Could use some budget tips

[pampam]

Thank you.



It would be nice for all 3 of us to go but my son will still be in school then and has testing right around this time (the Monday after the wedding, in fact) so I said no to all of us going a long time ago. And we don't live near anyone who we'd want to ask to take care of him so both of us could go.

I agree that it's bad that we don't have the invitation yet but that is how they operate. What little info we know we got from asking ourselves. I'm glad you were able to work out you last minute wedding invite and they understood.

Jokingly, I just bribed my husband with a larger screen for a new Mac over not going to the wedding. Not sure it worked

I want to phrase this tactfully and not hurt any feelings, but I'm afraid this might sound harsh. I'm wondering if you will be invited. Perhaps they would you rather not attend. Sorry if this offends you, but since you have to dig for any info you get, and they haven't sent any invitations or even a phone call from them perhaps it might be best if you just sent a nice card with a gift, explaining that you wish them the best, perhaps inviting them to come and spend some time with you and your family, since you would love to see them. Something like that might help to mend broken bridges.

 

[were45]

As long as your husband is comfortable with it, can he get up during the night or very early and hit the road? That's how we do Disney (a 17 hr) drive. We have a few hours of no traffic which is great, but we have each other to trade off so not sure that would be safe for a single driver. Or, sleep beforehand then drive during night and arrive at hotel Saturday morning, check in and sleep til wedding. My husband used to do this when we were dating and absolutely broke but aching to see each other. If he got tired he would pull into rest stop and sleep a bit, walk around, then get back on the road. Wouldn't want him to be in danger though! Speaking of danger, the whole my new car vs his unreliable one makes me sad. I'm sorry, it just does. Sounds like he's willing to do this wedding as cheaply as possible...maybe help a guy out? PS - I am a woman

Even your unwillingness to go as a family unit because you can't come back on a Sunday for your son's Monday test.....hmmm.

 

[Swimalie]

I want to phrase this tactfully and not hurt any feelings, but I'm afraid this might sound harsh. I'm wondering if you will be invited. Perhaps they would you rather not attend. Sorry if this offends you, but since you have to dig for any info you get, and they haven't sent any invitations or even a phone call from them perhaps it might be best if you just sent a nice card with a gift, explaining that you wish them the best, perhaps inviting them to come and spend some time with you and your family, since you would love to see them. Something like that might help to mend broken bridges.

I can totally see your point. His mom has been the one telling us we are invited. I am assuming she is right. We are also the only people who will have to fly to this wedding. The rest are all within driving distance so they don't need to plan as far in advance.

As long as your husband is comfortable with it, can he get up during the night or very early and hit the road? That's how we do Disney (a 17 hr) drive. We have a few hours of no traffic which is great, but we have each other to trade off so not sure that would be safe for a single driver. Or, sleep beforehand then drive during night and arrive at hotel Saturday morning, check in and sleep til wedding. My husband used to do this when we were dating and absolutely broke but aching to see each other. If he got tired he would pull into rest stop and sleep a bit, walk around, then get back on the road. Wouldn't want him to be in danger though! Speaking of danger, the whole my new car vs his unreliable one makes me sad. I'm sorry, it just does. Sounds like he's willing to do this wedding as cheaply as possible...maybe help a guy out? PS - I am a woman

Even your unwillingness to go as a family unit because you can't come back on a Sunday for your son's Monday test.....hmmm.

His car is reliable, just not nearly as much as mine. It's 13 years old and has small issues due to driving over 50 miles each day to work. He could drive straight through and he has done that in the past, driving from west to east coast in 4.5 days but he's quite a bit older now and I'm not comfortable for him being alone driving that long. If we go as a family, the cost would go up as well and my son's school comes first and I'm not taking him out for a day just to go to a wedding of anyone, yet alone a person he doesn't know. As for him to be willing to do this as cheap as possible, he works during the day so I have the time to search for the best options. Until I pointed out the cost of the wedding, he hadn't even checked to see how much it would cost. I've done all the work so I have "helped the guy out" for hours.

To summarize, he will be going. My son and I won't be going. Flat out, he's not missing school. My husband can drive or fly and there are only 3 hotels (none are chain hotels) in the town and the next town is about 20 min away. The date is May 17th, not sure what time, and the hotel where the event is costs $155 a night. So far, Tallahassee is the cheapest airport and rental car is around $100 at any location.We want him to miss as little work as possible, too. We'll figure out the rest. Thank you all.

