Cost of taking DDs friend on vacation. Is this fair? Update post #110

[Jacie]

I think that is more than fair. Her family is only paying for tickets (Disney and Airfare.) That's not too shabby at all, and very nice of you to pay for all the other things (Tours, food, etc.)

If DD was old enough, I could definitely fathom spending that much on a fun vacation with her friend, if it were doable for us.
And, I LOVE DL so stinking much. It's definitely 5 day worthy!

 

[endy]

I've taken my ds15 friend twice to California. Once we flew for a week & the next year we drove for 2 weeks. His parents gave me the money for him. I'm a single parent and certainly couldn't afford to pay all costs.
What I did was keep his money separate and every day or two I would take what I had spent for meals or attractions out of that. I also made sure he always had 20 or 30 dollars in his pockets for his snacks or something he wanted so he didn't have to ask me for his money.

He had $700 for the two weeks and came home with a little. We ate 2 - 3 times a day, went to SeaWorld, Knotts, DTD, whale watching and more.
His parents loved that he got to experience something new, they wouldn't have dreamed of him going without paying his way. Same as I would never consider my ds going somewhere and not paying his way.
I paid for all gas and camping costs as it wasn't anymore.

So I see nothing wrong for expecting the parents to pay for their teenager's trip.
The boys had a great time and want to do it again next year.

 

[blessedby3]

We have taken our oldest dd's best friend to WDW three times, our ds's best friend once and our 2nd dd's best friend once. The kids we take have always paid for their park tickets and airline tickets (if we flew). On our last trip we had free dining...that worked out wonderful for the kids. They only had to come up with $275 for their park ticket and food was covered. We drove and of course no cost for hotel...we got that. The friends also get any souvineers they wanted with their own money. It has worked out great for us and the other kids. Oldest dd's BFF would have never gone if it wasnt for us (her family cant afford to go) and we were happy for her to go with us 3 times.
I dont think you are out of line OP to ask for the child's stuff to be covered. I understand how things add up as we are a family of 6 and vacationing is very expensive.
We also have taken these same kids to the beach with us a couple of times and we dont ask them to pay for anything except for a meal or two at a nicer restaurant. I mostly cook at the beach to save money.

 

[happygirl]

Read the first post again.................she was quite clear that she wasnt asking for your opinion...............must be a slow day for you......

That was beyond rude



She actually did ask for opinion that why it's a post She asked if it was fair? Nope it's not

 

[JustineMarie]

We are taking a trip this year and taking 3 of my DDs' friends. My youngest is taking 2 friends and my oldest is taking 1. For my youngest I told the girls parents that I will cover all meals and put 100$ towards each girl's park tix. I told them that they're responsible for airfare and the rest of the park ticket. Neither set of parents had a problem with this. For my oldest, since she is only taking 1 friend I am able to pay for more so we are paying for her meal plan and park ticket. Her parents are only responsible for airfare. They also were fine with this.

I made sure to make the parents pay for airfare so that should something happen on their end and any of the other girls aren't able to go, I will not be out the $. I know that sounds awful but I couldn't take the chance of paying 250$ per kid for airfare and having them drop out.

So, OP, I think that having them pay for airfare and park ticket is more than reasonable, but I would consider paying for food if it's possible.

 

[jackie101]

I would ask for maybe airfare and tickets. If you invite her, you should be prepared to cover the cost of her food. If she were at your house, you wold pay for all of her food correct ?

I agree with this.

 

[mjkacmom]

I vote with the majority - they pay for fixed cost items like airfare and park tickets, you pay the rest. Your dd will be thrilled to have a friend along, which will make your trip better (I can't imagine 10 days with one of my teenagers without a friend along - they'd be lost), and the friend will have fun. Really, the only people not benefiting from this arrangement are the friend's parents, who will be out extra $, not be on vacation (and in my case, lose a babysitter, and have to endure a little extra parental worry for 10 days).

