Could you dole out this punishment?

[ckay87]

Could you ground your kid for the entire summer? Would you? No visiting or playing with friends at all.

 

[DVCLiz]

Could you ground your kid for the entire summer? Would you? No visiting or playing with friends at all.

No. I'd want to know what the infraction was, first - and then I'd devise a more sensible way to deal with it. But a blanket grounding for an entire summer wouldn't ever be the punishment I would choose.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Depends on the age and what they did. It would have to be something criminal or something.

 

[Wishing on a star]

NOPE....

NEVER.....

NO WAY, NO HOW....

WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER IT.

If a kid has been behaving in such a way that a parent would even consider resorting to this... the child needs real help... Professional help. There are issues that need addressed....

Locking the child up with no access to anything/anyone but mommy is NOT the way to handle it.
Not going to be an effective or positive way to proceed at all.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I said no.
I cant imagine what could be done to warrant that. Of course, that said, my oldest are 13 and 8, so I haven't had to deal with anything rough anyways.

But, really...isnt that kind of a grounding more punishment to US??

 

[ckay87]

ok, maybe I should provide a point of reference. Group vandalism with police involved. 12 years old. NOT my kid, btw.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I wouldn't do grounding period, I don't think it works. I was an only child, I didn't need friends to entertain myself. I liked books. You try grounding a kid who likes to sit quietly by themselves and get a free education.

 

[suejai]

No, absolutely not. If whatever he did was so bad that I was considering that I would try to find some other consequence that would reflect the seriousness of the offense. I never found that long term grounding accomplished anything beyond making them resentful. Now a short term, missing an event kind of grounding can be effective though.

Besides, then he would be hanging around the house under my feet all summer long.

 

[Wishing on a star]

But, really...isnt that kind of a grounding more punishment to US??

Ohhhh, your so right!!!!

Yep, could imagine dealing with enforcing such a situation, for weeks and months!!!

NOT GOOD.

 

[Wishing on a star]

ok, maybe I should provide a point of reference. Group vandalism with police involved. 12 years old. NOT my kid, btw.

Yep, sounds like some issues involved...
Some real issues that need addressed.

 

[karibritt01]

ok, maybe I should provide a point of reference. Group vandalism with police involved. 12 years old. NOT my kid, btw.

First he would have to in some way help fix the vandalism. There would be some grounding, maybe 2 weeks. Afterwards there would be some volunteer work or community service to drive the point home. And the friends involved would be under VERY close supervision for quite a while before I could decide if they were deserving of another chance.

 

[ckay87]

I wouldn't do grounding period, I don't think it works. I was an only child, I didn't need friends to entertain myself. I liked books. You try grounding a kid who likes to sit quietly by themselves and get a free education.

I agree with this. I'm no fan of grounding either. I can't believe this mom has enforced this (one of my son's friends). This kid doesn't do other activities either - has been sitting in the house all summer. She thought he was a criminal BEFORE....now he'll just be an INSANE criminal.

 

[Pakey]

Same situation happened to me many many years ago. It was group vandalism, police involved, but I was 13, not 12. It happened in May and my parents grounded me until school started in September. I got the worst punishment out of the entire group involved in this incident. I missed all junior high graduation activities/parties, did not see my friends all summer and when my parents went anywhere, I had to go with them and sit between them (that probably was the worst part of the deal). How my parents survived me that summer, I'll never know because I was not a happy teenager.

So my answer would be no, I would not do it. I don't believe it changed a thing in my behavior. What I learned from the lesson was not to get caught and I do not think that this is what my parents had in mind.

We never used "grounding" as a punishment with our kids.

 

[pearlieq]

Sure, if it fit the crime. If the kid boosted a car, knocked over a liquor store, or punched a cop, yeah, grounding for the entire summer would be one prong of my discipline approach, along with several other things.

It would be partly about punishment and partly to help us slow down, regroup, and figure out how to deal.

I think it's a bit much for the situation described, though. Maybe a few weeks, or a month, for that. Enough to make it "hurt" a bit (miss a couple of fun trips or parties) but not enough to make home like Alcatraz.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

ok, maybe I should provide a point of reference. Group vandalism with police involved. 12 years old. NOT my kid, btw.

definitely makes me rethink the grounding...

First he would have to in some way help fix the vandalism. There would be some grounding, maybe 2 weeks. Afterwards there would be some volunteer work or community service to drive the point home. And the friends involved would be under VERY close supervision for quite a while before I could decide if they were deserving of another chance.

