Classmate called my son"weird" What do you do if anything?

[hydster]

My advice both as a parent and as a former teacher is to just let the year start and see what happens. Kids change and grow especially these ages. I know my dd had a nasty bully in 4th and 5th grade and in 6th grade she grew up and was nice to everyone. I think you need to let your son handle the situation as much as possible. If it escalates into physical intimidation or more serious verbal assaults then you will need to jump in but as a parent you need to allow your child to at least try to deal with this on his own.

If you step in and J finds out about it it could be even worse for your son than ever! It is hard to be a parent to know when to balance things and when to step in. This is probably being brought up by your son in anticipation of school starting. J could have grown up and it won't be a big deal but until it IS a deal I'd leave it well enough alone. If it starts up then by all means start dealing with it but since school hasn't started and nothing has been said to your son I think for NOW you are making more of it than needed. Is it wrong? No..it's normal but looking from the outside in as a parent and a teacher I think you need to let him fight this battle AT FIRST. You may need to step in and if you do you do but let HIM try to fight it first!

My kids have been called all sorts of names. I've tried to teach them that it is THEIR choice to let the names hurt them or not...just like you have to choose to be offended by something. Same principal. It's a word that isn't horrible or even really a dig........could just be a perception and nothing more.

Unfortunately there are things you can't control and being called "weird" by a classmate is one of them.

for being a fellow parent. It does NOT get easier!

 

[Hound 109]

I think kids having an effective "comeback" works well. (at least it does for us)

For DD (who is now 24) when she was 8-12 y/o, it was:

"Who died & made you queen?"


For DS 8...."Well I might be (insert word here)......but at least i'm not stupid"

& for both of them....."Yeah.....well your mom dresses you funny".

Both kids said it back the little verbal snipes off & they had no further problems with the snipes. Most importantly it takes our kid (him/her) from being a victim to someone not to "mess" with.

 

[Mkrop]

I think kids having an effective "comeback" works well. (at least it does for us)

For DD (who is now 24) when she was 8-12 y/o, it was:

"Who died & made you queen?"


For DS 8...."Well I might be (insert word here)......but at least i'm not stupid"

& for both of them....."Yeah.....well your mom dresses you funny".

Both kids said it back the little verbal snipes off & they had no further problems with the snipes. Most importantly it takes our kid (him/her) from being a victim to someone not to "mess" with.

Yeah well it used to be stupid was a bad word. DS9 still doesnt think you should say it. But one little boy in the class's dad let him watch the George Carlin video and came in and told the kids all the "dirty" words. Lovely! So now that I think about it maybe "weird" was mild compared to what they had been "taught" by this other boy!

 

[solferino]

Yeah well it used to be stupid was a bad word. DS9 still doesnt think you should say it. But one little boy in the class's dad let him watch the George Carlin video and came in and told the kids all the "dirty" words. Lovely! So now that I think about it maybe "weird" was mild compared to what they had been "taught" by this other boy!

Well there ya go! George has a way of putting things into perspective.

 

[MushyMushy]

I think kids having an effective "comeback" works well. (at least it does for us)

For DD (who is now 24) when she was 8-12 y/o, it was:

"Who died & made you queen?"


For DS 8...."Well I might be (insert word here)......but at least i'm not stupid"

& for both of them....."Yeah.....well your mom dresses you funny".

Both kids said it back the little verbal snipes off & they had no further problems with the snipes. Most importantly it takes our kid (him/her) from being a victim to someone not to "mess" with.

I got flamed pretty good one time for giving my DD a comeback for some kid who was picking on her, and it was a heck of a lot more mild than the ones you're suggesting.

Some girl kept teasing her because her hair is so curly, so I told her to say, "You just WISH your hair was this curly." She did, and the girl tattled, and DD got in trouble.

 

[Freyja]

Someone tells your son he´s weird and you tell him to tell tell the kid to shut up???

 

[BelleBoo&AmisMum]

Kids ARE weird, I know mine are and I tell them that almost daily.

