to feel insecure about their developing bodies is a crime....maybe if "creepy" men could remember that this "child" they are coming on to is someone's sister, daughter, cousin ect. and how would they feel if it were happening to their relative.

 

[Maleficent13]

When she was about 13 we were having lunch at Subway and I was sitting at a table, and she was standing in line. A group of men walked in and got in line behind her and I saw them looking her up and down, pointing to her and making some obscene gestures behind her back. It totally infuriated me. I walked up to them and said "That is my daughter, and by the way, she is only 13". You should have seen the look on their faces! It was priceless! The one guy said he thought she was definitely over 18, and he did apologize. They were so embarrassed they could not get out of there fast enough.

I don't care if they did think she was 18...it's rude, obnoxious and totally unacceptable behavior regardless!!!!

To the OP, I'm not there yet, but I'm pretty sure DH means to handle this by standing menacingly over DD at all times.

 

[powellrj]

I know this won't make you feel any better, but its not just girls that age that creepy old men are talking to.

My DS who is 15 has been getting it too.

He was out walking with the neighbor girl who is 14. 2 men come running out and yelled "how old are you" She answered (I could have killed her for even talking to them) 14. They yelled back, not you, HIM.

We were at a Marriott hotel and a man stopped him and passed him a card with his room number on it that said "call me" I about freaked, because he didn't tell me until a few days after we left. His reason, I knew it would freak you out.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't care if they did think she was 18...it's rude, obnoxious and totally unacceptable behavior regardless!!!!

I agree! I hate to see adult women being treated like this but unfortunately it's all too common.

What is it with grown men ogling girls anyway? To me it's SO creepy!

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

I know this won't make you feel any better, but its not just girls that age that creepy old men are talking to.

My DS who is 15 has been getting it too.

He was out walking with the neighbor girl who is 14. 2 men come running out and yelled "how old are you" She answered (I could have killed her for even talking to them) 14. They yelled back, not you, HIM.

We were at a Marriott hotel and a man stopped him and passed him a card with his room number on it that said "call me" I about freaked, because he didn't tell me until a few days after we left. His reason, I knew it would freak you out.

OMG! I would have called the police! I think even a few days later, and even if there was nothing they could do about it. It probably would have freaked me out that badly.

 

[magicmirror]

OP, you're not old. You are a protective mother People can be very creepy. We have gone through similar situations with my 15 year old. I am a very protective mother, and nothing like an abduction has ever happened in my area. I'd probably go nuts with worry if it had. You are right to be concerned. There are very few people I trust with my children, because you just never know who the creepy ones will turn out to be. I have seen the "Datelines" about it, its scary. And I'd sure hate to have to kill somebody. Seriously, I think you have to be careful, as parents we have to be cautious.

 

[MzDiz]

It's no surprise that with everything boys/men see on television that they think it's ok to openly size up and judge a woman/girl's physical appearance without her knowledge or approval.
It almost makes me glad I'm into the "fat, old housewife" category and I don't have to deal with it anymore. My 15 year old daughter on the other hand, does. I've called out guys in public places to stop looking at her. It makes me sick to my stomach.

 

[eeyoreiscool]

While I don't agree with sizing up younger kids, it can be very difficult at times when the kids are wearing almost nothing. I have seen way too many younger girls wearing bikini tops and shorts (at least I think they were shorts) around Disney. Then either they or their parents get upset when more attention is given to them.

 

[YourMajesty]

While I don't agree with sizing up younger kids, it can be very difficult at times when the kids are wearing almost nothing. I have seen way too many younger girls wearing bikini tops and shorts (at least I think they were shorts) around Disney. Then either they or their parents get upset when more attention is given to them.

Especially if you are trying to read the writing on someone's shorts. I would probably get a break because I'm a frumpy old mom...should you read or not?

As to the OP, the abduction/murder of that little girl was heartbreaking. It happened so fast. That was followed by another abduction of a young girl ending in a grizzly murder...very very sad. Do whatever you can to keep them safe! Sounds like from this thread that young girls and boys should be on guard.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Especially if you are trying to read the writing on someone's shorts. I would probably get a break because I'm a frumpy old mom...should you read or not?

As to the OP, the abduction/murder of that little girl was heartbreaking. It happened so fast. That was followed by another abduction of a young girl ending in a grizzly murder...very very sad. Do whatever you can to keep them safe! Sounds like from this thread that young girls and boys should be on guard.

I know, and she was around DD's age, so I guess that it really hit home for me how unpredictable people are, and how you can't totally protect your children. Ah well, I am in a mood today! Thanks guys for letting me talk, I will try to move on to happier topics!