 

[fortwildernessishome]

That was beyond rude



She actually did ask for opinion that why it's a post She asked if it was fair? Nope it's not

REALLY????? That was beyond rude????? Dont be

The OP clearly wrote in her last sentence, "I realize that some will feel that if you can't completely pay for the cost of the friend, then you should'nt invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I'm looking for responses from those who DO AGREE WITH THE CONCEPT OF HAVING THE FRIENDS PARENTS PAY AT LEAST PART OF THE COST"

So when you wrote "if I couldnt afford to pay for her I wouldnt invite her" I was just I just didnt see that your advice was actually the advice the OP was looking for, (Like I said I thought the OP was quite clear!!!) or that it actually helped in her ANY way!!!!

The Op was clearly looking for advice from people who do ask parent to contribute.

Do I feel your post was helpful in the context of what the OP was asking..........No

Do I feel that I was rude.........not in the least.......

Will I debate this anymore with you........no thanks, because it is posts like yours that always make me

 

[okeydokey]

If you insist on the friend paying, I would say nothing for food, just the plane and the park tickets. Having the friend along is a plus for your family so you should pay whatever you can.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

REALLY????? That was beyond rude????? Dont be

The OP clearly wrote in her last sentence, "I realize that some will feel that if you can't completely pay for the cost of the friend, then you should'nt invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I'm looking for responses from those who DO AGREE WITH THE CONCEPT OF HAVING THE FRIENDS PARENTS PAY AT LEAST PART OF THE COST"

So when you wrote "if I couldnt afford to pay for her I wouldnt invite her" I was just I just didnt see that your advice was actually the advice the OP was looking for, (Like I said I thought the OP was quite clear!!!) or that it actually helped in her ANY way!!!!

The Op was clearly looking for advice from people who do ask parent to contribute.

Do I feel your post was helpful in the context of what the OP was asking..........No

Do I feel that I was rude.........not in the least.......

Will I debate this anymore with you........no thanks, because it is posts like yours that always make me

Having a rough day? Really, there is no need to be hateful.

 

[Happy vacationer]

I think it's great you are willing to have a friend come along on your family vacation. If her family can afford to send her and is willing to cover the cost it is a win/win for both families. I am a parent who couldn't always afford to take my entire family on a trip at one time but if one of the kids had a chance to go and we could swing it I was all for it. It gave my child a nice trip they couldn't have gone on if they had to wait for me to be able to take the entire family and we did take family vacations as often as we could afford it. Our youngest daughter will probably invite her friend to go with us in a few years when they are both teenagers and I know her parents would expect to pay for her costs associated with the trip just as we would. I wouldn't allow my daughter to go if we didn't cover her costs but that's just me. She's already getting a fun trip out of it and I certainly wouldn't expect someone to pick up her food/travel expenses on top of including her in their fun.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Having a rough day? Really, there is no need to be hateful.

Thanks for your concern I am having a great day!!!! No hate here at all

 

[peyjax]

That was beyond rude



She actually did ask for opinion that why it's a post She asked if it was fair? Nope it's not

No not beyond rude, just spot on!

As for the OP- sounds fair, but the food part is where I would be concerned.

 

[MichelleB]

We have a similar situation coming this November. DD15's friend is coming with us. We're driving and are DVC members so figured those were costs we'd have even if we didn't take her so we asked her parents to purchase her park ticket and we'll pay for food. That way we can go wherever we feel we can afford to eat and not speak for someone else's money. DD's friend will bring souvenir money. We felt that was a fair way to handle it and allow the friend's family to feel they contributed.

 

[cats mom]

OP here...

Thank you for all the responses!! I wanted to mention that the food costs was the one thing that I was unsure about.

caribear...When I posted the $100-$200 estimate, I was thinking $10-$20 a day for 10 days.

As far as talking to the parents before the child. Well, the kids are the ones who came up with this idea. I've already had to be the "bad guy" by being the voice of reason. I've told DD that I am open to the idea, BUT not to get their hopes up because there are many things to be discussed and decided.

The reason I posted this thread is that I need to talk to the other parents soon because the girls are getting excited and making touring plans, even though I've warned them not to do this because it may lead to disappointment. Teenage girls....

