Complications....

[starflower]

If you do not mind my asking, How much do you make? Would you be able to get a comparable job in the new place and help him with the bills. could you stay where you live and keep working until his house sells and then join him? Could he rent a room of some other very cheap housing option in the new place until his house sells. I assume he has no savings, but do you have any savings that you could give him to pay the house mortgage?. do you live with him now - if not do you pay rent and could you move into his house when he leaves to save your rent money until it sells? Do either of you have parents who could help lend money. You say he is not in bad shape currently so i assume that he has net worth and it is just tied up in his house so he could pay them back as soon as the house sells. Can he get a home equity loan and use that to pay the first mortgage for a while? Just putting some suggestions out for possible ways that you could help the situation and prevent him from bankruptcy. also - want is your dream? aside from the wedding what is for you where you currently live what is for you in the new state? you've talked about his dreams but we don't know what your career goals are. Good luck!!

I'm currently a full-time college student and, at most, I could work a part-time job that pays maybe $10/hour at best. There aren't a lot of things that are flexible enough to work around my school schedule and school is my #1 priority right now. I went into it late at 25, have been in for three years, am going toward a master's degree and would love to graduate by the time I'm thirty (not going to happen).

Most of his money is tied up in the house, which is in a fairly expensive area and so the mortgage is actually more than we'd be paying in rent if we were renting in a less expensive neighborhood. I found this out after I started asking about it, and, had I been there when he bought the house, would have told him to get one in a cheaper neighborhood or just forget about it. However, he'd had the house a couple of years before we even started dating.

We're talking with a few people about how to figure a way around the financial mess when we move. I really don't want him to screw up his finances like this, but he seems dead set on going, so I can either go with him or give up on him altogether. *sigh*

 

[starflower]

Ok, I don't want to offend but I have to say somethings. First off I totally agree with what others have said that you need to make this decision together since it affects you both. And I can understand how hard this must be for you, feeling like you don't really have control, and possible not having your dream wedding...but...after the house sells I do not really see where the problem is. To be totally honest I was shocked when you said that he would be making 35K and that would make him declare bankruptcy. DF and I both only make about 21K, I have over 20K in student loan debt, 6K in credit card debt and he has 8K in credit card debt. Granted we do not live a lavish lifestyle, and money is a large concern of ours but we are making it work. We are doing our dream jobs which is why we make so little. I guess all I am saying is, take a deep breath, the situation is not as bad as it seems, if the two of you work on this together you will find a solution. And like the saying goes, "Do what you love and the money will come" there is more to life and happiness than money

Please don't take offence, but you sound like you don't own a home or have to deal with a mortgage. Right now it is not a seller's market, so it could take months or even a year for the house to sell. Meanwhile we'll be paying the (very expensive) mortgage on the house as well as rent on a new place and living expenses for two people on slightly over a third of what we previously had. Also, in the area we live in now, and the area we're moving to, $35K a year does not go very far. Cost of living varies wildly from region to region of the US and maybe where you live $42K combined income is comfortable for two people, but here it isn't. I have a former boyfriend who has just started making $40K and can't afford to buy a house in the suburbs... and he wasn't being picky. The new area isn't any different. In fact, where the new job is located is actually more expensive than where we live now. We plan on living in the suburbs to cut down on costs somewhat, but the living expenses of the area are still comparable to living here. Finally, imagine if, in a month, you and your FH had to go from living on $42K to $14K. Wouldn't you have already racked up a number of bills at the previous $42K level of income that you'd now be unable to pay?

 

[sajetto]

It sounds to me like you have your own reasons for not being on board with this...the number one being SCHOOL. I can't blame you. I'm in graduate school and will finish in May. Up until now it has been nearly IMPOSSIBLE for us to leave our area due to my schedule. I didn't want to transfer, but now since most of my courses are online it doesn't make a difference.

I wouldn't want to lose my credits, have to start all over in a new system, and deal with the garbage that goes along with transferring.

I know this has got to be really hard for you. It sounds like he's going for the job whether you're on board with it or not so now the big decision lies in you hands. Neither decision is easy and neither is the right or wrong one, just do what is best for you. Good luck hun

 

[Laurafoster]

Things in the UK must be totally different to things is the US because here Bankruptcy is a major major thing. Its certainly not something that would be declared unless absolutely nessecary! Int he case of your future husband its not nessecary its a choice. Whilst i completely understand his reasons behind it and if it just simply meant a little bit of debt and sacrificies of both parts then fiar enough, a dream job would be worth that!

But like i said, things may be different here in the UK so please dont take offence

 

[AnnieBelle]

Things in the UK must be totally different to things is the US because here Bankruptcy is a major major thing. Its certainly not something that would be declared unless absolutely nessecary! Int he case of your future husband its not nessecary its a choice. Whilst i completely understand his reasons behind it and if it just simply meant a little bit of debt and sacrificies of both parts then fiar enough, a dream job would be worth that!

But like i said, things may be different here in the UK so please dont take offence

You are not wrong, it is nothing to be taken lightly here either!

 

[sajetto]

Laura, things aren't any different here. Bankruptcy is HUGE

 

[TinkBride]

Just something to think about.......

you are giving all this love and support and making these kinds of sacrifices to let him have his dream.......what is he willing to give you?

By asking you to do this he is asking you to transfer schools, let him (which includes you as well) declare bankruptcy, and give up on your dreams of school to follow him while he chases his own dreams........he is looking out for his future....not your future together......this is a huge red flag...think it through....he is asking you to follow him down a road of uncertainty. We all have to take a leap of faith for the ones we love......but this is not a leap of faith.....this is a lot to ask of anyone.

Could you ask him to do the same.......something about your posts tells me that you would not.

You need to be true to yourself first and foremost. None of us know you personally, but you know yourself, and you know what your instinct and gut are telling you is right......none of us are as true to you as your gut instinct.

What does your gut tell you about this situation? ......there lies your answer.

 

[misscmac]

New to the boards and just got a chance to read this...I know I'm a little late but Starflower, is there any update? Hope all is going well with whatever decision was made.

 

[jojoandhb]

I'm just going to give you some and some

This is hard. My fiance let me quit my job in Accounting, stay home with my daughter, change careers, and go back to college. This required us to sell our house and car and move so we could cut expenses way down and live off one income. We have no debt, and we have savings, but this was a huge sacrifice on his part. He left his family behind and moved 600 miles South with me. If he hadn't, I would have been miserable in Accounting, and I probably would have blamed him.
Good luck. This is something you'll have to REALLY talk about with him.