Classmate called my son"weird" What do you do if anything?

[Cheshire Figment]

Several years ago I as at a Mensa convention. Our speaker was one of a pair of psychologists who had done in-depth interviews with over 100 members of Mensa about their childhood.

One remark that stood out was that one of the questions was asked about how did the other students in school describe them. Almost 50% said that the other students called them weird.

Maybe you have a Mensa member in your household.

 

[momof2inPA]

I asked my 10 year old what he would say if someone called him weird, and his comeback was, "Look who's talking, fat ***." I might have bigger problems than the OP.

 

[Hound 109]

I asked my 10 year old what he would say if someone called him weird, and his comeback was, "Look who's talking, fat ***." I might have bigger problems than the OP.

You have no problems. & I bet no one messes with your 10 y/o.

I hear alot of people asking & discussing weirdness. The issue isn't weirdness the issue is a kid is being picked on & what does a parent do about it.

If I was the parent of momof2inPA's 10 y/o (above). I wouldn't have to "DO" anything. He/she sounds like a normal kid who won't put up with silliness.

But if my kid was feeling the tiniest bit victimized, then I'd provide him with a comeback or two (some kid's don't have that natural confidence....but it's easily learned). It has nothing to do with "coptering"....its all about giving the child the tools to thrive.

& to the OP.....I agree with virtually all of your posts....hang in there.

hound -

 

[Mkrop]

I really debated posting this and I am not trying to pick on you but give you something to think about....
Concerning the bathroom, if your son is willingly accompanying you to the bathroom at 9 I bet he is coming across to the other boys as very timid and unassertive. That is prime pick on territory to boys and yes to them weird. Possibly allowing him to go to the BR alone would give him the independence and Confidence to stand up to the other boys and not be a target. You can't expect a child to turn on confidence just when it is convenient it has to be acquired with use. If he can't assert his independence with you and balk at going in (mine started refusing at 7) then I am sure he is not assertive with the other boys. Arm him with the confidence and experience of independence then step back and let him deal with it.

We have argued this point before so I know where you stand on the bathroom issue. Just because I took him in there doesnt mean he didnt start to balk, but guess what I am the mom and if I say something is unsafe whine and complain all you want, you are not doing it. I ask you how will you be when you daughter wants to get into a car with someone you dont know who just got their licencse, she may whine about it but if you dont want her to do it you will stand your ground.

He goes in 99% of the time by himself but I reserve the right to veto that if I dont believe it is safe like when we traveled recently and the bathroom on the highway was not safe, he came in with me and DS4 and only one other woman was in there. He wasnt happy but given the area, my call.

I dont see the correlation btw not using the bathroom alone in an unsafe area and being called names. I guess it is me though.

He is not assertive and we use sports to build this for him and he has improved greatly. I know many boys in his class who are way less assertive and shyer than him who are not being called this bc they avoid playing the games this boy plays. My son wants to play the games, he is not playing avoidance. If my son has a flaw it is seeing the good in everyone and being kind to a fault. I was just told this by his camp counselor today.

Hannathy I think you and I are not on the same page when it comes to parenting. You have posted that you didnt believe in naps or schedules when your kid were younger etc. I disagree with this but I believe you need to do what is best for your family and I need to do what works for mine. I dont know if your way is right or mine but I need to do what I think is best and what I think is going to work.

I said before on another thread that my brothers were going into the bathroom with me bc my dad died and my mom didnt drive so I took them as a young teen and adult many places, I was 10 and 14 years older. I drove them everywhere. And guess what they are productive members of society and have jobs and all kinds of good stuff. I didnt screw them up by taking them into the bathroom with me to protect them at 8.

 

[Mkrop]

You have no problems. & I bet no one messes with your 10 y/o.

I hear alot of people asking & discussing weirdness. The issue isn't weirdness the issue is a kid is being picked on & what does a parent do about it.

If I was the parent of momof2inPA's 10 y/o (above). I wouldn't have to "DO" anything. He/she sounds like a normal kid who won't put up with silliness.

But if my kid was feeling the tiniest bit victimized, then I'd provide him with a comeback or two (some kid's don't have that natural confidence....but it's easily learned). It has nothing to do with "coptering"....its all about giving the child the tools to thrive.

& to the OP.....I agree with virtually all of your posts....hang in there.

hound -

Thanks, I tell you some days you need a thick skin to post on the CB I am finding

 

[Wishes]

If J only called your child "weird" this one day but most of the time leaves him alone than I'd just say to him to get a little tougher shell and let things like that roll off him like water and not make too big of a deal of it. I teach 9 year olds and I don't think a day goes by that someone doesn't call somebody else a name. I have helped parents and students in this type of situation many, many times. Like you said, it obviously stuck with your son since he brought it up months later. If J has been bullying him more than just this one time you might consider asking your son's school to not place your son and J in the same class. If your son starts coming home from school talking about J or feeling like he's not fitting in with his classmates tell your son's teacher about the situation as soon as you can. Your son's teacher can watch for things at recess or before and after school to hopefully keep anything from happening again.

 

[Mkrop]

If your son's school will do it I would ask them to put your son in a different class than J. I teach 9 year olds and have helped parents and students in this type of situations many, many times. Please tell your son's teacher about the situation as soon as you can. Your son's teacher can watch for things at recess or before and after school to hopefully keep anything from happening again. Like you said, it obviously stuck with your son since he brought it up months later. Give him the opportunity not to have to face J everyday in the same room.

He doesnt want to switch. I asked him, he said he will just deal with him.And to get J switched would most likely involve his parents. I do bounce back and forth btw saying something to the the teacher just to keep an eye on things or ask one of my friends who is a lunch mom to keep an eye on things but then I dont want to make a mountain our of a molehill either.

 

[disneymom3]

I can understand why you would be nervous but it sounds like you and your son have an awesome relationship and he will come to you about any future concerns. I would just watch how things go for a bit and make sure you are having lots of casual chats about the day. It's entirely possible that it was a brief thing and will all be over. These oldest kids are hard because you don't want to overreact and yet you don't want your kids hurt either.

 

[Disney4Drew]

DD had a boy torture her all year in 5th grade. She WAS shy, finally she had it & said back to him. I'm going to Harvard & your going to end up in Community College so I don't care what you say. He was SHOCKED & said to the teacher did you hear what she said to me? The teacher just smiled & said it's probably true. He never bothered her again.

The TEACHER agreed with your DD???? Nice.

 

[luvtogo12]

He doesnt want to switch. I asked him, he said he will just deal with him.And to get J switched would most likely involve his parents. I do bounce back and forth btw saying something to the the teacher just to keep an eye on things or ask one of my friends who is a lunch mom to keep an eye on things but then I dont want to make a mountain our of a molehill either.

I've had to do this before and I don't see a problem with it. Nothing wrong with bringing this to the attention of the teacher or having a friend keep an eye open.
This is a sore subject for me.
I hope all goes well for your DS this year.