My DS10 is also one of those kids who talks all the times, has a more adult way about him, in the gifted program - blah, blah, blah! The kid is weird! Flat out weird and he's proud of it, horribly proud! Embrace it and move on!

 

[gina2000]

If this child is insecure and/or jealous of your son, this behavior will continue and will escalate. You must continuously explain to your son WHY this child is saying things to him. Some people can only feel good about themselves when they are putting someone else down.

It's going to take time and tears before your son gets it. Once he does, he'll laugh it off. He'll even figure out a few barbed responses. Let him use them selectively. Unfortunately, some people only understand the same treatment they give.

 

[Mkrop]

Someone tells your son he´s weird and you tell him to tell tell the kid to shut up???

What do you suggest? Are you criticizing what I told him to say, or or are you saying he should say something more, I'm not sure???? I thought I said I started this thread looking for advice.

Should my son just stand there and take it? What do you say if someone insults you and hurts your feelings?

 

[Kath2003]

What do you suggest? Are you criticizing what I told him to say, or or are you saying he should say something more, I'm not sure???? I thought I said I started this thread looking for advice.

Should my son just stand there and take it? What do you say if someone insults you and hurts your feelings?

He shouldn't just stand there and take it but being rude back isn't the way forward. Perhaps you should tell him to say something like, "Well that's your opinion". If someone told me I was weird I'd ask them what made them say that I guess the kid would say, "Because you're friends with X and X is weird!". To that I'd suggest your son tell him that he enjoys playing with X, that they're having a lot of fun and then go back to playing with X.

Being rude back isn't going to help anyone - your son's feelings are still going to be hurt regardless of whether he tells the kid to "shut up" or not, but telling people to "shut up" when they say something that upsets you isn't the way forward. It's certainly not going to resolve the situation: at best the situation will remain neutral, at worst it could rile the other person up.

 

[MAKmom]

I think kids having an effective "comeback" works well. (at least it does for us)

For DD (who is now 24) when she was 8-12 y/o, it was:

"Who died & made you queen?"


For DS 8...."Well I might be (insert word here)......but at least i'm not stupid"

& for both of them....."Yeah.....well your mom dresses you funny".

Both kids said it back the little verbal snipes off & they had no further problems with the snipes. Most importantly it takes our kid (him/her) from being a victim to someone not to "mess" with.

DD had a boy torture her all year in 5th grade. She WAS shy, finally she had it & said back to him. I'm going to Harvard & your going to end up in Community College so I don't care what you say. He was SHOCKED & said to the teacher did you hear what she said to me? The teacher just smiled & said it's probably true. He never bothered her again.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

What do you say if someone insults you and hurts your feelings?

If it's someone close to me, then they'll know without me even saying anything. Otherwise if it's a random person, then I just ignore them. Why give them the satisfaction of investing the time and energy into responding to their blathering?? I try to teach my children not to give rude people that sort of power over them.

 

[Freyja]

What do you suggest? Are you criticizing what I told him to say, or or are you saying he should say something more, I'm not sure???? I thought I said I started this thread looking for advice.

Should my son just stand there and take it? What do you say if someone insults you and hurts your feelings?

I certainly wouldn´t tell my kid to be rude. Maybe your kid is weird. I have no idea. I would tell him to either ignore such comments or to ask the kid making them to stop. He could say: " I wish you would stop calling me weird. It´s really annoying." Or he could act cool and simply say: " Well, that´s your opinion and you´re entitled to it, but I disagree."

 

[Freyja]

DD had a boy torture her all year in 5th grade. She WAS shy, finally she had it & said back to him. I'm going to Harvard & your going to end up in Community college so I don't care what you say. He was SHOCKED & said ti the teacher did you hear what she said to me. The teacher said just smiled & said it's probably true. He never bothered her again.

I don´t know what to say!!!

 

[tw1nsmom]

I would build his confidence. Down play the incident, but don't dismiss his feelings. Talk about how people who call others names are usually insecure about themselves. I would also talk to him about surrounding himself with people he likes and who like him for who he is. I also like the idea of arming him with some comebacks.

