Could you dole out this punishment?

[ZephyrHawk]

OMG, this is DD to a tee! Send her to her room? fine, she is perfectly happy playing on her own or reading for hours! Luckily she is a pretty good kid because we find it difficult to implement a punishment that "hurts". We save the biggie, no riding, for a really serious infraction, but haven't had to use it, only threaten it.

Funny you say that, as the only thing my parents ever threatened me with that I really was afraid they would implement was that they wouldn't send me to riding camp in the summer. I LIVED for riding camp.

 

[Skatermom23]

ok, maybe I should provide a point of reference. Group vandalism with police involved. 12 years old. NOT my kid, btw.

Assuming there is not mental disorder with the 12 year old...Sure why not? I would have them do work for me during the day and when I was done, they could go spend some quality time in their room. Group vandalism is not okay and not to be taken calmly. I would ground them, if nothing else, to keep them away from the other kids involved. Just remember that this 12 year old will be a 16, 17, and then an adult...very shortly. If only more parents would step up to the plate.

 

[Octoberbride03]

As of right now I can say no but my kids are young and so far relatively well behaved. We shall see what happens as they get older though

One of my neighbors that is rasing a bunch of troublemakers has a child in a great deal of trouble right now. He is 15 and - on his own - went and stole a car to have some fun. He crashed into another car, took out some mail boxes and ended up knocking down a power pole which took our our electricity in the community for 10 hours. It happened to have been a really hot day and I lost everything in my fridge and freezer and I was NOT pleased - neither were some of the other neighbors and of course the owner of the car.

He was arrested. The parents had to sell their older son's car(who happens to actually be the only good one out of 5 boys) to pay for their attorney fees. He pled NOT GUILTY to it (He had to be extracted from the car by the fire department - he was not hurt but it's pretty obvious he was there and was the only one there - but alas he claims he is not guilty) and their court date is sometime in September.

Meanwhile the kid is roaming around the neighborhood freely wreaking havoc like he always does without consequence because his mom is a pansy. Riding his bike, tearing up lawns with his dirt bike, taunting little kids etc. The mom said she refuses to punish him for what he did because he will end up being punished anyway by the judge so she thinks taking away his summer would be "mean". IMO he's a perfect candidate for a child that needs to be locked up for the summer.

Oh good idea

Punish the older brother for something his younger brother did. I guarantee you it wouldn't have happened to me. Hide that sucker good and tight I would.

I knew a kid like that growing up. He was about 5-6yrs older than me so i don't know how his parents really handled him. I do know whatever they did didn't work. They eventually kicked him out and he died in a high speed police chase not far from a bowling alley i happened to be in at the time. The cops actually called and told the alley mgr to make sure no one leaves cause it was such a mess.

 

[ilovejack02]

NO!

I have a 20 yr old that managed to get into a bit of trouble in his preteen and teen yrs.
The few times I tried a long period of grounding it almost seemed to make things worse. It was like there no light at the end of the tunnel and so he would just act up more around the house.

The things that helped were.. community service, keeping him away from the trouble makers and just in general being more on top of what was going on in his life.

Sometimes we took away just the cell phone or computer, video games or everything depending on the offense and he had to earn items back with good behavior .. no back talk, good grades, helping in the house etc.


Sometimes he got things back , sometimes he didnt. Like the time we sold his car because he didnt take care of it. It was always up to him when he got things back. Yes there were weekends or weeks he had to stay home and do nothing, but never a whole summer.

He has grown into a responsible young man, living on his own, managing his own money and living a pretty good life. I am proud of the way he turned out, we werent perfect parents ,but looks like we did ok, thank goodness.

 

[barkley]

Let the punishment fit the crime.

gather a group of 3/4 year olds, sugar them up, arm them with sharpies and set them loose in the offending vandalizer's bedroom (making sure of course that all of his most cherished electronics, comic books and such are out where they can be gotten to)

 

[luvmy3]

Yep, sounds like some issues involved...
Some real issues that need addressed.

