Could use some budget tips

[Swimalie]

Why not? When my minivan was new and dh's uncle from Boston passed away I gave him my van so he could take his parents and 2 brothers & 1 sister to the funeral. A few years later his aunt died and they all did the trek again. Why would I care? As long as no one smokes in it and only dh drives, I don't mind helping him out at all. It's now almost 8 years old and still only has 37K miles on it and I laugh that it would be much less than that if it didn't go to Boston twice.
It actually worked out really well in my favor the last time. We got snow here while they were in Boston so I got to use dh's P/U truck 4x4 which was great in the snow.
How about booking a hotel through Hotwire? We have done this many times and sticking with 4* hotels we've never had a bad experience. At that level they're all Hyatt, Marriott, Hilton, etc.
None of my business really but now that you've posted it on a public forum, why does he feel he "has" to go if his family won't even speak to him or pick him up at the airport?
In that situation, I'd sent a card/gift and say sorry I can't be there.

I'm way over protective of my car and don't want the extra miles on it (it's already made a trip to see his family once) plus I wouldn't feel comfortable with my son and I in his car while he's gone. His car is just a commuter car, not one made for safety of a child (doesn't even have a car seat). The wedding is in a town with only 3 hotels, none are chains so getting a discount won't be easy. We have a free (maybe 2) night at Hampton but the nearest one is too far away. As for why he feels he has to go, because it's a family event and he wants to represent his family. His grandmother died about 4 years ago, a week after I had major ankle surgery. Due to my surgery he couldn't go to the funeral and to this day I feel bad about that. I hope this trip helps make up for missing the funeral.

I too am a USAA and Costco member. Rental car rates can be cheaper through USAA but if Budget Rental is an option I have found rates to be cheaper with BCD# Y9378000.

Also, booking cars and hotels via Expedia UK can save you quite a bit of cash also.

Another option would be to check Groupon for where he is heading and see if you can nab a two night deal for cheap.

Groupon is a great idea. I didn't even think of that. I will check in to that now. Thanks. And I'll check the uk's expedia.

I kind of feel the same way. Not everyone is expected to be there at a destination wedding. Respond to the invitation with a nice gift, well wishes, and regrets for not being there. Unless he was planning on using this trip to lighten his black sheep wool.

LOL! I like the idea of lightening his wool color. Since we want to move farther away, maybe this will lighten it a bit but then it will go back to black soon. heehee

 

[danygirl]

Your post is the perfect example of why I think destination weddings are the ultimate in selfish! If the bride and groom want to get married far away where it will be a big burden on guests they shouldn't be upset if folks stay home!

 

[sk!mom]

Thank you. I wasn't sure since the rental car said there "might" be a fee.

We rented in Buffalo and left the country with the car (Niagara Falls). No fee but then again how would they know where you went in the car? I've never been asked where I was going at the rental counter.

Have you checked Hotwire and Priceline for the car? Since he's alone he could go with an economy. We've used both with great luck and prices as low as $15 a day (once) but $20- 25 a day often.

Since he'll have a car, why not use Hotwire or Priceline again for a less expensive hotel? If he's not close enough to share a room with anyone maybe he doesn't have to be at the event hotel the whole weekend. He can go somewhere cheaper and nearby to sleep.

Airfare- really no help there. Probably the only thing that you can't control.

 

[SEA333]

1. The OP is married and will not let her DH use her car? Wow. I don't think I could/would be able to tell DH that he has to spend tons of extra money to fly somewhere instead of letting him take the better of two cars that *we* own. And by *we*, I mean that even if one car is in my name and I pay the payment, so long as DH and live in the same house and use heat, electric, water, etc, any money that goes toward my car payment is certainly made up somewhere else by him. But we live as a partnership, and maybe the OP does not. Who knows.

2. The husband is going to be gone for a weekend....the OP cannot suck it up and use his car for a weekend? How many places does she need to go? And really, for tooling around town for 2-3 days, it's not THAT hard to install a carseat in a car. She trusts the car to get her husband to work every day, but fears going to the grocery store? Sounds like an excuse to me.

3. I would not go to the wedding. If one is already the black sheep for moving to a location that provides a job and safe housing for one's family and is ostracized for that - AND ones own mother refuses to help get him to the wedding because she doesn't like to drive on a freeway, AND there is not one single other person in the family one talks to that would be willing to lend a hand....WHY on EARTH would one want to go????!!!! I have declined wedding invites for a LOT less!!!!

 

[powellrj]

1. The OP is married and will not let her DH use her car? Wow. I don't think I could/would be able to tell DH that he has to spend tons of extra money to fly somewhere instead of letting him take the better of two cars that *we* own. And by *we*, I mean that even if one car is in my name and I pay the payment, so long as DH and live in the same house and use heat, electric, water, etc, any money that goes toward my car payment is certainly made up somewhere else by him. But we live as a partnership, and maybe the OP does not. Who knows.