Having said that, I would talk to the teacher about this. I would keep it casual though. Something along the lines of, I know kids call each other names, but this seems to have bothered my DS. I would probably say that I knew it very well may be a one time thing and that I knew it wasn't something that the teacher would condone or tolerate, but that if it continued to happen I would want to be told so that I can talk to DS about it and help him through it. I would also ask that she not mention anything to your DS. This way, if it does become an ongoing thing the teacher is aware of it from the beginning.

just a caveat: I come from this from the perspective of a parent of a DS who has special needs/social skills issues. He has been teased, tripped, and shoved to the ground. He has an aide to protect him during unstructured times, but they haven't always been diligent in watching. I am very careful to nip any bullying in the bud.

 

[Mkrop]

I certainly wouldn´t tell my kid to be rude. Maybe your kid is weird. I have no idea. I would tell him to either ignore such comments or to ask the kid making them to stop. He could say: " I wish you would stop calling me weird. It´s really annoying." Or he could act cool and simply say: " Well, that´s your opinion and you´re entitled to it, but I disagree."

He did say to him, Stop Calling me that I dont like it, and That hurts my feelings both which did not work since the kids said it to him more than once in the recess yard.

And just so I am sure to take your advice, I think your comment that I bolded was very rude and it hurt my feelings. Any adult who would say that about a child is rude, Imho no one is weird, people are just unique and different.

But hey thanks for your input.

 

[Mkrop]

If it's someone close to me, then they'll know without me even saying anything. Otherwise if it's a random person, then I just ignore them. Why give them the satisfaction of investing the time and energy into responding to their blathering?? I try to teach my children not to give rude people that sort of power over them.

I guess I disagree. I feel by standing up to this kid and making some comeback statement that it takes away the bully's power then if my kid just stands there and takes it.

I am not advocating anything else but some sort of comment that would startle the bully and make him go away from an "easy" target, my son. IMO bullies go after the weak kids who wont stand up to them, if they make it difficult for the bully then the bully will stop picking on them.

 

[Mkrop]

I would build his confidence. Down play the incident, but don't dismiss his feelings. Talk about how people who call others names are usually insecure about themselves. I would also talk to him about surrounding himself with people he likes and who like him for who he is. I also like the idea of arming him with some comebacks.

Having said that, I would talk to the teacher about this. I would keep it casual though. Something along the lines of, I know kids call each other names, but this seems to have bothered my DS. I would probably say that I knew it very well may be a one time thing and that I knew it wasn't something that the teacher would condone or tolerate, but that if it continued to happen I would want to be told so that I can talk to DS about it and help him through it. I would also ask that she not mention anything to your DS. This way, if it does become an ongoing thing the teacher is aware of it from the beginning.

just a caveat: I come from this from the perspective of a parent of a DS who has special needs/social skills issues. He has been teased, tripped, and shoved to the ground. He has an aide to protect him during unstructured times, but they haven't always been diligent in watching. I am very careful to nip any bullying in the bud.

This is exactly where I have been trying to take the focus. You have good friends, care more about them then what this boy says. Thanks

 

[cruisnfamily]

I would think that your son brought it up now b/c school is starting and that was what he was associating the end of last year with. I would see how it goes, maybe the other boy forgot about it.

I agree with this.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I guess I disagree. I feel by standing up to this kid and making some comeback statement that it takes away the bully's power then if my kid just stands there and takes it.

I am not advocating anything else but some sort of comment that would startle the bully and make him go away from an "easy" target, my son. IMO bullies go after the weak kids who wont stand up to them, if they make it difficult for the bully then the bully will stop picking on them.

It depends. Watching how my first grade students responded, I'd say the bullies tend to give up quickly on those that they can't get a rise out of and feed off those that show lots of emotion in response. However, based on one child calling another "weird", I'm not sure I'd even classify this as a bullying situation. Your child also needs to be aware that his reaction is being gauged not just by this one individual child, but the rest of his peers as well. My suggestion would be to tell him to let a silly name here or there roll, and to choose his battles wisely.