Yes, there are definitely issues but I don't think that what this kid did warrants a need for professional help. Unless its has been an ongoing issue, one brush with the police due to vandalism does not always equal *issues*. Its very possible this kid got caught up with the wrong crowd, pressured into something and got caught. Or he was just being stupid.
It doesn't necessarily mean the kid has problems and needs professional help.

For a 12 year old who was caught in a group vandalizing property, I would:

Make my child go through the entire police process - no getting a lawyer to bail him out (although I would not allow any time alone in a jail setting) or trying to plea out the offense.

Make my child earn the money to repay his or her portion of the damage.

Make my child write letters to the property owners and the poilce officials apologizing for the poor decision and for the expense and time it took away from more important matters.

Sit down with my child and go over every activity they enjoyed - and set the limits I wanted to. I might allow books and a family movie once a week, but no going to movies with friends, etc. I would want to be in control of all of those activities but I would never do a blanket grounding because I think there would probably come a time when I would likely make an exception to something and I would want to give myself the "out." If I caved once for something I felt strongly about, the next time my child could use that to say, "But you let me...". Better not to set up the expecation in the first place.

Even for this kind of behavior, a month would be as long as I would be willing to deal with punishment. After that, what more could I really hope to accomplish? Either the kid has learned a lesson and I'll have a follow-the-rules-forever kid on my hands, or he's blown it all off, in which case we'd be moving on to the next phase and seeing a professional for counseling.

I totally agree with everything you said. Give the kid a chance to take responsibility, apologize and learn his lesson. If he continues behavior like this then its time to involve the professionals.

 

[RitaZ.]

ok, maybe I should provide a point of reference. Group vandalism with police involved. 12 years old. NOT my kid, btw.

12 yrs. old?

Either the kid has too much free time or the parents are already dealing with bigger problems that have nothing to do with their parenting. People often criticize parents for not doing enough to discipline their kids. I'll give the mom credit for taking action.

As for grounding the kid for the rest of the summer, I would do it. Having said that, I have only grounded my kids a few times. If there was a serious infraction, like in this case, I would be all over them.

Is someone going to be home with him to make sure the grounding is enforced? To me, being grounded doesn't mean that you get to sit at home all day and do nothing. He is at an age when you can still control what kids do. If the boy's friends are a bad influence, which it appears they are, then it's best to separate them now. Just continue to teach him about good and poor choices, good influences vs. negative ones. Let the kid know that you mean business. Otherwise, mom could be dealing with bigger problems when the boy is 17.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Remember when parents were the 'professional help'?


Good times...

 

[kellyg403]

I have grounded the kids before, but a whole summer probably wouldn't work real well. I have to work, dh has to work and trust me at 12 and up they aren't stupid. They can make things look like it is on the up and up for those few hours you are home after work.

I definitely would make said child pay the price of seeing what sitting around the jail would be like. I sure would pick them up when I felt like it and not a minute sooner. And work...yessiree, work until they drop. So tired they couldn't possibly find time to make trouble. Those friends are history and the new friends they might make would be awhile before they go anywhere since I am not sure how soon I can trust him/her again.

I really like the 3/4 year olds on a sugar high let loose inthe offenders room. I imagine seeing what it feels like to have your stuff destroyed that you cherish and have to replace would stop a whole bunch of behavior and probably might make a more sympathetic child. My guess is that they truly were thinking of the 'fun' and not what happens after, like typical kids.

Nope, no grounding for the summer. My child would probably after the first week begging me to ground them to their room. And I would have an immaculate yard, the area behind the washer and dryer would be spotless, the garage would be organized, the attic would be organized, the house repainted a couple times and good gravy, the list is endless of things I don't want to do.

Kelly

 

[ginna74]

I would ground them for a long time for that, but probably not for a whole summer. I would and do ground to fit the crime and if that would include the summer then so be it.

 

[shortbun]

ok, maybe I should provide a point of reference. Group vandalism with police involved. 12 years old. NOT my kid, btw.

Even at this I could see huge community service, loss of precious items like all video games and getting a job to make financial restitution but all summer - no social activity? No. The friends he'd be allowed to hang with would be chosen by me, the activity would be chosen by me and I would be present/it would happen at our house. No private phone calls, no phone, no computer unless summer school work was involved.