2 weeks?! Wow..I bet that kid would like to have you as a mom... lol

I'd probably ground for a month at least, but he/she would not hang around those friends all summer, or probably not even alone for a long long time...

I do like the community service idea... definitely clean up their mess...

 

[DVCLiz]

For a 12 year old who was caught in a group vandalizing property, I would:

Make my child go through the entire police process - no getting a lawyer to bail him out (although I would not allow any time alone in a jail setting) or trying to plea out the offense.

Make my child earn the money to repay his or her portion of the damage.

Make my child write letters to the property owners and the poilce officials apologizing for the poor decision and for the expense and time it took away from more important matters.

Sit down with my child and go over every activity they enjoyed - and set the limits I wanted to. I might allow books and a family movie once a week, but no going to movies with friends, etc. I would want to be in control of all of those activities but I would never do a blanket grounding because I think there would probably come a time when I would likely make an exception to something and I would want to give myself the "out." If I caved once for something I felt strongly about, the next time my child could use that to say, "But you let me...". Better not to set up the expecation in the first place.

Even for this kind of behavior, a month would be as long as I would be willing to deal with punishment. After that, what more could I really hope to accomplish? Either the kid has learned a lesson and I'll have a follow-the-rules-forever kid on my hands, or he's blown it all off, in which case we'd be moving on to the next phase and seeing a professional for counseling.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

For a 12 year old who was caught in a group vandalizing property, I would:

Make my child go through the entire police process - no getting a lawyer to bail him out (although I would not allow any time alone in a jail setting) or trying to plea out the offense.

Make my child earn the money to repay his or her portion of the damage.

Make my child write letters to the property owners and the poilce officials apologizing for the poor decision and for the expense and time it took away from more important matters.

Sit down with my child and go over every activity they enjoyed - and set the limits I wanted to. I might allow books and a family movie once a week, but no going to movies with friends, etc. I would want to be in control of all of those activities but I would never do a blanket grounding because I think there would probably come a time when I would likely make an exception to something and I would want to give myself the "out." If I caved once for something I felt strongly about, the next time my child could use that to say, "But you let me...". Better not to set up the expecation in the first place.

Even for this kind of behavior, a month would be as long as I would be willing to deal with punishment. After that, what more could I really hope to accomplish? Either the kid has learned a lesson and I'll have a follow-the-rules-forever kid on my hands, or he's blown it all off, in which case we'd be moving on to the next phase and seeing a professional for counseling.

after thinking about this..a month is the longest I'd do as well.. but it'd be more of a 'no going out with friends'... Id still allow his bike at the house, basketball in the yard. I probalby would ground him from the internet though

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I'd make them do something to clean up the mess and I would make them do community service once a week for the rest of the summer (and something I chose, not something they chose....I'd be more likely to choose manual labor of some sort, because I would have hated that when I was a kid.) Other than that, they would be grounded for a month.
I got caught when I was young (13 or 14) stealing romance novels from the library - no police involved, my dad found them in my room when I was out of town for a week. My dad made me take the books back to the library and confess to what I did. This was at the beginning of May. He made me spend the rest of the school year and the entire summer with no access to my bedroom including my school books (it was very hard to explain to my teachers why I couldn't do my homework, but when I did most were understanding or worked something out so I could do my homework at school) - he put me in the guest room. I also didn't have access to my radio or (as far as he knew) any of the books that I actually owned (I snuck up to the attic when he was outside because that's where he had put MY books and read them as long as he was outside...then, I hid whatever book I was reading under my mattress.) I think that was way too harsh a punishment.

 

[karibritt01]

2 weeks?! Wow..I bet that kid would like to have you as a mom... lol

I'd probably ground for a month at least, but he/she would not hang around those friends all summer, or probably not even alone for a long long time...

I do like the community service idea... definitely clean up their mess...

2 weeks would be an eternity to my 11 yr old, and this kid is only 12. When my kids are grounded, they are in their rooms (with no electronics) with the exception of mealtimes and bathroom. They are not around the family at all. But accompany the grounding with restitution, community service, and a lockdown when he is allowed to see his friends, and I think the punishment would fit the crime.

 

[dismom2]

No, not for a whole summer. I might forbid them from seeing the particular kids he/she did the vandalism with, but not all kids. I think I'd pump up the chores big time, and think of some other punishment---maybe not let them do some fun things they want to do for a little while, but not a total restriction. And it would depend on thier behaviour and remorse level, too.