2. The husband is going to be gone for a weekend....the OP cannot suck it up and use his car for a weekend? How many places does she need to go? And really, for tooling around town for 2-3 days, it's not THAT hard to install a carseat in a car. She trusts the car to get her husband to work every day, but fears going to the grocery store? Sounds like an excuse to me.

3. I would not go to the wedding. If one is already the black sheep for moving to a location that provides a job and safe housing for one's family and is ostracized for that - AND ones own mother refuses to help get him to the wedding because she doesn't like to drive on a freeway, AND there is not one single other person in the family one talks to that would be willing to lend a hand....WHY on EARTH would one want to go????!!!! I have declined wedding invites for a LOT less!!!!

Gotta say, I was thinking all the same things when I read the post, you said it much better than I would have!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

1. The OP is married and will not let her DH use her car? Wow. I don't think I could/would be able to tell DH that he has to spend tons of extra money to fly somewhere instead of letting him take the better of two cars that *we* own. And by *we*, I mean that even if one car is in my name and I pay the payment, so long as DH and live in the same house and use heat, electric, water, etc, any money that goes toward my car payment is certainly made up somewhere else by him. But we live as a partnership, and maybe the OP does not. Who knows.

2. The husband is going to be gone for a weekend....the OP cannot suck it up and use his car for a weekend? How many places does she need to go? And really, for tooling around town for 2-3 days, it's not THAT hard to install a carseat in a car. She trusts the car to get her husband to work every day, but fears going to the grocery store? Sounds like an excuse to me.

3. I would not go to the wedding. If one is already the black sheep for moving to a location that provides a job and safe housing for one's family and is ostracized for that - AND ones own mother refuses to help get him to the wedding because she doesn't like to drive on a freeway, AND there is not one single other person in the family one talks to that would be willing to lend a hand....WHY on EARTH would one want to go????!!!! I have declined wedding invites for a LOT less!!!!

Gotta say, I was thinking all the same things when I read the post, you said it much better than I would have!

Exactly what I was going to post.

I can't imagine thinking my "precious" car is more precious than my dh. Sheesh, would he get some dirt or debris on the floor mats? It will have 2,000 more miles on it. Is that so awful that you're willing to pay through the nose to visit people who won't speak to him?

Sorry about the loss of his grandmother but I honestly think you have it backwards. As quickly as I gave him my new car, I would have propped dh's ankle up on a pillow on the coffee table, with some ice and Percocet, he'd call his sisters or mother to help him out and I'd be at my grandmother's funeral. Attending every other family function will not erase that guilt.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

1. The OP is married and will not let her DH use her car? Wow. I don't think I could/would be able to tell DH that he has to spend tons of extra money to fly somewhere instead of letting him take the better of two cars that *we* own. And by *we*, I mean that even if one car is in my name and I pay the payment, so long as DH and live in the same house and use heat, electric, water, etc, any money that goes toward my car payment is certainly made up somewhere else by him. But we live as a partnership, and maybe the OP does not. Who knows.

2. The husband is going to be gone for a weekend....the OP cannot suck it up and use his car for a weekend? How many places does she need to go? And really, for tooling around town for 2-3 days, it's not THAT hard to install a carseat in a car. She trusts the car to get her husband to work every day, but fears going to the grocery store? Sounds like an excuse to me.

3. I would not go to the wedding. If one is already the black sheep for moving to a location that provides a job and safe housing for one's family and is ostracized for that - AND ones own mother refuses to help get him to the wedding because she doesn't like to drive on a freeway, AND there is not one single other person in the family one talks to that would be willing to lend a hand....WHY on EARTH would one want to go????!!!! I have declined wedding invites for a LOT less!!!!

 

[texasroni75]

I get why OP doesn't want her DH to use the good car and not use the commuter one. At one point we had a similar situation, where DH wanted to take our newer car out of state for something we both knew was not absolutely necessary, and it would have meant I had his not-so-reliable vehicle to drive the kids around in. Not to mention $$ we really didn't have to throw around even if he did drive the better car (gas+hotel+gift+time!).

For me, personally, if it's a budget-killer and it's not something for an immediate family member, I'd convince DH that it just isn't do-able. It's less about using OP's car, and more about cost and whether this event is worth breaking the bank for. I'm thinking even if the "good" car is taken, it's still a heck of a lot of $$ to go see people who won't appreciate the effort!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I get why OP doesn't want her DH to use the good car and not use the commuter one. At one point we had a similar situation, where DH wanted to take our newer car out of state for something we both knew was not absolutely necessary, and it would have meant I had his not-so-reliable vehicle to drive the kids around in. Not to mention $$ we really didn't have to throw around even if he did drive the better car (gas+hotel+gift+time!).

