Classmate called my son"weird" What do you do if anything?

[Robinrs]

My son REVELS in being weird... just like his Mom!

I think the word "unique" makes it more palatable, though...

You're doing fine. I so agree that keeping the communication lines open and building him up makes all the difference. I remember deciding that the kids think I'm one way and my parents think I'm great. I CHOSE to believe my parents.

My pastor said the other day "your path is determined by who you CHOOSE to believe."

Make sure he believes YOU.

God bless. Man, it's hard dealing with the thorns and arrows that come out of the mouths of babes. Only true confidence and support from loved ones can get him through it.

 

[daisax]

Better to be weird than ordinary!

 

[momof2inPA]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you do nothing. Why make a federal case out of your son being called one name at school? That's weird, IMO.

 

[Mkrop]

1) Request asap that they are not in the same classroom

2) do you think your son is weird?

3) again ask him why the other kid is saying this.

DD was told this she was saying things in 3rd grade without thinking. She is very popular now. You do need to teach some kids how not to be weird if it bothers them.

Some mothers just dress their kids weird & that does not help. Tucking in a shirt for a boy is a no no.

1)DS9 really wants this teacher, I like this teacher better, they have already told the kids who their teachers is, so I dont think they would switch J without getting his parents involved or for just namecalling. I am not sure about getting school involved or not which is why is started the thread.

2)DS9 can be goofy at times and I usually tell him to chill. He also is VERY smart and sometimes makes jokes that are beyond the other kids, most just let them slide but I wonder if they sometimes think weird of him bc they dont get his "humor" From adult standpoint he is actually quite funny and witty.

3) I have asked him and it is only J and it is bc he is slow runner, which is true. DS9 is good at sports but he is more like the linebacker (not fat, strong) or the center of the basketball team, not the quick ball handler type but he also will probably never be the star athelete but loves to play sports.

They wear uniforms so they all look alike and when he does wear play clothes every single one is a tshirt of our local sports teams. He fits in there.

 

[claudia]

I would tell your son that sometimes people call other people names because they are not happy with who they are. I would explain this to your son, tell him that this kind of thing is called projection....so in reality the boy calling your son names does so because he does not feel good about himself. A valuable lesson that you can teach your son is to learn that this name calling is not about him....another person can be having a bad day, have other problems with family or in school....that is really about the other child and how he is feeling about himself.

 

[Kath2003]

I would tell him he's not weird, he's unique. And since everyone is unique, that makes him just the same as everyone else

 

[NewJersey]

Don't mean to belittle it, or maybe it's because I don't have kids. But he was called a name...and nothing that is that bad. If it taken to another level, or turns into physical bulleying than I think it warrants a bit more worrying and action on your part. But I think sometimes you just have to let kids be kids.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If this kid calls your son weird again tell your son to tell him not to be jealous that he is just ordinary. I know how hard it is to be a Mom in this situation.

 

[LadyJeanPirateQueen]

Mouse House Mama--

LadyJean

 

[MerryPoppins]

How well do you know the counselor? If he/she is very approachable, I might schedule a visit. Here's why. It's not that what the other kid is that bad. I mean, name calling isn't ever good, but unfortunately it's typical. Still it's obviously bothering your son. And since you wondered if it could be due to his friend, I'd consider sharing. You could make it clear that you didn't want to make a federal case out of it, you just wanted to make her aware.

Our elementary counselor was great and she often did little talks on feeling confident in your own skin and also on dealing with bullies, name-calling, etc. She'd have been interested, would have given my child ideas on how to deal in the future and would have let him know that if it happened again he was welcome to talk to her. And sometimes kids will listen to the counselor better than mom or dad. Just a thought.

 

[CheshireVal]

Being called names is, unfortunately, just a normal part of being a kid. I wouldn't intervene in any way. This is something that kids need to learn to deal with on their own in order to survive in the world.

I like the "thank you" response suggestion, though.

 

[Mkrop]

If this kid calls your son weird again tell your son to tell him not to be jealous that he is just ordinary. I know how hard it is to be a Mom in this situation.

Nice one!

 

[poohandwendy]

As far as what you should do? Well, there really isn't anything you can do regarding the other boy, he merely called him weird a few times he didn't threaten him.