I think I'm leaning toward asking for airfare and tickets. If they mention food costs, then we'll discuss a cost per day...maybe $10-$15 a day. If we end up covering the food costs, then I'll just plan less expensive meals.

I plan on calling this evening.

I think this sounds like a reasonable plan. Asking for money for food was the one thing I was unsure about as well. When you bring a childs' friend along they have no control over when and where to eat, and their choices might be much different than yours, so asking them to not only adapt to your style, but to pay for it too can be a bit sticky.

That said, as you can tell from this thread, there really is no one formula that works for everyone. I think the key is to be clear about expectations up front so there are no surprises on either side.

You might want to address souvenirs in your conversation too.

I tend to have a double standard on that one. I always send spending money with my kids when they go somewhere with a friend, but when their friends come with us I generally treat them to at least one fun souvenir. But depending on shopping styles and what your plans for the rest of your vacation are, souvies could get expensive over the course of 10 days.

 

[andi220]

Hopefully this will help, my sister and I are discussing this same issue. The friend has to pay for everything herself, except for things that would not cost anything different if the friend was not going. This was understood by the friend and her parents. Also, just an FYI, when you do go please be sure to get a power of attorney for hospital care and be sure to take all insurance information with you as well. This way, if she gets injured or sick while on vacay, you can have her seen without any complications! Hope everything works out well for you!
On a side note, I just went to DL in Jan, we were there for 5 days and were bored by the end of day 3! I would definitely do a day at universal studios too, lots of fun and our girls are close to your daughters age! Have fun!

 

[mello]

We just recently took our ds' friend, age 15 to WDW with us. He stayed in our dvc villa with us, his parents used airmiles for his plane ticket and paid for his dining plan, and he worked to save money for his park ticket and spending money. We paid for all little extras, like Wishes Dessert Party, admission to a movie in DTD, and assorted snacks and things. We discussed it all ahead of time, and everybody was happy with the arrangements - it worked out well!

 

[muffyn]

Originally Posted by MissUndastood
If I were not in a position to pay for everything, I would not extend an invitation.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


I know you must have read the original post.

How in the world did you miss THIS:

"I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs."[/QUOTE]


I am going to say, I have relatives who have never been to disney & probably never will, since they cannot take the whole family.
If someone wants to take another person, but has to ask for them to pay their own costs. why the heck not???
this may be that persons ONLY chance to ever get to Diz, & would gladly take you up the trip. all they can do is say no thanks, but I feel the choice/chance should be put out there.

 

[scbelleatheart]

If we ask a child to go with us, we pay. I would not want to put the burden on a parent to have to say no or worse yet, figure out how to afford something they had not budgeted for. We've taken freinds to WDW, cruises and Hawaii to name a few and we never asked them to pay. Souvineers are not an issue. We don't buy them because they are pretty much junk.
My DD was asked to go to the OBX and the family wrote up a list of what she needed to pay for after asking her including gas, hotel to share with 7 others there and back, food, and her share of the house rental (divided by 3, her, their family and the grandparents so she paid 1/3 of the rental for her and 7 other people). How could I say no after they invited her then hit me with all this cost? $3500 for a kind of crappy trip if you ask me.

 

[AmandaRG]

If we ask a child to go with us, we pay. I would not want to put the burden on a parent to have to say no or worse yet, figure out how to afford something they had not budgeted for. We've taken freinds to WDW, cruises and Hawaii to name a few and we never asked them to pay. Souvineers are not an issue. We don't buy them because they are pretty much junk.
My DD was asked to go to the OBX and the family wrote up a list of what she needed to pay for after asking her including gas, hotel to share with 7 others there and back, food, and her share of the house rental (divided by 3, her, their family and the grandparents so she paid 1/3 of the rental for her and 7 other people). How could I say no after they invited her then hit me with all this cost? $3500 for a kind of crappy trip if you ask me.

The girls are the ones that came up with this plan, the OP is trying to work it out with the other family.

While I am happy for the children that you are able to take on trips, that is just not realistic for many families, especially these days. I personally would not have paid the $3500 for one person to go on a trip, especially looking at the way it was broken down. They used that opportunity to fund their trip.