 

[Swimalie]

DH's going to have to cut corners somewhere. Flying, renting a car, and then staying at the hotel is going to be too much altogether. He's going to have to decide which of these he can do without.

If it were me I'd fly, rent a car, and stay at a cheapie hotel. I just checked your dates on Hotwire and there's a 3 star hotel in Central Panama City with free breakfast, parking, and internet for $59/night.

Just seeing this. Thank you! I agree that something has to give and the hotel looks like a good deal.

 

[ah1126]

Did you check the rental car prices at all the different airports? I know it can really vary from city to city. I live in Destin. I'm not sure where the wedding is, but it sounds like it is close.

 

[SEA333]

I can totally see your point. His mom has been the one telling us we are invited. I am assuming she is right. We are also the only people who will have to fly to this wedding. The rest are all within driving distance so they don't need to plan as far in advance.



His car is reliable, just not nearly as much as mine. It's 13 years old and has small issues due to driving over 50 miles each day to work. He could drive straight through and he has done that in the past, driving from west to east coast in 4.5 days but he's quite a bit older now and I'm not comfortable for him being alone driving that long. If we go as a family, the cost would go up as well and my son's school comes first and I'm not taking him out for a day just to go to a wedding of anyone, yet alone a person he doesn't know. As for him to be willing to do this as cheap as possible, he works during the day so I have the time to search for the best options. Until I pointed out the cost of the wedding, he hadn't even checked to see how much it would cost. I've done all the work so I have "helped the guy out" for hours.

To summarize, he will be going. My son and I won't be going. Flat out, he's not missing school. My husband can drive or fly and there are only 3 hotels (none are chain hotels) in the town and the next town is about 20 min away. The date is May 17th, not sure what time, and the hotel where the event is costs $155 a night. So far, Tallahassee is the cheapest airport and rental car is around $100 at any location.We want him to miss as little work as possible, too. We'll figure out the rest. Thank you all.

Wait - first you said that he could not drive because it would be 14 hours on Friday and less than 48 hours later, he would have to do it again, which would mean he would drive back Sunday. Then you said that you cannot go with and pull your son out of school because it would be a 4-5 day trip. THEN you said that you do not want to drive his car because it is not safe for a child in a carseat to be driven around in, than later said that his car, in fact, IS reliable and safe for him to drive a 50-mile commute each day. Then you said that you cannot pull your child out of school because he has state-mandates tests in...May? and because he doesn't know these people? From what I know, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but I have put 3 children through early elementary school (which I am assuming your child is in since he is still in a carseat and not a booster that would be VERY easy to transfer to the other car), and state-mandated testing does not start until 3rd grade in either state that we have lived in. I understand that this may vary between states, but we happened to plan a long weekend well before the test dates were published one year and my son just took the test the day he came back, and he was in 7th grade. Then you said that there is NO WAY your DH will be allowed to take your car because you are possessive about it, and later said that you are not, but you just want to "keep it new" and not put mileage on it.

These are all understandable EXCUSES...but why come onto a budget board and ask for tips to minimize the cost of a trip if you are unwilling to actually consider the options? Just pay the money and chalk it up to a necessary cost of family living!

 

[Swimalie]

These are all understandable EXCUSES...but why come onto a budget board and ask for tips to minimize the cost of a trip if you are unwilling to actually consider the options? Just pay the money and chalk it up to a necessary cost of family living!

I have taken the suggestions. I have looked in to other airports suggested, I have looked in to sites suggested. I wouldn't have considered him staying in another hotel until it was suggested so to those who made suggestions (instead of coming on here just to nit pick what I have written over the last few days while figuring all this out, having family here and my son's birthday) thank you. I appreciate those who were kind enough to make suggestions instead of just critiquing me. Now since you seem to know me so well, want to drive my husband to Florida for the wedding?

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

In general, convenience isn't cheap. Somehow, somewhere there has to be compromise or he won't be able to go. Are the flight times such that he can make it work by staying only 1 night? Dh and I once went to Orlando for 1 night. We flew early Sat, like an 8 am flight down and took a 6 pm return flight home. Not even for any particular reason except to get a weekend away without missing work.
If the wedding is sat morning , he could fly down fri night then fly home Sat night. Or for an afternoon wedding, fly down Sat am and return home Sunday. Unless your only airline possible has very limited number of flights per day I don't see what's so complicated.