As far as your son, I would reassure him that this isn't a huge deal, he will come across many people who are not-so-nice, that it's great that his isn't that type of kid and then let it go. Making a big deal out of it reinforces that you are alarmed. That isn't the message I would want my kids getting because it could be taken as your thinking there is something wrong with him.

If he seems obsessed with it and simply cannot let it go, maybe he needs to talk to someone about it? I dunno.

 

[Mkrop]

How well do you know the counselor? If he/she is very approachable, I might schedule a visit. Here's why. It's not that what the other kid is that bad. I mean, name calling isn't ever good, but unfortunately it's typical. Still it's obviously bothering your son. And since you wondered if it could be due to his friend, I'd consider sharing. You could make it clear that you didn't want to make a federal case out of it, you just wanted to make her aware.

Our elementary counselor was great and she often did little talks on feeling confident in your own skin and also on dealing with bullies, name-calling, etc. She'd have been interested, would have given my child ideas on how to deal in the future and would have let him know that if it happened again he was welcome to talk to her. And sometimes kids will listen to the counselor better than mom or dad. Just a thought.

I dont know her at all. I know she was suppose to give some anti bullying classes after this incident with my friends son but she left on maternity leave. I think she is back now but the few people I know who have dealt with her were not impressed.

 

[Toot Sweet]

They are 9 yr old boys 9 yr old boys call each other names, so do 19 yr old boys. Let him deal with it unless it involves physical violence or goes way beyond a single name. And let's face it weird isn't that much of a name calling. It is a good time to encourage him to stand up for himself. If I had to deal with every time my DS 9 and his friends called each other a name that is all I would be doing with my time! They work it out. Unless it becomes much more involved I would stay out of it or else they will be calling him more names if Mom butts in and the other boys find out.

As far as the wierd goes to the other posters your right about the weirdness, My DD and her friends have been called a lot worse (they are in the highly gifted program) and they have embraced it and are proud of it! They say right to the other kids - so what or thank you! They have become very strong independent young people with very good close friends.

As a teacher and a parent I will say that although it is very difficult to see your child being picked on, in the grand scheme of things, this is pretty minor. He should be prepared to hear a lot worse in the coming years. That's just the nature of kids. It's how he reacts to it now that will teach the other kids how to treat him. Having your child moved to a different classroom is an overreaction at this point, IMO. There is not a classroom around where kids are not called names at some point. Your child would have to be home schooled to avoid it completely.

Unfourtunately, kids will always call other kids names. Sometimes to be mean and hurtful, other times just because. Just keep building up your son's self esteem and give him confidence. And remind him of that "sticks and stones" saying. I would also remind him that being wierd isn't always a bad thing like a previous poster said. Heck, if someone called the sweetpea wierd, she would tell them thanks. And go about her day.

I agree.

I know how hard this can be to hear - my DS is a SPecial Needs child - he gets called much worse things than weird unfortunately.

I have an issue with you telling your son to tell this kid to "shut up" and "get out of my face" though. There's "bigger" ways to handle a situation like this that don't involve your son giving the bully exactly what he wants.....

Exactly. Teaching him that this behavior is okay is not a good idea. He will just get himself in trouble too. The best approach is to just show the offending child that his words don't bother him. UNLESS it becomes worse, involving constant personal attacks or physical violence...then have him removed from the class right away and get the teacher/principal involved.

 

[lyzziesmom]

My DD9 just told me yesterday that her friend called her weird. I said, "Well, were you being weird?"
"Kinda"

I think kids need to learn early on that being weird or different is not a bad thing. Everyone is different, and there will always be someone who thinks you are weird or who seems weird to you. And that's ok. It's normal to be weird. If nobody thinks you are weird or different, then nobody will remember you and that is far worse. Not everyone is going to like you and you're not going to like everyone. And that's okay too.

I would not get involved with the school unless it escalated to abuse. Kids need to know how to handle themselves and they are much stronger than we give them credit for. Just teach them to believe in themselves and to love themselves the way they are, and they will be fine. After all, if someone at work calls me a name, my mommy doesn't come running to my boss and ask that I get transferred to a different department. Life doesn't work like that, and the sooner kids learn that, the better off they are. Imagine if the first time they learned to stand on their own two feet was at a job, after school and college? What a crushing disappointment that would be, and how embarassing.