For me, personally, if it's a budget-killer and it's not something for an immediate family member, I'd convince DH that it just isn't do-able. It's less about using OP's car, and more about cost and whether this event is worth breaking the bank for. I'm thinking even if the "good" car is taken, it's still a heck of a lot of $$ to go see people who won't appreciate the effort!

I'd be more understanding in your situation where you have 4 kids, probably have many activities to take them to. I have 2 teens and know how busy things can get. To have 1 child, still in a car seat, how much driving really has to be done? Couldn't OP go grocery shopping and run errands before her dh leaves? I just can't wrap my brain around this one. If a car is not super reliable, isn't that what AAA is for? I've had it since I got my driver's license, long before I had babies in the car. If it's truly not safe to be driven, it should be repaired regardless. I wouldn't want my dh in it every day in that case.

 

[sheetz]

DH's going to have to cut corners somewhere. Flying, renting a car, and then staying at the hotel is going to be too much altogether. He's going to have to decide which of these he can do without.

If it were me I'd fly, rent a car, and stay at a cheapie hotel. I just checked your dates on Hotwire and there's a 3 star hotel in Central Panama City with free breakfast, parking, and internet for $59/night.

 

[writermommy6]

Exactly what I was going to post. I can't imagine thinking my "precious" car is more precious than my dh. Sheesh, would he get some dirt or debris on the floor mats? It will have 2,000 more miles on it. Is that so awful that you're willing to pay through the nose to visit people who won't speak to him? Sorry about the loss of his grandmother but I honestly think you have it backwards. As quickly as I gave him my new car, I would have propped dh's ankle up on a pillow on the coffee table, with some ice and Percocet, he'd call his sisters or mother to help him out and I'd be at my grandmother's funeral. Attending every other family function will not erase that guilt.

I agree with all these points. We're a team and it's a joint thing. And unless it was my favorite person in the world or I was IN the wedding then there's no point in my finding room in my tight budget to attend a wedding.

 

[Swimalie]

I get why OP doesn't want her DH to use the good car and not use the commuter one. At one point we had a similar situation, where DH wanted to take our newer car out of state for something we both knew was not absolutely necessary, and it would have meant I had his not-so-reliable vehicle to drive the kids around in. Not to mention $$ we really didn't have to throw around even if he did drive the better car (gas+hotel+gift+time!).

For me, personally, if it's a budget-killer and it's not something for an immediate family member, I'd convince DH that it just isn't do-able. It's less about using OP's car, and more about cost and whether this event is worth breaking the bank for. I'm thinking even if the "good" car is taken, it's still a heck of a lot of $$ to go see people who won't appreciate the effort!

Thank you for understanding my side. I have to say I didn't expect backlash for not letting my husband drive my new-ish car on a long trip. He drives it any time he wants as he is my partner in every thing, but even he wouldn't drive it there. It's new-ish and we'd both like to keep it that way for as long as possible. If he drives to this wedding, he would be on the road with it for at least 4 days plus the day of the wedding so that's at least 5 days where I'd have to drive his car. I volunteer for so many organizations that, yes, 5 days would be a lot without a car that is not totally reliable (his car is not as reliable but he can repair it if needed, I can't and no, we don't have AAA since my car comes with roadside asst). And never did I say I "feared" going to the grocery store. I drive his car when needed, but not with my son in the car. It's not as safe as mine and accidents happen around here too much.

As for the ankle situation, I had a toddler at the time. I couldn't "prop it up and pop a percocet" for several days. Plus it came down with a skin infection which required a dressing change twice a day that I couldn't do myself. We live over 700 miles from both sides of the family so calling on them for help wouldn't have happened.

To those of you who helped with ideas, thank you. I have taken them all in and we are deciding what is the best/cheapest way to get to this wedding. To those who think this is me being witchy, oh well. You all are entitled to your opinion.

 

[disykat]

Ignore the nasties, Swimalie! You've done nothing to deserve their snark.

 

[Gracefulskinny]

My vote would be one of two


A) Go as a family: With two adults you could split the driving and drive through without stopping. Because you and your son are along it solves the issue of leaving you stranded, and if you are truly deciding to go because you feel bad for missing the funeral then having the whole family there and bringing your son along will go even further.

B) Stay home and send a thoughtful card and a nice gift and catch the family next time. I can understand the feeling that you should be there for your family but sometimes its just not possible.

Its a hard call for sure but I have been in a similar situation. DH had a cousin who threw together a last minute wedding in another state. We had just shelled out money for another family member from another side and the day the bride chose ended up being the same day as an important can't miss family event on my side. We hated to miss it but we just couldn't make it work. They didn't like it but understood in the end.