 

[katie111]

I don't get why you are put off that they haven't sent out invitations yet. My understanding is that etiquette dictates that a wedding invitation gets sent out 6-7 weeks before the wedding. It's still well within that time frame. I know that a lot of people now send out "save the date" cards but I don't think that those are in any way required.

Is it that you really can't afford for him to go or is that you just don't want him to go? Personally, we think family is extremely important and if we have to spend some $$ to keep the peace and spend time with our relatives then we do that. Most of our family lives close by, but 15 years after my wedding, I still remember those (family & friends) that went the extra mile to attend.

 

[Katy Belle]

I haven't read all the replies... but a few things come to mind...
1) could he fly in on Saturday morning? I'm assuming its an evening wedding. If its an afternoon wedding, could he fly home after the wedding? Skipping one night of hotel would help.

2) have you checked hotwire.com for car rental? When we needed a mini van rental in CA, the prices were horrible. We got one for half the price with hotwire.

 

[ArmchairDetective]

I don't get why you are put off that they haven't sent out invitations yet. My understanding is that etiquette dictates that a wedding invitation gets sent out 6-7 weeks before the wedding. It's still well within that time frame. I know that a lot of people now send out "save the date" cards but I don't think that those are in any way required.

Is it that you really can't afford for him to go or is that you just don't want him to go? Personally, we think family is extremely important and if we have to spend some $$ to keep the peace and spend time with our relatives then we do that. Most of our family lives close by, but 15 years after my wedding, I still remember those (family & friends) that went the extra mile to attend.

A destination wedding should require a little more advance notice. Can you hop a flight to Paris to be at a wedding in 6-7 wks time? Mexico?

My friend had a destination wedding and we appreciated the well advance notice of over 6 mos to PLAN and BUDGET for the expense of travel and time off work.

I won't break the bank to go to a destination wedding that I do not have well advance notice of. It requires time off work, money, possibly finding child care, etc.

To the OP, good luck in getting it all worked out. And careful here, there are on the boards.

 

[SEA333]

I have taken the suggestions. I have looked in to other airports suggested, I have looked in to sites suggested. I wouldn't have considered him staying in another hotel until it was suggested so to those who made suggestions (instead of coming on here just to nit pick what I have written over the last few days while figuring all this out, having family here and my son's birthday) thank you. I appreciate those who were kind enough to make suggestions instead of just critiquing me. Now since you seem to know me so well, want to drive my husband to Florida for the wedding?

That's the point!!! I *don't* know you because your story keeps changing!! LOL And, my suggestion was to save 100% of the trip and not go at all...no offense taken that you didn't consider it.

And, no....thanks. You couldn't afford my rates LOL, and it would cost more for your husband to get to Chicago to get to me so I *could* take him, so I don't think that would be worth his while. Probably not the best plan in the thread....

(Sorry...couldn't help it, but you are the one who suggested it!! I'll stop now....)

Good luck with whatever your husband decides!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

This is not a destination wedding. The rest of the family already lives there. The OPs husband is the one traveling home for the wedding.

 

[QVCshopper]

I don't have any suggestions, but I do feel for you. My middle sister got married last year in Jamaica, and I went alone with both of my daughters (1 and 8), leaving behind my husband and son. It was three nights and cost over $3k, and was a ton of work for me because I had my girls to watch over, as well as my older parents, neither of whom are in the best of health. My baby freaked out because there was an almost 4 hour break between the wedding and reception, even though it was all at the same resort and on the same beach. Dinner didn't begin until 9pm, and my sister didn't even get a picture with me.

Now, my youngest sister is planning on another destination wedding next year; she and I are not very close, and she was awful to me at my other sisters' wedding. There is no way I am going to spend thousands of dollars on a second destination wedding just because my sisters won't save money on their own.

Good luck to you. Honestly, if I was to do it again, I wouldn't go. People who chose destination weddings have to be understanding that not everyone will come.

 

[ArmchairDetective]

This is not a destination wedding. The rest of the family already lives there. The OPs husband is the one traveling home for the wedding.

It's still the burden of travel, cost, and time. My previous points apply.

OP, if he doesn't receive a formal invitation don't even worry about it. If he is only being invited "via his mother" then decline with regrets.

It's an INVITATION not a MANDATE.

 

[Swimalie]

That's the point!!! I *don't* know you because your story keeps changing!! LOL And, my suggestion was to save 100% of the trip and not go at all...no offense taken that you didn't consider it.