So I would let it go, and let the kids work it out. My motto is, "If you're not bleeding or on fire, then you don't need my help."

Then again, maybe I'm just weird.

 

[angwill]

Ok, I am the mom of a child that is picked on quite a bit. He is 12 and he is who he is and he is proud of it. I just asked him if he would care if a kid called him weird. He said no. I said would you say anything back and he said I would just say whatever, you know mom it's not a big deal to be weird were all different you know. From the mouths of babes because in reality weird is just something done differently than you yourself would do it. Honestly, if he told me someone called him weird my answer would be yeah and did it hurt you? If he said yes it hurt my feelings I would say how did you handle it? How could you handle it different? Then I would remind him that kids who pick on others do so because of their own insecurities and if he lets it bother him and lets the kid know it bothers him then he lets the bully win and he will continue because he got what he wanted from him; to upset him.

There isn't much that can be done about it unless it gets physical or is starting to effect your child mentally.

Now middle school is a whole new ball game so get a grip on it all now or the middle school will devastate you. Kids are mean and they call each other names. I am really surprised your son got through to age 9 before it happened. All we can really do is talk to our kids and roll play with them if it is not serious. If you start calling the school over a kids saying weird I would fear they will not take you seriously when it is serious.

It breaks my heart when my son is sad and I hate to see him hurting but I have to tell myself these are his life's lessons and it will teach him how to handle what life will throw at him in the future.

I think it may be the experience of your friends child that is causing your fear. It sounds like you handled it well by roll playing with him. Also, let him know that weird isn't a bad thing it is just different from someone else and if we were all the same and not weird the world would be a boring place.

HTH

 

[MAKmom]

1)DS9 really wants this teacher, I like this teacher better, they have already told the kids who their teachers is, so I dont think they would switch J without getting his parents involved or for just namecalling. I am not sure about getting school involved or not which is why is started the thread.

2)DS9 can be goofy at times and I usually tell him to chill. He also is VERY smart and sometimes makes jokes that are beyond the other kids, most just let them slide but I wonder if they sometimes think weird of him bc they dont get his "humor" From adult standpoint he is actually quite funny and witty.

3) I have asked him and it is only J and it is bc he is slow runner, which is true. DS9 is good at sports but he is more like the linebacker (not fat, strong) or the center of the basketball team, not the quick ball handler type but he also will probably never be the star athelete but loves to play sports.

They wear uniforms so they all look alike and when he does wear play clothes every single one is a tshirt of our local sports teams. He fits in there.

If it is just this 1 kid you have nothing to worry about. He needs to nip this. He needs a good comeback that will shut the other kid & end it. I have given comebacks to my DD's in the past. It works. It can be said quite or at group level. I'm like you VERY protective.

 

[Mkrop]

Just for the record, I never had a thought about switching classes. If this boy was not going to be in his class, I would probably tell him to avoid him at recess like I did in May bc J was in the other class. But this year J will be in class with him.

So I was looking to see if I should talk with the new teacher and let her know, or let it go and just keep an eye on things. I wasnt prepared to make a federal case about it just looking for idea and reassurance that I was doing all I could for him, whether that was staying it out of it and talking if he needed to talk or something else.

And yes I think my freinds sons story has scared me a little more than it should. If I can keep him talking to me then hopefully if it ever got further than a name, I could be there for him, and I hope it never does.

Thanks for all the support and suggestions.

 

[MerryPoppins]

If the counselor isn't that great, I wouldn't go that way. And at this point I don't think I'd say anything to the teacher.

Sounds like you just need to keep giving him lots of support at home. And assure him that some people like to call others names. (I was so tempted to type weird people like to call others names.) I'd hope he could just ignore it unless it gets to be a bigger problem. If the kid does it again, I'd just shrug and say something like "Yeah, we're all weird at one time or another, aren't we?" and laugh.

You might look into ways to build self-esteem. I'm sure you could find a book at the library that might give you some ideas of ways to give him a boost. It sounds to me like he needs a little more confidence.