Personally from what you have said I lean towards not going at all. Sometimes things happen and going to one event won't make up for missing another. Nor should you feel you have to. You couldn't help the circumstances then and you can't change things now.


May I also state that I find it a tad on the weird side that you are so close to the date of a destination wedding and they haven't bothered to even send a save the date card yet. Just food for thought.

 

[Swimalie]

Ignore the nasties, Swimalie! You've done nothing to deserve their snark.

Thank you.

My vote would be one of two


A) Go as a family: With two adults you could split the driving and drive through without stopping. Because you and your son are along it solves the issue of leaving you stranded, and if you are truly deciding to go because you feel bad for missing the funeral then having the whole family there and bringing your son along will go even further.

B) Stay home and send a thoughtful card and a nice gift and catch the family next time. I can understand the feeling that you should be there for your family but sometimes its just not possible.

Its a hard call for sure but I have been in a similar situation. DH had a cousin who threw together a last minute wedding in another state. We had just shelled out money for another family member from another side and the day the bride chose ended up being the same day as an important can't miss family event on my side. We hated to miss it but we just couldn't make it work. They didn't like it but understood in the end.


Personally from what you have said I lean towards not going at all. Sometimes things happen and going to one event won't make up for missing another. Nor should you feel you have to. You couldn't help the circumstances then and you can't change things now.


May I also state that I find it a tad on the weird side that you are so close to the date of a destination wedding and they haven't bothered to even send a save the date card yet. Just food for thought.

It would be nice for all 3 of us to go but my son will still be in school then and has testing right around this time (the Monday after the wedding, in fact) so I said no to all of us going a long time ago. And we don't live near anyone who we'd want to ask to take care of him so both of us could go.

I agree that it's bad that we don't have the invitation yet but that is how they operate. What little info we know we got from asking ourselves. I'm glad you were able to work out you last minute wedding invite and they understood.

Jokingly, I just bribed my husband with a larger screen for a new Mac over not going to the wedding. Not sure it worked

 

[Gracefulskinny]

Thank you.

Jokingly, I just bribed my husband with a larger screen for a new Mac over not going to the wedding. Not sure it worked

There you go! Bribe with Technology!!!!!

Alternatively, if it came down to it, do you think your son's teacher would be willing to give him the test before you left or the Tuesday you get back? If you explain the situation to his teacher there may be something he/she can do to work with you. Unless we are talking standardized testing that lasts for the week and then there's probably not much that can be done. But it never hurts to ask.

I would say this... if the wedding is a destination wedding in a place with limited and expensive hotels and you have to put forth great expense to get there then I would not then add a gift on top of it. Especially not if it will put a strain on your finances.

 

[writermommy6]

I'm really curious as to why your DH thinks it's so important to go when the bride and groom haven't sent invitations and you are having to beg information about the wedding. If I didn't get an invite then I wouldn't go.

However, I also would also think to maybe ask the teacher if your son could make up the test. Is the wedding on a Saturday or Sunday ?( you may have said and I missed it) Saturday wedding still gives you guys Sunday to drive back.

 

[Swimalie]

There you go! Bribe with Technology!!!!!

Alternatively, if it came down to it, do you think your son's teacher would be willing to give him the test before you left or the Tuesday you get back? If you explain the situation to his teacher there may be something he/she can do to work with you. Unless we are talking standardized testing that lasts for the week and then there's probably not much that can be done. But it never hurts to ask.

I would say this... if the wedding is a destination wedding in a place with limited and expensive hotels and you have to put forth great expense to get there then I would not then add a gift on top of it. Especially not if it will put a strain on your finances.

I'm really curious as to why your DH thinks it's so important to go when the bride and groom haven't sent invitations and you are having to beg information about the wedding. If I didn't get an invite then I wouldn't go.

However, I also would also think to maybe ask the teacher if your son could make up the test. Is the wedding on a Saturday or Sunday ?( you may have said and I missed it) Saturday wedding still gives you guys Sunday to drive back.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately!) the tests are state mandated and the dates can't be changed except due to sickness or emergency. I am also one who doesn't believe he should miss school unless it's a family emergency, which this is not. My son is the type that needs that time in class.

The wedding is on Sat so him driving back is a possibility but I don't want to come back the day before a two-day test (yes, it's Mon and Tues).

The longer it takes for these invitations to come out, the less chance he will be able to plan the trip. Oh well

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

How about renting a car from an office close to home. It would still save on airfare + rental and he'd have a reliable car.
I didn't realize you have no family nearby.

 

[Swimalie]

How about renting a car from an office close to home. It would still save on airfare + rental and he'd have a reliable car.
I didn't realize you have no family nearby.

I have thought about that, too and will consider that if the airfare goes up any more. Thanks.