And, no....thanks. You couldn't afford my rates LOL, and it would cost more for your husband to get to Chicago to get to me so I *could* take him, so I don't think that would be worth his while. Probably not the best plan in the thread....

(Sorry...couldn't help it, but you are the one who suggested it!! I'll stop now....)

Good luck with whatever your husband decides!

I bet you would be cheaper to get than getting to FL My story isn't changing. Just the thinking behind this as I work out scenarios. His car is fine for him not me, if it breaks. My son is in 3rd grade so his very first one is the Monday after the wedding. I offered him my car last night - he said no. He said he likes it too much to take it on a trip like this. See, I'm easy to get to know but my mind is in so many different directions with trying to figure out how to get him there as cheaply as possible. By the way, I would love your decision to not go and save 100% but he says he needs to go to represent his family.

This is not a destination wedding. The rest of the family already lives there. The OPs husband is the one traveling home for the wedding.

It is a destination wedding. The bride and her family live 5 hours away. The groom and his family live a few hours away. The location was picked because they wanted a small, beach-side wedding spot. Everyone has to travel to get to it, we are just the only ones who are more than typical driving distance away.

I don't have any suggestions, but I do feel for you. My middle sister got married last year in Jamaica, and I went alone with both of my daughters (1 and 8), leaving behind my husband and son. It was three nights and cost over $3k, and was a ton of work for me because I had my girls to watch over, as well as my older parents, neither of whom are in the best of health. My baby freaked out because there was an almost 4 hour break between the wedding and reception, even though it was all at the same resort and on the same beach. Dinner didn't begin until 9pm, and my sister didn't even get a picture with me.

Now, my youngest sister is planning on another destination wedding next year; she and I are not very close, and she was awful to me at my other sisters' wedding. There is no way I am going to spend thousands of dollars on a second destination wedding just because my sisters won't save money on their own.

Good luck to you. Honestly, if I was to do it again, I wouldn't go. People who chose destination weddings have to be understanding that not everyone will come.

I'm so sorry. I can see why you'd spend that kind of money for a close sister.

We (well, me) found flights to an airport 2 hours away. He can fly in for $323, stay in Panama City Beach over Friday night for around $70 or so, rent a car for, at the most $100, and after the wedding on Sat, drive back to the airport for an early morning flight back home (he says he'll sleep in the airport). With the times and such, I can drop him off at the airport which will save him not having to pay to keep his car at the airport. So, total, with food and gift is now under $600

 

[FLSarah]

Depending on how far the hotel is from the airport they might offer a shuttle that he can take or maybe a cab would be cheaper. I rented a car at Indianapolis International W-Sun Thanksgiving weekend for less than $120 total. I bid on the car through Priceline. The only problem with bidding is there's no refunds if you need to cancel, but that's a good way to save on a rental if you have exact dates.

 

[SEA333]

I bet you would be cheaper to get than getting to FL

Way to stay classy!

Better watch it...this is a Disney board - I've seen people get kicked off for less.

I won't follow you into the gutter - have fun there yourself!!

 

[garnetandblack]

I bet you would be cheaper to get than getting to FL

Way to stay classy!

Better watch it...this is a Disney board - I've seen people get kicked off for less.

I won't follow you into the gutter - have fun there yourself!!

I think she meant it would be cheaper to get to Chicago than to get to Florida. I didn't read it as anything trashy or mean. Just a joke about how expensive this wedding is costing her.

OP - I am glad you found a cheaper solution. DH would not be going if it was our little family. We are also not told about anything and were the black sheep for missing his step-Grandmother's 80th birthday lunch yesterday. We missed it because we were told about 30 minutes before it started and we live 45 minutes away (and had another birthday party to go to). Family traveled from all over the state so it was definitely a planned event! We are told we never go to anything but we are never invited and find out about most family functions after they have already happened When FIL and SMIL would come to town to visit SIL they wouldn't even let us know they were coming to visit and we had a baby We would get a call when they were heading home that they had been in town and it "sure would have been nice to see you all"

It also sounds like you and your husband are not close to his family at all. I understand him wanting to go and why he is going but there is no way I would put myself under any financial burden to go. It's very inconsiderate that the bride or her family hasn't given you any information on the wedding. I hope it all goes well!

 

[GracieB]

Your husband is trying to make up for the funeral, yet nobody is giving him the time of day.

Trust me, they will not appreciate his efforts.